Just a Little Late
by blueeyedgirl519
Summary: Booth is injured, can he make it back to his life, without losing the people he loves along the way. He was a little too late in turning around, and now he's paying the price. I don't own them!
1. Every Day is the Same

Everyday for the last four months had been the same. I'd wake up, forgetting what had happened, but as soon as my eyes would open I'd be reminded of my life now. Everyday I'd wake up and remember that in one moment everything had been taken from me. Today wasn't any different I thought to myself as I looked around the room, the cards and flowers that still came in, sitting on various surfaces, the chairs next to my bed and Parker's DS sitting on the table beside me. He'd been in last night, and it had been better, he'd jumped right into the bed with me, sitting on top of me and telling me about Max's lesson earlier that day. It was the first time in months that he didn't seem frightened to touch me, didn't have the fear in his eyes. Angela had said that eventually he'd come around, and to my surprise he did. I wondered how much of that was because of the squints... He'd been spending a lot of time with Bones and Angela. As he sat with me laughing and talking on and on, I couldn't help but feel a pain in my heart, I was missing his life while I was in here. Finally when Rebecca came to get him, he leaned in and whispered to me "Daddy, it's okay that you can't hug me, I'll hug you okay?" I wanted to cry right there as I felt his little arms encircle my neck. "One day soon Park. I promise." I told him as he was letting go. Not long after he left I had fallen asleep, something I'd come to dread. I had dreams where I'd be chasing down a perp, or dreams about dancing with Bones, but I always dreamt about before, never about being paralyzed. That made waking up so much harder.

It was wednesday and I knew that Bones would be in at some point during the day, she'd taken to having lunch with me monday, wednesday and friday. The other two days Jack and Angela would come in, they had a schedule going trying to keep my spirits up. I knew today though that I'd be busy. The physical therapist wanted to get me up and moving. There was a device called a Lokomat, which was basically a robot suspended above a treadmill. They would secure me into the lokomat and it would do all the walking for me. Up until a week ago my therapy hadn't been going so well, there had been no improvement with sensation or any return at all. Then last tuesday as Angela was holding my hand I squeezed back, nearly making her fall out of her chair. I noticed too that when Bones came in that night I could feel her fingers kneading at my thigh. Something was happening, finally after four months of not being able to do anything but lay in bed, or sit in my wheelchair, something was coming back to me. I still couldn't move my arms or legs, or feed myself, but i could feel things now, I could even move my fingers a little. I lay here moving those fingers as Anne came in to look at my chart, she was my physical therapist.

"Now Seeley, tell me that you're ready for this." She said with a smile.

"I am. A little nervous, but I'm ready." I answered her.

Minutes later she was gone and the nurse was coming in to dress me. This was probably the second worst part of my day. I had to watch as he moved my limbs for me, all the muscle nearly gone from them. I'd lost sixty pounds in four months, most of it muscle, and to see how thin I'd become shocked me everyday.

"Seeley, relax man, I can feel the tension in your shoulders today." Andre said as he leaned me forward to pull my shirt over my head.

"I know right man, I shouldn't be worried, it's not like I can feel anything right." I said angrily.

"Soon enough man. Soon enough." Andre said forcing socks over my feet.

When he finished that he moved to the worst part of my day by far, changing my catheter. I'd never realized how much you lost if you were injured like me. There was no modesty, no control, someone else had to do everything for you. I just closed my eyes, like I did most days, hating every minute of this. When he finished he pulled my legs into a pair of sweat pants and declared me ready to go as he lifted me out of the bed, placing me in my wheelchair. Since I had little movement below my shoulders I was given a sip and puff chair, that I could move with my mouth. I'd blow or sip depending on what I needed to do. I'd gotten used to the fact that this could be my life, but I certainly didn't like it.

"Alright man, head down to the therapy room, Anne is waiting for you." Andre said following me out of my room.

When I wheeled into the room I saw Anne and three other therapists there waiting for me and Bones was there.  
"Bones, I thought you were coming for lunch?" I asked feeling my face flush.

"I finished up on the muldovan case early and thought I'd swing by to take a look at what you're doing today." She said softly.

"Oh. Getting me up and walking today!" i said trying to sound excited.

"Alright Seeley, we are going to get you up on that table and get you all strapped in, then we'll lift you with the machine and get you going. You ready?" Anne asked.

"Yep. Let's do this." I answered, a little embarrassed that Bones was here to see me lifted like a sack of potatoes.

I closed my eyes while one of the therapists lifted me from my chair, remembering a time not more than a month ago that I'd yelled so loudly at Bones, a nurse came running into the room. In the last four months I haven't been exactly happy, or nice everyday, and one night I was in a mood. I didn't want visitors, but she'd come anyways. She was telling me that once my body decided it was time that I'd get something back. I at that moment snapped at her, I yelled and cursed, throwing my head back into my pillow, trying to get some anger out.

"Damn it Bones, you don't know what this is like. Don't tell me something that may never happen! GET OUT! JUST GO!" I'd Screamed at her until the nurse came in my room.

"Seeley, please calm down. Dr. Brennan, maybe you should go." the nurse had said quietly.

"Booth, I'll go, for now, but I'll be back." Bones said laying her hand over mine before she walked out of the room. I hated myself more that night than I had in my entire life. I loved her and I was too afraid to admit it, to pigheaded to let her see me weak.

I felt the therapist lifting me up to a sitting position and opened my eyes to see her directly in front of me waiting for my eyes to find hers. There was something there, something unsaid, like she hated seeing me this way, but accepted it. I could see the caring on her face, she wasn't a person who believed in god like I did, but I could see that she was hoping, maybe even praying for something good.

"It's like you've never seen me sitting before Bones." I teased her.

"This is the beginning Booth." Was all she said as they attached the harness to the metal and plastic that now covered most of my body.

As they hoisted me up into the contraption, I could feel the nausea taking over me. I hadn't stood in four months and the sheer energy it took to get into the lokomat had worn me out. Just sitting up for too long had been tiring, and now after they had me in this thing that looked like one of Zack's robots I wondered if it was worth the effort. I tried to push that thought out of my head, it was worth it, it was worth trying, I wanted to be able to hug my son again, I wanted to be able to run around after him. I gave myself a mental pep talk. You can do this Seeley, for Parker, for Bones, you can do this.


	2. Right between the shoulders

_Four months earlier_

"Bones, just stay next to me okay?" I scolded her.

"Why would you assume that I would do anything but be beside you." She reasoned.

"I know how you get Bones. If I don't keep you here beside me, you'll get shot or hurt. I'm not the one that's going to deal with Cullen if that happens alright. Just stay were I can see you." I told her.

We were ina wharehouse going after the third serial murderer that month and he was in here, I knew it. I could feel his eyes watching us as we rounded the corner, but I couldn't see him. That's when I heard the small scuff of a shoe behind us, but it was too late, I didn't even get the chance to turn around. I felt the knife enter between my shoulders, dead center, and I felt it start to twist, and then I was going down. I hit the cold floor face first, I knew something was wrong, I just didn't imagine what it would turn out to be.

"Booth!" she yelled frantically.

"Agent Booth, I feel as though you've brought me a present. How good of you." The murderer laughed.

"I don't think so." Bones said as a shot rang out.

"Booth, don't try and move, just stay with me okay. Stay with me." She said bringing her face to mine against the floor.

I could see the fear in her eyes, the uncertainty."Bones, something isn't right..." I tried, but it was getting harder to breathe.

"Stay with me Booth...Don't leave me." She said as the darkness closed in on me.

"This is Doctor Brennan and I have an agent down, possible spinal cord injury. Corner of penn and thirty sixth the penn wharehouse. Hurry." Brennan yelled into the phone. She knew that the wound placement wasn't good, the fact that Booth had gone down instantly pointed only to spinal nerve damage, he hadn't moved since he fell and that wasn't a good sign either.

She applied pressure to the wound, but not too much, she was just trying to control the bleeding. It seemed like hours till she heard the medics calling out.

"Over here!" she yelled to them as she saw them rounding the corner. "Possible spinal injury, we need to get him out of here now."

"Doctor Brennan please stay back." The young medic instructed her as he knelt beside her partner.

She watched in panicked fear as they assessed the situation, encasing his neck in a brace and placing a backboard over him preparing to turn him over. As they flipped him, struggling under his weight she saw his arm motionless at his side.

"How long has he been unconsious?" they asked her.

"Since I called for you." She spoke nervously.

They young medic immediately intubated him pumping air into his lungs as the other medic strapped him to the board. He radioed for a chopper and as they got him on the stretcher she could hear the helicopter outside.

"Doctor Brennan you can ride along if you like." The young medic offered as they raced out of the building towards the copter.

She boarded the helicopter after they had him inside it and sat watching his chest rise and fall with the pumping of the medic's hand. This was too much, too much to see him not breathing on his own. When they reached the hospital she followed them pushing him into the building and was instructed to fill out paperwork. Her silence stunned even her, they'd been shot at, blown up, buried alive and yet a single stabwound was all it took to bring them to this point. How did she not see the man behind them, how did he let his guard down. As she sat to fill out the paperwork she pulled out her cell phone and hit the ICE2 number and waited.

"Ange? I need you..." She managed to get out.

"Sweetie what's wrong? Are you okay?" Angela asked already gathering her purse to get to brennan.

"Booth was stabbed... it isn't good Ange. We're at General East. I can't do this alone." Brennan said.

"I'll be there in a half hour sweetie. Just hold on." She said before hanging up.

"Hodgins, we have to go, Booth was stabbed, it's not good. Brennan needs us." Angela said as she rushed past the platform.

"What happened? Is Brennan okay?" He asked rushing to meet her at the door.

"She's not hurt but she's not okay either." Angela said as they got into his car.

When they arrived at the hospital they found her sitting staring straight ahead, not even blinking.

"Sweetie, we're here. Have you heard anything?" Angela asked her.

"Possible damage to the c-6 / c7 area Ange. It's not good. He wasn't breathing, wich suggests nerve damage to that area as well." Brennan said scientifically.

"Did the doctors tell you that?" Hodgins asked.

"They didn't have to... I saw it Jack. I saw the knife go in, I saw him fall..." Brennan said still not looking at either of them.

"Then you don't know for sure Tempe. Let them fix him." Hodgins said.

The three of them waited, Jack running for coffee every half hour until they were joined by Director Cullen and Cam and Zach, who Jack instructed to come with him.

"She's very on edge, very upset. I've been trying to pump information from the nurses for two hours now and nothing. We don't even know if he is still alive. Director Cullen, can't you do something? I mean look at her, she never acts like this. Please." Jack practically begged.

"I'll see what I can do, but she is listed as next of kin with Parker and they should be giving her information as it becomes available. Did she fill out the paperwork when they brought him in?" Cullen asked.

"We got here and it was blank, Angie and I have filled in what we could." Jack answered.

"Give me a few minutes and I'll be back." Cullen said rushing away.

Brennan sat thinking about the time she cooked him Mac and Cheese. The smile he had after tasting it, the way his eyes danced over her... Or the time they kissed under the mistletoe, it was definitely not like kissing Russ. It was pure joy, and heat. When she thought he was dead, those three days she'd spent crying her eyes out in her apartment, refusing to see anyone. She just wanted him. No one else could ever compare, and now here she was at risk of losing him again. He was more than her partner, he was her friend, her steady shoulder to lean on. She was gonna break if she didn't hear anything soon.

"Someone should call Rebecca and Parker, and Jared too." She blurted out. It was the first things she'd said in two hours.

"Jack has already called them sweetie, they'll be here soon." Angela spoke softly.

Finally as her and her team sat there Director Cullen approached. "Doctor Brennan, can I have a word with you please." He asked.

"Cullen, whatever you have to say you can say in front of my team, he's part of my team. They deserve to know too." Brennan said cooly.

"He's in surgery, they are trying to reconnect the nerves in his spinal cord, where the knife severed them. He should be out in about three more hours. But they won't have any conclusive information on his prognosis for a few days. His doctor told me there is a good chance that he could recover fully, but it will take months or even years. They had started him on steroids when the paramedics reached him so the swelling was minimal. There is also the chance that he will end up a quadriplegic. Let's pray that isn't the case. They will come to get you as soon as he is in recovery." Cullen said quietly

"Thank you sir." Brennan said

"You'll keep me posted I imagine. I have to get to the scene, but I'll be back." Director Cullen said.

Hours turned into days and finally on day five of waiting for him to wake up, Brennan walked into his room to find his eyes open, searching frantically for something. He heard her come in, but still felt like he was underwater.

"Booth, it's okay, I'm here. They have you on a ventilator because of your injury. You have to relax." She said reaching for the call button to get a nurse or doctor.

He blinked, frantically he was starting to panic, she thought, seeing the number on the monitor rising.

"Dr. Brennan, did you , oh. Agent Booth, your awake, I'll get the doctor right away." the nurse said.

"Booth, I'm here, we're all here, Cam and Ange, and Hodgins, Zack was here but he's back at the lab. We've been waiting for you to wake up." She said looking into his worried brown eyes.

"Agent Booth. Glad to see your awake this morning. Try to calm down for me and we'll work on getting this tube out. Please relax Seeley." The older doctor asked.

"Booth. You have to relax Booth. Come on." She said, stroking his forehead with her hand, knowing he could feel that.

Eventually as he remained calm for more than a minute the doctor carefully removed his breathing tube. Instantly he began coughing, which was a normal response, but she could see the fear in his eyes already.

"What, happened Bones. What's wrong with me." He pleaded with her for an answer.

"Agent Booth, you were stabbed in the back five days ago. Causing damage to your C6-c7 vertabrae. We were able to reconnect most of the nerves, you should have minimal lasting effects, but it may take months even years to regain full function. I'm sorry." the doctor explained.

"What do you mean full function?" He asked looking at his Bones who avoided his eyes. "Bones, what does that mean."

"Booth, you're paralyzed from the shoulders down. The doctors think that with strong physical therapy and hard work that you'll be able to walk again at some point." Brennan said trying not to lose her composure.

"What do you mean at some point Bones, when? I can't, I... I..." He stopped blinking back tears.


	3. Feelings and Changes

Don't own them!!!

I was hanging by this contraption with four physical therapists adjusting this or that before they turned on the lokomat, and Bones was watching me, her eyes full of pain. I had to look away, I couldn't stand to see the hurt spread across her face as she tried to be brave, tried to look upbeat. She isn't good at fooling me, I know her too well, I know the way her mouth turns down when she's upset, or thinking. I know every inch of her face, I know her smiles, all of them, and I know when she feels like she's been defeated. This was one of those looks. As Anne secured my hands to the bars with ace bandage she looked up at me, "Seeley, breathe. If you don't stay calm we will have to do this another day."

My blood pressure was on the rise, even though they'd given me time between sitting and standing to let my body adjust. I mentally told myself to relax, to just give in to the fear of being at the hands of others, to give in and just let her see me being weak. "I'm trying doc." I said holding back another wave of nausea.

"Booth, would you like me to leave?" Bones asked.

"No. I want you here..." I started loudly, then finished in barely a whisper.

"Then get to it. Relax." She said with a smile on her face.

I finally looked at her when those words came out, seeing her smile, and flashing one to her. I could feel slight pressure all through my legs where the lokomat was strapped around them when the machine turned on. I looked down to see my legs moving, it was strange to see it, and not feel my feet hitting the belt below me. I decided to not watch, but instead watch Bones.

"So with this we are trying to get the muscle memory to return correct?" Bones asked one of the therapists.

"Yes, being that he is noticing some sensation return, this can help to begin building his muscle, it is designed to bear weight on his legs and feet without allowing injury, due to lack of function. Today we'll start out with only 15 minutes, and over time we will increase the amount of time. Anne, his pressure is going up. Seeley are you feeling okay?" the therapist asked.

"A little dizzy, and some nausea, but I'm fine." I said, not really sure that was the case.

"Let's slow it down, I think that's enough for today." Anne said as I watched Bones face fall.

"There's always tomorrow Bones. Don't look so down." I tried with one of my charming smiles.

They began the tedious task of removing all of the equipment from my lifeless body as I lay there eyes closed. But when I finally opened them, I was a little surprised to see Bones' hand over mine at my side.

"It's okay Booth. You'll get there." She said quietly leaning into my ear.

I stayed quiet, it was nice to have her here supporting me, but at the same time, I hated her seeing me like this. I was supposed to be strong, supposed to be the brave hero for her, not the beaten, broken man I've become. I wished I could feel her hand there, the warmth of her fingers entwined with mine, I wished with all I had in me, but there was still nothing. She cocked her head to the side, I must have let my face give something up to her that let her see a little of the pain that I was hiding, and as she moved away taking her hand with her I cringed inside.

They lifted me back into my chair and the male therapist Joe, reached down to strap me in, six belts in total, it took less than two minutes to do. It kept me from sliding out of the chair, with no control over my body, I couldn't even sit without being held in place. I watched her eyes watching them, mentally filing it all away.

"Seeley, you and Dr. Brennan should go down to the garden, get some fresh air before lunch." Anne said placing her hand on my shoulder.

"Let's take a walk Bones." I said smiling.

"Well, you won't really be walking Booth, more like riding..." Bones blurted out.

"Either way, let's go Bones." I said with less enthusiasm.

"I, I didn't mean it like that Booth." She said noticing my mood falling.

"I know. C'mon." I said before blowing into the straw to get moving.

There was a beautiful garden at the rehab hospital, I could see it from my window in my room, and I'd watched other patients out there, laughing, talking, but I'd never gone out to it. As we made our way down the walkway, she was quiet, a little too quiet. I had a feeling when I saw her earlier that something was up. I stopped next to a cement bench and manuevered my chair beside it as she sat down.

"What's up Bones?" I asked to get it out of the way.

"How do you do that?" She questioned.

"_Special_, Agent Booth. I just know." I said laughing.

"Director Cullen wants to assign me too another Agent." She said softly.

I knew this day would come, she'd been working the last four months, practically just jumping in on other cases, but I knew eventually that it would change. She was too useful, too briliiant to not have her assigned.

"Who is it?" I asked gruffly.

"Agent Bowers. Cullen said it would be temporary, that I could choose someone else if I wanted, but the FBI and the Jeffersonian are in agreement that I must have a partner. Do you know Bowers? Is he a good agent?" She asked.

"Mack, sure he's good. He'll make sure nothing happens to you Bones. I'd rather you not be out there without a partner anyways. It makes me nervous. Still no gun." I teased.

"But I qualified Booth, I don't understand how you can deny me a gun. I've proven myself more than once that I can handle it." She argued.

"Bones did you ever think that maybe I didn't want you to live with what happens when you kill another human being? It's not that I don't think your qualified, or that you are dangerous, I was trying to keep you from that pain..." I spoke before I thought.

"If its the bad guy Booth, there isn't any pain, Sure there is a little twinge of remorse, but I don't feel guilty for killing bad men, who try and kill me, or you, or have killed others. If its what I have to do then, I'll do it." She answered as her cell phone began to ring.

"Brennan."

"Yes Cam, I'll be back soon. Okay, goodbye." She said shutting the phone.

"It was Cam. She said that Agent Bowers is waiting for me at the lab. I have to go Booth." She said regret in her voice.

"Duty calls." I said hurt that it wasn't me waiting for her.

"I'll be back later, for dinner." She said, just like that her emotions gone.

"I'll be here Bones..." I said watching her walk from me.

I stayed in the garden for a little while longer, just thinking of how many times I just wanted to tell her how much I really cared for her, how much I loved her. Now though, she was moving on, and I was stuck here, stuck in this chair, I was no good for her like this.


	4. Fears and Love

_Don't own them!!!_

_Three months, 20 days earlier._

Brennan had waited five days for him to wake up, and when he did it was like she could breathe again. Her heart had lifted, even knowing that he had a long hard road ahead, she knew he could pull through, he was the strongest person she knew. She never thought that he would react this way though. It had been five days since he woke up and nothing anyone could say or do could bring him out of his misery. She tried, the doctors had tried, even Rebecca and Jared had tried, but still five days later he wasn't talking, and he wouldn't open his eyes.

"Dr. Brennan, it is nothing physical that is causing this, he is doing this on his own. I've seen this before, patients don't want to face the reality of their situation, and they close themselves off. Whatever you do, don't stop trying, eventually he will come around, once he has a chance to work through it in his mind. Be patient, there are many emotions that will come through when he does come out of this. He will be angry, and he will direct it at any one of you, he will try to push you away. There is a long road ahead for him, and he needs as much support as he can get. Have you tried bringing his son in to see him?" The doctor asked.

"No. We don't want to scare Parker, but if you think it will help, then we will certainly try it. I can speak to Rebecca today about it." Brennan said hopeful.

"I would suggest trying it. I really don't think that Agent Booth would direct any outbursts to his son, and I think it may be just what he needs." The doctor said blankly.

After she had sat with him the rest of the afternoon, she waited for Rebecca and Parker to arrive. She'd been talking to him about bone stuff, trying to bore him out of himself, she didn't know what else she could do. At four thirty she went into the hall and waited for them to arrive, and before Parker went in, she explained to him what had happened in the easiest way she could.

"Hey Dr. Bones, how's my dad?" Parker asked

"He's still sleeping right now Parker, but we were hoping you could wake him up for us. But he's hurt, and you'll have to be careful for a little while, no jumping on his bed, either your mom, or I will be with you to lift you up so he can see you okay. He's hurt pretty bad, and it doesn't look like anything is wrong, but inside of him something is broken, do you understand?" Brennan asked the little boy.

"Dr. Bones, will he get better?" he asked taking her hand.

"Yes Parker, he will. But it might take a long time, and he's going to need your help sometimes, and he might get upset, or angry but he won't be angry at you. Are you ready to wake him up?" Brennan asked, still holding his hand.

"I'm going to wait out here Dr. Brennan, I don't think I can watch this." Rebecca said quietly as Brennan and Parker went into his room.

"Dr. Bones, what is that machine for?" Parker asked pointing to the monitor.

"It checks your dads heart beat, and blood pressure. Don't be scared Parker, it's good that they are checking it." She tried to explain, but her heart was breaking.

She lifted him up and held him around the waist close to Booth's head so Parker could see him better.

"Daddy, wake up?" Parker said quietly. "DADDY...GET UP?" he yelled a second time.

"Booth, Parker is here to see you. Wake up Booth." She tried, seeing his faee change a little.

"Why won't he wake up Dr. Bones?" Parker asked her as she watched Booth's eyes open some.

"Hey buddy." Booth finally said, his voice hoarse from disuse.

"Daddy!" Parker exclaimed.

"Hi Bones." Booth said his face devoid of any emotion. "Parker you can sit up here if you want, just be real still."

"Like you? I can be like you Dad, I'll be really really still, I promise Dr. Bones." He said looking back at her.

"Okay but just for a little bit." She approved, setting Parker down and lowering the bed rail.

She lifted him up, sitting him with his little legs hanging over the side and she sat in the chair.

"How's school bud? Learn anything good today?" Booth asked as Parker put his little hand on his arm.

"It was cool we learned about dinosaurs, the T-Rex and the velcro raptor. Does it hurt Dad?" Parker asked.

"No son, it doesn't. I got hurt pretty bad though. I won't be able to pick you up for a long time, or go to the park, or swimming. I'll be in a wheelchair for a while, see I can't move my arms or legs right now, but someday I will okay Buddy?" Booth said fighting tears.

"I can still see you though right? I can stay with you?" Parker asked.

"You will always be able to see me Park, but for now you'll only be able to visit me. Bones and the squints can bring you any time you want, so can mom." He said turning to look at Bones in the chair next to his bed.

"Yep, anytime Parker." Brennan said, wiping a tear from her cheek.

"Listen buddy, I'm really tired right now, but I'll see you soon okay. I love you Parker." Booth said

"Love you too Dad..." Parker said as he leaned down and gave his father an eskimo kiss.

Parker jumped down to the floor and put his hand in Brennan's hand and they walked out of his room.

"Did it work Dr. Brennan?" Rebecca asked them as they emerged.

"Yes. Parker did an excellent job. Please Call me Temperance Rebecca." Brennan asked.

"Who's Temprance?" Parker asked them.

"That's Dr. Brennan's first name Parker" Rebecca told him.

"Oh, then why does daddy always call her Bones?" he asked looking just like Booth.

"It's her nickname Park. Now say goodbye to Dr. Bones and we'll call her this week." Rebecca said.

"Bye Dr. Bones." Parker said waving as they walked away.

With that they were gone, and she found herself feeling a pain that she'd never felt before. She was heartbroken for him, after watching him with his son. She couldn't imagine what it would be like to never be able to touch the people she loved. She stood for a moment before going back in, wondering how in all the time they spent together, she'd never realized that she loved him. More than a partner, more than a friend, these feelings where inside her all this time, and she never knew it. Composing herself she turned and went back into his room, not sure what she would find.

"Bones that was dirty." He said quietly when he heard her shoes on the floor.

"I'm sorry Booth, but he needed to see that you are okay. I needed to see that you are still here." She said.

"Where else would I be Bones, I can't even scratch my own nose... what am I going to do Bones..." he asked her, showing her his weakness.

"I'm right here Booth, you're my partner, my friend, and I'll always be here." She said placing her hand on his shoulder, knowing he could feel her hand there.

"Bones I can't do this." He said, looking into her eyes.

"Yes you can Booth, you're the strongest person I know, you'll get through this..." She said seeing the tears rolling down the side of his face.

"Don't go yet please." He asked, turning his face from her.

"I won't. I'm not going anywhere." She said softly.

He fell asleep about three hours later and even in his sleep she could tell he was terrified. The happy smile, and goofy grins she was used to were gone now, replaced by fear and uncertainty. He was right in front of her, but she missed him already, her Booth, the one who danced with her to Hot Blooded, or marveled at her mac and cheese. She sat crying silently, wishing that this was all a bad dream, even her scientific side was hoping that was the case. Before she left that night she bent down and kissed his forehead, she didn't know she could feel this way about another person and she was confused. On one hand she knew that her feelings of love for him were strong, but on the other she wasn't sure that he felt the same, and even if he did, now was not the time, he had bigger things to worry about.


	5. To Keep You Company

_Don't own them, and I'm not a medical expert either so some of this stuff might be off._

_Three months, 12 days earlier_

Watching him, just lying there, helpless, hurt and scared was taking its toll on Brennan. For days she'd come in, waiting, for something, anything that would show her he was still trying. Now he was trying and she wished for a moment that he was still under the surface, not having to face this pain, and agony. It wasn't physical pain, it was the mental pain of uncertainty that she could see across his face. The way it contorted as the nurse carefully turned him onto his stomach, or the muffled cry he let out when his face smashed into the pillows, not realizing anyone but the nurse was watching. It was excruciating for her to watch, the stillness that she now associated with him, his hands lying limp at his sides, only the turn of his head occaisionally. She waited for the nurse to finish as she had at least twice the last two days. They would come in and roll him onto his stomach, leaving him with a limited view, causing him more misery. This time he let out an angry growl, surprising Brennan, he'd been angry before but she wasn't used to witnessing his outbursts. The doctor had warned them all that this was part of the process, but a part of her wanted to believe that it wouldn't happen in his case.

"Damnit. There has to be a better way to do this." He snarled at the nurse.

"Agent Booth, please, we have to control the pressure to your body and for now this is the only option. Once you are cleared to be in a wheelchair, this won't be necessary. I can see if we have a portable TV to bring in for you." The young nurse said calmly.

"I don't want a stupid TV, I want out of here, I want to scratch my own face... aarggh." He yelled.

"I'll see what I can do Agent Booth." She answered him.

"I'm not a federal agent anymore either. Can we make a note somewhere, please, that I'm not to be called AGENT BOOTH! It's Seeley!!" He screamed, unaware of Brennan's heart breaking in the hallway.

With that the nurse left in a fluster, she was visibly shaken and surprised to see Brennan in the hallway.

"Oh, Dr. Brennan I wasn't aware that you were out here. He's having a rough time tonight as you probably heard. Prepare yourself." The nurse said as she continued down the hallway.

Brennan didn't know how to respond to that statement and just closed her eyes and took a deep breath, stepping into his pain.

"Hey Booth." She said realizing he was facing away from the door.

"Bones." He said his voice still full of anger.

"Angela said to tell you hello, we've been so busy working this new case that they've been stuck in the lab the last few days. But her and Hodgins will be in tomorrow." Brennan said, trying meaningless conversation.

"I'm tired Bones. I just want to be left alone. Please can you go?" He said.

"Booth, it's only seven o'clock?" She sitting in his field of view.

"What part of alone don't you understand Bones..." He tried again.

She remained quiet, unwilling to give in to him. She moved her hand out to take his, placing it over his upturned palm and she watched him close his eyes. Memories flashed of a day years ago, when he told her one of his deepest secrets and she repeated her words.

"I know." she said quietly.

"No, you don't." He repeated, his mind finding the same memory.

"But it's okay." She continued.

"Bones don't touch me... please..." he said remembering the feel of her hand that day, and the comfort it brought him. Now all he could do was watch as her hand remained over his. "Please Bones."

She shuddered at his words, pleading with her, his voice as broken as he was. Knowing there was nothing she could do to stop the pain, she reached into her bag, pulling out a small object he couldn't quite make out until she held it close.

"To keep you company when I'm not here." She said her breath catching.

"Jasper..." He said.

For the first time in days she saw a smile forming, it only lasted a moment, but it was enough for her. Enough to show her that he was still in there somewhere. She set the plastic pig on the table beside his bed as another nurse was coming in.

"Dr. Brennan, Agent, er Seeley. I won't be long." He said as he began writing in Booth's chart.

Silence filled the room until he was gone and then finally Booth spoke. "I really am tired Bones."

"Oh, I'll let you get some rest then. I'll be in tomorrow, in the evening." She said standing.

"I think Rebecca may be bringing Parker by in the afternoon, after he gets out of school, so all of your bases will be covered, Angela and Hodgins in the morning, Parker in the afternoon, and you in the evening. You all have lives, you don't have to be here everyday Bones." he spat at her, realizing that they were not letting him out of their sights.

"We wouldn't come if it wasn't possible, or if we didn't want to. Don't do that Booth, don't push us away." She told him firmly.

"Goodnight Bones." he angrily said.

"Night Booth." She whispered close to his ear, as she gently brushed her hand across his temple.

Once outside his room, she paused letting her body lean against the wall, she could hear him crying. Everything inside her ached for him, wanting to make it better, wanting to tell him how much she actually cared for him, how much she loved him. Fifteen minutes passed before the crying subsided, and when she felt comfortable knowing he was calm she slowly walked down the hall trying to get a grip on herself.


	6. Surprising Shoulder to Lean on

_Don't own them... again, not a medical expert either, so if I screwed something up... sorry!!_

During my therapy that afternoon I couldn't get her off my mind. I lay there watching my therapist John, moving my legs this way and that, and it reminded me that I was still far from where I needed to be. Far from being with her, or Parker, or anywhere close to the life I had before. Thoughts just kept flooding my mind, mostly memories of what it was like before, running after the perp, pushing Parker on a swing, climbing the steps to look at the washington memorial with her at night. Everything and everyone seemed so distant to me now, as though I was standing outside the window knocking, yet no one could hear me, and I was made to watch them laughing, talking, and enjoying life. All without me. I've tried many times over the last four months to keep thoughts like that from my mind, but as time has gone on, and they keep moving on, it's getting harder and harder to do.

"Seeley, where is your head at today?" John asked

"Huh, oh, she's getting a new partner..." I said smugly

"Your bone lady?" he questioned.

I talked about her enough, and she had been around enough for most of the staff to know her, and maybe they knew what I felt for her, even if I'd never said it outloud.

"Yep, my replacement. It's good though, better than her being out there with no one looking out for her." I said.

"Wouldn't you rather have someone looking after her than not... maybe it isn't such a bad thing man." He tried.

"I'd rather be out there John. Not stuck in here, not like this." I said in a huff.

"Keep it up man, don't fall back into that and you have a chance. You'll get there." He reassured me.

"Heard any good conspiracies lately?" I heard as Jack came into my eyeline.

"Hey man. Didn't think I'd see you today, it's not your day to visit. Is Bones okay?" I said feeling panic rising in me.

"She's fine. I just needed to get out of the lab, too much Mack." He joked.

"How'd that go?" I asked curiously.

"I thought she was going to club him with a femur. Touched the evidence. Didn't they teach you guys in that you don't touch the evidence? The guy is driving me crazy Booth." Jack said sitting down on the therapy table next to me.

"He's a good guy Hodgins. Not everyone can get along with you squints like I did. Give him some time. I'm sure he'll fit right in." I said not believing it at all.

Hodgins started small talk as John moved to work on my arms, it never bothered me that Hodgins came during my therapy for some reason. Maybe it was because I didn't see the same look on his face as I did on Angela or Bones'. Something in their eyes was unnerving, almost painful to see. They didn't even know they did it, but I saw it, I saw when Bones would ball her hands into fists, or when Angela would frown. Hodgins just talked and acted like nothing had changed, it was refreshing to have that. We'd become good friend over the last few months, I never realized that we'd had so much in common before I got hurt, maybe I never gave him the chance. Either way he'd been the one I asked to bring me things from my apartment, and eventually to pack it up and put it in storage. For now I was living at the rehabilitation hospital, at least for another month, then I would have to find a caregiver, to take care of me if things didn't change and I couldn't take care of myself. John was finishing up with my therapy when Hodgins surprised me, asking if he could get me in my chair.

"John, I've been watching you for a while now, and I mean if Booth is okay with it could I try and handle getting him in his chair? Booth?" He asked breaking our conversation.

"I guess. Can you lift me?" I wondered taking his size into consideration.

"If it's okay with Seeley, I don't see why it would hurt." John answered looking to me for the go ahead.

I nodded in approval as Hodgins got close and watched John for where to put his hands, and how to lift me. I figured if some of the nurses could turn me over Jack could do it, but it didn't mean I wasn't nervous, and one of my biggest fears since getting hurt had been falling. Falling from the bed, falling out of my chair, tipping my chair and falling all moved up above my fear of clowns.

"Don't drop me Hodgins." I said nervously as he lifted me off the table, and gently set me down in my chair.

"This strap here is the most important." John instructed pointing to the strap directly across my chest.

Making sure my arms were clear of the strap Jack pulled it across my body, checking that it wasn't too loose, or too tight and then moved on to the five other straps and finally to placing my hands on the rests. I watched in awe at how much attention he'd been paying to what I needed.

"Now just pull the straw around so it is comfortable for him to reach." John instructed.

"How's that?" Jack asked, the straw a little too far forward for me to reach.

"Bring it in a little more Hodgins, what do I look like a giraffe?" I joked.

As he readjusted the straw I waited, then puffed a little bit of air into it, nearly running over Jack.

"Good for me. Thanks Jack." I said nodding in approval.

Hodgins walked beside me on the way back to my room, it always surprised me how tired I felt after therapy. It wasn't like I was doing anything but lying there, and still it wore me out. As we entered my room I was shocked to see Rebecca and Parker waiting inside.

"Daddy!" parker said rushing over to me, waiting for the nod to hop up on my lap.

"Hey Parker, school over early?" I asked looking to Rebecca.

"They called and had me pick him up. Jack could you take him to get something to eat?" She asked, shooting me a look of anger.

"C'mon buddy, lets see if we can find some burgers." Jack said waiting for him to climb off of me.

"Go ahead little man, I'll be here when you get back. Eat some pie for me okay?" I said as he hesitantly walked out of the room.

"What's going on Beccs." I asked, before moving closer to her. I couldn't help but notice her wince when my chair got closer.

"He was fighting Seeley. Kicked Anthony in the stomach, he's been acting out for a while now, but its getting out of control. We have to stop this now." She said, the tone indicating it was my fault.

"Rebecca, he's a little boy. Little boys fight, they get dirty? What do you expect? He's never going to give someone a black eye? I mean I fought all the time when I was in school." I tried to reason with her.

"No Seeley, this isn't your normal playground stuff. His teachers are worried that not spending time with you is affecting him." She dropped on me.

"What else can I do Rebecca? It's not for lack of wanting him around. Hell, I miss him more than anything. Do you realize that I haven't hugged my son for months, haven't been able to hold him, haven't been able to do anything with him. It kills me inside everyday Bec." I said trying not to break down in front of her.

"I called Sweets. Temperance suggested that I should after Max became worried about Parker. He suggested that instead of staying here with him while he visits you, I leave and come back, that maybe being alone with you would help a bit." She said worriedly.

"Rebecca, I don't know how I feel about that. I can't just get up and run after him if he disappears on me, or what if he falls and gets hurt?" I said fearfully.

"Seeley, we are going to try it, I talked to the nurses and they all agreed that they would keep an extra eye on your room when he's here, in case something would happen. Starting today, every other day he'll be here after school till eight pm. You can help him with homework, or watch sports, do anything you want with him. He needs you in his life... and on the weekends, saturday is your day with him, I'll drop him off at ten and pick him back up at six. We'll see how it goes for two weeks, if it's not working then we'll try something else. Eventually Seeley your going to have to have him around, he's going to want to stay with you once you get out." She said.

I looked anywhere but at her, I couldn't. It was bad enough that he saw what he did so far, I couldn't imagine him seeing everything I had to endure during the day. Finally she got up to leave, and I turned my chair towards the door to watch her go.

"I'll be back at eight." She said before she was gone.

I waited, trying not to get upset, I didn't want to let Parker know that I was afraid of being alone with him, that I was afraid that I couldn't take care of him anymore. I had nearly calmed myself down when they reappeared in my doorway.

"Dad, we brought you a burger and fries." He said excitedly as Jack placed the tray onto the table by my bed.

"Thanks little man." I said, realizing that he would see that I couldn't even feed myself for the first time.

"So Parker, here's how we're going to do this, I'm in charge of the burger and you are in charge of the fries, and cleanup okay?" Jack said calmly seeing the panic on my face.

"But it's Daddy's food Hodgins." Parker said looking mad.

"Yeah I know, but we have to help him out remember, we talked about it. For now, we have to do the work for him right." Jack explained.

"Cuz his body can't. Right Dad." Parker said looking to me for reassurance.

"That's right Park. Now, I'm starving, can a guy get some fries or what?" I teased watching his little hands reaching for the fries as I steered closer to the table.

Jack had sectioned the burger into quarters making it easier for me to take a bite while Parker climbed up so he could reach my mouth. Hesitantly at first he held the fry up to my face, not sure how this worked, then after I leaned closer and took it from his fingers he relaxed. I could feel the pressure of his weight on my lap, and his hand pressed against my chest, but it was only pressure, no warmth. Jack handed him a napkin and leaned the burger in so I could get a bite. This was different than the nurse shoveling the food into my mouth, or the delicate way Angela or Bones did it. This was a man's meal, and they both treated it like that, Parker giggling as the ketchup landed on his hand, or the hoot he gave out when I burped halfway through the meal. When I'd had enough, Parker leaned in and wiped my mouth, letting me remember that my son had to do it for me. Cringing inside I fought to keep my emotions in check.

"Parker do you have any homework?" Jack asked him.

"Yeah I got math and spelling. I hate spelling." Parker answered jumping down to get his bag.

"Well I can help you with it buddy. We'll get it done and then see what's on TV okay?" I said firmly.

"Do we have to Dad? Can't we watch TV first?" He said whining.

"Nope, homework first, TV second." I said not backing down.

"I'm gonna get going guys, I have to pick Angela up at the lab, is there anything you need before I go?" Jack asked us.

"Uh, yeah can you get me in bed? That way we can work over the table." I asked embarrassed.

"No problem Booth, hey Parker why don't you go wash your hands before you get started." He suggested to parker.

As my son entered the bathroom, Jack quickly undid the straps and moved to lift me back into bed. I had to give the guy credit, for looking a little scrawny he was powerful and had me lying on the bed before Parker came back out.

"Thanks man, ya know, for everything you did today." I said as he made sure my legs and hands were positioned right.

"You'd have done it for me Booth." He said as Parker emerged from the bathroom.

"C'mon kiddo, bring your work up here." I said waiting for him to climb up.

"Easy Parker, don't sit on his legs, sit here." Jack said rearranging him some.

"I didn't hurt you did I daddy?" He asked fear in his eyes.

"Nope, but you'll be more comfortable there." I said not wanting to explain why he shouldn't be sitting on me.

"Take it easy guys. Booth I'll see you on friday. Parker be good." Jack said before leaving.

"Bye Jack. I'll remember." Parker said.

"See ya Jack." I said wondering what it was that Parker would be remembering.

Parker and I finished up his work and it was nearly six, Bones should be here by now I thought as Parker dropped his bag down to the floor as a nurse came in.

"Seeley, is this Parker?" She asked flashing us a smile.

"I'm Parker, what's your name?" Parker said confidently.

"I'm Jenna. Nice to meet you Parker." She said offering him her hand and he shook it. "Now Parker can you jump down for me for a bit?"

Silently he got down and pulled his DS off the table and sat in one of the three chairs in the room, his legs dangling above the floor. The nurse quickly checked me over and made some notes in my chart before moving to change my urine bag. My eyes moved from my son to her and I realized he wasn't even paying attention to what she was doing. I thanked god silently for small miracles and continued to watch as she finished up.

"Seeley, Eric will be in around nine to get you ready for bed. I understand Parker is leaving at eight right. So we won't interfere with your time with him." She said sweetly.

"Yeah, but you'll look in every once in a while right. I mean I just don't want him running off with no one here to chase him." I said quietly.

"I'll leave this under your hand, if you need us, press down. I know you can now." She said winking at me.

"Could you take this shirt off before you go, its a little tight around my neck." I asked

"Do you want another one?" She said as she leaned me forward and pulled the shirt over my head.

"No. I'll be good like this." I assured her as she checked the call button, making sure it was still under the fingers I could move on my left hand.

"I'll check back in a little while. Parker you can get back up on the bed if you want dude." She said smiling at him.

"Thanks Jenna." I said as she left the room.

"Were you hot Dad?" Parker asked.

"No, just more comfortable like this bud. Come and sit up here, just move my arm a little." I said nodding my head to my right side, trying to keep him as far from the button under my hand as possible.

"Can I take my shirt off too?" He asked as he snuggled into me.

"Sure but if you get to cold it has to go back on Park." I said as he struggled to pull the long sleeved t-shirt over his head.

He changed the channels for almost an hour before he settled on a basketball game, looking to me to see if it was okay.

"That's my little guy. What do you think, will it be pitt or west virginia?" I asked him.

"Pitt." he said laying his head on my chest.

I watched the game wondering where Bones was, and hoping that she was still coming. Maybe her and Rebecca had talked about the alone time with Parker and that was why she wasn't here. Before I knew it though Parker was asleep, and I could feel my eyes getting heavy too. It didn't take me long to drift off, as I lay there listening to his breathing and the announcer of the game.

"Booth." She whispered close enough to my ear that I could feel her warm breath on my face.

"Bones. What time is it?" I asked blinking the sleep from my eyes.

"It's almost eight. Sshh." She instructed pointing to Parker.

"Little guy didn't last long tonight. Rebecca is going to have a hard time when they get home." I whispered to her.

"Did you guys sleep like that a lot?" She asked a small smile on her face.

"Sometimes. If we were on the couch usually, he normally stays in his bed unless he's having a nightmare. He's always been pretty independent like that." I answered, remembering the three weekends he refused to sleep in his bed at my apartment because of monsters in the closet.

"Look. I'm going to see if Ange can clean this up for you." She said holding her phone up so I could see the image of Parker and I there, sound asleep.

I stayed quiet for a minute, wondering how such a rational woman could sometimes amaze me like she did. She'd seen the good in that moment, not the facts, and honestly it was one of the best pictures I'd ever seen of the two of us.

"What kept you so late Bones." I asked breaking the silence.

"I wanted to give you some time with Parker first of all, but I had to re catalogue some of the evidence for the Muldovan case. Mack almost destroyed it this morning." She said looking frustrated.

"I heard. Hodgins said something about clubbing him with a femur? Was it that bad?" I asked her

"No. Just, just different." She said the frustration turning to a look of longing.


	7. Breaking point

_Thanks for the reviews, I didn't think anyone would like this..._

_Don't own them, not a medical expert!!_

_**********************************************************************************_

_Two months, 20 days earlier_

"Dr. Brennan, I really can't say for sure why there hasn't been any change. You've seen the MRI, and all the scans we've done. He should be getting something back." The doctor explained to her.

"Do you think the nerves didn't reconnect?" Angela asked.

"We know that they have connected successfully. It is evident in the reactions during testing. We've covered this all with you before. I suggest that you begin looking into rehabilitation facilities for him. Perhaps with a more strenuous program he would see better results. Our facilities here are not really geared toward the more practical aspects of what would be needed for long term care, and as his injury has been treated there is not much more we can provide. Please, I know that this is not what you would like to hear Dr. Brennan, but it really is in his best interests to get him into a better facility, one that can provide the necessary care for someone in his current situation." He spoke flatly.

"Are you suggesting that this is now a permanent situation? I was under the impression that once his body began to heal, he would begin to regain function." Brennan stated.

"Like we discussed, many of the patients I've seen with this type of injury have seen return. However there are those cases which do not. I would say that in time Agent Booth will encounter results, but until then there is nothing more that I can do." He said as he closed the file in front of him.

"I'll take that into consideration Doctor, thank you for your time once again." Brennan said before leaving his office.

"Sweetie, don't let what that doctor said get to you. Booth will get through this. You know him too well to think that he'd just throw in the towel Bren." Angela tried as they walked towards the elevator.

"He is right. We need to take Booth's best interests into consideration. As much as I want to think that being here is good for him, that he'll wake up one morning and be fine, that may not be the case. It very well may never be the case." Brennan said discouraged.

Despite her best efforts, calling in all the favors she had, with some of the worlds best doctors, all had said the same thing. His case was handled properly, his injury had healed well, but nothing is a guarantee. There was no concrete evidence to suggest that he'd ever fully recover. She knew in her mind that was truth, her heart though pulled at her every moment to think differently.

As they got closer to his room, Brennan stopped, standing stark still.

"Bren, are you okay?" Angela asked, turning to face her.

"I don't think I can go in there and tell him this. Angela..." Brennan started.

"He trusts you sweetie, he'll know that whatever your decision is, it's what's best for him." Angela said quietly.

For weeks he'd endured tests, being poked and prodded at the mercy of all these doctors and nurses. She'd watched from his bedside every time one of them had said the same as the last. She'd witnessed the way he would close himself off to everyone, even her. There came a point where she wanted to turn and run, escape from the pain she saw in his eyes, the anger in his voice. She'd been requested at two archaelogical sites, and both times she'd refused to leave him. Something inside her kept telling her to stay, and she did. Now though she didn't know how much more she could take. She willed herself to press on, to keep moving towards his room, Angela beside her. Getting to the doorway she could hear him talking to Hodgins about the Flyers, but there was a defeated tone to his voice now.

"Bones, what did they say." He said turning his head to the door where she stood.

"That everything is healed properly, your reflex tests all show that there is very minimal if any residual nerve damage." She spewed quickly watching his eyes grow darker.

"I'm done Bones. No more tests." He said blankly staring ahead.

"Okay Booth. There are some things we need to discuss before I leave today. Dr. Brack suggested a few rehabilitation hospitals, and it is time we consider it." She said moving closer to his bed.

Most of his muscle mass was gone now, she noted in the way his t-shirt fell around his body. He no longer looked like the healthy man she knew, he was pale, circles under his eyes. She was slowly coming to realize that the Booth she knew was disappearing right in front of her, both mentally and physically. He'd been putting up a good front, mostly. He had days where he yelled or screamed, mainly at her or Cam, or Rebecca. The worst had been a day Parker had been in, about a week ago. It wasn't like he didn't see his father hurt before, but this was different, in so many ways, and you could see the fear in his little eyes every time he entered the room. Booth had tried to reassure him many times that he was okay, that Parker could sit on the bed with him, or touch him, though the more he came to visit, the less he wanted too. Brennan wasn't in that day, but Rebecca had called her in tears, not knowing what else to do. Parker had asked him before leaving for a hug, and Booth snapped.

"I can't hug you little man, God damn it! Rebecca get him out of here, he shouldn't be here. He doesn't understand this." Booth had yelled, with Parker quickly running to his mother.

"Let's go Park. Seeley..." Rebecca said, picking up her crying child.

"Get out. GO!" he continued yelling at them.

"It's not his fault Seeley." Rebecca said before leaving with Parker still in her arms.

He didn't mean to scare his son she thought watching his face growing hard. Thinking back to the conversation she had with Rebecca about that night, she wanted to reach in and wrap her arms around him, wanted to comfort him. Parker had not come in since and neither had Rebecca and Brennan wondered at how he could go without seeing his son for so long. Parker was his world outside of the FBI, and now he had managed to push away the one person he loved more than anything. The one person who had been the light in the dark room for him. What she didn't realize was she too was a light in the room for him, even if at times he didn't act like it.

Finally after ten minutes of silence Angela and Hodgins said their goodbyes for the day and left Brennan alone in the room with him so they could talk.

"Bones, whatever you think is best is fine. We don't have to talk about it." He said to her.

"Booth, you are the one who has to go through it. Not me. I don't want you to hate being there anymore than you already would. I can read the pamphlets out loud for you and we'll decide together." She said pulling the pamphlets out of her bag.

Wondering if he was even listening to her as she finished the last one, he finally spoke.

"The second one Bones." was all he said.

"That was my choice as well." She agreed. "I'll call and we'll get you out of here."

"Then what Bones. What if I don't get better. I can't take care of my son, I can't even take care of myself. I'm so tired of pretending this is okay Bones. It isn't. I need more than just sitting up or lying down Bones. What am I going to do." He said his walls collapsing some.

"You will Booth. There is no scientific reason that you aren't going to get better, it's just going to take time." She said softly.

"Why do you still come here Bones? We aren't partners anymore..." he said.

"Yes we are. Just because you aren't out there with me in the field, doesn't mean that I don't look to you for advice, or that I don't think you worthy of my time." She said her face blushing.

"What kind of life does this leave you with though. When you aren't here with me you are at the lab, it's not fair to you." He said.

"It wouldn't be fair to you to not be here Booth. Partners stick together." She said, wanting to say so much more.

He didn't respond, just kept quiet. He could sense that there was more she wanted to say, but her rationale wouldn't let her. He wondered how much longer she would feel that way.


	8. Return of the Charming Smile

_Thanks for the reviews, I'm trying to update frequently, as all I think about all day long is what the next chapter will hold...it is taking over my mind!!!_

_I don't own them, and I'm not a medical expert!!_

Two days after Bones had taken our picture there was a frame on the table next to my bed, my son and I shirtless, his head on my chest, both of us, eyes closed. Angela had done a good job, turning it to black and white and it was so clear, you could see the individual hairs on Parkers head. For a moment it looked normal to me, until I began really looking at the photo. I looked so thin, even my face looked like it wasn't mine anymore. Something was different today though, I could feel something, I just didn't know what. I moved my left middle finger weakly pressing the call button, and waited for the nurse.

"Good morning Seeley, is everything okay." She asked.

"I feel a little strange." I said not sure what I felt, but something was different.

"Strange how? Pain, heat, cold? You have to help me out Seel." She tried.

"I'm not really sure how to explain it. Pain maybe, can you sit me up more." I asked.

She placed her hands under my arms and slid me towards the head of the bed some and then began raising it up. Immediately I had a feeling of relief.

"We should get you dressed since we have you this far, is that better?" She said seeing the relief on my face.

"Yes. It's much better." I said as she rummaged through my drawer for my clothes.

Not even a minute later she was back at my side, pulling a t-shirt over my head, but when she placed her hand on my back to lean me forward I gasped at the sharp pain I felt there.

"Seeley, what was it, look at me. Right here." She said bringing me out of the pain.

"Lay me back down, it felt like someone was stabbing me in the back." I said out of breath.

"I'll call your doctor." She said placing the call button under my finger.

I waited, sure I was in pain, but it was more than I'd felt in months. I wanted to call Bones, and tell her, I wanted to scream that I felt something more than pressure, I'd felt pain.

"Good morning Seeley, I understand that you're in some pain?" he said with a smile.

"In my back." I said breathless still.

He leaned me forward, placing his hand on my back and there it was the sharp blinding pain where his hand was resting. "Right here Seeley?" He asked.

"Yes, but it shoots up to the top... is it good?" I asked, wishing for this for so long.

"I'd like to run a couple tests, but yes it is good. Let's get you lying back down." he said resting me back on the bed.

I lie there, as he moved his hands over me. I counted six spots on my lifeless body that I could feel, not just pressure, I could feel his hand, the coolness of it. My back was the most sensitive, but the spots on my chest, and arms were the most exciting.

"Seeley, I would like to get you into a more intense program now. Looks to me like your on your way back." Dr. King told me.

"Is there going to be any permanent damage, since I've been down so long?" I asked, imagining walking next to her or picking up my son.

"I don't think that's the case, but Seeley, it's not going to happen overnight. Your going to have to work very hard. It will take a lot to build the muscle back, and have them working properly. It will be frustrating at best, but if you push through that and the pain, you'll get there." he said.

"Thanks Doc." I said, a true smile of happiness on my face.

I'd waited so long for that conversation, to hear the words he said. I wanted this so badly, and yet I had to remind myself of the road ahead. I told myself in that moment that as soon as I could touch her face, I would tell her how I felt, how much I loved her. I was tired of waiting for some grand sign to show me that the time was right. I thought about the last four months and how even though I'd tried to push her out of my life, she stayed. It wasn't just because we were partners, there was more there, and it was there long before I'd gotten hurt. As the nurse finished getting me dressed I lie there relishing in the comfort that things were changing for the better.

"Seeley, you have to push harder." Anne said firmly as she waited for me to shrug my shoulders higher.

"I'm doing the best I can." I said, trying to imagine the muscles moving.

"I don't believe that. I've seen pictures of you before the accident, you looked a lot stronger than this." She tried.

"I still can't move my arms Anne. This is the best I can do, for now." I assured her.

Two hours of physical therapy later and I was nearly falling asleep as she continued to manipulate my body. Things had been decidedly changed over the course of the last two hours. She explained that my left side was moving faster than my right, which we would work hardest on getting it caught up. The lokomat would be an everyday part of my life until I was up and walking on my own. A stress ball would be nearly a new appendage to my right hand, which since I'd been injured had become a tight fist, despite their best efforts. Two therapy sessions instead of one per day was the new regimen she'd layed out before me.

"Can I ask you something?" I asked as they put me back in my chair.

"Sure Seeley. ask away." She answered.

"How long, I mean till I'll be able to be on my own? Honestly." I asked, fear crawling inside me at what her answer would be.

"Honestly, you could be on your own now. Sure you'd need a 24 hour caregiver, but you could do it. Don't laugh, you could. I've seen people on vents living on their own Seel. I give you at least a few weeks before your pushing your own chair, a couple months before your running around with that cute kid of yours. I don't know about the FBI's policy, but maybe in a year you could be back full strength, only if you don't give up. This is really only day one Seeley. We've been working with you for about two months, and until now, you've gained a little. The next few months are going to be the hardest of your life. Your going to want to throw in the towel, your going to get angry, but you can use it to your advantage. Trust me that it's going to get better, work with us to get you there." She said smiling at me.

"Thanks. You know for not telling me it's going to be easy. I want this more than almost anything. I want to be able to get my life back." I said feeling drained.

"It may not be exactly like it was before, but it will be close." She said as I moved to leave.

I rode back towards the cafeteria and was surprised to find Bones walking down ahead of me.

"Bones?" I called out momentarily stopping my chair.

"I was just going to wait for you in there." She turned and moved towards me.

"How about we eat in the garden today." I suggested, with one of my charming smiles.

The look on her face changed so much at seeing me smile like that. I hadn't flashed her one of those in a long time, I never really had a reason too, until now.

As she walked beside me into the cafe, I could swear I heard her say " I missed that," quietly to herself. But I didn't ask, because I missed it too. I missed watching her smirk at me, or the look she would shoot me while I was trying to charm something out of her. I silently wondered why I had ever tried to push her away, why I didn't want her around. She made everything better, even on those dark days, the ones where I wanted to give up, she was there, pulling me out of myself. I'd hurt her so much during the last four months, afraid of her walking out of my life.

"Booth, what do you want to eat?" She asked, placing her hand on my shoulder, pulling me out of my thoughts.

"Oh, doesn't matter Bones." I answered tilting my head to watch her order.

"You okay Booth, you seem distracted." She asked concern in her voice.

"We'll talk outside Bones." I said smiling at her again.

As she loaded a tray with two salads, and two soups, two bottles of water, I waited. I wanted to tell her about this morning and the new developments so badly, I felt as though I was bursting. Making our way into the garden I could feel the warm spring air on my face, and watched as she squinted in the sun. She moved a chair out from one of the tables so I could maneuver up to it and she sat, opening all the containers while I settled in.

"Can you do something before we eat Bones?" I asked.

"What?" She asked a small hint of worry in her eyes.

"I want to show you something. Put your hand over my heart." I instructed her, waiting to feel it there.

"Are you sick? Do you need a doctor Booth?" She said scared.

"No just do it Bones. I'd tell you if something was wrong.

Slowly she placed her hand where I asked, and for the first time since I'd hit the floor of the warehouse, I could feel her hand on me someplace other than my face or shoulder. I could feel the warmth coming from her and I let out a sigh.

"I can feel your hand there Bones. It's coming back." I said opening my eyes, to stare into hers.

"When, when did it start?" she asked, as I noticed a small tear forming at the corner of her left eye.

"This morning, I can feel pain in my back Bones, six different places that I can feel, not just pressure, I can feel things." I said excitedly.

Her reaction threw me a little, first she pulled her hand back, then out of nowhere she leaned in, kissing my forehead, "I knew it would happen Booth. I knew it." She said wistfully as she moved back to her seat.

"Anne thinks that in a few weeks I'll be pushing my own chair. Possibly in a year, back at full strength." I said happily.

I could see the relief on her face, feel the mood around us changing, but there was something in her eyes that looked like remorse. I wondered what it was, what she wasn't telling me, as she began opening her water and mine.

"What Bones. What's wrong?" I asked.

"I have to go undercover for two weeks with Mack." She said sullen.

"Oh, well I'll be here when you get back. Maybe we can video conference?" I said hopefully.

"I'm not even going to be in touch with the lab Booth. Cam isn't happy. Cullen tried to assure her that he would be in constant contact with us, but she doesn't like the idea, neither do I." She stated.

"Tell them no then Bones. You don't have to do it if your not comfortable with it. They can't force you." I tried.

"I've tried, but they need someone with my background. I'll be fine, I just have to do it and get it over with." She said trying to hide her anxiety.

"Just be careful Bones. I trust Mack. You should too." I said not sure if I believed myself

The rest of our lunch was a quiet one, both thinking about the upcoming two weeks we'd be apart. She'd left for a week about two months ago, and memories of that week were haunting my mind as she fed me my lunch. I thought I had finally pushed her too far, with the words that flew out of my mouth back then, but Angela had been there everyday while she was gone, telling me it wasn't me that pushed her away. Even Max had come in, trying to reassure me that she'd be back. It was the longest week of my life, not talking to her, not seeing her face. I'd told myself then that I had to stop pushing, and even though I tried, sometimes my anger would win out, but after that week, she'd never gone again until now. I needed her more than I let on, and I was worried about her going undercover without me, but I couldn't beg her to stay, I couldn't keep her safe all the time. I just had to sit here and let her go, and hope that she'd come back to me.


	9. Moving day

Two months, 17 days -moving day

He hadn't seen the outside world in a month and a half, and despite his best attempts his emotions were spiraling out of control. His outbursts were only getting worse for those around him, he'd managed to keep Rebecca and Parker away for over a week, but Brennan and the Squint squad kept coming. Brennan's attitude was changing though, he could see it. She stayed quiet, while he berated her, and didn't offer reasons for why he shouldn't push them away, or why Parker needed him. He was working on her and getting the job done. Jack had been the only one who didn't stay quiet anymore. He pushed Booth, even fought with him on more than one occasion.

Brennan knew that this was something she should expect, but to listen to him sometimes was almost too much for her. It was taking a toll on her more than she was willing to admit, she hated that he refused to see reason. What she didn't understand was,that in that moment, when he was too focused on her, he lost everything. He lost not only his ability to move, but his relationship with his son, and the partnership he had with her. And without those things he was losing himself. His whole world was centered around two things, his son, and his job working with her, and now those things were gone. She wondered many times if he'd just turned a little sooner, if the outcome would have been different, if she hadn't been there would it have been different. She rationalized that most definitely it would have prevented the outcome they were dealing with now, and she was beginning to blame herself. If she'd listened to him in the past and stayed back, or been quiet and let him focus, she wouldn't be visiting him in the hospital at present.

"Bren?" Angela interrupted her thoughts.

"Yes Angela?" Brennan asked.

"Aren't you going with him today?" Angela asked

"Oh, what time is it? I was just finishing this up before I headed out, I must have been to preoccupied to realize what time it was." Brennan answered closing the file that she barely looked at.

"Do you want me to come with you?" Angela offered.

"No, if you and Hodgins could stop in later that would be great. I have this thing I have to take care of later this evening." She said grabbing her coat and purse.

"We'd planned on it. Brennan listen, he's going to get better. I know its hard right now, but it's just going to take time for him to be okay... Don't give up on him sweetie." Angela said.

"What gave you the impression that I was giving up Ange. I'm not." She told her

"Bren, sweetie, I know that look, I know that your brain is overstepping everything else and your scared that he means some of what he said to you. But he doesn't. He's trying to push you away, don't let him, you need him as much as he needs you. It's painful to hear from him, because you care about him, even if you don't admit it, you do, and even if he doesn't act like it means anything for you to be there for him, it means everything... I've seen the way for an instant he becomes our Booth again when you come into the room. Don't let him push you away Bren." Angela said taking her into a hug.

"I'm not." Brennan said awkwardly pushing away from her best friend.

As she drove to the hospital, she tried to mentally prepare herself for what was to come. He was being transferred to the rehab facility, which meant that he was either going to leave next time better, or he would be facing his life the way he was now. It was just one step closer to the final answer in his injury. She'd be following them to the rehab facility in her car and would help get him settled in and fill out all the necessary paperwork, and then she had to decide. She'd been offered a week at a dig in mexico, where they had discovered what appeared to be remains of one of napoleon's men. They needed her answer by tonight and as she walked into the hospital for the last time she still was unsure that she could leave him.

"Hey Bones." He said from his wheelchair.

"Dr. Brennan, we were just finalizing the paperwork for Seeley's release. Could you please sign here and then here and we'll be ready to transport him." the nurse said.

Brennan mentally checked the room, looking for anything they'd missed packing and then signed the forms. She shuddered thinking that they'd be doing this again in almost three months, whether he was going home, or elsewhere.

"Cold Bones?" He asked, a hint of sarcasm in his voice.

"Yes it is actually quite cold out today, we need to make sure you have the proper protection when we go outside." She answered angrily. "I think he should have another sweatshirt over that one or a coat, Booth do you have a coat here?"

"There's one in the bag Bones." He snarled his lip at her.

"Good, I can get it, could you please get the transportation ready?" Brennan said to the nurse.

"Yes Dr. Brennan, I'll be back when I get the go ahead." the nurse answered.

"Bones, you could have let her do it. I mean I don't need you to do things for me." He said getting angry.

"Last time I checked Booth, you needed me for more than you admit." She said digging in his bag for his green coat.

"What is that supposed to mean Bones?" He asked her, the words coming out in a growl.

"Just that as much as you hate me doing things for you, you have limited options." She said, unstrapping the top two straps on his chair.

His body immediately began to sag forward without the restraints holding him in and catching him on her shoulder, she carefully pulled his left, then right arm into the coat, zippering it up. She sat there a moment, the closeness to him driving her mad. Finally she just used her arm to hold his chest in place as she re did the straps across it.

"Do you think this is easy Bones? Do you?" He snarled.

"No, why would you think that." She came back at him.

"You walk in here, taking control, spouting out what you think and then you leave, you walk out of here at the end of the day. I'm here, even when you leave, I can't leave this chair or that bed. I can't brush my own goddamned teeth, it's not easy." He said, closing his eyes.

"Dr. Brennan the van is ready. I can take him down if you'd like to get your car and meet us at the exit." the nurse said entering the room before Brennan could reply.

"Yes, I'll meet you at the exit then. Booth, I'll follow you to the rehab facility." She said before leaving him with the nurse.

"Walking away again... it must be nice." He yelled after her.

She heard him say it. She heard the pain in his voice, but kept walking. Her decision was getting easier with every passing moment of the day.

The ride to the rehab facility was as uneventful as watching paint dry, he thought as they were unhooking his chair from the inside of the van. She was right, it was cold out, but the cold air felt good on his face, and for a moment his mind was clear, until he saw her. Standing there waiting for him to join her in entering the building, she looked like his Bones, the gutsy woman who irritated him on purpose, but as he got closer, he could see she was different, something had changed. Maybe it had been changing he thought, but he was just too worried about himself to notice. Getting nearer to her he could smell her perfume, in a breeze that passed by his nose. His mind drifted off to a time when he would enter the car with her and he would be assaulted by her scent, the mix of her detergent and her perfume. There were times he thought he'd go mad because of that smell. But now, he wished it would go away, stop torturing him, reminding him of his limitations.

They were taken through the halls of his home for the next three months, and shown his room before they were bombarded with introductions to the staff that would be taking care of him. First his physical therapy team, Anne, John, and Mike, and then a group of nurses. She watched as he lay charm on thick for them, smiling and starting conversations. How quickly his mood changed when they left the two of them alone, she noted, his face taking on the sullen look she had become accustomed too.

"It's nice here Booth." She said walking to the window.

"Yeah." He answered.

"Booth, you were just laughing and smiling, how can you be that way with people you hardly know, and then with me, your partner, you are downright miserable." She said turning to face him.

"Because you know that this isn't me... you know I can't live my life like this, and it kills me to see you everyday reminding me of how I'll never have my life back. Don't you get it Bones, your being here is killing me, a little more each day, and I don't know how much longer I can handle that Bones, I really don't." He told her.

"I don't come to torture you Booth. I come to support you, to be sure that you don't have to go through this alone." She said holding back tears.

"I don't want you to come anymore Bones. It's too hard for me. Please. Just go... and don't come back. Go." He pleaded with her.

"Is that really what you want Booth, is it?" she asked.

"It is. Please go. Don't make me beg Bones. Please." He said, a single tear streaming down his left cheek.

Without a word, she strode past him, not even looking at him as she did. If that was what he wanted, she wasn't going to deny him that. She cared too much to hurt him anymore, and in that final moment listening to him, her decision had been made.


	10. I Ain't Wasting No More Time

_Don't own them, not a medical expert, and THANKS FOR THE REVIEWS...._

_**********************************************************************************_

Bones had left after our lunch, and I caught a quick nap in my chair before my second round of therapy knowing that rebecca would be bringing Parker today. Our first try at having him alone with me went well, and even though it scared the hell out of me to have him alone, I needed time with him. I knew Bones would be coming in towards the end of the evening because she was leaving in the morning with Mack and wouldn't see me for two weeks. The nurse came in to get me when I was late for my therapy, I'd overslept.

"Seeley, wake up." She said loudly.

"Oh, sorry. My son is coming in tonight, and I thought I'd catch a quick one so I wouldn't fall asleep on him later." I said blinking the sleep from my eyes.

"You aren't that late. Just head on down. Anne figured she wore you out earlier." the nurse said smiling.

"Thanks." I said before placing my mouth over the straw to leave my room.

Another two and a half hours of therapy later, I was sweaty and I smelled bad. Anne had noticed some resistance in my left arm exclaiming that soon was here.

"Seeley, it won't be long before your getting in and out of this chair by yourself." She said happily.

"Any minute I'm stuck like this is too long Anne. I can't wait. Even if I never walk again, if I could at least move my arms I could survive that." I told her truthfully.

"I don't think that you need to worry about not walking Seeley. It's just a matter of when." She answered squeezing my left hand.

When I got back to my room I called for a nurse, I had to get cleaned up, and Parker would be here in less than an hour.

"What's up Seel." John said entering my room.

"I reek is what's up. Do you think we could get me in the shower before my son gets here. I need a shave too." I said looking at my scruffy face in the mirror.

"We can do that. I'll have Jenna come in and shave you when we're done with the shower." He said moving behind me in the bathroom.

This was a process I hated. First I was undressed, then whoever was working with me would place a sling under my ass and I was hoisted up and into the shower. I closed my eyes while they washed me, it was too embarrassing to watch someone else do it, not to mention degrading. When they were finished which normally was about fifteen minutes later they would dry me off, then hoist me back into my chair, re-dress me and then I was good to go.

"What do you want to wear man?" John asked going through my clothes as I sat in just boxers.

"Uh, how about the blue t-shirt and maybe jeans?" I asked, I was sick of sweatpants, but not sure that any of the jeans would fit me.

"How about these?" He said pulling out a pair that I didn't recognize.

"Are those mine?" I asked craning my neck to see.

He checked them over assuming that they were and as he walked into the bathroom with them something fell from the pocket.

"What's that?" I asked nodding to the floor.

He picked up the folded piece of paper and held it out in front of me.

_Booth, _

_I figured you'd eventually get sick of sweats. Guessed on the size so hopefully they'll fit._

_Jack_

I read it and wasn't really surprised. Jack had been good at knowing what I needed sometimes without me even knowing it. I laughed to myself. At least the squints had been good for something, I thought.

John pulled my legs in and surprisingly the jeans fit good, not too tight, but not loose like my old ones would have been. As he leaned me forward pulling my shirt down over me I felt the pain again. My body's way of telling me that it was there. My breath hitched for a minute when it travelled up my back into my neck.

"You alright man?" John asked looking concerned.

"Yeah I'm fine. Been feeling some pain in my back today. The doc said it's the nerves getting confused, it's a good pain." I said smiling as I caught my breath.

"You look good man." John said standing back, to look me over.

"There should be some gel in that bag there. Could you?" I said, wanting to look like myself for a change. "A little spiky on top."

He finished gelling my hair and I rode out into my room. I felt like myself for once, and glancing at the photo of Parker and I, I realized that I'd been in there all along. I was just too afraid to let anyone see me like this. John had left, and I waited for Jenna.

"Seeley, this is a nice look." She said winking, seeing me in something other than sweats for the first time.

"This is me. That guy in the sweats was me, hiding out." I joked as she placed the towel over me.

I'd leaned my chair back, so that I was almost horizontal with the floor for her to proceed. I had six days of facial hair that needed removed and I couldn't wait for it to be gone. As she slowly and carefully shaved my face trying not to nick me I thought about missing Bones for two whole weeks. But at least I could try to look good for her tonight, so she could see that I was back. Jenna wasn't quite finished when Parker came bounding into the room.

"Daddy!" he said as always.

"Hey little man, how was school." I said as he climbed onto the bed to watch.

"It was boring. I don't have any homework tonight, so we don't have to do that!" he said excited.

"Good, just me and you kiddo. Bones is coming later. But until then, we can be guys." I said as Jenna wiped my face.

"Can I get a shave too Jenna?" Parker asked, looking from her to me.

"Sure little guy. Sit right there." She said sqirting out some shaving cream for his face too.

"It smells good dad." He said as she rubbed it on his little face.

"Stay real still Park, you don't want to get a cut." I instructed him, turning my chair to watch.

She didn't open the blade, just used the handle and halfway through I saw a camera flash as his smile widened.

"Hey Angie." he said as I turned to see Jack, Angela and Bones in the doorway.

"What are you all doing here?" I asked surprised.

"Thought we'd leave that up to Parker and you." Jack said winking to Parker.

"Okay, what's going on." I said not sure I liked being surprised.

"Daddy, we're going out." Parker said happily.

"He's right Booth. Anywhere you want to go." Angela said with a smile.

"How did you pull that off Bones." I asked her.

"You aren't the only one with connections Booth." She said smiling as she moved to wipe a stray bit of shaving cream off my face, Angela snapped a picture right as her finger touched my face. "You look good."

"Ange, is that really necessary?" I asked.

"Yes." was all she said.

"Thanks, Jenna." Parker said as she wiped his face too.

"Thanks." I said to her as she gathered her stuff to go.

"Just be back before ten, Seel." She said giving me a smile and a wink.

Bones and Angela had sat in the chairs in my room and Hodgins was leaning against the bed next to Parker.

"Well little man, where do you want to go?" I asked him.

"Can we go to the science center?" He said shocking me.

"Sure thing. Bones?" I said making sure that was a viable option.

"Sounds like fun to me Parker. Let's go." She said, completely out of character for her.

Hodgins and Angela were waiting with Parker in the hall as Bones got me a jacket from the closet.

"Bones. How did you pull this off?" I asked her.

"A better question would be did you know? I mean your not in sweats, there's gel in your hair..." She said drinking me in with her eyes.

"I had no idea, really." I said my eyes meeting hers.

"Good. I wanted it to be a surprise. You need out of here Booth. What better a day than this. Especially with Parker." She said her hand finding my left one.

"Thanks, Bones." I said feeling like I could cry at her thoughtfulness.

"Let's go Booth." She said pointing to her watch.

She had managed to get the rehab facility's van for the night, and as we all piled in, I felt a sense of trepidation. I hadn't been out in so long, I hadn't been around other people, and I could feel the nervousness creeping in.

I was quiet most of the ride, until Parker asked me, "Daddy, are you okay?"

"Yeah little man, I'm more than okay." I answered, wishing I could rustle his hair.

"Good. We've been waiting." he said, shocking me.

I didn't realize how much he'd really been missing out on until that statement came from his mouth. My heart ached for all the times he'd seen me at my worst, yelling at his mother, yelling at Bones. Just being an idiot around him, or letting myself get out of control in front of him. I'd wasted all that time, four months of not cherishing every moment I was still able to have with him, or any of them for that matter. As I listened to Jack making him laugh, and Bones and Angela talking I told myself that I wouldn't let it happen twice.


	11. Pushed too far

_Don't own them!!_

***********************************************************************************

Two months, 13 days earlier.

He'd been falling farther and farther away from them since he was transferred to the rehab facility. Jack and Angela had been in for the last four days, and were at their wits end. He'd yelled at Angela so bad the day before, screaming really, that as soon as she was in the hallway the tears came. Brennan had been gone for four days, and no one knew what had happened between them before she left. They only knew that it had been enough to make her go. Jack had been in earlier in the morning, and they had fought about the way Booth had treated Angela.

"Why can't you see that we come here because we miss you, we care about you Booth. Instead you are nothing but cruel to us. Angie left here yesterday balling her eyes out at what you said to her. You have no right to do that to us. None." he said angrily to Booth.

Booth stayed quiet for a minute trying to find a way to argue, but hodgins could see that he had nothing.

"Dr. B. might not say anything to you when you treat her like this, but I'm putting my foot down. I don't want to fight with you, and neither does Angela. Think about that man, would you rather be here alone? I know I wouldn't. Think about what your losing Booth. You haven't seen your son in over a week, Brennan's gone, Angela is hurt..." Jack tried.

"Where is Bones?" Booth asked him, realizing that maybe she wasn't just avoiding him.

"She went to mexico. I thought you knew." Jack said unaware.

"When did she leave?" He asked eyes closed.

"Two days ago. She's been avoiding going away because she didn't want to leave you... whatever you said to her finally worked Booth." Jack answered.

"Good. She can't live her life sitting here with me all the time Hodgins. It's not good for her..." Booth tried, his eyes still closed.

"Did you ever think that you are her life Booth. Until she met you it was all work, all the time. She's different now. I can't believe you don't see it." Jack said.

"We are, were just partners Jack. That's all there was. Nothing more." Booth said finally opening his eyes.

"It's funny that you both say that, when we see it differently. I see the way you look at her, your unending need to protect her, the little things you do for her. It doesn't matter what you say, you love her. And that's okay Booth. It's okay to love her, but did you ever tell her?" He asked.

If he could shift uncomfortably he would have, instead he just sighed. "Hodgins. you may think you know, but you don't. Drop it." He snarled.

Both of them turned at the knock on the door, to see her father standing there. "Is this a bad time?" he asked.

"Hey Max, I was just leaving. It's fine." Jack said standing to leave.

"Booth, do you mind another visitor." Max asked.

"Come on, it's like a parade in here all day long. What's one more." Booth said blankly.

"I don't know why she left Seeley." Max said after Hodgins was gone.

Booth stayed quiet. He didn't want to be having this conversation with her father.

"Are you alright?" Max asked.

"As alright as I can be I guess. I'm tired. Tired of not being able to do anything Max. I'm tired of fighting." Booth finally spoke.

"But you're a fighter. It's what we do. We don't let things stop us, we find ways to push past it and keep our heads up." Max offered.

"Didn't you ever get tired of it though. Didn't you ever just want to give up the fight, stop running, stop hiding?" Booth asked him.

"I did, but I had to think about what would happen if I did. My kids were at stake Booth, their safety, their lives. My choices didn't just affect me, they affected everything I ever cared about. Sure I was tired of running, not seeing them, but the alternative was worse, and not just for me. It would have killed Russ if something happened to me, but it would have been worse if something happened to Tempe. I did what I did to keep them safe, no matter what the cost to me Seeley." Max said.

"Do you know how long she's gone for?" He asked the older man.

"I don't Seeley. I'm sorry. I know she'll be back though. She's strong, and resilient, but her heart won't let her stay gone for too long." Max said. "She cares about you so much. I couldn't picture her giving up on you that easily."

"I told her to go Max. I said things, that I wish I could take back. And for the first time she listened to me. In all this time, all these years I've waited for her to hear me, and she picked that day." Booth said. "I need her here Max. I don't let on that I do, but I need her. I love her."

Max sat quietly, already aware of the younger mans feelings for his daughter, and he nodded. "I know Seeley. I know." He said, placing his hand on Booth's shoulder.

"I can't do this without her Max. As much as it kills me to see her here everyday, watching me suffer, I do need her. I knew I was pushing her away, I didn't want her to see me like this, I'm not this person. How can I take care of her, protect her when I can't do anything." Booth said nearly sobbing.

"Did you ever think that maybe this is her time to take care of you, protect you? She's more capable than you think Booth." Max said softly.

Max stayed for the rest of the afternoon, quietly waiting for Booth to calm down. When he finally did they were coming to take him to therapy. "Max, I'm sorry." Booth said

"For what?" Max said turning around.

"For hurting her. I just didn't know any other way." Booth said.

"Just don't do it again Booth. Fight, but not with the people you love, okay." Max said before he disappeared.

Through his therapy Booth remained quiet, wondering how he'd gotten to this moment, where the people he loved the most were missing from his life. He'd hurt Rebecca, his son, and now Bones. He didn't know if she would ever come back, or why she would want to, with what he'd said. He lie there, wishing he could take it all back, everything he'd said to all of them, start again, almost two months ago. But would he have been able to watch them, watching him again, he thought. This was by far the hardest thing he'd ever gone through, even his childhood had been easier. At least back then, he could run, or break something, or pound his fist into someone's face. Now though all he could do was lie here, or sit in his wheelchair, his only weapon of defense his mind and his mouth. He'd been using them too, and look where it got him, he thought watching his leg go up and down in the therapist's hands.

"Seeley, are you with me today?" She asked.

"Yeah. I'm just having a rough day." he said feeling like a child.

"You'll have those. But stay focused on this, or else we'll call it quits for the day." She said.

He just nodded, letting her know he wanted to keep going, but his issues were still there in the back of his mind.


	12. Just Static

_Don't own them!!_

As I rolled into the science center with her walking next to me, I couldn't help but smile. Sure I was still nervous about being with the general public, but having her there with me, hell having them all with me made it easier.

"Dad look!" Parker said loudly pointing to a sign for a water exhibit, while we were waiting in line.

"I see it buddy. Just hold on." I said knowing at any moment someone would have to chase him.

"Come here Park, hold my hand until we're done here." Angela said as though she read my mind.

Bones hand had made its way from my shoulder to my left hand, and the feeling of it there sent waves of happiness through me. Weakly I moved my middle finger to let her know I could feel her hand on mine. I looked up at her, to find her staring back at me, and laughed a little.

"What is so funny Booth?" She asked coyly.

"Nothing Bones." I answered, noting a hint of sadness in her eyes.

"Alright, where do you want to go first Parker?" Hodgins turned and asked him.

"To the water thingy. Then the thing that makes your hair stand up!!" he said nearly dragging Angela forward.

"Easy little man, we have a lot of time." I yelled ahead having to stop my chair to say it.

"But Dad..." he whined.

"Parker, you have to stay with us, or we'll have to leave." I told him as we got to the water exhibit, and I settled my chair beside him.

"Okay Dad. I'll stay with you." He said not willing to leave.

"Booth it's not like he could get lost in here. We are all here." Bones said.

"Yeah I know Bones, but he has to have rules. If not he'd run wild. Besides I need to know that he will still listen to me, its not like I can chase after him, I'm less of a threat to him now." I said.

She stayed right by my side until Parker came and grabbed her hand at the thing that makes your hair stand up.

"Dr. Bones... do this one with me!" he shouted over the noise.

"Okay Parker." She said letting him lead the way.

Angela had been snapping pictures the whole time we were there and this wasn't an opportunity she was willing to miss. She got a great shot of Bones with her hair all filled with static, standing next to Parker, both with huge smiles on their faces. I felt my heart pull at the sight of her with my son. She was surprisingly good with him. She listened intently as he slowly read the scientific explanation to her, and as they walked on to the next exhibit, she smoothed his hair down. I'd seen her with him before, though it seemed she was letting her maternal instincts out this time. When we got to the gravity machine he desperately begged her to go with him, and after a few of his best attempts he won. I could see the look on her face as they strapped him in, it was one of concern and excitement. How I wished in that moment I could be standing beside her, my arm around her waist. The only thing missing was me, I was watching from the side. I must have let my emotions show on my face because the next thing I knew Angela was beside me.

"Booth, don't let it get you down. In a few months things will be different." She said squeezing my shoulder.

"I know Ange, doesn't mean I don't feel the pain now though." I said looking up at her.

"It's just going to make those moments that much better Booth." She said winking.

Parker had drug all of them through different exhibits as I watched, seeing him getting tired. Finally at the last stop he looked at me with his little hand on my arm.

"Climb up little man." I said, nodding that it was okay.

He climbed up into my lap, and bumped the straw too far from my mouth in the process.

"A little help here Bones." I said nodding at the straw.

I watched her hand bring it back to my mouth and she hesitated for moment there, before letting her hand brush against my cheek. As much as I wanted to call her out, I let the moment go. I closed my eyes for a second and then moved forward towards the exit with the rest of the group. Parker was out before we got to the van, I'd figured he would be and as Hodgins lifted him off of me I wondered how long it would be before I could do that. It was only seven thirty and we still had time till I had to be back at rehab.

"We should go to the diner Booth." Bones suggested as we got closer to it.

"I don't know if I'll fit in there Bones." I said wincing.

"Sure you will. We can get dinner." She assured me.

I wondered if she'd already checked it out, before suggesting it. It would be just like her to plan ahead.

"Okay. I could use some pie." I said smiling at her.

We got into the diner and Parker, holding Bones' hand refused to sit anywhere but beside her.

"Relax Park, you'll be beside her." I said trying to comfort him.

"Okay Daddy." he said groggily.

I didn't realize how awkward it would be going to the diner, but I forgot that I had been gone a long time.

"Agent Booth?" Selena asked as she came to our table. "I thought that was you, you look good."

"Thanks." I answered awkwardly.

"How are we splitting the check tonight guys." She asked us.

"It's my treat, whatever they want." Bones said eagerly.

"Bones, you don't have to do that." I tried.

"I would like to treat everyone Booth, is there something wrong with that?" She said firmly.

"I'll have a coke and a ice cream sundae." Parker spoke up.

"Oh no buddy, dinner first. Bring him chicken tenders and fries, we'll hold the sundae till after he eats." I said

"But Dad, Bones said anything I want?" He tried.

"Parker, you can't have desert before dinner... I'll make you a deal, if you eat all your dinner you can get desert okay?" Bones chimed in.

"Deal bones." Parker said grinning.

Selena jotted down our order and brought out our drinks while Angela colored on the back of the place mat with Parker, keeping him occupied. He'd been spending time at the lab with the squints and Max at least once a week, and I'd never realized what a huge part they were playing in his life. He used to be shy around them, but now he was just as comfortable with them as he was around Rebecca and I. I smiled thinking how easy it was for him to fit in with them, when it had taken me years to call them my friends.

"Booth?" Bones asked.

"Yeah Bones?" I said clearing thoughts of Parker out of my head.

"What were you just thinking about?" She asked quietly.

"Parker, and how much he loves being with you and the squints." I said smiling widely at her.

"At least he'll still get to see them the next two weeks. It will go quick though." She said, with that hint of sadness in her eyes.

"Bones, I'll be fine. Angela and Jack have already said they'd be by while your gone. You don't need to worry about me." I said trying not to let on just how much I'd miss her.

"You'll have jasper too." She said playfully.

All I could think about was how badly I wanted to kiss her, the corners of her mouth upturned in a smile, it was driving me mad. "Yeah I will Bones." I said reminding myself that it was impossible, for now.

The rest of the night had gone by too fast, it seemed that we were pulling back into the rehab facility only minutes after we left. As I waited to be unhooked I saw Rebecca coming towards us.

"How did it go Seeley?" She asked, seeing Parker asleep in the van.

"It went good. Thanks, for letting him go with us. He had a great time." I said as I was being lowered to the ground.

"Your welcome Seeley. He needs this time with you." She said as I yawned. "Looks like they wore you out too."

"I've had a really long day. But it was worth every second." I said before moving up the sidewalk some.

"I can carry him to your car if you want me too." Jack said

"No I think I'll wake him up so he can say goodnight. We'll manage." She said.

She gently shook his arm and he opened his eyes, rubbing at them with his little hands. "Are we home?" he asked.

"No kiddo, we have to say goodnight to Daddy and his friends, and then we'll go home. You'll be back in the morning." She told him.

I watched him hug Hodgins and Angela first then he went to Bones, and as he was going to hug her she moved down so he could get her around the neck. "Thanks Bones." I heard him say as he let her go.

"I'll see you in a few weeks okay Parker. Keep these guys in line while I'm gone." She said seriously.

"I will Dr. Bones. I will." he assured her.

"Gnight daddy. I'll see you in the morning right?" He asked as he climbed up on my lap.

"You know it little man. Love you." I said his arms wrapping around my neck.

"Love you too Dad." He said into my ear.

As quickly as the night had gone it felt like forever before I was back in bed. I was happy that Bones had stayed, I wanted to be able to talk with her a little before she left. As the nurse got me into bed she watched out the window, something she had been doing when she thought I was uncomfortable with her watching.

"Seeley not too long now. You have another big day tomorrow." Linda said before she left the room.

"Come over here Bones." I asked her. "Sit with me for a little bit."

I watched as she came closer and instead of sitting in the chair beside me, she hopped up onto the bed. I could see the uncertainty written on her face, a trace of fear in her eyes. "What's wrong Bones?" I asked.

"Just nerves. I've never been undercover without you. I never thought I would be with another agent." She said softly as she held my hand.

"It'll be okay Bones. He's not going to let anything happen to you." I said hearing the trepidation in my own voice.

"I know, I'm just being silly Booth. I'll be back in two weeks with a great story to tell you." She said smiling, but not fooling me. She was nervous.

"Listen, I'll give you something that will help okay?" I said. "Go in the top drawer. There's a small box in there and bring it over here."

I watched her pull the box out and bring it over. "Open it." I said eagerly.

"Booth, this is your badge, and your dog tags. I can't take your badge with me." She said curiously.

"I want you to take my dog tags. Think of it as me being with you Bones. I've never gone on assignment without them." I said trying to gauge her response.

"Booth, I couldn't." She said holding them in her hand.

"Take them Bones. This way if you get nervous, you can reach in your pocket, and I'll be there." I said feeling immediately self conscious of my words.

She sat there for a minute or two before she closed the box and got up to put it back in the drawer, my dog tags still in her hand. "Thanks Booth."

"Your welcome Bones. That's what partners are for." I said my eyelids growing heavy.

"You can barely keep your eyes open, why didn't you tell me to go?" She asked.

"I didn't want today to end I guess. Wait till I'm out okay, before you leave?" I asked her, giving her a weak smile.

"Okay Booth. I won't leave yet." She said sitting back down on the bed beside me and picking up my hand.

"Two weeks right? Not longer?" I asked her fighting sleep.

"Two weeks or less Booth. It'll go by quickly, you'll see." She said as I drifted off.

She didn't realize that when I felt her hand on my face I woke up, and I felt her lips on mine too. A soft kiss before she left. "I won't leave you alone Booth, I promise." She whispered her face still so close to mine, and then she was gone.

I lie there not able to drift back to sleep for a long time, just thinking about that kiss, her lips on mine, the smell of her hair when she leaned in. I prayed for a long time that she would come back, safe and in one piece. When I finally did drift off again, she was there in my dreams.


	13. Fight or Not

_I'm not sure how I feel about this installment, I may re-write it, or I may not... Either way, there is more to come!!!_

Don't own them, not a medical expert either.

_Two months, 9 Days_

He had not seen Parker in over two weeks. His heart was aching, he missed his son so much, that there were times he felt as though he didn't want to survive the torture he was living. Angela and Jack had been in every day, whether he wanted them there or not, but it was Brennan he missed more than anything.

"I'm not going anywhere today. I feel like shit." He said to the nurse as she walked into his room, surprised to find him awake.

"Seeley, you are getting out of that bed. It's been two days since you've left it, and it isn't healthy for you to not be up and in your chair." She said harshly.

"I really don't feel good. Can't you get me a doctor?" He yelled at her.

"Fine, I'll get your doctor." She said as she stormed from his room.

Two days ago, he refused to leave his bed. Jack had even tried to reason with him, but nothing came of it, and now it seemed as though he was mentally shutting down. He'd refused to eat the night before, and had just lied there while Angela was in. She was worried, he didn't look good to her. It was as if he hadn't slept in days, his skin was more pale than she was used too, and he was the edgiest she'd seen him yet. She tried to talk to him, but the only words he'd spoken in the two hours she was there came out in angry screams at the poor nurse who'd tried to get him to eat. When she left, she tried Brennan's cell, but it went straight to voicemail.

"Seeley, what seems to be the problem." The doctor said, reading over his chart.

"I don't feel right. Something is wrong. I feel sick, and I feel like I'm fighting to breathe." He'd told him.

"Let's have a look." The doctor said pulling his stethescope from his neck.

Booth watched as the doctors expression changed after hearing his breathing. "Seeley, how long have you been feeling this way?"

"This bad since yesterday... Just worn out the day before that." Bones told him.

"Let's get you started on some antibiotics, and I'd like to have a chest x-ray done." He told Booth.

"Is it bad Doc?" He'd asked, secretly hoping this was it.

"I don't believe it's life threatening, but I'll know more after I see the films." Dr. King said before leaving.

Booth waited for a nurse to come back to take him for the x-ray and wondered if he should have them call anyone. But instead of the nurse it was Jack who came in first.

"Booth, why didn't you tell them you weren't feeling well?" Jack asked.

"What does it matter Hodgins, the two people I care most about, I've let slip away." He said trying to take a deep breath.

"Angela is picking Dr. Brennan up from the airport now, they'll be here in less than a half hour. Her plane was delayed or she would have been back yesterday. I spoke with Rebecca this morning and she was planning on bringing Parker in today too." Jack tried.

"Nice try Jack. I know Rebecca, and I know that she won't be bringing him anywhere unless I apologize myself. I know your just trying to get me to fight, but I'm done fighting." He said vehemently.

"You can believe what you want Booth, but I did speak with her, and that was what she told me. I don't know why your willing to give up so easily. Don't you think that there are people who need you? People who will suffer without you in their lives? Think about what you will do to your son if you give up. He'll never get to know his father? Is that what you want?" Hodgins yelled at him, as the nurse entered the room.

"Maybe it is Jack. Nothing could be worse than this." Booth told him.

"Seeley, it's time to go to x-ray. He should be back in less than an hour." She said, directing most of it to Jack.

"We'll be here Booth, waiting for you." Hodgins said as she wheeled him out.

Jack thought he'd seen his friend at his worst, but this was turning out to be even more unbearable.

"Angela slow down. Are you trying to get us killed." Brennan said as she held on for dear life.

"Honey, I don't think you understand, something is wrong with him. He's shut me and Hodgins out completely, and he isn't eating." Angela said, swerving the mini through the rehab parking lot.

"Why didn't you call me Ange?" Brennan asked her.

"At first I thought it was just something he was trying to work through, but then I really looked at him last night, and it was all wrong. I tried to call, but your phone was off." Angela said slamming the little car into park.

"I'm sure they have it under control Ange, if not I would have been contacted." Brennan said nearly running to catch up with her friend.

As they entered the building her heart began beating faster and faster at the feeling that something was wrong. She wasn't used to worrying this much about anyone other than herself and it was driving her to panic. She walked quickly trying to get to him as fast as she could without running, and when she turned into his room he was gone, only Hodgins sitting in the chair.

"What happened? Where is he?" She almost yelled, panic in her voice.

"They took him for a chest x-ray, but I haven't been able to get any information out of anyone." He said standing.

Angela and Hodgins watched as her face fell, they could see the pain she was in, as she collapsed in one of the chairs, and took a deep breath.

"I should have been here." was all she managed to get out as she saw them in the doorway with him.

His face was covered with an oxygen mask, and it sounded like he was whimpering. She was at his side within seconds of them bringing him back into the room. "I'm here Booth..." She said into his ear, realizing just how bad he looked.

"Dr. Brennan, I've been trying to reach you all morning, it seems that Seeley has a touch of pnuemonia. Luckily we caught it before it progressed. I've started him on antibiotics, and a breathing treatment, but my main concern is his inability to cough on his own. There is a good amount of fluid built up in his lungs, which concerns me, but I feel that in the next twenty four hours we should be able to control this, and prevent having to sedate him." Dr. King told her as he came and stood opposite her by his bed.

"Without the ability to cough, how will he be able to excavate the fluid from his lungs." She asked.

"I'll show you the process, due to his paralysis, the muscles in his chest and the surrounding area have been affected, as you know. In about an hour we will be using a suctioning process that will help to remove the fluid. For now though we should let him rest, it's come to my attention that he hasn't been sleeping well, or eating for that matter." The doctor told her.

"I'm aware of that. How effective will this suctioning process be?" Brennan asked him.

"Bones." Booth said weakly.

"I'm right here Booth. Just rest." She said tears welling up in her eyes.

"I'm tired." He said through the mask.

"I know Booth. You can sleep if you want." She told him, her hand stroking his forehead.

"No Bones. I'm tired of fighting..." He said breathing heavy.

"We're not fighting Booth, just try and get some rest." She tried.

"Seeley, you should rest, it is the best chance to fight the infection." Dr. King told him.

He angrily shut his eyes, knowing that they didn't understand what he was tired of fighting. It wasn't fighting to get better, it was fighting to survive this whole ordeal. He lay there silently praying for it to end, for his misery to be over.

He remembered her beside him, and was surprised to find Parker lying across his chest when he woke up.

"Hey little man." he said through the mask.

"Daddy." Parker said turning to his father.

"Easy Parker, don't push on his chest buddy." Brennan said.

"What did the doctor say Bones?" Booth asked her, feeling no better.

"They did one treatment already, but it's really just a waiting game right now Booth. Hang in there." She said smiling at him.

"Daddy, your going to get better right?" Parker asked innocently.

"I will Park. I will." Booth said weakly.

He'd never thought they'd be back, especially with what he'd put them through, but here they were, pulling for him. He watched as Parker sat up to watch the TV and he turned to her beside him.

"I'm sorry Bones." he said quietly.

"It's okay Booth. I'm here, and I'm not going anywhere." She assured him.


	14. What If Cherie?

I never realized how painful not moving around could actually be. It had been four months and a couple of weeks since I'd moved most of my body on my own, and now that I was able to feel most of my upper body I was in pain. The return of feeling had come pretty quickly after that first sign of it, yet the only things I felt below my belly button was sensation, like a hand on my leg, or hot or cold, it wasn't like the upper half of me yet. Control and pain were the biggest demons I was fighting now, with muscles that had shrunken, and were barely there. I could move my left arm, but not over my shoulder, and I could move my wrist and fingers on that hand, but I had no grip, no real control over any of it. I couldn't hold a cup, or use a fork normally, but I'd gotten rid of the sip and puff control on my chair and been upgraded to a joystick. Having been stuck in a body that wouldn't respond for so long was now turning into torture, I could feel every twist and turn that that the therapists would put my arms, hands and torso through. Four hours a day I was in therapy, and I was on the Lokomat for up to an hour a day now. My right side was a little behind, and being that it was my dominant side it was hard, learning to do things with my left. I was moving my bicep on the right some, but not as much as the left, and I still had a right hand that was permanently curled into a fist, stress ball or not. Never the less, I was in constant pain now, pain from therapy, pain when touched, pain all day long, from not being in shape, pain from lack of movement. I refused any type of pain reducers with the exception of over the counter tylenol. I liked being able to feel, even if it was pain.

I lie there as Anne pushed my legs to my chest wondering where Bones was at this very minute. It had been six days since she'd kissed me, six long days without seeing her face, six days of not knowing if she was okay.

"Seeley, does this hurt?" Anne asked.

"No, I feel your hands, and see you doing it, but I don't feel them moving at all." I said breathing heavily.

"You are panting, are you feeling okay?" She asked, a concerned look on her face.

"I think its my back stretching when you do this one." I answered, trying to scratch my nose, but missing twice in a row.

"If it's too much we can stop. Move on to something else." She offered.

"No. Keep going, it's fine." I said feeling some frustration.

"Still haven't heard anything have you?" She asked.

"Not yet. I'm just worried about her." I answered honestly.

"I'm sure she'll be fine Seel. Now lets work on your trunk." She said bringing my legs to rest hanging over the table.

I nodded, this was the most excruciating part of therapy. She would bring me to a sitting position, and then I would try and hold it, but my muscles were so weak, I struggled the whole time. It's a hard thing to know that not too long ago these were things you didn't think about doing, and now, you have to fight with your body to do even some of it. I'd been warned that it would be frustrating, and it was. I thought back to two months before, not able to even move anything but my head and a little of my shoulders and tried to get through it that way. I was fighting a body that didn't cooperate at best, and even then my mind was on Bones. I'd almost called Cullen yesterday, demanding an update, anything, but I knew that procedure meant that I would get no information, ex-FBI or not. Everyone was tense when they came to visit, you could see that not being in contact with her,and not knowing was taking its toll on all of us. Even Parker the night before had asked me if she was okay.

"Daddy, when is Dr. Bones coming back?" he asked, leaning back to look up at me.

"Soon little man, soon." I said, tired from the day, but trying to entertain him.

"Is she okay?" His small voice said.

"I think so bud. She'll be here soon, and at the lab. Don't worry Park. I wouldn't let anything happen to her." I tried to reassure him.

"But you're here and we don't know where she is?" He said, worry on his face.

"I know little man, but she's with someone who can keep her safe, and I know he will." I said, feeling the pain in my heart because it wasn't me she was with.

"Seeley, you alright?" Anne asked, pulling me away from re-living the conversation I'd had with my son the night before, as I collapsed back to the table, banging my head.

"Yeah, sorry I lost my concentration." I said, wishing I could rub the back of my head.

"Alright, we'll try again." She said pulling me back up.

It seemed that no matter how hard I tried, I was losing against my body. Anne had assured me that it was normal, but it didn't mean that it was less frustrating for me. The highlight of my day came when I sat for almost ten seconds unassisted, but it was only the beginning, I then was able to lift fifteen pounds with my left arm, graduating from the ten pounds I'd been used to. It was a small triumph, but I was willing to say that I'd won out over my body for once. At the end of my afternoon therapy I was happy to see Angela standing in the doorway watching, as the machine moved my legs over the treadmill, a wide smile on her face.

She whistled, much like I had done to her in the past. "Looking good Booth, really good."

"Thanks. Has Cam heard anything yet?" I asked, like I did everday.

"Nothing. But I have a surprise for you..." She said happily.

"What kind of surprise?" I asked, hoping with all of my being that Bones was here.

"Something to keep you busy." She said with a smirk.

"I'll be done in a few minutes, right guys?" I asked looking for a time check.

"Yeah six more minutes Seeley." John said turning to give Ange the once over.

"I'll be up in your room then. I'm going to make a quick call." She said before she turned to walk into the hall.

"She's hot man." John said.

"Yeah well, you know Jack, that's his fiance. Sorry about your luck man." I said laughing.

One of the biggest differences in being able to feel, was that I no longer was completely strapped into my chair, I'd been given this vest to wear, it was plastic, and made me feel like a turtle with a shell, but it supported me enough that I could sit with it and not fall out of my chair. There was a little more freedom to the joystick too. I could now talk and wheel at the same time, and while it was trying at times to get my hand around it, I felt more in control, even when my hand would slip off, or my arm would rebel against me. I found her sitting in a chair in my room when I got back and she was pulling things from her bag, setting them out on the table.

"So what's my surprise Ange?" I asked giving her a charming smile.

"Well, Caroline stopped in the lab today and wanted me to bring this to you. She wants you to consult on a case, cherie." Angela said.

"Really? She wants my help?" I asked, surprised.

"Booth, your a great investigator, why wouldn't she want your help?" Ange asked me.

"I just don't know how much I can do from in here Ange. Besides I don't have a computer, and even if I did, it's slow going with voice command software." I said bringing my hand up as though they didn't think this through.

"I already thought of that Booth. I have a laptop here, with the best software, and all the case files. Hodgins made sure this is going to be easy to use, since you aren't really great with computers. Take a look." She said smiling again.

I moved to the table and looked at the computer, and the files beside it and saw the name there. Wylo, Mark. I knew this case. Flashes of running through the woods with Bones popped into my head.

"He struck again?" I asked her.

"Yeah three weeks ago. Killed two kids in the Florida Keys. We've been working on the bodies at the lab for the last week." She said grimly.

I thought back to his first six killings, and the brutal way the bodies had been laid out for us. It took me weeks to get those images from my mind, and here they were in front of me again. We'd ID'd him after the fifth murder and somehow he escaped, killing an officer in the process. But he'd fallen off the grid, no intel on him whatsoever.

"Ange, this isn't the case she's working is it?" I asked her panic rising in my gut.

"I don't know Booth. But if it is, all the more reason to work this for Caroline." She answered to quickly.

"It is. Damn it. How could he send her out for this Angela." I said angrily.

"Booth, they are going to be fine. There are a total of seven agents and Bren out working undercover. She's going to be fine." She said, not able to hide the fear in her voice.

I couldn't believe of all the cases that came through the bureau everyday, this is the one she'd been assigned to. This guy was dangerous, and smart. He liked to play games with his victims first, and then he tortured and killed them, differently every time. She'd almost gotten taken from me last time, he outsmarted me and had her, but I found her just in time, bleeding and beaten in a ditch in the woods. My head was spinning at the thought of her out there, with this pyschopath, without me.

"If you know anything else Ange, you better tell me now. Anything?" I said fiercely.

"Booth if I knew more than Caroline told me I'd tell you, even Cam doesn't know this is the case she's on. Do you think the Jeffersonian would have allowed her to go if they did. Caroline came to me in confidence Booth." Ange said still looking worried.

"Why didn't she just come here herself?" I asked.

"Cullen doesn't know you have this." Angela said. "Caroline said she was doing you a favor, something about steamboats Cherie."

"Can you open the files from the last murders?" I asked.

"Everything from the files is on the computer, I've made a list of the file names for you so all you have to do is ask it to open the specific file and it's right there for you. Hodgins will be in later to tweak it to the noise in the room, but till then you should be able to work on it." She said, standing to go.

"Where are you going, you're not staying?" I asked.

"I am supposed to be at the lab Booth. No one knows I'm here but Hodgins and Caroline. Cam can't find out." She said nervously.

"Okay." I said turning back to the computer, as she left.

I pulled up all the files I needed, and searched the most current murders, looking for signs of anything I could find about how to get her out of this situation. Knowing she was out there, with this crazy, and the fact that Caroline had gone against everything to get me involved only gave me a bad feeling. So many thoughts ran through my mind as I went through all the documents in front of me. What if he already had her, what if Mack couldn't save her, what if she didn't come back to me.


	15. Mistakes made

Two Months, five days.

She'd sat with him for the last four days, she had even slept in a cot in his room for two of those nights. Slipping in and out of consciousness, Parker had been kept away since the first day he was sick, but Brennan stayed. She held a hand he could not feel, talked to his doctors, tried to make small talk with the nurses and therapists that shuffled in and out of his room at all hours of the day, she waited. All rationale had left her system when she came to the conclusion that he was farther away from her than he ever had been. She could be around the world, and still know that when she got back, he'd be there, waiting for her return, this last time though, physically he was there, but mentally he wasn't the same. When he was awake, which didn't usually last long, he was quiet, barely speaking at all, and that unnerved her, more than the yelling ever had. Four days had passed since she returned, but she felt as though she was still in mexico, alone. She sat reading a draft of her book, when finally breaking the silence that had filled his room, "Bones." He said weakly.

"Booth. How are you feeling?" She asked expectantly.

"Like I've been asleep for weeks..." He answered.

"Do you feel better? Is it easier to breathe?" She asked, waiting for his voice again.

"I'm sorry Bones. I didn't mean to hurt you..." he said, squeezing his eyes shut tight.

"You didn't hurt me Booth, what are you talking about?" She asked, not on the same page as he was.

"Before you left. What I said... I didn't mean it." He continued. "It's just hard for me to watch you watching me like this. It isn't supposed to be like this Bones."

"It's okay Booth. I know you didn't mean it." She told him.

"Seeley, how are you feeling today? I see your temperature has come down, seems the antibiotics are doing their job." Dr. King said, interrupting him.

"I've been better doc." Booth said, feigning humor.

"I know Seeley, this is just a minor setback." the doctor told him.

"A minor setback is breaking a shoelace doc." Booth said anger rising in him.

"Things will get better Seeley. You may not see that now, but they will." The doctor tried to reassure him.

Brennan, while hating that he was still so negative, was relishing in the fact that he was awake and talking. She sat quietly as the doctor checked him over, listening to his chest, and checking his vitals, watching as Booth cooperated his face changing. Even after he had left them alone Booth remained silent, only making her ears ache for the sound of his voice.

"Booth, do you know why I left?" She said her voice full of longing.

"Some old bones?" He said flatly.

"That was partly my reasoning, yes... I just didn't want to make it harder for you." She said softly.

"I can't blame you Bones. I don't. But maybe I was wrong to ask you to go. Maybe I need you more than I let on, more than I want to admit..." He said, wishing he could be holding her instead of being stuck in his useless body.

"You need me?" She said surprised at the words that came from him.

"Why do you sound so surprised Bones?" He said, hoping that he didn't go too far.

"I'm just not used to hearing you say things like that Booth." she said still stunned.

"All this time, I've been protecting you, working with you, trying to keep you safe, and now, that's gone. But you still come around, you still sit here with me. I just... I just don't want to lose that Bones. And I've said a lot of things, that I'm not proud of, that in my mind I knew would hurt you, and it wasn't fair of me. I am really sorry Tempe." He said, trying to keep his face from showing the emotion.

"Booth, I can't even begin to realize what you are going through, but I would never just up and leave. You're my partner, my friend. I... I..." She said, not ready to say the words in her heart.

After her inability to say what she was feeling, and his over share, he stayed quiet. That's how they remained until Parker came bounding into his room, almost two hours later.

"Hey little man." Booth said, clearing his throat.

"Hi Bones, Hi Dad." He said, taking the chair beside Bones.

"How was school today Parker?" Bones asked him, glad for the break in the silence.

"Boring... it was a reading day, I hate reading to the class." He said in a huff.

"Parker reading is fun, why don't you like it?" Bones asked him, watching him fidget in his chair.

"Park, buddy, stop fidgeting." Booth said watching his son.

"I'm not fast enough Bones. Daddy tell her, I still have to sound out words, and I'm too slow." Parker said looking defeated.

"Booth, is that true? Have you been working with phonics? Flashcards?" Brennan asked him.

"I don't know Bones, whatever the teacher sends home with him, Rebecca handles most of that. They said he wasn't behind." Booth said wondering why she was so interested.

"Parker, we'll work together and it will be fun." Bones said to him, mentally going over what she needed to help him.

"Dad do I have to?" Parker asked.

"She is pretty smart buddy, I'd listen to her." Booth said to his son.

"Okay." He whined tapping his shoe on the chair leg.

"Once a week Parker, we'll work for one hour, your dad can help too." She said excitedly.

"That's it, once a week? Really?" Parker said perking up.

"If that's what she says little man, she's the expert remember." Booth said, his eyes feeling heavy.

"Are you still tired dad? You've been sleeping for days?" Parker asked.

"You know when your sick, well it makes you tired, because your body has to work extra hard to make you better. My body is just trying to get better buddy. Where's your mother?" Booth asked.

"She's in the hall, I can get her if you want..." Parker said standing.

"How about you and I go get some ice cream, and your mom and dad can talk while we are gone." Brennan asked the little boy.

"Bones you don't have to do that." Booth tried but they were already on their way out.

"Mommy, daddy wants to talk to you... Bones is taking me for ice cream!" he said joyfully.

"Don't be too long Parker, and try to eat it instead of wearing it, okay?" Rebecca told him.

She walked slowly into his room, having not set foot inside in weeks after his outburst that kept her away.

"How are you feeling Seel?" She asked, moving closer to him.

"I've been better Becs. I'm sorry." He said his voice quiet.

"Listen Seeley, I know this is tough for you, it hurts me too, to see you like this, but Parker needs you, despite what you might think, or feel. When I got the call from Dr. Brennan a few days ago, asking for me to bring him here, it took everything in my power to stay away. Your my son's father, do you know what it's like to see him trying to be like you everyday? Sure he loves me, but he's you, in child form. He's stubborn, he's outgoing, he's wild, he's anxious, he's everything you are and more. Without you Seeley, that will change, he won't be the same kid I love. If there is any reason why you should fight this through, it's him Seeley. That kid who doesn't care if you can do anything with him, just cares to be in the room with you, that should be reason enough. We have our differences, and that won't change, and I've decided you can berate me all you want, as long as he isn't in the room, as long as he still has you. I won't keep him from you, but remember that he wants to be with you, if you push him away he doesn't understand why... " She said near tears.

"Rebecca, I was wrong to act the way I did. Say the things I said, You know that sometimes I get out of control, and that was one of those times. It was unfair of me to expect you to tolerate it. I'm sorry. I really am. I can't believe that because of my stubborness I missed out on those three weeks of his life. He is my everything you know that. I won't make that mistake twice. I won't." Booth said a single tear rolling down his cheek.

She didn't say anything to counter his apology, and he was grateful. As he watched her take his hand, there was a part of him that wondered how differently things would have turned out if she had let him be in her life. Maybe none of this would have happened, but then again, he wouldn't have met Bones, and the squints either. Thinking of all the things he would have missed he drifted off to sleep, to dreams of Bones and Parker.


	16. Is it Enough?

Two and a half hours I looked through files, trying to come up with something, anything that I could use to keep her safe. Almost a year ago I'd been through these files, but now there was a new set of murders, and now Bones was out there without me. I silently thanked god that Parker wasn't here on thursdays, or I wouldn't be able to focus on this. Looking at the time in the corner of the screen, and realizing I hadn't eaten, I struggled to get my hand over the joystick on my chair to try and scrounge something to eat. I wasn't to the elevator when I heard Hodgins yell my name. "Booth."

"Hey Jack." I said, my mind still going over the information I'd gone through.

"I brought snacks." He said holding up a bag.

"Please tell me there's wonton soup?" I said, dying for chinese.

"Have I let you down yet man?" He said as we made our way back to my room.

I watched as he unpacked the bag, pulling out the soup, eggrolls, and two containers of fried rice. The smell was so intense, I wished I could just shovel it all into my mouth, but as I had become accustomed, someone else would be doing the shoveling.

Even as the food settled something wasn't right, there was something missing in the files I had. I couldn't place exactly what it was, and as Jack continued to chat about the program and how it worked, my mind was searching for the missing piece. "Hodgins... can you stop talking for a minute?" I asked him.

"What is it, man?" He asked looking at me concerned.

"There's something missing from these files, I know it isn't there, but I can't remember what it is. Is there any way you could go through the case files at the lab? Maybe she wrote it in her notes. Ugh." I said feeling more frustrated than ever before.

"I can try. She's pretty good at encrypting her passwords Booth. But I'll see what I can do. Is there anything else you need from the lab?" He asked.

"No just see if you can bring me her copy of the case files and get back here tonight. Parker will be here tomorrow and I won't be able to do this with him here. Besides the longer she's gone the more at risk she becomes. This guy is dangerous Jack." I said, urgency evident in my voice.

"I know man, it doesn't feel like it does when she was out with you. This is different." He said gathering his bag and keys.

"Just get back here." I said angrily.

I didn't want to talk about how different it was, I just wanted to get her back to me. I filtered through the new files again looking for something I may have missed. The baseball game was on in the background as I continued, and even though the phillies were winning, I barely noticed it. I had a gut feeling that Bones was in trouble. Caroline had to know something to even let me look at these files without Cullen's approval, so I could only imagine the trouble she was in. Best case scenario was that they had been made, worst case was that Wylo had her and Mack. They would have used them for bait, and the other undercover agents would be there to swoop in and pull them out. But did they know the case like I did? No. There was no room for underestimating this guy, he had nothing to lose. My stomach was churning when the nurse came in to get me back in bed and I tried the charming smile, the pleading to let me be, but ten minutes later I was in my bed.

"C'mon Janet, you don't understand I have work I have to do." I said flashing the smile again.

"Seeley, you need to rest. You've been at this since you were done with therapy. It will still be there in the morning I promise." She said before leaving me, the laptop was still across the room.

"Yeah, but she might not be." I said after she was gone.

I had little strength in my arms, and had I been thinking clearly I would never have attempted to do what I was about to do. Slowly, unsteadily I began inching my way to the edge of the bed, not an easy feat when you can barely move at all. Moving all of three inches I was sweating heavily and out of breath. I didn't quite know how to get into my chair, or how I wasn't going to kill myself in the process. As fear and determination rose up inside me I tried to move my legs off the bed, and I succeeded with the right leg, and then the left, I didn't realize how much weight was then hanging over the side of the bed. Without the brace around my mid section I had no support but my left arm, and barely there right one, and as I quickly found out it wasn't a good thing. In a flash I went from half sitting on the bed to the floor with a thud, landing face first on the tile. I lie there for a few minutes, wondering if anyone heard me crash, but when no one surfaced, I got angry. Where was Hodgins I thought as I stewed there on the floor. Trying to come up with a new plan of action as the anger bubbled inside me I managed to get my left arm out from underneath my body and pushed up a few inches with it before it gave out and I crashed back down. Cursing under my breath I knew I'd have bruises on my face in the morning, and when I became so enraged I tried again, this time it was like something clicked. I pushed up to a sitting position, weakly, but I'd done it. I thought about holding it like Anne had said in therapy, and to my surprise it worked. I was sitting unassisted for the first time and no one was there to see it. It didn't last long though before I was falling to the right, and just before I fell I felt hands on me. Looking up to see Jack above me, trying to lift me back in bed, I yelled.

"Damnit Jack. I have to keep working this. The nurse wouldn't even bring the laptop to me." I snarled.

"How long were you on the floor Booth? And how did you get down there?" He asked maneuvering me back into bed.

"I don't know, awhile? Did you get the files?" I asked.

"I did, but you need to have a nurse check you out. What if you got hurt? You wouldn't even know it." He said.

I wasn't hurt, well that was a lie, my pride was crushed, but it was the least of my worries. "I'm fine Jack." I said swatting at him with my weak left arm.

"Alright, let me load these on there for you and then I have to book. One of those nurses catches me in here and you won't be allowed visitors. Just wait till they see you in the morning. Looks like you were in a fight." He said carrying the laptop to me.

"Doesn't matter does it? This is what matters Jack. Getting her through this." I said waiting as he uploaded the files.

A million different scenarios filled my head, even with the throbbing in my face, I had to concentrate, I had to find the piece they didn't have and figure it out. They were six days into this and if they were going in blind to the missing information, they wouldn't last another six. Even if I did come up with something, how would they even be reached, I tried to push that thought from my mind, I'd find a way.

"Ready to go Booth. All of her files from the case are marked with a red tag, the others are color coded blue. I've added a chat program, you can directly link to either me or Angie if you get something, and then she'll get it to Caroline. Message me if you need anything else." he said pointing to the picture of them on the desktop.

"Thanks." I said before he stepped out of the room.

Three hours into her files and god she was thorough. Every small detail, everything neatly displayed right there for me, and I still couldn't find what I was looking for. Then after three am, I found it, two species of larvae that had not been in the other files. The species hadn't been from our crime scene, but had been found on one of the victims. They had never been entered into evidence because it was never suspected that they had come from the suspect. Immediately I opened the chat program and messaged Jack.

_Booth: Hodgins?_

_Jack: Did you find something Booth?_

_Booth: The larvae? That you found on the third vic, where did it come from?_

_Jack: It should be in her notes._

_Booth: I can't find it in here... Damn it Hodgins. _

_Jack: Hold on, what file is it. I'll look here._

_  
Booth: _

_Jack: Give me minute..._

I waited for his reply, hoping that he could find it. I was definitely feeling the effects from my fall earlier, my face throbbing, and it felt like ants were marching across my brain.

_Jack: It's from louisiana. South east region, I can find more specifics at the lab in the morning. _

_Booth: Tell Caroline that they should be looking near the brother, he's moving the vics to another location for us to find them, but he tortures them there. This information has to be relayed to the undercover team. If he has them already, we are running out of time. Hodgins, they are looking in the wrong place, opening them up to his game. I'd look in a heavily populated area, I doubt he'd isolate himself in an abandoned building or warehouse, he enjoys the thrill of doing this where he could be caught, seen. It's a game to him, and in getting away with it, he wins. How could we have missed that Jack? _

_Jack: Angie is calling Caroline right now. _

_Booth: She's going to be pissed. _

_Jack: Yeah I can hear her through the phone man. _

_Booth: Tell her to come by in the morning._

_Jack: Her exact words, and I quote "Waking me up in the middle of the night sugar? And you expect me to go out there and sit with him Cherie? There ain't enough steamboats." I bet she's there at seven._

_Booth: Yeah she'll be here. Thanks again Hodgins._

_Jack: Maybe one day you'll remember this and explain her fascination with steamboats to me... night Booth._

_Booth: See you tomorrow._

I weakly pushed the table away from me, after closing the laptop clumsily. Thinking back to earlier when I'd sat unassisted I wished Bones had been there, or anyone for that matter. I could only imagine what my face must look like and I'd have a few very confused nurses in the morning, but it was worth it. I needed her in my life, no matter how much I outwardly denied it.


	17. Things left said

Sorry for the delay, RL has been insane, and keeping me from my outlet...

Thanks for the reviews, and again, I don't own them!!!

Two months earlier.

He'd spent days in and out of consciousness the last week or so, but it didn't matter who entered his room, they were sure to find two things at all times, a small plastic pig on his bedside table, and a thin woman, reading, or typing away in a chair as close to his bed as possible. The nurses who were romantics talked about the woman, and how she rarely left his side while he was sick, and fantasized about her love for him, and the others that wandered in and out of his room. No other patient at the rehab facility had this many visitors, this many people to care for them. Some of them knew his background, FBI, Military, but there had been no ring on his finger or hers, and that surprised them. They saw the looks exchanged, the tender way she touched him, but never heard the words I love you uttered between them. Talk that they had been partners was common, but anyone could see that it was more than that. Anne had taken note that when the woman was around, he was different. At first it seemed that he didn't want her there, even though she could see the sadness in his eyes when she left, but now, he was in better spirits with her there. His situation was not an easy one at all, and it was expected for him to be angry, unhappy and morbid at best, and this woman, his "partner" had stayed through it all, like a champ.

As Anne manipulated his body, she sat, not watching as the therapist did her work. Brennan knew why she did the specific movements, what effect it had on his body, but she didn't know what it was like to be in his position. So helpless, so unable. Everyday was different with him now, somedays there were brief smiles, others yelling, and others complete silence. The last few days had been the silent ones, where she longed to hear his voice, listen to his mindless pop culture references, hear his laugh. It had been so long since he'd laughed, she thought silently, her mind far from the manuscript in front of her. Most days she would stay here with him, unless needed at the jeffersonian for something important, but Cam had been understanding with the situation. They all had. Sometimes her rational side would kick into high gear and she would wonder how long she could spend her days like this, not fulfilling her obligations, holing up here to be near him. At what end she thought, would it be like this forever, would he get better, would she get another partner. Thoughts filled her mind as the therapist interrupted them. "Dr. Brennan, you've been here for three days straight, I think he's out of the woods enough for you to take a break. I'll sit with him if you like. Go home, relax a bit." Anne said.

"It's fine Anne, I want to be here when he wakes, and I'll head home for awhile later. Thank you though." Brennan said firmly.

"How long have you been partners?" Anne asked.

"A little over four years. He is.. was the best agent I've ever known." Brennan said, sliding her papers onto the table.

"That's what I've heard. It must be rough on him. I can see that he was very active before." She said softly.

"Quite. I may have a photo here somewhere. Hold on." Brennan said digging through her purse for a photo of the two of them Angela had taken at a crime scene months ago. "Here." she added pausing a moment to look at them on the glossy paper before handing it off to the therapist.

"Wow. He's lost a lot more than I concluded. Seems he was what 195, solid muscle though right. Which accounts for the weight loss he's undergone. Very handsome too." She said, looking from the photo to the patient, he was gorgeous, still was she thought.

"He is a very attractive man, but there is more to him than that. He's funny, smart, intuitive, protective, caring, I could go on, but you understand." Brennan said, catching herself in memories.

"He'll get better Dr. Brennan. It's all there waiting for him to be ready, that's all." Anne said.

"If anyone would it would be him Anne. He's the strongest person I know, and I don't just mean physically. It's just hard for him to not be the alpha male." Brennan said with a smile, taking the photo back from Anne.

"He's lucky to have you in his life Dr. Brennan." Anne said.

"We're just partners... were." Brennan spit out a little too quickly, glancing down to the photo.

"Even still, it's always nice to know that you have someone who will always be there for you." Anne said laying his leg back on the bed.

Brennan thought about what the young therapist had said "always be there for you" over and over again for quite some time, as she stared at the picture of them, in which he'd grabbed her around the waist, knowing that Angela was taking the picture. Moments before he'd nodded his head to signal her to look, and even though she did not condone such ridiculous behavior at a crime scene, she liked the way his arm felt across her back, his hand pulling her into him. The grin on his face as the shutter closed was incredible, and even as she examined herself in the picture, she noticed the happiness across her own face. How had she been so blind to the fact that they were more than just partners, he was her best friend. How had this man broken down all her walls so easily, trudging his way into her heart. Even when she was angry with him, he found ways around it. Now as he lay next to her she hoped that he would be okay, that he could find a way around this.

"Bones..." He said weakly, turning to look at her profile.

"I'm here Booth." She said on auto pilot, still mesmerized looking at the photo in her hand.

"Earth to Bones... what are you looking at?" he asked, finding that she seemed lost.

"Oh, nothing. Just a photograph of us." She said holding it so he could see it.

"I've never seen that before Bones..." He said mentally cringing seeing his hand around her.

"I'll make you a copy. Do you remember the day Angela took this? I was so irritated that you were willing to give in to such foolishness at a crime scene. Looking back though, we look happy." She said.

"C'mon Bones, your getting soft on me." He said sarcastically.

"No, I mean it. Happy to just be doing our jobs, working to put the bad guys away." She said leaving out the part of how happy she was with his arm around her.

"You think that's all that made me happy, putting bad guys away, solving crimes?" he said firmly.

"No, Booth, I know those aren't the only things that make you happy. But to see it caught so clearly in this image, I've never seen it before today, just how right things were." She said softly.

"Everything was perfect then Bones. Now though, I've gone and ruined it." He said scoffing.

"How can you think that you've ruined anything Booth? Nothing is ruined. Just put on hold for now." She tried

He thought for a while before answering her, wondering if she'd finally realized how he felt about her, but then decided that she'd never realize it. "Bones, that was just a day, eons ago now, things change, they come and go, don't get caught up in something so trivial as that photograph. It's not your nature."

"Booth, what are you talking about?" She wondered where that had come from.

"Since when did you become a sentimentalist Bones. I'm just saying that what you see in that picture now, doesn't mean that's what the reality was then. Looks can be deceiving. We may look happy in that picture, but the minute that moment was over we went back to exhuming a body from a shallow grave, the happiness you see was gone before it ever had a chance." he said flippantly.

"Your very insightful today Booth, but how do you know that it was over before it had a chance? Who are you to decide if I was happy or not?" She said accusingly.

"Because I was there Bones. I was always there, even if you didn't want me to be." He said angrily.

"It still doesn't give you the right to make assumptions about my feelings. Just because I don't wear my heart on my sleeve the way you do, doesn't mean I don't have a heart, or that I don't recognize the things you've done for me..." She said a little hurt by his statement.

"I didn't mean that you don't appreciate the things I've done Bones, just that through the hard times you don't always let on that it matters whether I'm there or not." He tried to make a point.

"It's always mattered Booth. Sometimes a little too much." She said before she could stop herself.

"Let's not do this Bones. I don't want to have this conversation here okay." He said, afraid that he wouldn't be able to control his emotions.

"Fine." She said.

"Fine. Good." He shot back.

They remained silent, watching a movie on the TV. When she thought he was asleep, she gathered her things to leave, but she didn't put the photo back in her bag, instead she left it on the table, propped up on Jasper. "I miss days like that Booth. I wish I could just tell you that, but I can't, something inside me just isn't ready yet." She whispered unaware that he heard every word.


	18. All I Can Say

I woke to a sharp poke on my arm, not surprised to see Caroline Julian's finger retreating from my arm at all. Looking at the clock, sure enough it was seven am.

"Listen Cherie, and listen good. I've done some dumb things in my time, but this by far is the dumbest. I've put my career on the line for you again, because I know what that squint means to you. Now I'll tell you this, and if you so much as make a move for that phone I'll break your arm cherie. She's gone off grid, Mack too. Three days into the undercover they disappeared, no trace, nothing. Cullen is not happy, everyone is on edge Booth. Whatever they were thinking sending her in there like that I don't know, but mind you, she's smart, and Mack is a good agent, they'll get out of this. No, I'm not finished. The intel you provided early this morning has been sent on to the remaining agents down there and they've been on the road for the last three hours. How anyone could have missed that is beyond me, that's why I got you involved, I knew you'd find something we could use to get your girl back. Don't even think about trying anything else, they'll find her and get her out, Mack too. I know you and I know how that smile of yours is dangerous when you flash it to get what you want, but this time, you need to let someone else handle it. There is nothing more you can do, and even though you're gonna start spewing about how if you could talk to the agents involved you could do this or that, I won't allow it Cherie. I'll have every line of communication you have access too cut off, I'll post a guard at your door and none of them squints will be allowed in here either. So don't try anything Booth. I'll be in touch cherie." She said turning to leave.

"Miss Julian?" I said, my voice still hoarse from sleep.

"What now Cherie?" She said turning in the doorway.

"Thank you." I said honestly.

"I forsee many steamboats ahead." She said walking out of my line of sight.

She's missing, I thought repeatedly in my head, how could this have been allowed to happen. Squeezing my eyes shut tight I tried to tell myself that this was just a dream, that she'd walk through that doorway in just a few hours. Unfortunately for me, I wasn't able to convince myself that that was the case. Four months ago I'd be pacing the floors with worry, trying to get the energy out of my system, hell four months ago this would never have happened. I tightened my left hand into a fist, just about to punch something within reach when I felt the bed shaking. I opened my eyes, to find my right leg bouncing around, instinctively I reached down with my left arm and sure enough it was my leg moving. Not sure what was going on, I reached back up and hit the call button.

"Seeley is everything all right?" Jenna said entering in a hurry.

"What's going on? Why is my leg doing that?" I asked, semi-panicked.

"It's a spasm Seel. It happens when your nerves get mixed signals from your brain, it causes the muscles to spasm. Are you in pain? Where did those bruises come from?" She asked.

"No pain, I just, I didn't know what was happening. Is that normal?" I asked her.

"I assure you it is, but we should let the doctor check you out in any case. What about the bruises? I'll call him." She said before leaving.

"I fell out of bed last night... Jack lifted me back in. I'm fine." I said, nearly forgetting about the stunt I tried to pull the night before.

After the movement ceased, I lay my head back, picturing her face in my mind. I wanted to leap from this damn bed and get to her, but I knew that I couldn't. I don't know what was more frustrating, that she'd gone, or that I couldn't help her. I could feel the stress rising in me, the need to protect her, the need to hear her voice growing stronger by the second. I'd never felt so helpless in my whole life, never.

"Seeley? Are you awake?" I heard Dr. King's voice.

"Yeah, I'm awake. So what do you think doc?" I asked.

"This is a normal reaction, your brain is trying to send signals to your legs, and because of the confusion around your injury they are getting mixed up, it's nothing to worry about Seeley. If there was pain involved then I would be more concerned, but for now this is good." He told me.

"Thanks, it was strange to see it moving. I guess I just panicked." I said, my mind not present in the conversation.

"Can you get me ready for the day Jenna?" I asked after Dr. King had left.

"Sure Seel. You alright, you seem tense today." She said moving to the drawers.

"I got some bad news last night is all. But I'm fine." I said lifting my right arm as far as I could.

"Seeley, that's the highest you've lifted that arm so far. Your coming along pretty well wouldn't you say. Pretty soon you'll be out of here." She made small talk while she leaned me forward to lay the vest behind me.

Easily, I lay myself back using my own muscles this time, surprising her. "Not soon enough." I blurted out.

"Don't seem to fine to me Seel. Is it about your doctor bones? She hasn't been in for a while." She said pulling the track pants over my legs.

"I can't really talk about it Jenna. But that's part of it." I said, wincing at her cold hands on my arms.

"She'll be back Seeley. I don't know how anyone could stay away from you too long. Your a good guy, little bit of a temper, but your one of the good ones." She said winking at me.

I could feel my cheeks redden at her statement, it wasn't like I never flirted with her before, but it was awkward now. I loved Bones, she was all I thought about besides Parker these days and it felt like I was doing her wrong to flirt now, so I remained quiet. After she had me dressed and ready for therapy I waited to be transferred into my chair. I'd put on more weight in the last two weeks and it had become more difficult for her to lift me by herself. Even in the last twenty four hours I'd progressed so much more than I ever believed possible after I got hurt. On one hand I couldn't wait for Parker to get here today, but on the other, I didn't want to have to answer his question about Bones. Everyday he'd been in he asked about her, when was she coming back, was she okay, he was very much like me in that way. He picked up on so much, I'm sure that when he was at the lab for his class yesterday he knew something was wrong. The squints weren't good at hiding their concern for her, and I worried what state he would be in when he got here.

"Seeley, starting to bulk up I see." John said walking into my room.

"Trying to." I said as he lifted me, and set me into my chair.

I pushed his hand away when he tried to do the strap at my waist, I wanted to do it myself. "Let me try it man." I said as I pulled it across my lap, then fumbled with threading it through the opening. Finally I managed to get it through and pulled it tighter, until it was where it should be, then smoothed the velcro out.

"I give you a week before you're getting in and out of that bed by yourself man. Never thought it would happen did you?" He asked.

"Honestly no. Not in the beginning John." I answered taking the stress ball from my right hand.

"It's gonna meet the other side Seeley. Sometimes it happens this way, others it doesn't." He said seeing my frustration at my still balled up hand.

"Even when it does, I don't know if I'll ever shoot a gun from this hand." I stated blankly as he disappeared into the hall.

Just before I left the room I noticed something different on the table, there was an envelope there with my name on it. I maneuvered my chair closer, inspecting it wondering who would have left it for me, and how I didn't notice it there before. As I got closer I recognized Angela's handwriting. I opened the envelope slowly, just in case it was a trick, but I was surprised to see the contents when they came spilling out onto the table. There were about thirty photographs, all from the night we went to the science center with Parker. His smiling face was staring back at me in a lot of them, but some of the best ones were of him and Bones. Hair all crazy static causing them to laugh. I as gently as I could slid them across to see more, Bones touching my face, a little shaving cream on her finger, Parker with a wide cheesy grin shaving cream all over his face, a picture of just Bones and I, her hand on my shoulder. There was even one of Parker curled up in my lap, upon exiting the center, he'd been so worn out I thought. The last one I looked at was of Bones Parker and I, they were leaned in close to me at the diner. His little hand was on my shoulder and hers was on my neck. We looked like we belonged together, the three of us, it was so close to perfect. I sat for a moment and prayed silently that we'd get more times like that, that she would be okay, that she wasn't hurting, or scared right now. It was all I could do, and I hated it. Mentally berating myself for ever landing in this position I had a flash of that day. Up until the time I was stabbed I could remember everything clearly, but after that, there was nothing, like a big black hole until I woke up. But the flash in my memory was so sharp, so clear, like I could just reach out and touch her face pressed against the ground next to mine. Her clear eyes were staring right into mine, full of panic, "stay with me Booth, just stay with me." she'd said. I shuttered at the thought of what that must have been like for her, knowing how badly I was injured because of her intelligence, yet she was so calm in the memory, even though I could see the panic in her eyes. I shook the memory from my mind, and left the photos on the table. I needed to let off some steam, to get some of this nervous energy out of my system, so I headed down to therapy.

Anne had been impressed that I could now sit un-assited for over five minutes, also that I'd gained another two pounds. "Seeley, I told you this was the real deal. Where did you get these bruises, is there a late night fight club that I don't know about?" She said questioningly.

"Let's just say I had a little run in with the floor last night." I told her vaguely.

"How Seeley?" She asked.

"I couldn't sleep, I tried to get out of bed, into my chair, but well, I missed. The fear of falling took a back seat to something else, and I just slowly made my way to the edge, and then it was too late, I couldn't get back in if I tried, and before I knew it, I was face down on the floor Anne. I won't be trying that stunt again though, don't worry." I said, realizing how stupid I'd been for trying it.

"Seel, you could have been really hurt. What if you'd broken a rib or worse? All the progress we've made would have been put on hold." She said with worry on her face as she extended my leg.

"I know, I know. It was stupid. I'm just tired of being at someone else's mercy Anne. It's frustrating." I answered quietly.

"But your getting there, faster than even I thought you would...if it continues like this, I'll be seeing you through out patient in two weeks." She said with a smile.

"What do you mean out patient?" I asked.

"As soon as your able to transfer in and out of your chair by yourself, you're outta here! Everything we've been teaching you, how to do things on your own, well, you're ready. You'll only be coming here four days a week, two hours a day." She said waiting for my response.

"But how could I, I mean live on my own? Like this?" I asked, fear rising at the thought.

"Relax Seeley. You'll be fine. You were only supposed to be here for two months, and by my estimation that time is just about up. Things will be different, but you'll adjust, just think how nice it will be to go out and do things with your son, or just hang out at your own place. You might not think your ready, but you are, deep down, you know that too." She said, rotating my right arm.

"What about this arm Anne, I can't push my own chair yet, I can barely use it..." I tried.

"It's stronger today than yesterday right? Just wait till next week. Your hand however concerns me, but you will be able to push even with out that hand Seeley. You'll find a lot of ways around using it, trust me." She said, pulling at fingers I still couldn't feel.

I watched her stretching each of my fingers, even with the stress ball nearly twenty four hours a day, it still automatically retracted into a fist as soon as she let go. "Why does it do that?" I asked.

"For some reason the muscles on your right side are more constricted, from disuse. It happens sometimes. When the feeling returns there I think we'll have more success at correcting the damage." She explained.

"I'm a righty too. Why couldn't it be the left side." I tried to make light of it.

"Can't always get what we want can we?" She said laughing. "Now you'll be ambidextrous. Besides, I thought all FBI agents could shoot with both hands?"

"Yeah we can. But I can't write with that hand, not legibly anyways." I said frowning.

Just as she was finishing up with me Jack arrived. "Hey Jack." She said.

"Hello Anne, how's our guy today?" He asked nodding to me, noticing the bruise on my left cheek.

"Seems a little tired, and distracted. Other than that he's gained two more pounds, and sat by himself today for over five minutes." She spouted.

"And, he's right here..." I said in mock anger.

"Easy tiger. Are you ready to get up and moving?" She said, looking from me to the Lokomat.

"As always, I'm at your disposal." I joked as she lifted me to sit.

"So did she come by?" Jack asked me.

"I promised that I wouldn't talk about it, or try to do anything about it Jack. She's very good at threatening." I said raising my eyebrows.

"Yeah Ange got the speech too. What time does Parker get here today?" He asked changing the subject.

"He has little league practice then Rebecca should be dropping him off around five, why?" I asked.

"Just wondering. He was a little off yesterday at the lab. Probably just picking up the we miss Brennan vibe." Jack said.

"I was wondering about that. Dreading it actually. I hate lying to him and having to tell him that she's okay when I don't even know... he's gotten so close with her these last few months you know." I said as John carried me to the table to be strapped into the lokomat.

"I know man. But she'll be fine. She's tough, and she's learned about undercover work from the best." he said, trying to lift my spirits some.

"Ha, the best, not like this Hodgins." I said before I could stop myself.

"Everything is going to work out Booth." He said.

"I hope so. I can't imagine my life without her Jack. I just can't. I even miss her bad jokes." I said as they got me standing, and a small wave of nausea went through me.

"None of us can Seeley." he added before they turned on the machine.

He sat and yelled with me for an hour while the machine walked for me, and then as we were going to eat lunch his phone rang. "Yeah I'll be right there. Angie, calm down." He said looking upset.

"What's wrong, is it Bones? Hodgins." I said needing to know what was going on.

"I don't know Booth. She wouldn't say, but something is wrong, she's near hysterical. I'll call as soon as I find out, but I have to go now." He answered me.

"Hodgins. The minute you know anything." I yelled after him, my stomach turning.

I ate little of my lunch, thinking only of what could be happening and all through the afternoon during therapy my mind was a mess. He still hadn't called and Parker would be coming in less than an hour. Why hadn't he called? What was so bad that Angela was hysterical. I needed answers, but who could I call to get them, I thought. When I was back in my room I took my cell from the table and staring at the picture of us, I told it to call Cam.

"Seeley, I can't tell you anything." She answered before I could even say a word.

"What's going on Cam? Where is she?" I nearly yelled into the phone.

"Seeley, I don't even know that information. If I did I'd tell you. The only thing I can say is that a woman's body was found in norther florida this morning matching her description. It's on it's way here as we speak, but that's it Booth. It might not be her Seeley. Don't jump to conclusions." She said her words unsteady.

"Cam... how can I not jump to conclusions, how closely does it match?" I asked, trying not to break down.

"It's close Booth. That's all we know. I'll call you when the body gets here. I have to go." She said trying to get me off the phone.

"Don't do that to me Cam. Don't tell me that and then hurry me off the phone. What type of jewelry was with the body?" I asked, knowing that she'd have my tags with her, no matter what.

"I don't know Booth. I'll keep you informed, but that's the best I can do. Miss Julian just got here, I have to go." She said in a hurry.

"That better not be Seeley Booth on the other end of that phone Cherie." I heard in the background before the line went dead.

Thousands of scenario's were running through my mind when Parker arrived, just after five running into the room.

"Hey Dad." He said stopping to drop his bag by the chair.

"Hey little man." I said putting on a brave face for him.

"Is Dr. Bones back yet dad?" He asked, not missing a beat.

"Come here Parker, climb up." I said, waiting for him to do so.

I hugged my son for the first time in months, managing to get both arms around him too. "She's not back yet Park." I said, pulling him in tighter, trying not to let on that something was wrong.

"Jeez dad. She needs to come back soon, all the squunts are moping around." He said not moving to break the hug.

"It's squints buddy. Squints. Told you it wouldn't be long before I could hug you didn't I?" I said changing the conversation.

"I knew you would dad. You can do anything." he said as though I could.

Anything but save her, I thought to myself as he jumped down.

_Sorry for the cliffhanger!!! More to come!!_


	19. Knowing

One month, twenty five days earlier.

Jared had come in a few times to see his brother but it seemed that each time his presence only infuriated the elder Booth. Brennan and Angela had witnessed such a scene just after he entered the rehab facility. As they approached his room, they could hear Jared's voice trying to overpower the familiar one of Booth.

"Seeley, I'm just saying that I don't believe that you willing to give up on this." Jared had yelled.

"What would you know about fighting Jared, everything you've ever done or accomplished was because I was there fighting for you, most times fighting against you." Booth had yelled back.

"I give up Seeley. Fight for that." Jared yelled, passing Angela and Brennan without a word before leaving his brothers room.

Watching his brother lie there, so helpless, he thought of the fights they'd had, the times that Seeley had straightened him out, or at least tried to. This was something he wasn't used too, this quiet person that was disguised as Seeley. He didn't know how to handle this situation, it was always Seeley coming to his rescue, it wasn't supposed to be like this. Waiting for him to notice that he was seated beside the bed, Jared prayed that Seeley would survive this, even though he was out of the woods for now, there had been no change in his condition, he still couldn't move anything below his shoulders. He watched his brothers face harden in his sleep, a bad dream he imagined. What could be worse than this he thought to himself as Booth's eyes began to open. Only a few moments went by before the elder Booth knew he wasn't alone in the room. "Hey." He said, voice still raspy from sleep.

"Feeling better Seeley?" Jared asked.

"At least I feel like I can breathe again." He offered. "Can you raise the bed a little."

"How much?" Jared asked, looking nervous, his brother hadn't asked him for anything since he had been hurt.

"Right there, thanks." Seeley said stopping him when he was about forty five degrees up.

"Did you catch the Pitt WV game?" Jared said, trying to make conversation.

"Yep, fortunately for me, I catch a lot of the games now. Damnit." He said scoffing.

"What's wrong Seeley?" He asked.

"I'm sliding down. Press the red button, but don't hold it down." Seeley said agrivated.

Jared watched as something as simple as propping yourself up in bed was done for his brother by someone else. He hadn't seen his brother out of bed for three months, he hadn't seen much of what went on in his life now, and every movement the nurse made for him caused Jared to cringe. He couldn't live this way he thought as the nurse leaned Seeley forward, and slid his whole body back some. Seeley kept his eyes shut the entire time as she moved him, and then proceeded to check his catheter.

"Seeley, your output is good from last night, seems the antibiotics have been working. Are you comfortable, is there anything else you need?" She said as though Jared wasn't even in the room.

"Could you scratch my nose, it's like there is a hair there or something." Seeley said, almost forgetting his little brother was watching. "Yeah, right there. Thanks."

"You should have asked for a sponge bath dude." Jared said trying to joke.

"It's not as great as you imagine little brother. I don't feel it, I can see it, but it's not glamorous." Seeley said flatly.

"Tempe said that you should be getting something back at any time though right." Jared said.

"Bones is hopeful, honestly, at this rate, I'm going to die in this bed Jared." Seeley half joked.

"But she knows her stuff, she's smart Seeley." Jared said, not knowing quite how to respond to his brother anymore.

"Did you come to talk about Bones Jared?" He asked him.

"No I came to visit you, I couldn't get away when you were sick, but I wanted to check on you, make sure you were okay." Jared said honestly.

"Does this look like I'm okay kid? You know what they will do as soon as you leave? They'll be in here, dressing me, changing me, making sure I didn't lose anymore weight, I'll be subjected to it all, because I can't do anything to stop it. Then they'll put me in my wheelchair, strap me in. Six straps in total, and then I get to go watch someone else move my body for me Jared. They will pull and push at my legs, stretching them, turning them in and out, all the while I watch helpless. Then the squints come in and make small talk, oh but wait, today is what Weds? My son gets to come today, and I can't hug him, I can watch him, his little hand squeezing mine, but I don't even know he's doing it unless I look. Bones and I will help him with his reading for an hour and then in another hour after that Rebecca shows back up to take him home. I watch his little face fall every time, and as much as hate it, I put on a good show for him, reminding him that soon this will change. So yeah this is not okay Jared." Seeley spewed watching his brother become more uncomfortable with every word.

"Seeley I don't know what to say." Jared said averting his eyes.

"You never were one to handle messes well Jared. Just go on and live your life, I'm fine with that. You don't have to be here, I have Bones and Hodgins. I don't expect you to do anything for me, it's the way it's always been, and I've accepted that it won't change Jared. It's okay. Go." Seeley said calmly.

"I wish I could say that you were wrong Seeley, but you're right. I'm not the strong one, I'm not the one who can do for others, I'm not you." Jared said hurtfully.

"No you aren't." Seeley said watching his little brother go. There was something about having him around that reminded him of what he couldn't or didn't have anymore. All the things he'd done for him, all the sacrifices he'd made through the years, everything he gave up, and still his little brother was a creature of habit. It was only a matter of time before he stopped coming completely, so why not make it easier for him now, so that he didn't have to feel guilty about it later, Booth thought as he waited for them to get him ready for the day. Sometimes it was easier for him to just stay quiet, the nurses or therapists would eventually leave him be, but with Parker coming in he was hoping to have a good day.

"Morning Seel." John said, entering his room.

"What's going on today John?" Seeley asked him.

"Nothing special, same ole, same ole." He said, lifting him up like it was nothing.

"You'd think that I weighed nothing with the way you toss me around." He said, feeling a little dizzy from the movement.

"Nah, I'm just strong Seeley. Good genes I guess." John answered setting Booth down in the shower.

Booth hated this aspect of his life, there was no privacy, no modesty, no pride, and each time he endured it, he would try and imagine something to keep his mind occupied. Today it was Flyer Hockey, yesterday it had been Bones and a case they had worked three years ago. Anything to keep his mind off the injustice he was going through every day.

"Seeley, you have a small spot on your shoulder. I think we caught it in time, but you'll be belly down for at least the rest of today." John stated as he dried the ex agent off.

"Is it bad?" Booth asked.

"Nah, it's not open yet, just red. So we'll need to keep you on your stomach." John answered.

"Parker is coming tonight though. We have a reading lesson planned, that is going to make things difficult." He said through the sweatshirt as it came down over his head.

"Too bad Seel. Better a few hours today than six days of it right?" John asked.

"Yeah. I see your point." Booth stated.

His day went along like normal, therapy, then lunch, then back to his room to wait for Parker and Bones. Her idea to work with him on his reading skills had already shown improvement. The little guy was already less nervous about reading out loud, and Booth could see how much easier it was becoming for him to read all together. Bones had really come through for him, creating an interest in learning with his son, being there to support him, she was doing a great job of taking care of him right now. It surprised him, how much she'd taken on when he got injured. Not only was she working cases by herself, but she'd been with him nearly every other day, and was in the process of writing another book. But what was the most impressive was that she cared, genuinely and with her whole heart about him. She didn't have to tell him, he knew, he could see it in her eyes.


	20. Left Behind Hoping

_I never started out with the intention of getting into cliffhanger, it just kind of happened. So bear with me as this chapter just goes on forever and ever. Thanks for the reviews!!_

_I own nothing!!_

I tried my hardest to keep up a brave front for Parker, but every once in a while he would look at me, his eyes sad, and I could tell that it wasn't working so well. As I struggled to remain as close to normal as possible under the circumstances, it seemed that he caught on more and more.

"Daddy, are you sick?" He finally asked me on our second walk through the garden.

"No way little man, I'm fine." I answered a little too quickly.

"But you're acting like mommy when she has a new boyfriend..." He blurted out.

"Parker listen to me. I'd tell you if something was wrong with me buddy, I just miss Bones." I said a little embarassed that I couldn't even hide from my son.

"Every thing will work out Daddy." His little voice said into my ear softly.

"I know little man, I know." I said reaching over to muss his hair.

"Jeez dad. Stop!" he squealed.

"What I can't touch my own son?" I said faking hurt.

"Dad, your messing up my hair. I have to look good incase she comes tonight." He said seriously.

"I don't think she'll be here tonight Park. But I'll stop." I said, the hope fading a little from his face.

As the two of us ate dinner with a baseball game in the background, I wondered what was taking the squints so long. I would know just by looking at the remains if it was her, I would know, why weren't they calling me. Dread was filling me from the inside out as I raced Parker down the hall. He was more on edge than I'd seen him in a long time, and as he ran along side my chair, I could tell he was getting out some nervous energy. I triumphantly watched as he beat me every time, his little legs giving him bursts of speed that I hadn't seen in him before. We rounded the corner to go down the other side and I could hear a phone ringing. My heart dropped, I would never get there in time.

"Parker I think we should go back to my room now bud. C'mon." I yelled to him, turning my chair to head back.

"Dad I was winning again!!" he called.

"Let's go Parker, now." I said firmly.

"Okay daddy." He said defeatedly.

I was back in the room less than a minute after it stopped ringing, pulling close to the phone I heard Parkers footsteps behind me.

"Grab your DS little man, I have to make a phone call okay." I told him, reaching for my cell phone.

I must have looked as panicked as I felt because he didn't argue with me, he just picked up the game and sat in "his" chair, his foot banging off the leg. I went to the doorway, as much as I didn't want to make the call in front of him, I couldn't leave him there alone. I used the voice command to call the lab and waited for another voice on the line.

"Hodgins." Jack said when he picked up.

"Is it her?" was all I could manage to get out.

"Booth, I... I..." He managed on the other end of the line before I heard Ange crying in the background.

"No. No it's not her. Your tests are wrong. Do them again Jack." I yelled into the phone.

"We've run them three times Booth. The dental records match. I'm sorry." Jack said as I heard his voice break.

"Again Hodgins, DO THEM AGAIN!" I Yelled louder this time, as I felt my world crumbling around me.

"Daddy, what's wrong?" Parker said his little hand on my arm.

"It's okay buddy. It's going to be okay." I said before a tear escaped my eye.

"Why are you crying dad?" He asked me, his face full of fear.

I closed the phone, I needed to get to the lab, I had to see for myself. "Something really bad happened little man. Can you call your mother for me, tell her that she needs to pick you up, okay?" I said.

"What happened? Is Jack okay? You were yelling at him." He tried.

"Everyone is fine Parker, but I have to go down to the Jeffersonian, and it's too late for you to go. I'll see you tomorrow, so call mom and have her come get you." I said softly.

I waited as he called Rebecca from the phone in my room and then I called Hodgins again.

"You have to come get me. I have to see for myself Jack." I said before he could even say hello.

"Is that something you really want to do Booth? I don't think it's a good idea." He answered me.

"Come here, pick me up, NOW." I demanded.

"I'll be there in a little while Seeley, but remember that I didn't want to do this." He said before he hung up on me.

I looked at the clock on the wall and it read eight pm. I didn't believe that it was her, I couldn't. This was all a game I thought to myself, he's playing us, it's not her. I watched Parker watching me, his face sullen and unsure as he waited. I moved towards him, and when I was close enough I took his little hand in mine and put it over my heart.

"I love you so much do you know that Park?" I said, trying not to cry again.

"I know daddy, is it Dr. Bones?" He asked, in barely a whisper.

"It might be little man. I have to go find out." I said, trying to explain as best I could without telling him yet.

"But everything is supposed to work out, she'll be back daddy. I know it." He stated firmly.

"Sometimes little man, things don't always end how we like them too, and even though she'll be back, it might not be the way we want her to be. Things happen sometimes Parker, things that we don't have any control over." I said, my voice cracking near the end.

"Is she okay?" He asked, his eyes welling up.

"I don't know buddy. But you know when you have that feeling in your stomach like something is wrong? I have that feeling now Park." I told him, as I watched a few tears roll down his face.

"I was ignoring my feeling daddy. I thought it was because I got yelled at in school today." He said wiping at his face with his sleeve.

"No she's okay. No matter what happens the next few days Parker, you and me, we know that she's still okay... she's smart, she's our Bones right." I said even though I knew I might be wrong.

"Seeley, what happened?" Rebecca said when she walked in to see Parker in tears.

"Something might have happened to Dr. Bones Mommy. But Daddy and I know she's okay." he said trying to be brave.

"Seeley, when?" She asked.

"I don't know for sure Rebecca, Hodgins is coming to get me, but it doesn't look good." I said softly.

"Is it okay for him to come by tomorrow? Or do you want to change it. Whatever you need Seel, I'm here for you." She said as Parker waited in the hall.

"Just make sure his suit is clean Beccs. If this is her, I think he'll want to go to the funeral, I'd like him to be there with me." I asked before she left.

"I will Seeley. Call me in the morning if you don't want me to bring him, okay?" She said, kissing my cheek.

"I will Beccs." I answered watching them leave.

I called for a nurse to get me changed, I couldn't go to the lab in sweats. I'd loved Rebecca, but this was different, it felt like Bones was part of my soul, and to even let my brain imagine that she was gone left me aching inside. The world felt like it was slowly closing in on me when Brandy arrived to get me ready to go.

"Could you get me a blue t-shirt and jeans?" I asked her quietly.

"I wasn't aware that you were going anywhere Seeley. You are supposed to inform the nurses station at the very least in the morning before the excursion." She said pulling the items from my drawer.

"If I'd known about it then I would have done so, but this is an emergency. I don't know if I'll be back tonight, but I'll be with someone who can handle this." I said motioning to my body.

"I'll let them know. I hope everything is okay, would you like to talk about it?" She asked, pulling the sweatshirt over my head.

"No." I answered.

When she was finished she emptied my leg bag and then put a change of clothes into one of my bags from the closet in case I didn't get back tonight. I slowly placed my keys, my wallet and my phone into the bag that would hang from my chair, and seeing her key on the ring with so many others I nearly lost my mind. We'd exchanged keys months ago, in case the other had needed it for an emergency, and now I stared at it like it would do tricks. I wondered where Hodgins was, it had been almost an hour since I'd called him I thought as I moved to the table still scattered with photographs. I looked through the pile for the one of the three of us, but couldn't find it. I thought I left it right on top of the pile, maybe Parker had made off with it I thought. Settling for one of her and I, I placed it in the bag with my wallet and keys and waited for Hodgins.

I wasn't thinking about what state anyone else would be in, but when he walked in, holding Angela's hand, they both looked like they hadn't slept in days, their faces were puffy from crying and she looked like she could barely breathe.

"Booth." She said, breaking down when she hugged me.

"It's not her Ange. I would know." I whispered into her ear.

"Dental records don't lie sweetie." She shot back, squeezing me tighter.

"I need to see it for myself, I can't, I won't believe its her till I do." I said firmly.

"Well let's go. I don't have to be back tonight. If you don't mind, I don't want to be alone right now Jack." I said watching him nod silently.

As he lifted me into his SUV my phone rang. "Booth." I answered.

"Booth?" I repeated into the phone, but there was no answer. "Who is this? Hello?"

"Who was it?" Angela asked me softly.

"There was no one there, just silence." I said, trying to recognize the number.

"I'll trace the number when we get to the lab." Hodgins said blankly when he finished putting my chair in the back.

"I know that you squints believe in science and evidence and the whole shebang, but I'm telling you, I would know in my heart that it was her, and I don't believe that it is. I want to see all the evidence too, I need to see the way the body was displayed. There was something that she had with her that would have been there, only I know about it, and if it wasn't there, then this isn't her, dental records or not." I said to them.

"Booth, as much as I don't want to believe this is her, I saw it with my own eyes." Jack said firmly.

After that I stayed quiet, I knew if I kept bringing it up it would only hurt them more than they already were. I could hear Angela sobbing quietly in the back seat, and watched as Jack would periodically check his mirror to look at her. I wanted her here with me, I wanted her to tell me that I was crazy for feeling like my instinct was better than physical evidence. I wanted to smell her hair, watch her smile at a lame attempt at humor on my part, I just wanted her to be okay. I needed her to be okay. We arrived at the lab a little after ten, and I was surprised to see everyone still there, even Miss Julian was standing on the platform.

I stopped just inside the door, I could see the remains from there, and my stomach churned. Slowly I continued forward, realizing that I couldn't get up the steps.

"A little help here?" I said irritated.

"Sorry Booth, I'll get something." the security guard said.

"Seeley." Cam said too softly for her own good.

"I'm fine. Don't do this, we don't know that it is really her. I don't care what your records say, I have a piece of evidence that I'm looking for, that he would use to identify her, something would have been done specifically to spite me. If it isn't there then your records are wrong. It wouldn't be the first time that dental records have been tampered with Camille." I said firmly.

"There you go Booth, that should do." the guard said, placing a piece of plywood over the steps.

"Thanks." I offered taking off towards the makeshift ramp.

Once I was closer, I recognized the clothes immediately as hers, same hair color, features that matched hers so closely. I wanted to throw up, I wanted to break things, scream and yell. If I didn't believe so surely that I would feel that she was gone from my world, I would have let myself go right there. But nothing about the remains in front of me told me that it was her. All the evidence right there within my reach was lying I told myself.

"Where are the crime scene photos?" I asked, turning to Cam.

"Seeley, do you really want to do this?" She said sniffling.

"I gave her something, something that would have let him know I was involved in the case, that he would have undoubtedly used in his display of the body. If it isn't there I will not believe that this is Bones." I said, fighting back tears.

"Why don't you all take a few minutes, let me and Booth go over this, you don't need to see it again." Cam said to the squints, all in different states of dissaray.

"I really don't think you're ready for this Cherie." Caroline said placing her hand on my shoulder.

"Miss Julian, I have to." I answered through clenched teeth.

"We tried Cherie, we tried." She said, leaving the platform.

I knew this murder's MO, I knew what he did to his victims, and why should killing this woman be any different, but I don't think I was ready to see what he'd done to this woman who looked so much like my Bones, that everyone but me was fooled. The first photo showed the body, arms and legs contorted to unnatural angles, I could immediately spot her jewelry in the photo, no doubt that it was Bones, the clothes too. Everything pointed to this being Bones, everything.

"Where is all the jewelry Camille." I asked, not able to take my eyes off the photo.

"It's right over there Booth. All separated and catalogued. Have a look for yourself." She pointed to the table at the far end of the platform.

I rolled closer, hoping with everything I had that my dog tags weren't there, and sure enough, every other piece of jewelry she normally would wear was there, but my tags weren't. "It's not her Cam." I said relieved.

"Booth, the dental records match. How can you know by looking at her jewelry that these remains are not hers?" She questioned me.

"Camille before she left, I gave her my dog tags, in case she got nervous, I told her I'd be with her if she had them. She was scared Camille. You people let her go anyways! What were you thinking? Wylo places personal items in the display of his victims. Those tags would have been front and center Camille. He's playing with us, he wants us to think that this is her. He probably accessed her dental records and switched them with this womans. Don't you see, this is just a decoy!" I yelled at her.

"Booth, I think that's enough of that Cherie, we've been testing this for hours, throwing different theories around and not one of these squints has come up with anything that would suggest this is not Dr. Brennan." Caroline yelled from the other end of the platform coming towards me.

"IT IS NOT HER. NOT BONES. Not my Bones on that table. No." I said, my screams turning to sobs.

"Seeley, calm down." Cam tried.

I moved before she could touch me, heading for the door. I had to get out of here, why wouldn't anyone believe this wasn't her. Didn't they know I needed her, we all need her. Once I was down the ramp I headed for her office, and once inside I stopped, letting her scent fill my nose. "Bones..." I whispered to the empty room. No one disturbed me for a long time, until I felt Angela's hands on my shoulders.

"Booth, let's go sweetie." She said her voice hoarse from crying.

"It can't be her Ange. It isn't." I repeated for a few minutes before Jack joined us.

"Seeley, I called Dr. King, he agreed that you can stay with me for the next few days, he was very understanding when I explained the situation, and he's called in a prescription for you. He's worried that this is going to hinder your progress. I also called Rebecca, she's bringing Parker to my house in the afternoon, he'll be with us till tuesday. Let's go home man." Jack said.

"I need to make one more stop before we go back to your place, if you don't mind Jack." I said after we'd picked up the sedative the doctor called in for me, and picked up some food.

"Where to Booth?" Hodgins asked tiredly.

"Her apartment." I stated.

"For what Seeley?" Angela asked me.

"There's something I have to get. She told me that if anything ever happened to her, there was something I needed to get. Since everyone else believes that this is her, I'm going to get it." I said, my eyes welling up with tears.

Once Jack had me back in my chair at the entrance to her building I made my way to her floor with him following behind me. Angela had refused to come with us, and I didn't blame her, she'd just lost her best friend.

"The key is in my bag. It's the one with the blue cover." I instructed Jack.

"Are you sure you want to do this tonight Seel?" He asked before opening the door.

"No. I feel like I'm losing my mind Jack, I honestly don't believe she's dead. It's not the I can't believe this happened either, I don't understand how Wylo would have missed something like dog tags with my name on them though..." I said.

"You can say I told you so when she comes back then." He said as he pushed open the door.

"You believe me?" I asked.

"Seeley, I don't want to believe that she's dead, so yeah I will believe you, because the alternative is worse." he said sounding defeated.

I entered her space, moving slowly towards the bookcase. "There is a book I want you to get if anything would ever happen to me Booth. It's on the second shelf from the top, four books in from the right. There is no title on the spine, but it's for all of you. You have to promise that you'll share it with everyone when you're done with it. There's even something in there for Parker." She'd said as we sat on a bench across from the Vietnam War Memorial. I laughed at the thought of her leaving something for Parker. But her eyes told me she was serious about it being me to have it first. "I trust you Booth. I know you'll know what to do with it." She said after I chuckled. "I will Bones, but nothing is going to happen to you." I had assured her that day never thinking that anything could keep me from protecting her. But here I was coming to get the book she left for us.

"Right here Jack. You'll have to reach it. The one on the second shelf with no title." I said seeing the bound leather book out of my reach.

"I'll put it in your bag. Let's go." He said moving to put it in my bag.

"Give me a minute Jack." I said going to the windows by where we'd danced to 'Hot Blooded'.

I let the memory over take me for a few minutes until I realized that I was crying harder than before. All of my being believed that she was still alive somewhere, but maybe it was just me wanting to believe that she was okay. I turned to find Hodgins waiting for me outside the door and moved to join him, looking around at her things as I wheeled through the apartment to the door.

Jack's house was a mansion, complete with a working elevator. He solemnly showed me to the room I'd be in and began the task of getting me ready for bed. He carefully lifted me onto the bed and did all the things necessary to make me comfortable.

"Here Booth, you need to take one of these. You have to get some rest. Anne will be here in the morning to do some therapy with you and then we need to get you a suit... does Parker have one?" He asked.

"Yeah, how am I going to tell him Jack. How can I tell him that I couldn't protect her..." I said tears flowing down my cheeks.

"I don't know man, but you'll get through it. He's a tough kid Booth. Almost as tough as his dad." Jack replied holding the cup to my mouth so I could take the pills. "Do you need anything else?" he asked.

"Thanks Jack. I'll be fine." I said mentally shutting myself down.

"Yell if you need anything, I'm just two doors down. Night Booth." He said before he left the room.

I didn't last long with the sedative in me and when I woke up I felt like I'd been hit with a ton of bricks. Everything from the night before came flooding back to me, the remains, the apartment, the phone call, all of it. The reality that she was gone was the worst, I'd never hear her voice again, never see her smile, never get to tell her how much I loved her. I lie there hoping that we'd find her alive somewhere, that this really was a decoy. I didn't see a future without her in it, and it was crushing me to think that I could be wrong.

Just before ten Anne knocked on the door asking if she could enter.

"Come in." I called out.

"Seeley, I'm so sorry, Jack just told me what happened. If you need anything please let me know." She said before she got too close.

"Thank you. I'll be fine." I said knowing that it was the beginning of an endless barrage of sorry's.

"Seel, I brought you a present though." She said, with a small smile.

She left the room and came back with a wheelchair I'd never seen before. "What's that?" I asked.

"I figured you'd want to do this on your own. No more power chair Seeley." She said.

"I can't. I still don't have good control of my right arm Anne, how can I push a manual chair?" I said nervously.

"I'm going to show you today. Just think how proud of you she'd be Seel." She said, her words cutting through me.

"Don't do that, please. Not today." I begged.

"Sorry Seel. Let's get you up." She said softly as she moved towards the bed with the new chair.

"What if I fall out?" I asked as she fastened the vest over my t-shirt.

"You won't. I'll show you all you need to know." She said leaving me sitting on the bed.

Next thing I knew Jack was helping to lift me into the new chair, he must have been right outside the door, because he came in at just the right time.

"This strap here will hold you in, but your gaining control of your abdominal muscles, so you'll start feeling if your slipping down. There's no straps for your legs now, because the angle of the foot plate keeps your legs in place see?" I nodded as she continued explaining things. "There are no arm rests either. So balance is key here. You ready to try it out?"

"I feel like I'm going to fall out..." I said, not feeling supported enough at all.

"Put your hands on the wheels Seeley, its okay. You aren't going to fall out. You're ready for this." She said.

"But I can't grab the wheel with my right hand, just my left. How is this going to work?" I said getting frustrated, this was too much, there was too much going on in my head to focus on this.

"Put your hand like this, you need to use your palm, you won't be able to grab the wheel, but you'll be able to push the wheel like this." She showed me, moving my hand on the wheel. "Try it."

I slowly pushed myself a few inches, trying to get some sort of balance in the process. Stopping I brought my elbows to my legs and propped my head on my hands. I didn't want to do this, I didn't want to think about anything but Bones. "I'm not strong enough for this. I'm not ready." I said anger rising inside me.

"Seeley, it's about momentum. Once you get used to the way it feels you'll be wheeling circles around this place." I heard coming from behind me, it was Max.

"I'll give you a minute Seeley." Anne said as I heard her footsteps leaving the room as his hand came down on my shoulder.

"C'mon son. You can do this. All this time you've been waiting for this, and now here's your chance, are you going to let it pass you by? Do it for her." He said moving so I could see him.

"Max, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry I couldn't keep her safe..." I cried, unable to look him in the eye.

"You really think she's gone?" He asked me.

"No." I said finally letting my eyes meet his.

"Neither do I. I don't believe she'd go without a fight." he said with a smile.

"She had my dog tags Max, and he would have placed them with the body... but they weren't there, not in any of the evidence. I think he's playing us. He's still got her alive somewhere... But I can't get anyone but Hodgins to even consider that it's a possibility." I growled.

"Booth, I trust you. But I need your help, and in that clunky noisy chair your no good to me son." Max told me.

"Even with this there isn't much I can do Max. I can't go trudging through the bayou, or even shoot a gun." I said angrily.

"I didn't think you would be, but this is one step closer to getting out of that hospital Booth. I'll handle getting Tempe back. You work on getting back to yourself. Go through the motions the next few days like I will, then when we prove that it isn't her in the ground, and she's getting off that plane she'll see you pushing yourself, it will make that homecoming that much sweeter Booth." He said softly. "Now try again."

For two hours I worked at pushing myself, and as clumsy as I felt, I was making progress. I didn't feel nearly as scared as I had when Hodgins first put me in this chair, and even though I still couldn't use my hand to grip the wheel, I could use it like Anne had showed me. I let myself believe that she was coming back to me, I pushed for her, so that I could show her how far I'd come when she got home. I knew if anyone could find her besides me, it would be Max, and his believing that she was still alive was enough to get me through the next few days.


	21. The conversations and the quiet

One month, 22 days earlier.

Everyone came and went like they'd been doing for the last few months, but no one really saw what pained him most but her. She stayed through all the painful experiences, the changing, the frustrations, all of it. She'd never left his side since that week. But today she wasn't there, mentally anyways. It was the anniversary of her mother's death today, and he knew it too. He knew the moment he saw what the date was, and he wished he could be there to stand beside her at the graveyard, prodding her to be normal for just a moment. Instead she was here with him, sitting quietly beside him her hands folded just so in her lap.

"Bones, are you sleeping over there?" He tried to joke with her.

"Sorry Booth, I was just thinking." She answered, looking towards him for the first time in an hour.

"I thought I smelled something burning." he teased.

"I don't know what you mean Booth, is there a fire?" She asked, completely clueless.

"Never mind Bones. You're too quiet today. Do you want to talk about it?" He asked.

"No. I just needed a little time I guess to reflect. How's the shoulder?" She asked, standing to look at it.

"It's better Bones, what are you doing?" He asked, shocked that she was now leaning him forward to get a better look.

"I'm checking the site. I know how you get stubborn sometimes Booth and don't always like to tell me the truth. It looks a lot better." She said propping him back against the pillows.

"So did I leave out the truth that time?" He asked.

"No. I just don't want you to suffer more than you already are Booth. Is that odd?" She asked, more for herself than his benefit.

"Is what odd?" He said confused.

"That I don't want you to suffer? That I want you to be okay, I mean that's what partners do for each other right?" She said.

"Yeah, I'd do the same for you Bones. What's with the questions, did someone say something?" He wondered.

"Yes, no I don't know Booth. It's just that of all the places I could be right now, this is the only one that feels right." She sputtered out.

"We're used to being together Bones, there's nothing wrong with that. If the roles were reversed I'd be there for you too." He told her.

"But to what end Booth? I mean my father asked me yesterday after the lab kids were in if we were together. Does this constitute being together? To care about you this much?" She asked.

"Together how Bones?" He said surprised.

"Like a couple I guess. He just mentioned that I spend an awful lot of time with you, and I've been spending time with Parker too at the lab. I think he wants us to be together." She said quietly.

"I don't think spending time with your partner means we are a couple. As for the spending time with Parker, well, you squints can offer him more than I can right now, it's a given that I'd want him around you." He said, wishing that he could just come out and tell her that he wondered the same as Max sometimes.

"I'm just looking to deep into this maybe." She said, trying to get out of the conversation fast. Sure she cared about him, and if he'd said that yes spending all this time with him meant that they were a couple she would have agreed.

She kept quiet for a little while, making him wonder about what she was thinking. If he only knew that she loved him, that she would rather sit at his side than do anything else, she thought. He kept her sane, his smile would light up her day the minute he flashed it in her direction. Even when he was down, there was something about him that made her feel like she was home. That she was finally loved the way she deserved.

At the same time he was thinking about how easy it would have been to leave him here, and go about doing all the things she should have been doing instead she was here. She didn't have to be, but she was, showing him that as much as she denied it to herself, she loved him. He only wondered when she would be brave enough to tell him, when he was awake. It didn't bother him that she couldn't express it, he knew her well enough to know that her father's comments were only wearing on her because it was true, she cared more than she ever had about anyone else.

"So did Parker do well on his tests at the lab?" He asked her finally breaking the silence again.

"Booth, he didn't call you? He had the top score. He did very well. My father was very impressed, and was hoping that he would come back for the second class." She went on proudly.

"My kid is turning into a squint." He joked with her.

"No he's very smart Booth. You know that though. It's not like he doesn't have a brilliant father." she said beaming a smile at him.

"I'm nowhere near as smart as you guys though Bones." He said blushing at her compliment.

"You underestimate yourself. Why do you do that." She asked.

"I don't know Bones, I've never been book smart, more street smart than anything I guess." He said quietly.

"Booth, you don't give yourself enough credit. It takes more than street smarts to understand us, and you have done an excellent job of fitting in, and understanding us. No one else would have lasted this long. Just because you weren't trained in anthropology doesn't mean you don't understand it. You pick it up so quickly." She said honestly.

"Yet you still don't understand my jokes. It's so one-sided Bones." He joked, trying to change the topic of conversation.

"I've started to pick up some of them. I'm doing better, you have to give me that Booth." She said, seeing the pained look on his face when they were talking about work.

"No, you are. I'm starting to feel a little beat Bones. Can you get the nurse, I'd like to lie down." He said, needing a minute to compose himself.

"Sure, anything else you need Booth?" She asked.

He shook his head as she stood to go for the nurse. He wanted to tell her that he needed her, that he wanted her but something in him just couldn't get the words out yet. She wasn't ready to hear it out loud, and he didn't want to do it like this, helpless lying in a bed. He wanted it to be perfect, touching her face, tilting it up to his as they stood by the lincoln memorial, the daylight fading. There was so much he wanted to tell her that he couldn't do from this bed, and every time she left for the night he wondered if he'd ever get the chance. Lately though it seemed that he would in time.

"Seeley, we're going to turn you first, then we'll be in later to turn you back. Gotta keep some pressure off that shoulder the next few nights, keep it from getting worse. Ready?" Jane asked.

"Yeah. Go ahead." He said grimacing.

Jane turned his fragile body easily as Brennan watched his face go from nervous to frustrated as his face met the pillows. Grunting he turned his face towards the window, briefly rubbing his nose against the pillow to scratch it.

"There you go Seeley, I'll be in later to turn you again." Jane said before leaving.

"Bones?" He said, wondering if she was still there.

"Yeah Booth?" She said coming into his field of view.

"You got quiet on me, I was just wondering if you were still here." He said, looking into her clear blue eyes.

"I'm here Booth. I don't know how many times I have to repeat that though." She said softly.

"Sometimes I just need reassurance that I'm not alone I guess." He answered a little to honestly.

"Why would you ever think you were alone Booth?" She asked, surprised at his vulnerability.

"I just do Bones. But not so much when you're here. It makes this easier." He whispered.

"Good." She said, stopping herself as usual from saying what she really felt.

"One day Bones, I'll make this up to you. I'll be there when you need me, I won't forget this. I promise I'll make it up to you." He said drifting off to sleep.

"I know Booth, I know." She answered, stroking his cheek with her delicate fingers.

She stayed like she always did for just a little while longer, making sure that he was asleep, she hated seeing the look on his face when she left, this way she could leave and he still had a small smile spread across his lips.


	22. Like Father Like son

I pushed myself to the elevator, an hour after both Anne and Max left. She'd dressed me for the day, beginning to show me how to do it myself, and while I'd managed to get my own shirt on, and brush my own teeth, there was still so much that I couldn't do. The muscles in my arms however returning were not returning fast enough. I was still to weak to transfer myself, and even pushing myself in the chair tired me out quickly, though I was determined that I wouldn't give up, I wouldn't believe that she was gone, and I would use that to push myself further. I tried to muster up as much strength as I could while riding down to the first floor, mentally preparing myself for the next few days.

"What time is Rebecca bringing Parker by Hodgins?" I heard Angela ask, as I wheeled into the kitchen.

"She said she has to pick up his suit from the cleaners and they should be here by three. I'm taking Booth to get a suit, and then we have to stop by the lab. Miss Julian wanted to see him before tomorrow. After that we'll be here, should beat Rebecca and Parker, but if we don't you can entertain him right?" Hodgins asked.

"We'll be back in time Jack. I have to be the one to tell him. As much as I don't believe it, if I'm wrong it will only be worse in the long run for him." I said struggling to jump the little piece of metal at the kitchen floor.

"Wow, sweetie. What a difference." Angela said, seeing my new wheels.

"Let's get going Hodgins, it's going to take a good amount of time to get me fitted, and I know you're not looking forward to heading into the lab." I said, my hands firmly pressed against the wheels, keeping me balanced.

He lead the way out of his house through the garage, where he kept a few of his cars. It was the only accessible entrance into or out of the house. He chose to take the SUV that we'd been in the previous night, and my guess was it was the only one that we could fit a wheelchair in.

"You know Max believes you right Seeley?" He said lifting me into the passenger seat.

"I know, you both believe me. Jack, I don't want to keep bringing it up, but my tags would have been there, that's a fact. I just can't believe that a killer who prides himself on displaying key evidence would have missed that. It would be easy to get his hands on her other attire, and jewelry, and we've seen dental records tampered with in the past. There is too much wrong to not be skeptical." I said once he was in the drivers seat.

"I know, I've gone over the evidence quite a few times now, and there are pieces that do not fit. I'm actually surprised that Caroline is throwing in the towel. But then again, if the FBI thinks that by publicizing her funeral, Wylo would think he's won, maybe it will buy them time to sweep in and find her." Jack added as we pulled out of the driveway.

"Max will find her Jack. I trust him. We all should." I said before letting myself fall into silence fighting the internal war that was going on inside me.

On one hand my gut was pleading with me to believe, but on the other hand, my brain was yelling at me to just accept that it might be her. If it was her, she must have stashed my tags somewhere, knowing that she was in danger, meaning they would be found eventually. If it wasn't she was out there somewhere, hanging on, waiting on us. How long could she hang on I wondered, how much could she take before she would give up.

"Booth, we're here." Hodgins said, nudging my shoulder, breaking me from thought.

"Sorry, I'm having trouble concentrating today." I said as he got out of the SUV.

He got me situated into my new chair and stayed pretty close, I must have looked a little unstable so he was being cautious. In all the times I'd been to this store to purchase my suits, I never realized that there was a ramp along with the stairs, so much in my life depended on things like that now. Wheeling into the shop a familiar voice greeted us. "Seeley Booth, I haven't seen you in... oh Seeley what happened?" The young sales girl gasped seeing him in a wheelchair.

"Accident at work, five months ago. It's okay Julia. I'm getting better everyday now." His smooth voice said accompanying his full charming smile.

"I didn't know Seeley. I would have come to see you." Julia said quietly as she approached the former agent, taking him in.

"Jules, really it's fine, I wasn't too good of company most of the time anyways." I said joking with her.

"So you need a suit then, I can see that you've lost quite a bit of weight. Didn't they feed you in that hospital?" She joked back.

"No they fed me, just lying around for four months, not able to move, well it kinda took all the muscle mass away. I'll need a black suit. White shirt, nothing fancy, it's for a funeral." I said solemnly.

"I'm so sorry Seeley, I heard about Dr. Brennan. I know how close you two were. If there's anything you need, anything at all, just call okay. Let me run in back and get the cloth. Head over to the dressing rooms." She said rushing off.

"Did you? Ya know with her?" Jack asked, trying to change the mood.

"We went to high school together, years and years ago. Lived in my neighborhood, basically grew up together. It was never like that though Hodgins." I stated slowly making my way over the carpeted floor to the dressing rooms.

"Are we both gonna fit in there man?" Hodgins asked seeing the size of the room as we got closer.

"We'll make it work, even if we have to leave the chair out here." I answered as she returned.

She watched the two conversing, still shocked at the sight of him. His thin arms and his chest that looked so thin too. She'd never known him to be scrawny until today. All their lives, he'd been like the older brother she didn't have, and now seeing him like this was painful. "Alright Seel. I've got three different fabrics, I know you favor this one, it's not too thick, and then this one we've done before too, just a little heavier. Or do you want to try this one, it's italian, a good blend of the both." She said holding them out to me to feel.

I lifted my left hand, trying to be as controlled as possible and still stay balanced when I felt Jack's hand on my shoulder, steadying me. I felt the three different fabrics, used to the first one, and familiar with the second, but the third felt so nice between my fingers. "Let's try this one Jules. You're gonna rob me blind today aren't you, bringing out italian fabric for me." I said winking at her.

"You know you get the friends and family discount Seeley. You'll live." She teased me, moving to pull out suits in that material.

"Your what a thirty two waist now? Length the same or a little longer cause of the chair?" She yelled from behind a rack.

"Might be a thirty three now, add an inch to the length, I'm not going to a flood Jules. I'm really not sure about the jacket though. But your good at this, you'll figure it out." I added, smiling out of habit.

"Here we go Seel. How's this going to work? I mean can you sit on the bench for me to do the shoulders? Or do you need to stay in the chair?" She asked, completely comfortable.

"I'll be fine for a little while Jules, but not for too long. Jack will help me with getting them on, and then the rest is up to you pumpkin." I joked using her nickname.

"Well get changing captain america. I'll wait out here." She said smiling and handing Jack the three suits she pulled.

We tried to get both of us and the chair into the small space and it didn't work, so to my embarrassment, Jack lifted me and hurried me into the room trying to save me some dignity. Once inside he helped me remove the button down shirt and then changed my pants to the suit pants, surprised when the thirty three was too tight I yelled out to Julia. "Hey pumpkin, I'll need a thirty four or thirty six." He then continued to struggle with my right arm and getting it into the jacket. Finally as she dropped the other two pairs of pants into us he was through manipulating my arm. The thirty fours were almost perfect, just needed let out about a half inch. Quickly he lifted me and set me down on a bench she'd set up to do the jacket.

"Shoulders are still broader than most Seel. Weight loss isn't gonna affect the bones beneath them." She said smoothing out the jacket across my back as I held firm to the bench trying not to fall.

"Just makes me look out of proportion now Jules. Listen the pants will need let out about a half inch. I'll need a nice belt too. All of mine are too big now." I said trying to make small talk.

"I bet you need this by tomorrow too right? Your very demanding... Jack." She said, feeling me lose my balance.

He was there in a flash, kneeling in front of me, his hand on my chest. "Thanks. Still haven't got the balance thing down yet I guess." I tried to joke.

"You're doing good man. Yesterday you weren't even pushing your own chair, and today, you sat on this bench for over ten minutes already by yourself. Don't let the bobbles get you down." He said to me, quietly.

"Your going to be the best dressed guy there Seeley. This suit is going to look so good on you. Wow." She said stepping back after she'd drawn over most of the jacket.

"Only because I have the best tailor in town Julia. Always have. Oh, how late are you open today, Parker is coming and I'm not sure how his suit is going to fit him, it may need altered, or even a whole new one, he's growing so fast." I asked.

"I haven't seen the little man in so long Seel. You keeping him away from me or what?" She teased.

"No, up until this, I was working and Beccs has a new boyfriend, who likes to do 'family' outings, so I get the short end of the stick a lot." I answered honestly.

"I'm just kidding Seeley. I'll be here till six. I might even have yours finished by then, I've been so slow all day. If he needs a new one, I can have it by eleven tomorrow, will that be in time?" She asked.

"Yeah we don't know all the specifics yet for the times, but I imagine we wouldn't be needed anywhere till afternoon." I said still leaning against hodgins' hand on my chest.

"Alright, get back in your street clothes Seel, you look like your uncomfortable." She nodded at the dressing room.

"Thanks Jules." I said as Hodgins lifted me and carried me in.

He carefully removed the now pinned and drawn on jacket, then pulled the pants off of my legs, only to realize that my leg bag was near full. "Damnit." I said irritated.

"It's cool man. She has to have a bathroom in here. You can do this right. Anne showed you this morning how it works." He said, not wanting to embarrass me more by taking me to the bathroom.

"Yeah, as long as I can keep a grip on the tube. I had some trouble this morning with it. No I can do it." I said determined.

This morning she even switched the side of the bag, before it was on my right leg, but I couldn't quite reach it there, so she strapped it to my left instead, making it easier to do. It took me five tries to get it right this morning, keeping a grip on the tube was the most difficult part. I could hold a fork now, mainly by leverage, even a cup with a handle, but smaller things that needed precision were a challenge. Once he had me back in my street clothes I waited for him to carry me back to my chair where I sat for a moment before finding comfort in the little balance I had and moved to the register to ask her where the restroom was. "Go around the back of the dressing rooms Seeley, you should fit in there fine." She said writing up a bill for me.

"Thanks, Jules." I said turning to make my way back over as I heard Jack's phone ring.

I managed to empty the bag with only trouble, but I'd done it. I was becoming more and more independent as the days went by. The only thing missing was her. I stopped and looked at my face in the mirror, I was scruffy again, almost to a beard, but not quite. I looked tired, and worn out from my emotions. And yet Julia didn't comment on it, something she'd normally yell at me about, maybe it was the circumstances of why I was in, with Bones funeral or maybe it was just me now.

"Seeley, you alright in there man?" Jack called as he knocked on the door.

"Yeah. Move so I can open the door Hodgins." I called back.

"That was Rebecca, she's in town with Parker and I told her she could just drop him here." He said as we came through back into the store.

"Oh. How long till they meet us here?" I said watching Julia watching me.

"A few minutes." he answered.

"Looks like you'll get to see Parker sooner than you thought Jules." I said smiling at her.

"Really. You Booth boys really know how to make a girls day. You know that?" She said.

"We try." I said, thinking about Bones, and how I was going to tell Parker about her.

I waited to see him burst through the doors to see his Aunt Jules, but instead I was greeted with a somber child, who pushed the door open slowly. "What's the matter little man?" I said wheeling over to him.

"It was her daddy. I saw it on the paper this morning." He said, sniffling.

"Becca. I thought we agreed I was going to tell him. How could you just leave it lying around?" I asked, trying not to get angry.

"I'm sorry Seeley, he got up early and Josh was reading the paper and he saw it, her picture and all were on the front page." She said her voice not lying.

"Come here Parker. It's going to be okay." I said leaning forward to take him in my arms.

As soon as he hugged me back I could feel my shirt getting wet from his tears, I could feel my son's little body heaving with sadness. "Parker listen to me. Relax little man. Now we have to be strong for her, look our best and talk about how great she was. About how she loved going to the science center with you, or how she would steal our french fries instead of ordering her own. It's going to be okay Park." I tried to calm him down.

"But daddy I know it wasn't her, why are the papers lying. We knew remember?" He asked.

"I know little man. It's hard, I thought I knew it wasn't her too. Our guts can be wrong though Parker." I said trying to lean back in my chair, but not making any progress. I felt Jacks hand on my shoulder steadying me and helping me back as I reached for the wheels.

"Dad? This isn't the chair you were in yesterday where's the joystick?" Parker asked, wiping at his face with his sleeve.

"I've upgraded buddy. Look I can push this one myself." I said demonstrating for him. I could see Rebecca's face light up a bit as our little guy relaxed some.

"Parker? Is that my little Parker?" I heard Julia coming towards us.

"Aunt Jules!" he squealed, his sadness still evident on his face, but his eyes brightened at the sight of her.

"You've grown so much since the last time I saw you kiddo! Give me a hug." She said crouching down to get to his level, as he nearly knocked her over.

"Aunt Jules, my suit is too small... I have to look good for her." he said, his eyes welling up again.

"You will. Come on, we'll fix you up good. Do you want the same suit your dad got? I think I might have one in your size. Let's go look." She said standing and taking his hand and winking to me.

"Seeley, he really is having a hard time with this. He believes that she is okay... I don't know how to tell him otherwise. If this is a cover up and he finds out that it isn't her it will work out, but if she is dead Seel, this isn't going to end well." Rebecca said once he was out of earshot.

"I know Beccs. I know. But we'll get through it." I said hoping that we would as I wheeled towards my son.

"Jack here is his stuff. There should be more than enough to last him through Tuesday, I've packed his DS too. I've called the school and they know that he won't be in until Thursday I thought that maybe he should stay with Seeley all day Wednesday. Maybe get them out, go to the park or whatever it is they want to do. I can't imagine what Seeley is going through Jack. He really loved her, so did Parker. It's like their whole lives have been revolving around their Bones, ya know. These last few months, she's done so much for both of them. I can't imagine if she really is gone how they will take it. Parker is just like Seeley, Jack, just like him, they are going to need each other now." She said to Jack.

"Rebecca, there is evidence to suggest that it isn't her, and for now that is the only thing keeping Booth going. I talked to his doctors at the rehab and they said that he is slated for release in three weeks. He'll be on his own, and without Dr. Brennan, I don't know if that will happen. I've already told him that he can stay with me after his release, and he shrugs it off, acts like it isn't necessary, but he can't be alone if she's gone Rebecca. Hopefully it won't come to that. But please don't let him be without Parker right now. You've been good so far, and things might get harder now, I don't think it would be good for either one of them if they were separated." Jack said to her honestly.

"I wasn't even thinking about that Jack honestly. I know what Seeley is like in situations like this, and now that Parker has become so much like him, I wouldn't even know how to comfort him like Seeley does. Don't worry Jack. We'll get them through this." She said, watching Booth and Parker heading for the dressing rooms.

"Parker I'm gonna go sweetie, if you guys need anything give me a call okay? I'll see you Tuesday, and then I'll be by to pick you up on Thursday morning for school okay buddy?" Rebecca called to him as she went to hug him.

"Okay mom. I'll see you in a few days. I love you." Parker said hugging her quickly.

"Bye Seeley. Anything you need, just call." She said placing her hand on my shoulder.

"Thanks Rebecca, for this." I said, covering her hand with mine.

"I hate seeing my guys hurting Seel. I'll see you Tuesday." She said pulling her hand off my shoulder.

After Rebecca left, Julia fitted Parker for his new suit that was identical to mine. She tickled him and teased him, definitely bringing out the son I was used too for a little while anyways.

"Seeley, he's going to be just as big as you are. His shoulders are so broad for his age." Julia said to me as I watched her making marks on the fabric.

"Like father like son." I said winking at Parker in the mirror.

"Dad, can I get a belt buckle like yours? Dr. Bones liked that red one you have, can I get one like that?" He asked.

"Uh, well not the same one little man. But we'll find you a good one, I promise." I said feeling my cheeks reddening at the thought of my son in a COCKY belt buckle.

"I think I know where I can find one Booth. I'll be back okay." Jack said looking like he had a giant idea.

"Sure we'll be here, nothing bad Hodgins." I said half joking.

"Dad. Can we go to the diner after this? I'm starving." He said fidgeting with a thread that was haning from his sleeve.

"Not today Park. We have to go by the lab, and then I think Angela wants to see you maybe another day this week. We're just going to be hanging out tonight okay, with Jack and Angela." I answered him. "Stop pulling at that bud."

"Don't tell him that Seeley, you do the same thing. God, you two are so alike." Julia teased me.

"Yeah and I'm trying to keep him from my bad habits pumpkin." I joked back.

As Parker changed back into his t-shirt and jeans, Hodgins came back with a wide grin on his face.

"Please tell me it doesn't say Cocky Jack." I asked, scared to look.

"Oh no, she would have loved this Booth." He said pulling the little red buckle from the bag.

I looked at the buckle that read heartbreaker, and smiled. She would have loved it. "Where did you find that?" I asked.

"At the novelty shop on K street. It's perfect for him Booth. And it's so close to the same design as yours." He answered just as Parker emerged from the dressing room.

"Cool Jack, is that for me?" he asked, his face perking up.

"Sure is little man. Here, put it in your pocket, we'll put it on your belt tomorrow." Jack said handing him the metal buckle.

"Thanks man. It's perfect." I said to Jack as Parker went in search of Julia.

"So Aunt Julia, did you ever meet Dr. Bones?" Parker asked her as we got closer to them.

"Yeah I did kiddo. She was a great person, took care of your dad you know. Kept him in line." She told him.

"Yeah she told me to do that while she was gone, I hope I'm doing it okay." his little voice said.

"You are Parker, she knew you could that's why she told you too. He might get sad for a while, cause she's gone, but he'll get better." She told him quietly.

"Did he love her Aunt Julia?" I heard his little voice ask her, not knowing that I was listening.

"Yeah buddy. He did. He likes to think that they were just partners Parker, but everyone could see it. Even I could see it, and he only brought her in here a few times." She answered him honestly.

"I'm scared that she isn't coming back. I'm scared for daddy Aunt Jules. Look how happy he looks here, and he was still really hurting there." Parker said pulling the photo I thought he took from his pocket.

"He's going to be okay Parker, even if she doesn't come back, he has you and all his friends, he'll be okay and so will you." She said pulling him in for a hug.

I almost choked when I heard him say that he was scared for me. I was supposed to be the strong one for him and here he was being strong for me. I cleared my throat, to let them know that I was there.

"Daddy, Aunt Julia said that my suit will be done in the morning. Are we going to the lab now?" He asked, stuffing the photo in his pocket.

"Yeah buddy, let's go. We'll stop and get you something to eat too. Jules, we'll be back around eleven tomorrow is that okay? I have therapy at nine." I said looking up at her as she stood.

"Sure thing Seeley. I'll be here till two tomorrow, so don't rush unless you have to." She said leaning n to give me a hug. I held onto her for a good minute, before I was able to let go.

"It's going to be okay Seeley. You have a great kid there you know that. He's more like you than I thought. I remember you at his age, and it's scary to see how similar you are. You're raising him right. Now go, get out of here and feed the kid. He has to grow up nice and strong, and that won't happen if you let him starve." She teased kissing my cheek before I turned to leave.

Once Hodgins had us all in the vehicle he headed to the lab, I prayed that all the evidence was gone before we got there, I didn't want Parker to see that. We drove in silence except for Parker's nervous tapping foot.

"Park, quit fidgeting." I said turning my head to smile at him. If my situation was different I'd be tapping my foot too.

"Sorry daddy." he said softly.

The rest of the ride he was silent and when we pulled into the parking lot my heart tightened at seeing her car there. I wondered what Miss Julian wanted to see me about, I didn't know if I felt up to going over the case with her and hoped that wasn't it.

Pushing into the lab was difficult, I'd never realized how far it actually was from the lot. I missed feeling the ground beneath my feet in that moment, my legs striding towards the door, the freedom I'd lost that day ever present as I made it through the door with Jack on one side and Parker on the other.

"I'm going to trace that call you got yesterday, Parker do you want to come with me or stay with your dad?" Jack said, avoiding looking to the platform ahead of us.

"Can I go with Jack daddy?" He asked, nervously.

"Sure little man, don't get in anyone's way though." I said glad that he didn't want to stick to me like glue.

"Seeley Booth, get your behind over here, Cherie." I heard to my left, near Bones' office.

"Miss Julian, nice to see you." I offered as I propelled myself closer to her.

"Already out of that clunky chair I see." She said noticing the effort it took me to go the short distance.

"Yeah. What's this about Caroline?" I asked forcefully, looking around the office that still smelled of my Bones.

"It has come to my attention that Max Keenan has been given clearance to look into the disappearance of his daughter. I don't know how it was done Cherie, and I don't care, but I swear Booth if this hinders the pending investigation into Wylo in any way I will hold you responsible." She said angrily.

"Caroline, I had nothing to do with this. Check my phone records, I never once called Max, or called into FBI headquarters, yes I've spoken with him about my theory on the case and how I believe her to still be alive, but other than that, I have no involvement whatsoever Cherie." I said vehemently.

"Seeley, I believe this to be her. I do not know what else to tell you son. This is her. Deal with that Cherie. Grieve and get over it. Do not prolong this any more than it will be already Booth. I know your gut tells you otherwise, but did you ever think that maybe your gut is wrong. All physical evidence points to this being her. Now are you ready to speak at the funeral?" She asked me after her tirade about my gut being wrong.

"What? I... I don't know if I can do that Miss Julian." I said completely floored.

"Oh you will Cherie. You will be speaking after Miss Montenegro." She said, turning to leave.

"Caroline... wait." I yelled after her.

"I don't have time to fight with you Cherie, what is it." She said stopping to let me catch up to her.

"What do I say?" I asked, breathless.

"You say whatever is in your heart Cherie. But a bit of advice leave out the part about the steamboats for all of our sakes." She said leaving me in the hallway.

I sat there for a good while before turning back to her office, and entering. I looked around at all of the things that were so un-mistakingly her. The images on the desk, one of her and Russ, one of her and Angela and surprisingly one I'd never seen before. There in front of my eyes was a photo of her and Parker, decked out in their lab coats, standing in front of a table with bones on it. I could see the other children in the background, but the smiles the two of them had shone above anything else in the photograph. I picked it up, to get a closer look, when a slip of paper fell from the backing.

_Booth, _

_Just a reminder of how much he's like you. He manages to make me smile every time I see him,_

_just like you do._

_Always, _

"_Bones"_

I read it over three times my eyes welling up more each time. Had she planned on giving this to me when she got back, I wondered. I tried to slip the paper back into the frame, but the clumsiness in my left hand prevented it. I set the framed photo back on her desk, leaving the slip of paper under it. I slowly backed away from her desk and turned to leave the office. I wondered if she was scared, and I hoped with all of my being that she wasn't.

"Booth, the call came in from a throwaway cell phone, from Louisiana. Didn't you say that was where Wylo's family was from?" Hodgins said, Parker trailing behind him.

"Yep. Can we pinpoint the location?" I asked.

"I'm running it now to see if I can. The carriers usually don't include a GPS tracker in those phones but I'll do my best." Jack said.

"Daddy can we get something to eat now?" Parker asked.

"I'm sorry little man, yeah Hodgins can you send the information to your home computer, he's hungry and I need to get out of here." I said honestly.

"Yeah I'll meet you outside, just let me set the alert." He said jogging away from us.

"Parker you have fun here with these guys huh?" I asked him as we made our way to the exit.

"Sure dad. It's like I'm a squint too sometimes. But most of the time they call me little Booth. So I must be more like you right?" He said holding the door open so I could go through it.

"I think you are Parker, and can be however you like. If you want to be like me, cool, but if you wanted to do this kind of stuff that would be cool too little man." I assured him as we hit the outside air.

I moved to turn around and face him, but I didn't get far before I was falling, and falling fast towards the ground. I'd misjudged the turn and it was too late, I hit the ground hard, cracking the back of my head off the cement. I blinked a few times before the lights went out.

"Daddy? Daddy? Wake up." I heard Parker yelling as the world went dark.

It felt like I was dreaming, but somehow awake. I could hear her voice, yelling out for me, "_BOOTH_" she called over and over. I went to get up, and to my surprise, there was no wheelchair, I got up on my own two feet, running in the direction of her voice. "_I'm coming Bones, just hang on a little longer._" I yelled, hoping she could hear me. The farther I ran, the farther it seemed that she was from me, until finally I saw her, wearing sweats and a t-shirt, which I recognized as mine. "_Bones, are you hurt_?" I asked her, taking her in my arms. "_I'm scared Booth. But you're here with me now. You've been here all along. I was just too scared to believe._" She said, making no sense. I tried to pull her to her feet, but she resisted. "_Go back Booth, Parker is waiting for you. I'll be home soon._" She said something shiny catching my eye. It was my tags, around her neck, she was clutching them in her hands. "_No Bones come with me now. C'mon, we can go back together._" I tried, desperately. I pulled furiously at her, but she wouldn't budge. Hearing Parker calling for me, I turned and when I turned back she was gone.

"Daddy, are you okay?" Parker said his voice shaky.

"Booth, Booth. Can you hear me?" Jack asked,as I opened my eyes.

"Parker." I said, everything becoming clearer.

"Booth we should get you checked out. You hit your head pretty hard. Let's get you up." He said, lifting me and the chair to normal position.

"I'm fine, just a little dizzy. Where is she?" I asked, looking around for Bones.

"Where is who Daddy?" he asked, looking scared.

"Uh, no one. I thought that, wait, it must have been a dream. It's nothing little man, I'm fine." I said feeling the lump on the back of my head.

"Booth, did you see Brennan?" Jack leaned in a whispered to me on the way to the car.

"Yeah. She's alive Jack. I can tell you what she's wearing, she's scared Jack." I said low enough that Parker couldn't hear us.

"Do you know where?" He asked.

"No. But she's wearing an old army t-shirt I gave her once and gray sweats, she's got the tags around her neck. She's dirty and scared." I re-itarrated.

"Just take a breath Booth. I'm running you by the hospital, you could have a concussion." He said lifting me into the SUV.

"Let's take Parker for something to eat first and then we can go." I said firmly.

"Finally." Parker said from the back seat.

Hodgins rolled through the drive thru for Parker who viciously attacked his chicken nuggets the minute they were moving again. "Easy Park, don't choke." I said turning to see him with a mouthful of chicken.

"Okay Dad." He mumbled exposing chewed up chicken.

As we pulled up to the rehab facility I felt the dread crawling up inside me. Just one day away and already I didn't want to go back. I missed just going places, being with Parker outside of the walls of a hospital. I wheeled myself into Dr. Kings office feeling the back of my head throbbing the whole time and waited for him to enter.

"Seeley, how are you holding up?" He asked, knowing that Bones was thought to be dead.

"I had a little fall earlier, and Jack insisted that you check me out, make sure I don't have a concussion." I said flatly.

"Let's have a look shall we." He said, getting that I didn't want to talk about her.

He checked me over declaring that a mild concussion was evident. He warned me to be more careful, and that it's common in the first few weeks that I'd tip my chair. When he called Jack in I saw Parker sitting in the hallway, with a look of mischief in his eyes.

"Jack I'd just like you to watch him closely, he should be fine, but keep an eye on him, wake him up every few hours tonight just to be safe and after that go on as normal. You'll be bringing him back Wednesday correct?" He asked him.

"I was going to call you and ask if we could check him back in on Thursday instead, we were going to spend an extra day with Parker, ya know, to make sure he's okay with everything that's going on." Jack said.

"I think that's fine. Anne will be notified to the change in schedule and will be out the extra day as well then. Seeley, I'll see you Thursday then." Dr. King said.

"Thanks, Doc." I said before leaving to find that Parker was nowhere in sight.

"Uh, Jack, we have a small problem. Parker is gone." I said, frantically knowing that he couldn't have gotten far.

"I'll go this way, you take that side. We'll meet back here." Jack said rushing to the left, as I wheeled right.

I searched every room until I was back in the spot he'd taken off from. Still no Jack. All the times he'd been here he'd been so good, and he chose now to disappear. I wheeled off towards my room, wondering if he'd think to go there.

I wasn't surprised to see the little curly head, sitting at the table going through the pictures of our night at the science center. "Parker, you can't take off like that." I said, my heart breaking at the tears coming down his cheeks when he turned to look at me.

"Sorry Daddy." He said coming and climbing up on my lap.

"It's okay little man. I miss her too." I offered, pulling him in close.

"Did you really see her when you hit your head?" He asked surprising me.

"I did buddy. But it was because I was dreaming. I'll make you a deal though. If she's out there Max will find her, we trust Max right?" I asked.

"Yeah I trust him, that's her dad. If I was missing you'd find me. So he'll find her?" He asked, his eyes hopeful.

"If she's out there he'll bring her back to us Parker." I said, fighting back tears myself. "Can you help me out bud, and put all those photos back in the envelope, we'll take them to Jack's okay."

"Okay. Your face needs shaved Dad. It's scratchy." He said as his little hands busily worked to arrange the pictures.

"I know. Tomorrow morning we'll shave okay?" I said, involving him.

"Did you... jeez Parker you scared me." Jack said seeing us in my room.

"Sorry Jack. I got bored. I won't do it again." Parker said his little voice still shaky from crying.

"Jack can you get me more clothes, and my toiletries?" I asked, moving to take the picture of Bones and I at the crime scene from the table by my bed.

After we collected the few things from my room we headed back to Jack's house to relax, tomorrow was going to be a long day.


	23. All that's missing

One month, 18 days earlier.

"Read it again Parky. Your doing really well." She said eliciting a smile from his little face.

"Blue birds pull the worms from the ground and fly them to their nest. They feed their young, breaking the worms apart so the young birds can digest them." He read to them again.

"Good job little man." Booth said proudly watching his son's face light up.

Four weeks into the lessons and he was doing so well, but the credit really had to go to Bones. She had created a whole set of flash cards, and was working with him once a week to improve his reading skills. It was working well, Rebecca had told them how impressed the teacher was with his improvements, and Booth couldn't have been prouder of his son.

"Daddy, I made it to the second class at the lab. I can do it right." Parker said climbing up onto his dad's bed to get eye level with him.

"Of course Parker. We still have another twenty minutes before we're done for the day though, right Bones?" Booth said, trying to keep him focused.

"Yes twenty more minutes and then we'll go get something to eat, maybe even ice cream." She said her smile so genuine.

They continued for more than twenty minutes before she heard Booth's stomach rumbling. "I think that's enough, your dad's stomach is starting to protest Park." She said stopping him after the last task.

"I'm starving kiddo. Let's head down to the cafeteria." Booth said, blowing into his straw to get the chair moving.

Normally they would have walked next to him, but for some reason today he was lagging behind. He watched as his son's little hand found hers, and they stayed hand in hand until they had exited the elevator. He wished that he could see their interactions at the lab, she could engage him like no one else he knew one minute and then turn around and be silly with him the next. It was nice watching the two of them together he thought as they got situated at a table for dinner.

"Bones, you have to cut that for him." Booth said watching Parker try to spear the steak on his plate.

"I can do it Dad." Parker said as he tried to do it himself.

"Let him try Booth." Bones said, keeping an eye on the knife in Parkers right hand.

"There you go little man. Who taught you how to do that?" Booth asked.

"Jack showed me last week, said I'd never be a good date if I couldn't cut my own meat." Parker said with a grin.

"What else has Jack been telling you Park." Booth asked with a hint of jealousy in his voice.

"He said that there is more to life than chasing girls, but that's a big part of it, and that once in a while all the government does is cover up sandals." Parker said bringing the fork to his mouth.

"I think what he said was scandals Parker." Bones said laughing.

"Bones maybe a little less time with the conspiracy nut would be a good idea?" Booth said with a smile.

"He doesn't go into depth with it Booth, it's fine. Jack wouldn't pit him against you like that." Bones said jokingly.

"I know. It's funny what he's picking up though, you have to admit, sometimes I wonder if he's the same kid I knew three months ago." Booth said, before opening his mouth to take the bite she offered him.

The three of them continued eating and chatting, but Booth was holding something back, she could tell by the look on his face that something was bothering him. She waited until later that evening after Parker had left to ask about it.

"What's wrong Booth?" She asked after the nurses had him back in bed for the night.

"I'm okay Bones. Nothing's wrong." He answered, his jaw tight.

"Something is bothering you, I can tell by the look on your face." She said softly.

"I just feel like I'm missing out on so much of his life being stuck in here Bones. Every time I see him, I feel like he's grown so much, he's becoming more and more his own person everyday, and I'm not there to be a part of it. It's hard Bones." He said sadly.

"Booth, you are just as much a part of his life as anyone. It doesn't matter to him that you are in here. It doesn't change that you are his father, and it never will. I wish it was different, just like you do, but to him, this is an adventure. Look at all the opportunities he's had since you've been in here. He wouldn't be in the lab classes if you weren't, he'd still be having difficulties with his reading, he wouldn't cherish the time he spends with you as much as he does. Timing is everything Booth, and in time you'll get out of here, you'll be back out there skating with him, and he'll be the same little boy he always has been, but he'll realize how precious his time with you is." She said passionately.

"I hope your right Bones." He said, his face still far from relaxed.

"Have you ever known me to lie to you Booth?" She asked.

"No." he answered looking to her.

"Then why would I start now." She said.

"Do you like spending time with him?" He asked her honestly.

"Yes I do, very much. It's refreshing to be around him, it's like getting to know you through him. He talks about you constantly Booth." She answered.

"Yeah what does he say?" He asked curiously.

"He talks a lot about how you coached his t-ball team, and how you were teaching him to skate so he could play hockey. My favorite though is how you cook together once a week, and it doesn't matter how messy he gets, you still let him do it. Oh, and how when he's scared you can find and kill any monster with your flashlight. Your his dad Booth, he adores you." She said smiling at him, not realizing she'd taken his hand in hers.

"I'm glad you're getting to know him Bones. I've never really brought any other woman into his life. I was always scared of him getting too attached and it not working out. I was afraid that he would get hurt. I don't know how Rebecca does it sometimes, maybe it's easier for her because she has him more, I don't know." He said, seeing her hand on his finally.

"What else is bothering you Booth?" She asked sensing that something else was still rolling around in his head.

"I was just thinking today, what if this is as good as it gets for me Bones. Is this what I have to look forward to? Anne was telling me that there are people who live the rest of their lives like this, twenty four hour a day care, life in a body that doesn't work. I can't do that Bones. It's scares me everyday when I wake up and nothing is changed." He said, his eyes closing tight.

"Seeley, look at me." She said waiting for his eyes to open again. "No matter the outcome, you'll figure it out. Your strong enough to get past whatever life throws at you. I know in my heart that soon, you'll wake up and be thinking about how long ago it seemed that nothing would change, and then it did."

"I hope your right Bones." He said, resting his head back onto the pillow.

"You're tired aren't you. Why don't you tell me when I'm blabbing on and on, that all you want is some rest Booth." She asked reaching for her things.

"I'd rather fall asleep to you babbling than to the silence any day Bones." He answered softly.

"What do you want me to babble about then?" She asked playfully.

"Help me remember what it's like to walk around the lab." He said wearily.

"The air is always a perfect temperature, it's never too hot or too cold, and there really is no recognizable scent. The windows let in the most blaring sunlight in the morning and the moonlight casts shadows that are haunting at night, the way it plays off the equipment on the platform. When you walk around the upper area there is one plant that is overgrown, and you have to move for it, no one knows why they don't trim it back, but they don't, or maybe they do, but it's stubborn. It's nice to stand above the platform and watch the work that goes on, it helps me think sometimes when I'm stuck on something to just stand up there and collect my thoughts. If you go into my office you can see my frustrations, the piles of paperwork on my desk, or the draft of my book open where I'm making changes. If you go to Ange's work area you can find some of the best artwork around, mostly hers, but she wouldn't tell you that you know." She stopped hearing the faint snores coming from his mouth.

"I guess that did it." She chuckled to herself as she gathered her bag to leave.

Taking his hand up to her mouth she kissed it softly, knowing that it wouldn't disturb him and then she gently placed it back on the bed. She watched him for a few minutes, so peaceful and still it was eerily calming to know that at least he wasn't in physical pain. She knew that mentally he was still fragile, even more so than his body was. Turning to leave for the night she wondered how much longer till he broke down again, how much more he could take. Leaving silently she made her way to her car and drove back to her apartment. That night she lie in bed hoping that soon would come for him.

She entered his room the next day in the middle of him being dressed, and immediately knew that it was a bad day. Seeing his eyes closed, his jaw clenched tight and the slightly erratic breaths coming from him indicated to her that he was angry. It wasn't the first time she witnessed it and she was sure it wouldn't be the last, only she wondered what had set him off.

"Good morning Dr. Brennan." John said cheerfully as he wrestled with Booth's socks.

"Morning John. Hey Booth." She said nonchalantly.

"Uh, hi Bones." He said, not hearing her come in, his eyes popped open, "Your here early, everything okay?"

"Yes, every thing is fine Booth, I have to testify this afternoon and I didn't know when I'd get done, so I thought I'd come early today. Is that okay, I can go..." She said hesitantly.

"No. You can stay." was all he said before he closed his eyes again preparing himself as John moved to lean him forward.

"Dr. Brennan could you hand me his shirt please." John asked, sensing the tension in the room.

Brennan moved to hand him the gray t-shirt from the foot of the bed feeling the softness of it between her fingers. Watching as the nurse brought it over his head, then proceeded to place his arms through the holes, she cringed, how demeaning it must be for him she thought briefly, before going to one of the chairs next to his bed. She wondered what that would be like, to not feel anything, not the softness of the shirt, the texture of sheets, or the touch of another human being. She'd thought about this many times, but today it was ever present in her mind just how much he had lost.

"What's the matter Bones, it's like you've never seen this happen before." He shot at her, seeing the sad look across her face.

"I was just... I was going over the testimony for the case in my mind." She blurted out, unaware that he had been watching her.

"Why do you do that?" He asked, wishing that they were alone.

"Do what Booth?" She asked feigning innocence.

"Pretend like it doesn't bother you, hide that you think about it." He said matter of fact.

"I wasn't Booth. Where would you get an idea like that?" She said.

"I know you Bones. I know when you are trying to hide something. You could ask me you know." He said, happy to have called her out.

"First of all I wasn't hiding anything. Secondly, what would I need to ask?" She shot back at him as John left the room.

"You think that because I don't feel things, I don't know when you're upset, or curious? It's not like you to not ask questions, but lately I've noticed that you try to be all sunshine and rainbows around me Bones. What is it? Does it peak your interest? Just ask me Bones." He said, his voice raising a bit.

"Fine. What is it like Booth?" She said, finally able to voice the question she'd been dying to ask for months.

"I knew it. I knew something was off with you... for a while now. It's like nothing. I see people touching me, I know that I should feel it, but I don't. It doesn't hurt, there's no tingling, just nothing. No heat, no pressure, nothing. Now my neck, the very tops of my shoulders, my face, well all of that is super sensitive, I can feel if there is a hair there almost instantly. When they touch my neck or shoulders as they move me, I crave it. Just that little bit of sensation, I miss that." He described. "I miss feeling things, I don't remember what it feels like to touch things Bones. I don't remember what things feel like anymore, the way a shirt just out of the dryer felt against my skin, the coolness of the bathroom tile under my feet. The hair on Parkers head in my fingers, the small of your back under my hand as I lead you into the interrogation room..."

"Booth..." She said softly, wishing she could make it better, but not knowing how.

"I'm starting to forget other things too. What it felt like to walk up a flight of steps, to hold my gun, to pick up my son, to give you a guy hug. They are all distant memories, sometimes it feels like it was someone else's life..." He said sadly.

"I'm sorry Booth. If I had just been quiet that morning maybe things would have been different..." She said.

"It was never your fault Bones, never. I was too late in turning around, there is nothing you could have done differently. I was just a little too late." he said his voice softer now.

She didn't say another word, instead she moved closer to him, taking his hand in hers, and using her other hand to wipe at the tears that were streaming down his cheeks. It was the first time he really talked to her about what it was like to be in his place. He'd yelled and screamed about it before, but never really described it the way he just did. She wanted to take him into a hug, to comfort him somehow, but with his description of his predicament, she knew that it wouldn't be enough. Silently she sat there, wiping at his tears until finally he spoke.

"It's okay Bones. It'll be okay." He said, more to reassure himself than her.

"It will Booth. You're going to be okay." She said, believing with all of her being that it would be.


	24. Not ready to give up

Settling Parker in for the night at Jack's hadn't been hard, he seemed so drained from the day that as soon as his head hit my arm he was out. After the slight fall I'd taken and the trip back from the rehab facility we hunkered down for the night and watched a movie. Poor kid didn't even make it halfway through it. "Jack could you?" I said quietly trying not to wake him. He'd fallen asleep against me on the comfortable couch in Jack's living room and I couldn't really do much about it.

"Sure Seeley. I got him." Jack said pausing the movie as Angela watched him lean in to pick up Parker.

"Thanks. If you could just get him in bed and then come back for me. I'm ready to hit the sack too." I said, wishing it was easier.

"I'll be right back Booth." Jack said as I watched him carrying Parker in his arms.

"I'm sorry Ange." I said softly.

"It's not your fault sweetie. They should never have sent her in the first place." She answered, blankly.

"Even still if I had never gotten hurt we wouldn't be here doing this right now." I said trying to find ways to blame myself.

"Booth, it's not your fault." She said again, this time looking me in the eyes.

"Doesn't mean I don't feel like that though Ange. I was supposed to protect her, keep her safe. How could I let her go, knowing that she would be in danger." I said working myself up.

"You didn't know what the case was Booth. It was supposed to just be a routine case, nothing special about it. I know that if you had known what it was you would have begged her to stay. We all would have." She said, fighting back tears.

"He's down Booth. I don't think a freight train could wake him up." Jack said interrupting our conversation.

He moved to lift me into my chair and struggled a bit, I could tell he was tired too. We all were, emotionally and physically. And this was just the beginning. We had three more days of this ahead. Once I was back in my chair I gained my balance and pushed toward the elevator, Jack following behind me. "Goodnight Ange." I called back to her.

"Night Booth. See you in the morning sweetie." She answered as the doors were closing.

"Do you want me to get your pills, or do you think you'll actually get some sleep?" Jack asked before we exited the elevator.

"I'll take them. As tired as I am, I don't know if I'll be able to shut my mind off without them." I answered honestly.

"You know Booth, when you get released you are more than welcome to stay here till we get you set up in your own place." He said as we entered mine and Parkers room.

"I know Jack. I just don't know what I'm doing with that yet ya know. I'm just trying to get through the next few days and then we can talk more about it okay?" I said, not ready to think about making the decision without her opinion.

Jack waited on my bed while I brushed my teeth and emptied my bag, and when I emerged from the bathroom he got me ready for bed. Lifting me into the bed he grunted again at the strain. "Jack this is too much for you to be doing this. I'm getting too heavy for you." I said hating that I couldn't do more.

"No I'm just worn out from the last few days Seeley." he said before handing me the mug with pills in his hand. Placing them on my tongue I chased them with a swig of water from the mug then handed it back to him.

"One thing before you go Jack. Could you move Parker to the empty room next door in the morning, I don't want Anne to wake him up when she gets here, he needs his rest." I asked, looking over at my sleeping son.

"No problem man. Goodnight." He said before shutting the door.

"Goodnight." I answered still watching as Parkers chest rose and fell in as he slept.

Even with the pills it was a long time before I was asleep. So many thoughts were running through my head about the dream I'd had earlier. She looked so scared, so dirty. I wondered how long she'd been hiding, or how long she was being held like that. I couldn't get her scared panic stricken face off of my mind. Eventually I began to doze off, still watching Parkers sleeping form, anything to not see her face in my mind. Not too long after I'd fallen asleep I awoke to screams, and the light flashing on blinding me.

"Booth, are you okay?" Angela asked, coming to sit at the side of my bed.

"Parker, what's the matter little man?" I said, thinking that the screams were his, until I realized he was staring at me with terror in his eyes.

"Daddy, you were screaming her name." He said, on the verge of tears.

"I'm sorry buddy. I didn't mean to wake you up, come here. It's okay." I said motioning for him to come to me.

"Booth, we could hear you from our room." Angela said softly, stroking Parkers head.

"I don't even remember dreaming about her Ange." I said, pulling Parker in closer to me, his little body was shaking.

"Daddy, you said don't give up Bones, don't we need you, Parker needs you, I need you... it scared me." He said hugging me tight.

"I didn't mean to scare you Park. I just miss her buddy." I said, trying to find the right words.

"I miss her too daddy." Parker said, a single tear rolling down his face.

"We all miss her, but we need to get some sleep guys. The next few days are going to be really tiring, and I don't want either of my Booth's getting sick on me okay. Back to bed Parky." Angela said, using Bones nickname for him, as she took his hand to lead him back to his bed.

"Hold on... daddy I took this the other day. Maybe you should keep it by your bed." Parker said, rummaging through his clothes on the floor, and pulling out the picture of the three of us.

"We'll put it right here, so you both can see it okay?" Angela said taking it and propping it up over the alarm clock between the beds.

"Thanks Ange, sorry I woke you." I said as she tucked Parker back in.

"Sweetie, it's fine. I wasn't finding sleep too easily either. Now get some rest you two." She said, first leaning in and kissing Parker's forehead, then moving and doing the same to me.

She stayed in the doorway for a few minutes just watching us, I wondered what was going through her mind, normally she would tell me, but this time she was being too quiet. I don't remember falling asleep after that, but when I woke in the morning Jack was lifting Parker from my bed, where he must have ended up at some point.

"Easy Seeley, he's still out pretty good, I think I can get him in the other room without waking him." Jack said barely whispering.

I struggled to try and sit up, which in the end I managed to get most of the way there before Jack returned.

"Is he still out?" I asked, as Jack helped me the rest of the way.

"Yeah, he didn't sleep to well after your nightmare Seel. I heard him up and around, and came out to check on him, ended up getting him some water and then brought him back in. He should be out for another few hours at least. He's worried about you." Jack said sitting down on my bed.

"This feels like a nightmare, the whole thing Jack. Even when I'm awake, I feel like it's all a bad dream." I said letting the tears come.

"I know man. I still think I'm going to wake up and go in to the lab and she'll be there, asleep by the table from being up all night working a case. I can't imagine what it's like for you." He said solemnly.

"It's hard Jack. Thinking that I might never see her face again, that she might never correct me again, that she might not be there for me... then I see Parker and how quickly he can go from being happy one moment and in the next breath he's on the verge of tears. I see how much he cares about her Jack, all this time I've kept him from this sort of thing, never really bringing a woman into his life, and when I finally felt like I was getting somewhere with her I let it happen and now look. And how do I keep telling myself she's still alive when almost everyone else thinks otherwise. It's like I'm at war with myself." I said.

"If she's out there Seeley we'll find her. If this is her, then we'll get through it, all of us together." He said as we heard a knock on the door.

"Are you decent Seeley?" Anne said playfully.

"Not like you haven't already seen it." I played back, wiping at the tears on my face.

"How did it go yesterday with the new chair, I heard you took a spill." She said smiling at us.

"Yeah, cracked my head pretty good, knocked me out for a few minutes, but I'm fine. My arms are a little sore though." I said realizing that I'd been sitting without the vest for a good while without slipping down in the bed.

"Looks like you're doing okay though. How long have you been sitting like that?" She asked.

"At least ten minutes." I answered.

"We're going to work on getting you in and out of bed today Seel. Jack if you don't have other things to do I'd like you to stay." She said with a smile.

"Yeah I can stay." Jack said.

"So how does this work?" I asked.

"First of all, we need to get your chair on the other side of the bed, your left side is stronger, and therefore will be the side you'll use to keep you balanced while your moving. Jack could you?" She asked him to move the chair.

I leaned myself forward so she could put the vest behind me to put it on, and as easy as it was to lean forward now, I still didn't have the strength to push myself all the way back so she gently leaned me back onto the vest where I moved to do the straps across it. I looked up at her waiting for further instructions.

"Now pull the covers off of yourself, making sure that your legs aren't tangled up. Then think about what you did the night you ended up on the floor, the only difference is this time you'll have this board that reaches from the bed to your chair, like this." She said placing the board next to me.

"Ease yourself onto the board first, using your left arm lift yourself onto it, making sure its under your bottom good, or it won't end pretty." She instructed.

I did what she instructed, struggling with my body weight and the limited strength I had. Checking that I was on the board properly she then showed me how to lift and place my legs one at a time into the chair. I felt like I was falling a few times during the process, but in the end I'd made it into my chair, by myself.

"How did that feel Seeley?" She asked me with a huge smile across her face.

"You have no idea. Does it work the same getting out?" I asked, wanting to do it again.

"Basically but in reverse. Let's get you in the shower and take care of that bag and we'll work on it some more." She said.

I wasn't used to being in a shower other than at the facility and realizing that Jack's bathroom wasn't designed for someone like me was frustrating. Anne was good at this though, she explained how I would sit in the tub and that's how we would do it. After she had me back out of the tub and dried off I heard Parker's little footsteps coming down the hall. "Dad?" He said not finding me in the bedroom.

"Hey little man, I'm just getting ready for the day, why don't you go down and get some breakfast with Angela." I called from the bathroom as his little head peaked through the door.

"Good morning Parker." Anne said happily.

"Morning. Do you need help Daddy?" he asked.

"We're almost done buddy. Go head down, we'll be done soon." I said glad that he looked rested.

"Okay. Can we still shave together?" he asked.

"Wouldn't have it any other way Parker. Jack will come get you when it's time for you to get a shower okay." I said as he turned to leave.

After he left the room we moved back into the bedroom to get me dressed. I could do the shirts fine, fumbling with buttons but eventually getting them, but getting pants on was a real test for me. I didn't have the reach or the stability in my stomach to do it myself yet and I ended up just getting frustrated with the whole thing.

"Seeley, you are so far ahead of where you should be, this is nothing. Don't let it get to you." Anne tried to reassure me.

"I know, it just feels like I make progress then I hit a roadblock." I said as she pulled the sweats up over my hips.

"It won't be like that forever Seeley. Three weeks and your on your own. You'll be way past pants by then. I think your biggest worry then will be getting a driver's license." She said with a grin.

"I'll be driving?" I asked, surprised.

"How else would you get around? Did you think Jack was going to be your new chauffeur?" She joked.

"I guess I didn't really think about it." I said as she stretched my legs.

"Jack could you do this for him at night? He's feeling a little tight today." She asked him.

"Yeah, that's no problem, I'll get Parker to help." Jack said.

After I was stretched and dressed we worked on transferring in and out of my chair for another forty five minutes or so before Jack went to get Parker to get him ready for the day.

"Anne, I really appreciate you coming all the way out here to do this for me. I know that you usually don't do this." I said succeeding once again in getting into my chair on my own.

"Seeley, I wouldn't do this for everyone, but I see how much you put into getting better, I'm not going to let that slide." She said softly.

"One of these days when you have me up and walking I'm going to give you the biggest hug." I said flashing her a charming smile.

"Jeez dad, you take forever to get ready, you are worse than mom." Parker said running into the room and jumping onto the bed.

"Into the shower Park. We have to pick up our suits in a little bit. C'mon." I said firmly as he didn't make a move to go.

"I'll be right here little man, just yell if you need me." I said as I watched him go towards the bathroom.

I said my goodbyes to Anne as she packed up her bag to leave and then I moved to get Parker's clothes from his bag on the chair. Fumbling with the zipper I finally managed to get out a pair of track pants and some skivvies and a t-shirt for him and headed to the bathroom.

"Here ya go buddy. I'm going to get Jack to come in and help us shave okay, get dressed." I instructed, leaving the pile of clothes on the toilet for him.

I wheeled two doors down and knocked, "Hey Jack, can you help me shave?" I yelled in.

"I'll be right there Seeley." He called back.

Before I even turned around I felt Parkers little arms around my neck. "I love you dad." he said.

"I love you too Park. You okay?" I asked, he was affectionate, but usually not this much.

"Just making sure I told you today." He said smiling his face so close to mine.

"Let's go get the stuff out while we wait for Jack okay." I said turning to head back to our bathroom.

While we waited for Jack Parker pulled out the shaving cream and two razors, one for me and one for him. "Daddy, we'll be okay even if it's Bones right?" He asked sitting on the tank of the toilet.

"Yeah we will buddy, no matter what happens we have each other right." I said, watching his face.

"Bones told me that she would love you even if you never walked again. Did you know that dad?" He said seriously.

"When did she say that Parker?" I asked him.

"When I asked her if you would be able to still skate with me. She said that even if you never skated again, or ran again, or even walked it didn't matter because we still had you. And that just cause your legs don't work, doesn't mean that you can't be a good dad, or that we would love you any less." he said watching me rub my thigh.

"Did you talk about me a lot with her Park?" I asked curiously.

"We always talked about you daddy. We missed you." He said honestly.

"Do you remember the time we got her the christmas tree?" I asked him.

"Yeah that was so cool, you hooked it up to the truck. Can you show me how to do that?" He asked.

"Someday Parker I'll teach you that trick. I don't want you to forget how easy it was to make her happy okay. Just remember that night, the smile on her face. She told me once that you were the best kid she ever met, did you know that?" I asked him.

"No. I didn't know that dad. Did she love me too?" He asked his face sad.

"Parker she loved you so much. Even if she never told you that, I know she did. I could see it, every time she looked at you, or helped you with school." I said fighting back tears.

"Good cause I loved her too dad." He said as Jack came into the bathroom.

"Alright you guys ready?" He asked.

"We've only been waiting for ages Jack." Parker teased him.

"Do you want to pump the shaving cream little man?" I asked Parker.

"Yeah, can I put it on your face too dad?" he asked grinning.

"Yeah Park. Go ahead." I said as Jack placed a towel over my shoulders.

When Jack finished with both of us, I wiped Parkers face with a towel and then got my own, memories of the last time we'd done this flooding my mind. Bones had come in and found us in my room getting a shave from the nurse. How gently she got that last little bit off my face, her fingers lingering for a moment before she pulled away.

We were out the door and headed for our suits when Angela called.

"Okay, thanks babe." Jack said before he hung up with her.

"The call was made from the south of Louisiana, that's as close as I can get. We have to tell Max." He said to me.

"I'll call him now." I said pulling the phone from the pocket of my pants.

"How you holding up Max?" I asked as he answered.

"I'm doing alright Booth. Have you got something for me?" He asked.

"South Louisiana, I received a call from a throwaway cell the other day, nothing on the line but air. Hodgins traced the call and that's as close as he could get, since the cell didn't' have a GPS tracker in it. Wylo has family in that area, I think we should start looking there." I told him.

"Thanks Booth. I'll have one of my buddies head down to check it out, until after the funeral when I can go myself." He said.

"She's going to be wearing an old army t-shirt and gray sweats Max. She's holed up somewhere, I don't know if she's hiding or being held. But she's scared." I added quietly, not wanting Parker to pick up what I said.

"How do you know that Booth?" Max asked me.

"I had a dream about it. I saw her, but I don't know where she was, just that she was alive." I said.

"Let's pray you're right son." He said before hanging up.

"He's sending a friend to check out the area till after the funeral." I said to Jack.

"He'll find her Booth." Hodgins said firmly his hand on my shoulder.

I tried to keep telling myself the same thing, although it was harder every second I didn't hear her voice. I suddenly felt the full weight that she might not come back to me, that this might be reality, her funeral. Letting my head fall to my hands I stayed like that until we reached our destination, this couldn't be happening I repeated over and over in my mind. As Parker set the brakes on my chair I tried to compose myself as best I could. I knew what we were going into the shop to get, and why, but it hadn't hit me until the ride there. These were the suits we'd be wearing when we put her in the ground, probably the only woman I'd ever truly loved and I'd never told her. So many regrets were hanging around in my head, all the times I could have stepped up and spoke my mind, all the times we danced around the issue played like a bad foreign film over and over again.

"Dad?" Parker asked breaking the montage playing in my head.

"Sorry Park." I said, reaching to muss his hair.

"Booth, do you want me to do it?" Jack asked, moving closer to me.

"No, I have to figure it out. I just needed a minute." I said taking the slide board from him.

I carefully lined up, not sure how well it was going to go, I was still so unsteady transferring to begin with, and it didn't help that this was my weaker side. I lifted each of my legs out and then began sliding across the board, falling more than controlled, but I'd done it. I steadied myself and then did the velcro strap at my waist before placing my feet like Anne had showed me.

"Good job Dad." Parker said putting the slide board back in the car.

"Thanks." I answered him giving him a smile.

We entered the shop and Jules was waiting for us, both suits hanging on a rack nearly identical except for the size. "There's my guys. Nice trick outside Seel." She said, hugging me.

"I'm working on it." I said as she moved to Parker.

"Let's make sure this fits kiddo. Then your free to go and leave Aunt Jules." She teased him.

We watched as he exited the dressing room, a perfect little man in the suit. His brown eyes were shiny with tears as he came towards us.

"She'd like it right?" He asked, scrunching up his nose.

"Definitely Parker. Just her style." Jack said, pulling the belt buckle from his pocket.

"I almost forgot about that." Parker said undoing his belt.

"Your turn Seeley." Jules said solemnly, nodding to the dressing room.

"I trust you Jules. I don't think you'd mess this up." I said, not ready to put the suit on yet.

"Humor me Captain America..." She tried.

I wheeled to the dressing room as Jack put the buckle on Parkers belt and waited for him to come and help me. I silently removed my shirt and sat there while he did the rest, until finally I was all done up. Wheeling from the room I looked at myself in the mirror, clean shaven, dressed to the nines, and all for her. It was odd seeing myself in the wheelchair, as much as it had become a part of my everyday life, I still pictured myself standing in my minds eye. I turned and looked at another angle, catching Parkers reflection behind me. "She'd love this Park." I said looking at him.

"Back to your street clothes boys, don't want to get them dirty yet." Jules said trying to lighten the mood.

I payed our bill and we said our goodbyes with promises to visit her more and we were headed back to Jack's house, where in three hours we'd leave again to attend her first viewing. One of five that we were attending. I jumped at the sound of my cell ringing on the way back, and fiddled to get it open before it stopped ringing.

"Booth." I answered.

Again there was nothing but silence, I looked at the number and it was the same as the other call. I listened for anything that would give me a clue as to who it was or where they were calling from, but it was dead silent.

"Who is this?" I yelled into the phone. "Bones is that you? Press a button, anything, do anything, please." I begged.

"Booth is it her?" Jack asked frantically.

"I don't know... there was no response." I said defeated as the call dropped.

"It's okay Booth." Jack said as I threw the phone to the floor.

"No it's not okay, I should never have let her go..." I said slamming my fist to my leg.

"Daddy..." Parker said looking frightened in the back seat.

"I'm sorry little man, I'm sorry." I said trying to get calmed down for his sake. "I didn't mean to yell."

"Booth just relax. Parker it's okay buddy." Jack said, looking at me like I had three heads.

"How can I relax when I don't know if she's alive or dead." I said through clenched teeth.

"It's not making things easier for any of us if you lose it now Seeley." Jack said calmly.

I didn't say another word the rest of the way back to his house, I wanted it all to be over, the trepidation of not knowing, the funeral, all of it. I was sure of one thing, the longer I didn't know if it was her or not the less chance I had of actually getting her back. The uncertainty was wearing at me, I wasn't sure how much longer I could hold on to the hope that she was still alive. I silently entered the house, and was surprised to find Cam and Max both at the dining room table with Angela.

"Hey guys." I said as Parker zipped around me to get to Max.

"How are you guys holding up Seeley." Cam asked watching Parker hug Max.

"We're making it through. What about you?" I asked.

"Trying to get through it Seeley." Max said, pulling out the chair for Parker to sit beside him.

"Max, can we go outside?" Parker asked, looking to me.

"Sure little guy. Booth is that alright?" Max asked as he stood.

"Yeah that's fine, I think I'm going to go rest a little before we have to leave. Just make sure he doesn't wear you out Max." I said, glad that Parker could have some distraction.

"Booth, are you sure you don't want to eat anything?" Angela asked, concern in her voice.

"I'm tired Ange. Maybe before we leave." I said, turning towards the elevator.

"If you need anything just yell Seeley." Jack said watching me go.

Once inside the room I shut the door, I just needed some space. I rolled close to the bed before it caught my eye, the book she'd left us, sitting on the night stand. Part of me wanted to tear it open and see what it held, but another part of me wanted to wait, if she was alive I didn't want to read it. I sat there with it in my lap for a long time before I finally let myself open it. I don't know what I expected to find inside it, but I was surprised at how much was in there. I flipped through it slowly, pictures, notes, and other odds and ends all affixed to the pages, it was like a scrapbook, but there were also pages and pages of writing, some to me, some for the others, even a section for Parker. I closed it quickly, realizing that I wasn't ready to read it. I wasn't ready to give up on her.


	25. I'll get to see you sooner

One month, ten days earlier.

Things had changed in the time that passed since he explained to her what it was like to be paralyzed. Their relationship had grown, with a single conversation and it was evident to everyone. She'd been there for him since the day he was brought in, but now it was different. Angela could see the way she looked at him, and to her it seemed that their banter, everything was going back to how it was before he was injured. It had been so long since they'd seen him smile, but in the last few days, he was Booth again, despite the obvious, his personality was coming back, his charm, everything but what they wished for most. Brennan was beginning to open back up, her walls coming down again with his rebound.

"C'mon Ange. You know that I only call you a squint because you are one." He teased her with the charming smile spread across his lips.

"Sweetie, I'm as far from being a squint as you are. I may work with them, but honestly I don't think I'll ever understand what makes them tick." She said smiling back.

"Are they all coming in tonight?" He asked her.

"Well I know Hodgins and I will be here, and Brennan, I think Cam said she'd stop in too." Angela answered.

"Good. I miss being at the lab and having everyone together." He said.

"We miss having you around too Booth. It's not the same, really." She said softly.

"One of these days Ange. I'll be back. I know it." He said hope filling his voice.

"I know it too sweetie. But I really have to get back. You can't keep making me late, or Cam is going to put her foot down on my two hour lunch breaks." She said standing to go.

"I know. She has to be getting tired of turning around only to find who she's looking for slumming it at the rehab with the former FBI liasion." He joked.

"She doesn't really mind as long as the work gets done, you know that. I'll see you later Booth." she said from the doorway.

For the first time in a long while she wasn't sad leaving his room, his spirits were up, even though not much had changed with the physical. As she walked down the hall she felt like things were finally easing up, the tension of the past few months was wearing away. Smiling to herself she hoped that it would only continue to get better from here.

"Seeley let's get started." Anne said, entering the room after the young artist left.

"I'm ready." He said, all the smiles gone from his face at her entrance.

It was humiliating to still be watching them work out his muscles, to watch them bathe him, to watch as someone else did everything for him. A vicious circle of torture he quietly thought to himself as she lifted first his right arm, pulling and pushing and kneading it, and then moved to his left. When she finished with his arms she always moved to his right leg, but today she went for the left.

"You okay Anne?" He asked, as she lifted his left leg.

"Yeah, why do you ask Seeley?" She said, a puzzled look on her face.

"You always do the right leg first, but you're doing the left one first today." He said flatly.

"Thought I'd change it up a bit for you. You've got to be getting bored." She said with a smile.

"That wouldn't even scratch the surface. Is this ever going to change?" he said, his eyes dark looking into hers.

"Every few days we do this Seeley. I come in here and I tell you that it will. If you don't believe me by now, I don't know what else I could possibly tell you. It just takes time." She said.

"I wish someone could just tell me how long... It's frustrating to know that there is no reason for me to not have function. I respond to all the stimuli tests you do, everything, but yet I'm still stuck in a body that won't cooperate." He said a flash of anger in his voice.

"Our bodies are complex, we don't even know all there is to know about them yet, and we've been studying them for hundreds of years. I wish I could give you the answers Seeley, I do, but I don't have them. All I can say is don't stop hoping that it gets better." She told him laying his leg back onto the bed.

"I'm not. I'm just tired of it ya know." He said watching her hands move on his calf.

"I don't really know Seeley, all I can do is listen, and do the best I can to keep you flexible for when the time comes." She said still kneading at his withered muscle.

After she'd put him through his afternoon therapy a nurse came in to empty his bag and get him showered and shaved. Usually they were good about not cutting him, but the nurse that was on seemed jumpy and as she ran the razor across his cheek, sure enough, he felt the blade dig in.

"Damnit." He swore.

"I'm so sorry Seeley. I... It's not bad. I'll get it stopped." She said frantically.

"I'm fine. Just caught me off guard." He said clenching his jaw.

She finished without another incident and pulled the mirror so he could see his cleanly shaven face. His eyes caught the small red mark on his cheek first but then saw the way his face was thin, his eyes dark. It always shocked him to see the way he looked now, fragile and older. He wondered as he moved his chair into the room if everyone was as shocked as he was. In his minds eye he didn't look any different than he did the day he was hurt, but every time he caught a glimpse of himself in a mirror, he had to stop and wonder who was staring back. He wondered what she thought, did it frighten her that he was becoming just a shell of his former self, or did she even notice. None of them had said anything about his appearance aside from the weight loss. Moving closer to the window he sat waiting for them to arrive. He missed mingling with people the most, sure they all came to see him, but it wasn't like it was before, now he was at their mercy. If they were busy they didn't stay long, or at the end of the night when they all left he felt so trapped he could scream. He'd been meeting people at the facility, but each person he met was dealing with their own demons, making it hard to form any type of real bond.

"Booth?" He heard her say softly, his back to the door.

"Hi Bones. Rough day?" He asked sensing tension in her voice.

"Frustrating is more like it." She said, watching him turn to face her.

"Tell me about it?" He said, upturning the corners of his mouth ever so slightly.

"Nothing majorly difficult, just trying to find this specific type of piping for one of Miss Julian's cases." She said, sitting at the table.

"Plastic or metal?" He asked, watching her face perk up.

"Metal, but it's almost too small to be a plumbing fixture, but not small enough for a gas line. We've been testing pipe all day long Booth, how was your day?" She asked, feeling his eyes intensely.

"Same old, ya know. Stretching, lifting, shower, shave." He said moving his chair closer to her.

"They cut you? They really need to be more careful Booth." She said seeing the small cut on his cheek.

"I'm fine Bones, new girl was a little jumpy. Bet she doesn't cut anyone again for a long time." he said smiling briefly before turning away.

"Why did you do that?" She asked, not sure his reason.

"Do what Bones?" He said, still not looking her directly in the eyes.

"Turn away, did something happen?" She said her voice getting higher.

"No. I don't know. Don't I look different to you Bones? My face is so different..." He said, his cheeks reddening.

"You look like Booth to me. Your skinnier than I've ever seen you, but your still Booth." She said, wishing that she could explain it better.

"I looked in the mirror earlier, and it scared me. I wasn't sure who was looking back at me Bones." He said, trying to let her in.

"Well of course it was your reflection Booth. Who else's would it be? It's just a physical change." She said, coming off to impersonal.

"I know that Bones. I was talking about how I barely recognized myself. How sometimes I don't even feel like I knew the Booth from a few months ago. Never mind Bones. Just forget I said anything." He said, not wanting to take it further.

"Hey guys." Angela said at the door.

"Hi Ange. Where's Jack?" Booth asked, suddenly feeling overwhelmed by estrogen.

"He'll be up he's parking the car." Angela said walking to join them at the table.

"You sure boogied out of the lab in a hurry sweetie." Angela said as she sat next to Brennan.

"Oh I just needed a break from the pipe extravaganza. Too much metal for me, give me the bones and I'm good." Brennan said, feeling self conscious about her desire to spend a little time with him alone.

"I was surprised Cam didn't kill them with those pipes, Booth you should see the lab, everywhere you turn there is piping. I mean everywhere." Angela said dramatically.

"It's a regular party in here Seeley." John said coming into his room.

"Room for one more?" Jack commented from behind the nurse.

"I just need to check your output and then I'll be out of your hair." John said, seeing Booth's face change as he spoke.

He sat there as the nurse lifted his pant leg, checking that his bag wasn't full, and patted him on the shoulder, before turning to leave, "Have fun. Don't do anything I wouldn't do."

"So what's on the agenda?" Jack asked, opting for Booth's bed instead of a chair.

"Easy Hodgins, I have to sleep there later. I don't want any of your particulates making their way into my sheets." Booth said noticing Jack's feet on his bed.

"Relax Booth. I'm clean." Jack spat back.

"Is Cam coming?" Booth asked.

"She said she would try to make it, but it wasn't a guarantee." Angela said.

"Oh. Let's wait on her a few more minutes before we go eat then." Booth said wondering how long it had been since he'd actually seen her.

Even though they hadn't been intimate in some time, it still hurt that she hadn't been around to see him in a good while. He wondered if it was because she thought something was going on between him and Bones, or if she really was as busy as they made her out to be.

"She's been picking up a lot of my slack Booth, I'm sure if I was at the lab more she could come and visit more." Brennan said noticing the slight sadness in his eyes when he found out she might not be coming.

"She's busy. I know. It's not a big deal." He tried to play it off.

"Let's just go eat, she can find us when she gets here." Angela suggested.

"She'll find us, c'mon." Jack said moving towards the door.

He maneuvered his chair down to the cafeteria, where once a week for the last few weeks they'd been gathering, at least the four of them to have dinner. They finished their meals and headed back to his room, Jack talking the whole time about the pipes that were still occupying every available free space at the lab. He was still going strong as they readied to leave, bouncing ideas off Booth, about what type of piping it could be. Finally Angela had dragged him from the room as the nurses came in to get Booth ready for bed.

"I should get going too Booth. It's late." Brennan said, her heart pulling at her to stay.

"I'll see you tomorrow?" He asked, in mid air over his bed.

"I should be able to get away in the afternoon tomorrow, if we crack this pipe scenario. If not it'll be evening as usual." She said, watching as they placed his hands down to his sides, and made sure that his pillows were at the proper angle.

"What if it wasn't a pipe at all? Maybe a golf club? The shaft? Tell Hodgins to try it. Then I'll get to see you sooner." He said, before he had a chance to filter it.

"That's a good theory Booth. Why didn't you tell him while he was here?" She asked, ignoring the comment he made outwardly, but feeling her heart warm to it.

"It just came to me. I was trying to think of the diameter of the opening and imagine what size it would be, and a golf club just seemed similar." He said, the nurses waiting to undress him.

"I'll let him know. Goodnight Booth." She said, practically forcing herself to go, after seeing the look on his face.

"Night Bones." He said, hating that she was leaving before he was asleep, as he watched her walk out the door.

The nurses had him changed into boxers and a t-shirt in minutes, leaving him more time to lie there thinking about everything. There was something so comforting about having Bones there at night, something that made it easier for his mind to stop analyzing every thing. When she was there he would conk out quickly, but without her his mind usually went into overdrive, tonight being no exception. He wondered what was keeping Cam away, and Jared too. He hadn't seen his little brother in a long time, and wondered if he was actually listening to him this time and staying away.


	26. Sundae's for lunch

The next three days went by so slowly, we went through the motions, all of us, just barely able to breathe. Even Parker was on edge, his little face rarely smiling, his hands in his pockets, everyone had been concerned at one point when he refused to eat on the second day. I felt widowed, drained, helpless, and confused. It felt like my life was slipping away without her there to pull me to the surface, and as much as I tried to hope that this wasn't the reality, each day brought new doubts into my mind. My phone had not received any calls but those from Rebecca inquiring about how we were. Max's friend hadn't found anything and was on his way back.

It was almost time for me to speak at her final service and I still hadn't decided what to say, Angela was up talking about her life, her work, her friendship and what a great person she was, what else was there to say, I thought as I waited, Parker's hand in mine. She had become my world, my focus, my reason for waking up, and I'd never expressed it to her. How could I have been so blind to have left out the most important person in it. I cursed myself for all the regrets I had about what I should have done or could have done differently. I could hear the sobs coming from Angela as she moved to finish her speech, and felt Parkers hand tighten in mine.

"I won't be long buddy. It's okay. You'll have Angela okay?" I whispered to him, his fear evident on his face.

"Okay Daddy." He whispered back, letting go of my hand.

As Angela took her seat next to my son I wheeled up to the microphone, still unsure of what I would say. The preacher moved the mic down so it would be at my height and stepped away, leaving me to stare blankly at all the people who had gathered for her.

I cleared my throat and tried to push back the tears as I began.

"_How do you sum up a woman so intelligent and kind in just a few words? Temperance Brennan was my partner for over four years, and in that time I watched her grow, not only as a scientist, but as a person. Her work was always first and her life second, but I like to think that as time went on I helped to change that. You never really know the people you work with unless you are forced into a difficult situation, and even then the surprise that you sometimes find there is amazing. Bones and I had come a long way from fighting and arguing to have formed a friendship that was life-long. She helped me to believe that the human spirit was capable of repairing itself after devastation. She'd be mocking me now about this whole speech, but I believe that she would appreciate my honesty. Her views and mine were so different, but that is what helped us to be successful partners, friends, we balanced each other out, even in the bad times, and there were many that we shared. I look back now and wonder how I could have missed the woman in front of me for so long... more recently I watched her playing with my son, or listening to Ange about her problems and I realize she was there all along, she was just too afraid to trust people to let me in, but in her own way she did, and I was too pigheaded to realize just how much she really had. _

_A few weeks ago I watched her with Parker, and saw how relaxed and at home she was with him and with me. She was letting me in, her walls were breaking down. I realized things that day that I wish I'd been able to tell her, that she was home to me, that she made everything easier in my life, no matter how much she tried to deny it, she was the love of my life, my best friend, and the only person I ever truly loved with all my heart. She knew me, my moods, my fears, my strengths and still she didn't know the most important thing. I never told her how much she meant to me, how much I loved her. I loved that she would not hold back when she thought I was being stubborn, or how she would correct me at the most inappropriate time. I loved explaining all the pop-culture references to her, but most of all I loved her and everything she was." _I said, out of breath and crying, "_She was my Bones, and I wouldn't be the same person today if it wasn't for her. None of us would. People say that time heals all wounds, but I think that the void left in our world when she passed will never be filled. Not for those of us that knew the real Temperance Brennan, the one who laughed and danced and sang bad foreigner songs, or the one who sometimes cared so much she would stand up for you despite her own beliefs. There was so much to Bones that we didn't even scratch the surface with the little time we were able to have her in our lives, and it's a shame that she has been taken from us before we could dig deeper. Bones was Bones, but to so many people she was so much more than that." _I finished, wheeling away from the microphone.

I needed out of the church, I had to get out of this nightmare that I seemed so stuck in. I wheeled past the crying faces of our friends, and her father and brother, past Rebecca's teary face, trying to get out. I heard Angela call for Parker behind me, I knew that he was following me, and I wondered how I could tell him that I finally thought that she was gone. All that hope I had in the last few days was gone with the words that came from my mouth. I turned once I was outside and looked at my little man, his face streaked with tears, and his body heaving with sadness. We stayed like that for only a few minutes before he ran and jumped into my lap.

"She isn't dead Dad. She isn't." He cried, finally breaking under the stress.

"I think that she is Parker." I said hugging him tightly to me.

"But you said that you would know... you said she was still alive." He said angrily looking up at me.

"I know, and I was wrong Parker. I'm sorry. I am so sorry." I said my chest heaving.

"No. It's not her. It's not." He cried as he struggled to get out of my lap.

I wasn't strong enough to keep him in my grasp and he was running from me faster than I could unlock the brakes on my chair to follow. "Parker!" I yelled as he disappeared around the church where I couldn't follow. He was out of my sight and I was left helpless again.

"Seeley where is Parker?" Rebecca asked coming through the doors of the church.

"He took off Beccs, I can't follow. You should get Hodgins." I said defeated.

"What happened?' She asked me softly.

"I told him that she was dead, that I was wrong..." I answered.

I just sat there as she ran back into the church, and in no time Max and Jack were circling the building in search of my son. They returned, no sign of him and still I just remained there, I didn't know what to do, or think, I was too lost to do anything. It had finally hit me that she was gone, my Bones.

"Seeley, snap out of it, where would he go?" Jack asked me, his hands on my shoulders.

"I... I don't know." I answered, dazed.

"Did you check the car?" Rebecca asked frantically.

"There is a small park about three blocks over, do you think he'd go there?" I heard Angela as she joined us.

"He's not in the car, Booth...where would you go?" Max asked returning from checking the car.

"I... I would go to the lab, but that's not where he would go. I know where he's going." I said, his face in my mind breaking me out of the daze.

"Seeley?" Rebecca said as I rolled away from them.

I wheeled hard and fast towards the park, I could feel my arms burning at the stress I was putting them through. I had been wrong to let him believe that she was still alive, and even that small piece of my heart that was still pulling for it to be true couldn't keep up the facade any more. As I got closer to the park, I could see him, alone on a bench, his legs dangling over the seat, his head down.

"Parker. C'mon little man, it's not over yet." I said softly as I approached him.

"You said it wasn't her..." He cried, looking at me finally his eyes red and puffy.

"I know. I know that's what I said. I don't know why I said it Park, maybe I wasn't ready to believe it was actually her, I wasn't ready to let her go. I'm sorry." I said moving closer to put my arm around him.

"Who's going to teach me about bones Dad? Who's going to do the electricity thing with me at the science center, you know Angela won't, it will mess up her hair." He cried.

"I will little man. And when we go, we'll think about her and all the good times we had with her. It's gonna hurt for a long time Parker, and that's okay. It's okay." I said trying to calm him down, as I saw Angela coming toward us.

"Can I sit?" She asked, pointing to the space next to Parker.

"Yeah." His little voice croaked out.

"I know it hurts Parky. It hurts me too." She said pulling him to her in a hug. "But I'll tell you she would be upset if we didn't stick together through this. We're a team, even if she isn't here to be a part of it, you can't run off on your team right?"

"No. She'd be mad if I did." He answered her quietly.

"See Park, we're all here together, and that's what she'd want." I added.

We sat there for a few more minutes before we were joined by Max and Jack, their faces drawn.

"It's almost over. We're going to be heading to the cemetery soon." Jack said in barely a whisper.

"You ready to go back little Booth." Max asked him.

"Only because she'd want me too." He said, shocking all of us.

The walk back to the church was quiet, Parker never letting go of my jacket or Angela's hand until he saw Rebecca. She scooped him up, the worry falling from her face as she just held him tight.

"Don't ever do anything like that again Parker. You scared me." She said still holding him.

"I'm sorry mommy." Was all he said before the people began exiting the church.

She set him back on his feet and we went to wait for Jack in the car. He was a pallbearer along with Max and Russ. If I'd been walking I would have been right there with them, but instead I was just watching. It all moved so slowly, the casket moving from the church to the hearse, the ride to the cemetery, it was so unsettling that no one spoke the entire ride. We were living in our own personal hells, all of us, and looking back to check on my son, I found his little head against Angela's shoulder, their hands intertwined, their faces sullen. I turned back to the road ahead, as we pulled onto the cemetery road, tears were blurring my vision, how could this be it for her I thought silently to myself as we inched closer to the grave site.

"Booth I'll help you out, I'm going to have to park on the hill and I don't want you falling down it." Jack said blankly.

"Yeah. Okay." I answered, not really caring anymore.

What was I going to wake up to everyday now, if not her... What purpose would there be to go back to the FBI if I wouldn't be there with her. Who would laugh at my socks, mock me for my belief in God, the one thing I was supposed to protect above all else was gone now. She wasn't just on vacation, or at a small dig in belize, she was never coming back and I didn't know how long I could last without seeing her face, or hearing her voice. So much was swirling around my head I hadn't noticed that I was in my chair, and Jack was pushing me up the slight hill to the pavement.

"Seeley, are you with me man?" Jack said close to my ear.

I simply nodded my response, afraid that only screams would exit my mouth if I opened it. The only thing I looked for was Parker, who was still clinging to my jacket sleeve. His eyes were wide with fear when they found mine.

"Daddy." His little voice whimpered as he moved closer to me.

I patted his hand and started to push myself once we were on the path. I couldn't say anything without losing my mind in that moment. Just another grave to visit, another bunch of flowers to buy, I could hear her saying in my head. But it was so much more than that to me. She had been so much more than that to me and now I would never get to tell her. I moved as far in as I could on my own into the grass, and then was helped by Max, who sat next to Parker and I. From the minute they started speaking Maxs hand found my knee and it stayed there through the whole beautiful service, just as I held Parker's hand. I had to be dreaming, this had to be a nightmare, maybe I was sick I tried to tell myself, and this was a fever dream. The pain in my heart told me otherwise though. If I was dreaming I wouldn't be in this chair, she would be holding my hand, we would be playing in the park with Parker, or cooking dinner for him after a long day, because in my dreams we were a family, we were together.

"Seeley, it's time to go son." Max said stoically.

"I... Max, I'm sorry. I wasn't there when she needed me most... I..." I said, not able to complete a sentence.

"It's okay son. It's okay." He said, pushing me through the grass, Parker sticking to me like glue.

"Max are you going to look for her?" Parker blurted out as we approached the car.

"I'm still going to yes Parker. But if I don't find her, then I can at least find who took her from us." Max answered.

"Can I go too?" Parker asked.

"Sorry kiddo, you have classes and someone has to keep this guy in line, remember?" Max said patting my shoulder.

"I don't think I'm doing a good job of that though Max." Parker said.

"She wouldn't have told you to take care of them if she didn't know you could little guy. It's going to get better, just don't give up on them." Max told him.

"I won't. How long will you be gone for?" Parker asked as he climbed into the SUV.

"I'll be gone for a while Parker, but I'll call every other day sound good?" Max promised.

"Will you call me too?" My son asked, terrified at the thought of him leaving too.

"I will Parker." Max answered.

I heaved myself into the SUV with little grace, making it almost the whole way this time, with Max finishing the job I buckled my seat belt and looked to him for any sign of hope. His eyes were clear like hers, and I could see that he was still thinking she was alive.

"If she's out there Booth, I will find her. I'll bring her back to you. Don't give up Booth. You're a fighter remember." He said to me giving me the feeling that he wasn't going to the luncheon, but leaving straight from the cemetery.

"Are you leaving now?" I asked him.

"I'm not good with this Booth. The more time she's out there without us, the less likely we'll be to find her." He answered.

"Be careful Max, this guy is dangerous. I don't think Parker could do this again..." I said.

"Just keep fighting Booth." He said and then he was gone.

"I was thinking that instead of the luncheon we should go to the diner..." Jack said as he buckled his seat belt.

"But isn't that kind of sacrilege? I mean going to the funeral and not the wake?" Angela asked from the back seat.

"The diner. Go." I said, I couldn't take being around these people for another second.

We skipped the luncheon, and let Parker order desert for lunch, the four of us, still reeling from the events of the last three days, we knew that even a chocolate sunday couldn't fix this for him, but we tried. I don't remember much from the rest of the day, I headed straight to the bedroom when we got back to Jack's and transferred myself, suit and all onto the bed and tried to shut the world out. With my arm over my face I remember feeling Parker crawl in next to me at some point, but then I was out again.

Almost three weeks had passed since her funeral and I was again a licensed driver, and looking for an apartment close to Jack's house. I'd gained fifteen more pounds, mainly muscle back in my arms and chest, nothing else had changed, Max was still calling us every other day, with no news. I dreamt about her every night that she was gone, and that was the only time I felt good. I'd been used to putting up a good front for everyone for so long that it was easier to hide my misery than I originally thought it would be. It seemed that only Max would pick up my sour mood, or the sadness in my voice, but he was good at reading people like I was. Every time he picked up a trace of her it would spark that hope that she was still there, until he'd call a few days into it, having lost it. Every time I felt like I was coming alive again for those few days only to relive the pain worse than before when it was a dead end. I was still unable to find an accessible apartment by the time my stint in rehab was over and I moved into Jack's. Rebecca had offered me to come and live with her and Parker, but I didn't feel that it was right for Parker's sake. At least she was being good with visitation, I still had him three weekdays and saturdays, and now that I was living with Jack, and able to drive, he would spend the night and I'd take him to school. As liberating as it was to leave rehab finally, I still wasn't free of my wheelchair, and it didn't seem that I ever would be completely rid of it. The sensations I had in the early days in my legs was fading, with no explanation from anyone as to why. It didn't matter to me though, inside anyways, nothing mattered without her. I was still doing outpatient therapy four times a week, twice a day, and it was helping. It let me release the tension that would build up inside me as I quietly stewed as the days went by without her. I still hadn't cracked the book she left us, and I was sure that everyone was getting antsy, but I couldn't yet, I couldn't let her fully be gone.

"Hey Booth, nice to see you around here." Cam said as I entered the Jeffersonian.

"Hi Camille. There's something I needed to get from her office, do you mind?" I said, smiling.

"No go right ahead, hey, are you busy for lunch?" She asked, as I moved towards her office.

"Uh, I have therapy at one. I don't think I can make it today, maybe another time?" I lied.

"Sure we'll try for next week then?" She asked.

"Just give me a call Cam." I said, hoping that she wouldn't.

I wheeled quietly into her space, her scent still present but fading as it assaulted my nose. I wanted to get the picture of her and Parker from her desk. I could have had Ange or Hodgins get it, but they were still so fragile when it came to Bones. At least they were still letting everyone know they were. I picked up the picture, and stored it into my bag, making sure that it wouldn't get tossed around before I zipped it closed. As I sat there I was startled to see that someone had been in there, some of her things were in a box behind her desk.

"CAMILLE?" I yelled angrily pushing myself towards the platform.

"What's wrong Seeley?" She said, not sure why I was yelling.

"Who's been in there?" I questioned her.

"I was why?" She said.

"Were you packing up her stuff? Cam, I'll do it." I said, not ready for her office to be packed up.

"Seeley, I can't let that office sit that way for much longer. I know that it's still hard for all of us to think that she's gone but this is a workplace. I need to get the new guy an office." She said matter of fact.

"You should have called me Camille. If Angela wouldn't do it, I would have. You... I mean she wouldn't want someone just piling things away, there's a purpose for the way she has a lot of that stuff Cam." I said, wanting to be the one to go through her life.

"Okay Seel. But it has to be out by the end of next week. And I can only permit you to be here during work hours. You don't have clearance to be here after five anymore." She reminded me.

"You think I don't know that." I said turning from her to go back to the office.

I lifted the box onto her desk, careful not to disturb any of the papers there and began going through it. Mostly old files and cases from limbo, but I was surprised to find a copy of her unfinished book in there. This is why I needed to do this, I knew her, and how she worked, her system. I carefully pulled out the manuscript and set it back on the desk, leaving the case files in the box I slowly added more to it until it was as full as I could lift. Putting a pen into my right hand I scratched "Brennan's cold case files" onto the box, barely legible. Looking at the time, I had to leave, but before I got far her phone rang. I picked up the receiver "Hello?" I said into it.

"Is, uh, Dr. Brennan available?" The voice asked.

"I'm sorry she passed away a few weeks back. Can I direct you elsewhere?" I said stone cold into the phone.

"Just making sure we were all on the same page Booth." The voice answered mocking me.

"Who is this?" I yelled into the phone.

"It doesn't matter who I am, it just matters that she isn't there anymore." He toyed with me.

"Wylo?" I asked.

"Too bad you weren't here to hear her screaming Booth. She didn't even call out for you once." He said laughing.

"You sick sonofabitch." I said yelling as the line went dead.

I held the receiver in my hand for a few seconds before I dialed Jack's extension.

"Jack I need a trace on a call that just came into Bones office. It was Wylo." I said frantically before hanging up on him.

I waited as one by one they all filtered into her office, Angela not passing completely through the door, she remained on the outskirts as I went over what Wylo had said.

"Did you call the FBI Camille?" I asked forcefully.

"Of course Seeley. They're sending an agent over now." She answered calmly.

"We need to call Max. I have a feeling that Wylo knows he's out there looking for him. He wouldn't have made the comment about being on the same page if he was unaware." I said wanting to leap into action.

"I'll call him." Angela piped up turning quickly to leave the office.

"She still can't come in here?" I asked, softly, knowing the feeling.

"No. That's as close as she's come to it since." Jack answered.

"Seeley I thought you had therapy at one, you can go, I'll send the agent to you if he has anymore questions." Cam said cooly.

"I can reschedule it Camille." I said gritting my teeth.

"Okay. I just didn't want you to miss it if it was important." She said her hands in the air surrendering.

"Sorry. I didn't mean to snap. But this is the first lead we've had in weeks Cam. I can't just leave now." I said in FBI agent mode. I didn't realize how far from the actual case I'd be until later.

"All the incoming calls are fed through the switchboard and until I can sift through them I won't have anything definitive to go on Booth." Hodgins said from the computer.

"Then we wait, did they say what agent they were sending?" I asked turning to Cam.

"No, just that someone would be here." She answered.

The kid they sent us came strolling into the Jeffersonian, heading straight for the platform, instead of to us, as we watched on. Causing the alarm to sound, he jumped, little prick I thought to myself as he was escorted to us.

"Booth, Dr. Cerulean, I'm Agent Cole. I'd like to get a statement from you Booth, you know the drill right?" The little jerk said.

"Kid, I created the drill." I said before spewing the whole conversation for the second time, as he looked at me like I had two heads.

"Was that the extent of the conversation? What makes you certain that this was indeed Wylo?" He asked me.

"Listen, I may not be an active agent now, but in the past I've had dealings with this psycho, and I know what he sounds like and it was him." I yelled.

"Booth, no need to get testy with me. I'm simply doing my job." He said, not able to lift his gaze from my legs long enough to look me in the eye.

"You have a problem Agent Cole? Is there a reason you can't look me in the eye?" I asked, frustrated that Cullen would be so ignorant to send this schmuck.

"No Booth, no problem." He said, still staring.

"You know how this happened kid, trying to take down a perp. That's right, it could happen to you to... to anyone. Now get over it and get moving on the phone call." I said, handing him his ass on a platter.

"Yes sir... I mean Booth. Sorry." He said, finally meeting my eyes.

"Now if it were me I'd set up a tap on all the lines in and out of the Jeffersonian, as well as our personal lines. This guy is sick kid. He's probably been trying to call here for days. And he didn't sound surprised that I answered the phone. He knew me right away, anyone else would have assumed I was a new assistant, or the new anthropologist. He's going to make contact again, it's just a matter of when." I explained.

"I'll call in and get someone working on that asap. In the meantime could you go over what you know on the case up to this point, I didn't get the file until I was walking out the door." He gave up.

"I feel like I'm in backwards world." I said, using Bones saying at the thought that I would have to school this kid.

"Go easy on him Booth." Cam said stifling a laugh.

"Alright kid, C'mon, we can access the database with Bones computer." I said, mentally trying to prepare myself to see the file about the undercover operation.

Up until this point I'd had little involvement with the current investigation aside from helping Miss Julian weeks ago. I didn't know the extent of what they sent her and Mack into, and I was feeling like maybe I didn't want to. I started from the beginning with Cole, going over each murder and victim, the way he staged the scenes, everything, and then over an hour later when we hit the new files I dove head first into a nightmare waiting to happen. Two sentences in and already I knew that Cullen had set up the op as though I would be there, not Mack, and that was only the first of many mistakes made by Mack and the team of agents with them. Proper surveillance should have been set up, but wasn't, covert check-ins were no where to be found. The further into it I read the angrier I was becoming, knowing that they were basically thrown to the wolves before they even saw it coming. My eyes were stinging with tears as I read the report she'd sent from the first day in, she described how badly set up the operation was with fury, even asking to end it that first day. She knew that some thing was off, that they were in danger. Holding back my frustrations I continued reading, going through all the agents notes and reports.

"Booth, she knew they weren't going to get anywhere, why didn't she call you?" Cole asked, seeing the anger across my face.

"She believed that we would protect her, and catch this jerk Kid." I answered slamming the file shut.

"Why didn't they just send a female agent? Why send a techie?" He asked.

"First of all, she is not a techie, she's a professor, and expert. Secondly, she's completed many successful undercover ops with me in the past, she's good at blending in with her surroundings." I said, anxiously running my hands over my thighs, something that I'd come to do when nervous or upset.

"Sorry. I should get to the bureau, I'll keep you posted. Thanks for not calling Cullen and ratting me out. And I'm sorry about before... I..." He started.

"It's fine Kid. You aren't the only one who stares." I said, having become used to being stared at.

"I mean, ever since I was brought into the agency, everyone talks man. But no one talks about anyone else with more respect than they do you. You are somewhat of a legend I guess." He said honestly.

"Well it won't be that way forever Kid. When I come back, and I will, the legend will be reality." I said, cooly.

"I'll be in touch Booth." He said as he left her office.

I sat there stunned at the files I'd just read, I couldn't believe that my FBI would have set up such a shoddy operation, without any proper procedure being followed. I couldn't believe that I'd let her go.


	27. Suspicions

So I've decided to switch gears a little here. I'm having a hard time writing about the final days before the first chapter, and thought, well maybe this is a good point to start writing about Brennan's under cover operation. Let me know if you don't like it, or if it's lame... I just thought I'd give it a try, see where it leads me!

First day of Under cover Operation to catch Wylo.

Mack and I arrived in Florida right on schedule as planned, though it didn't mean I was any less apprehensive about being here. Even in the beginnings of my working with the FBI some small part of me loved being out in the field, chasing down the murderers, the bad guys. But this just felt wrong. There was something off in how this whole operation came about, not to mention the more I was briefed about it, the less confident I was becoming. I was realizing that I was the bait, but this time Booth wasn't here to protect me, to lead me the way he does through each and every under cover operation we've done. This time I was at the mercy of Mack, who seemed too eager to get the ball rolling. As we headed to our rental car, I reminisced about the mustang Booth had gotten when we were in LA, not Mack, he was a mid size chevy kind of guy, no frills or sense of adventure with him.

"Temperance, don't look so nervous. It's not like this is my first operation, or that I don't know this case. After it left Booth's desk, I picked it up, how else would we have this awesome lead." He said as I buckled my seat belt.

"I'm not nervous, just apprehensive about the details. I don't like being the bait Mack." I answered cooly.

"You are just the draw, not really the bait Temperance. Relax, two weeks and this guy's as good as booked." Mack said as he pulled out.

I should have known then, his cocky attitude, his show off potential was through the roof. I simply filed it away for stories to tell Booth in my mind. I had to concentrate, get my head in the game here, not leave it up in DC with Booth. I watched as he fiddled with the air conditioning, beads of sweat on his forehead. It wasn't that he wasn't attractive, he had good bone structure, hefty build, taller than Booth, but his ego was too big for even his large frame. I tried to remember what Booth had said, "He's a good agent Bones." repeating his words over and over, but it wasn't Booth, and that made me uncomfortable. I pictured Booth and I doing this, there wouldn't be this silence as we drove, no music, no witty banter, Booth would be telling me right about now to just follow his lead, keep my mouth shut, that once it starts I can't break character like I often do. He'd be reassuring me without actually having to say the words.

"How long have you been with the agency?" I asked trying to elicit something from him.

"It will be seven years next month. I started out in an arizona field office, then was brought in to DC last year." He answered, not willing to continue the conversation.

I continued to look forward, I wasn't getting anywhere with him, so I figured I might as well just give up on trying. It was going to be a long two weeks I thought as we pulled into our hotel.

The files I'd read about the operation stated that Mack and I were vacationing, we were in a relationship and he was bringing me down to propose on some romantic boat outing. I didn't like the scenario, it was too cheap for my taste, but it was designed to draw jealousy from Wylo. It was publicized that I would be doing three book signings while in town, which we knew would bring him out of the woodwork. Mack was going under the name Michael St. Cormack, and there were six other agents all who would be shadows following us, tailing our every move, keeping us under heavy surveillance. My first book signing was this evening, at a local shop. I cringed as Mack took my hand to enter the hotel, his palm was sweaty and just the closeness of him made me yearn for Booth. He wouldn't have taken my hand, he would have draped his arm over my shoulder, something much more adult than hand holding. With him and I it was more comfortable, less awkward, it was just right, but with Mack it came off as too obvious in my eyes. We checked in and got situated in our room and waited for contact from the shadow agents. I was surprised when Mack was gently shaking my arm to wake me.

"How long did I sleep?" I asked groggily.

"You got a good three hours in, but I figured you'd want to get ready, it's almost time to go." He said, walking back to the balcony door.

"Did they check in?" I asked, surprised that the phone didn't wake me.

"Uh, no. But he could have us under surveillance as well." Mack said, unsure.

"No one is in contact with us? We are flying blind into this?" I asked as I walked into the bathroom.

"Relax Tempe, it's fine. I'm here." he said, still his voice indicating otherwise.

I wanted to end this at that moment. I didn't like the way things were going, someone should have contacted us by now, even I could have provided a scenario to accomplish the task. I wanted to call Booth, but I knew the minute I hit send Mack would know, he'd be informed that I had made a call out. Every fiber in my body was on end, every neuron in my brain firing, telling me that something wasn't right. I tried to push the feelings aside, focus on the book signing, the pained fake relationship that I would have to hold up. I quickly touched up my make-up and pulled a brush through my hair before stepping out into the room, watching him, his body tense, his hands on the door jamb.

"I'm ready to get this over with." I stated, knowing in my mind that this was all wrong.

"I'll have them pull the car around." He said, his voice still unsure, making it harder to believe that I was just nervous.

Hand in hand we entered the bookstore, and as I sat he quickly pecked my cheek, and stepped back. Even I knew that it was a lame attempt to show affection, and if Wylo were watching he would pick up on it as well. After two hours of signing my books, there was still no attempt to contact either Mack or I and no sign of Wylo either. We left the bookstore and walked three blocks to a small italian restaurant, where Mack ordered for me, infuriating me further at the predicament I'd gotten myself into.

"I could have ordered for myself Michael." I blurted, finally unable to control my rage.

"I thought that's what couple's do, I'm sorry Tempe." He said, looking flustered.

"Not all couples." I said, thinking that Booth would never have done that.

"Do you miss him?" He asked me, out of the blue.

"Who?" I answered, shocked that he was breaking protocol.

"Booth, who else." He stated.

"No. Why would you assume such a preposterous thing." I asked, realizing that this would be harder than I thought.

"Tempe, we all know that you two are more than partners. Every agent sees the way you interact. There's more there than just partnership." He answered, staring me in the face.

"Even if there is, and I'm not admitting to any such thing, it would be our business how we choose to live our private lives. It would not affect our professionalism." I spoke clearly trying to end it there.

"I'm just saying, it's as though you are holding me to some standard, as though I haven't been doing this for years, I feel as though you don't trust me Tempe." He said, averting his gaze to a leggy blonde waitress passing our table.

"I don't just throw trust around Michael, and you haven't given me a reason yet to trust you. I feel that this operation is flawed. We should have been in touch with the other field agents by now, don't you find that strange?" I asked, ready to go back to the confines of my lab.

"Everything is fine Tempe, our hotel is under surveillance, the room is tapped, our cells, the bookstores, even the car is tapped. If we need to be briefed they will contact us. Until then we just let it play out as planned." He stated, seemingly irritated that I'd questioned him.

I kept quiet after that conversation, and when we got back to the hotel I made a report of the days dealings, or lack there of, and beamed it to Cullen as asked, assuming that Mack had done the same.

Two days passed without any contact with the bureau, and I was more frantic than before. We didn't see any agents tailing us, no sign of Wylo either. Mack continually assured me that this was normal for an operation like this, but my rationale was telling me otherwise. It wasn't until the third day that I grew suspicious of Mack himself. It wasn't hard to feel that way either. It felt as though he was hiding me out more than us working together, and just when I thought that I'd had enough I went to pull out my cell as he entered into the pizza shop, sure enough Wylo was there at my window with a gun pointed at my forehead. The next few hours were hazy, I'd been drugged I thought, and now I was being held against my will, and where was Mack. I looked around, my head throbbing as I gingerly searched for any signs of head trauma, or damage to the rest of my body, thankfully only finding a goose egg on the side of my head. I was in some sort of basement, no natural light just the blinding overhead lamp. I checked my pocket for my cell, gone. I grabbed at the chain around my neck under my shirt, still there. To my left was a small table, on its surface a six pack of bottled water, a bottle of aspirin, and a pre-packaged sandwich. I was sitting on a couch, that smelled of mildew and dirt, all of my belongings were sitting across the room, my suitcases open and gone through, my purse dumped out onto the floor.

"Hello?" I called out, the echo reverberating through my pounding head.

I received no response, that or the next ten times I called out. I slowly moved to get up, trying to hold off the intense pain in my head as long as I could. I took a bottle of water, sniffed it when I broke the seal, not smelling anything foul, and inspected the aspirin. The brand name was printed on the small white pills, and against my better judgement I swallowed two of them with the water and moved to check my things for something I could use to defend myself. All my razors were gone, the gun in my purse, the pepper spray and the keys were gone. I was left with two bobby pins and nothing worth a damn to me now. I quietly moved through the basement, finding it empty, save for what I'd already seen, two doors, one I assumed lead to the next floor up, and the other to some sort of coal cellar. I tried both. Locked. I tried to pick the lock on the first and failed, my head still throbbing I could barely think.

"WYLO!" I screamed finally.

I heard movement above me, moving in the direction of the door I'd just tried to pick open and then a bright light washed the room, giving me the details to the dirt walls that held me in.

"Dr. Brennan, we meet again." Wylo said, his lips curling into a smile.

"Where is Michael?" I said, keeping up the role.

"Oh you mean Mack? He's upstairs, don't worry, it's not him I'm interested in. I have big plans for you Temperance." He sneered.

"Is he alive?" I asked, not sure if I wanted the answer.

"Sure he is, how do you think I was able to get so close to you Tempe?" Wylo asked coming closer to me.

"I should have shot you when I had the chance." I yelled at him, knowing now that Mack was involved, and I would not be able to escape with both of them keeping me here.

"Play nice now. I'm not going to kill you just yet, but your agent Booth will be surprised when he gets the call about your remains when they find them." He said, turning to go back up the stairs.

"Wait, what do you mean my remains, if you aren't going to kill me." I asked, head still foggy.

"Don't worry your pretty little head Tempe, I've been planning this for weeks, and with the girl I've got, they'll be sure it's you. If you could do me one favor though? Please remove all your jewelry, and change out of those clothes into something else, I'll need them. If you leave anything out I'll know, so be thorough. Oh, wait you're Dr. Temperance Brennan, you'll be very thorough." He said with a sick laugh as he disappeared through the door locking it.

I wondered what his plans were as I did as I was told, changing out of my current outfit and opting for a pair of gray sweats and Booth's old army t-shirt. Placing all the items on the floor at the bottom of the steps I held his dog tags in my hands, it was one thing he wasn't getting. I was having a hard time keeping focus on anything, but one thing I knew was that I had to survive this, I had to get back to them, to him I thought, tracing my fingers over the little raised letters of his name. I slipped the chain over my head, and looped it around the side of my underwear, hoping that he hadn't seen them already, I let the tags fall down the side of my leg under my sweats, it was too long and rattled a bit, so I looped it a few more times until it was short enough to not make noise. Then I waited for him to return, my heart aching for Booth and the things Wylo had said about him. I couldn't imagine what it would be like if he thought I was dead. I wondered what he was doing right now, if he was as worried as I was. Thinking of him I drifted off, my head refusing to stop aching.

"Tempe?" I heard Mack's voice as I came to.

"Where am I?" I asked, before realizing that I was still in the basement.

"Now, stay back, I just came down to bring you some more food. Don't even think about getting up. I know what you're capable of." Mack said, hesitating before getting close to me.

"Why?" I asked.

"I've been living in the shadows of other agents for years Tempe, I guess I just got sick of all the death, maybe even got a little twisted from it ya know. Wylo contacted me when he found out you were coming down here for a book signing and well, his offer was better than the FBI's. Too bad to, you are a nice looking woman. I knew with Booth out of the picture all crippled up and stuck up there in DC the chances of us pulling this off would be pretty high. There's no one to come to your rescue, as far as the bureau is concerned I disappeared too. It will take them weeks to find the hotel and the car, see, even though I checked in, I was patched through a secure line, and the people Wylo had impersonating us were damn good look a likes if you ask me. No one was suspicious at all. Too bad for them though, he's working on them now, setting them up nice and pretty for your Booth. It won't be long before the real Temperance Brennan is found dead too." He said, his eyes glazed over, I wondered what drugs he was on.

"My team will know it isn't me. The dentals won't match, the finger prints... you underestimate them." I spat at him.

"Do you know how easy it is to switch dental records Tempe? Honestly it is you that underestimates us. There won't be fingerprints left to ID. Eat, we have a long ride tomorrow." He said as he slammed the door shut.

I wondered how long I would be left alive before Wylo would demolish me like I assumed he was doing to the people impersonating us right now. I could feel the tears burning in the corners of my eyes as I thought about the hell that they would be going through when they thought I was dead, I could see Angela's face, realizing it was me on the table. They would argue about who would tell Booth, but it would eventually fall into Cam's hands, and I hoped that they wouldn't give in to it so easily, that they would hold out for more evidence, and keep looking. Suddenly Parkers little face filled my head, how would he deal with this... First everything that had been going on with Booth, and now, to think me dead. As I tried to rationalize that they wouldn't believe it was me, the only person I knew who wouldn't believe it was Booth. The others were too satisfied with data, the facts, and it was my doing. But Booth would go with his gut, I just hoped that he wouldn't give up on me.


	28. Sir?

Two more weeks went by slowly as we waited for any type of break in the Wylo case. No more phone calls, no leads from Max, nothing. Even if she had been alive when they brought in her doppleganger weeks before, it was slim odds that she was still alive now, almost six weeks later. If she was hiding, the chances of her having food and water were almost none, and if he was keeping her somewhere, he would be getting bored soon.

"Seeley, are you in there?" Anne asked, stopping the Lokomat.

"Huh?" I responded, not sure why she'd stopped me.

"I need you here Seel. C'mon. I thought you wanted out of that chair?" She said, sounding irritated with me.

"I do. I'm trying to focus Anne, really." I said, shooting her an apologetic look.

"Yeah, prove it." She said, as the two other therapists moved to get me down.

"We aren't done... Anne?" I said, shocked that she was so pissed at me.

"Prove it Seeley. You haven't shown any improvement for two weeks now. Nothing. Sure you've been putting on weight, your agility tests are almost in the normal range, but function wise, you're bottoming out on me. I thought we'd have some hip movement by now, but everyday for the last two weeks you come in here, go through the motions, lift some weights to let off steam, and then you hit repeat and do it all over again the next day. I'm not going to waste my time or yours if it's going to be like that. You have to want it." She spewed at me as I lay there while they unstrapped me from the contraption.

I watched her turn to leave as I transferred into my chair to follow. "Anne, wait." I called to her.

"Seeley, I mean it. You have to want to make it happen. I know the last few weeks have been hard on you, I know you miss her, but what good is it to confine yourself to the chair. I know what the Seeley that started this program was like and you aren't him. When he gets back in town give me a call, but until then, I'm done." She said, slamming the door in my face.

She was right, inside deep down I had given up, given up that she was alive, given up that I'd ever walk again, just plain given up. I wondered if anyone else had realized it too. I sat there outside her door for a long time, thinking how different things could be if only Bones was still here. I went to knock just as she opened the door.

"Seeley, what are you still doing here?" She said, angry.

"I don't know. I don't want to give up Anne. I don't. But I don't know how to get through this without her." I said, almost in tears.

"Seeley just make up your mind to do it. Make up your mind that you are going to walk, you're going to get through it. I don't know what else I can say to make it easier, but work with me, and I'll get you there." She said, her face softening.

She moved around me sitting there and was halfway into the gym before she turned to me, "You coming or what?"

Pushing towards her I still wasn't sure if I could get through it, but I had to try.

She had me on my stomach on the mat and told me to push up as far as I could. When I had my arms fully extended she moved behind me and started moving my legs in towards my chest, so that I was kneeling on all fours. I felt so unsteady, and I could feel my body rocking slightly before she got it under control, her hands on my hips holding me in place.

"Try and bring your left leg forward more, towards your hands." She instructed.

I tried with all my strength, with no results. "I can't feel it to do it Anne."

"Try again. Think about the muscles moving, not your leg." She encouraged me.

I nearly fell over when sure enough, my leg moved forward about a half inch. "Holy shit." I said, shocked.

"Again, with the other side." She said, not as excited as I was.

After an hour of me crawling around, not getting far, maybe five feet from where I started, she stopped me for the day.

"This Seeley, this is what you've been waiting for. And you almost quit." She said, as if to say I told you so as she helped me turn back over onto my back.

"I didn't want to quit Anne, I just don't know what I want..." I said, heaving myself up into my chair from the floor.

"Do you have Parker tonight?" She asked, watching me get situated.

"No, he's with Rebecca. Why?" I asked, not sure where she was going with this.

"You need to celebrate a little Seeley. I know that you don't feel like it, but this was a huge step in the right direction, and you need to let loose a little. Maybe go out and have a drink, just relax." She said, leading up to something.

"I just don't feel right celebrating without knowing if she's alive or dead. Someday I'll celebrate." I said, wondering if she was going to ask me to go for drinks.

"Well if you change your mind, a bunch of us are going to Hooligans around seven for happy hour. I'd love to buy you a celebratory beer. You've earned it." She said, a shy smile across her face.

"Not tonight, maybe another time." I said quickly as I headed for the door behind her.

"Another time then." She said, disappearing into her office.

If this had been another place and time I would have gone, I knew that Anne found me attractive, but I didn't think she was trying to pick me up at all. Rather she was trying to just get me to relax some, get me out of the recent funk I was in. Mentally I didn't have the strength to go out and put on the brave face I'd been holding up, I just wanted to head home and sit in front of Jack's big screen TV. I checked for messages before I transferred into the dark green trailblazer I'd purchased before I'd left rehab, and found none. It didn't surprise me, Cole hadn't found any leads, neither had Max, but it didn't mean that I didn't check my phone several times a day hoping they had. There was a time, not too long ago that I loved to be behind the wheel of a vehicle, didn't matter what kind, I just loved cruising along in control. Now it was different, you just don't feel the acceleration through the hand controls like you do when your foot is pressed to the pedal and it didn't have the same soothing effect it once did, now it was more of a means to an end. I knew Jack and Angela would be at the lab for a few more hours at least, and I'd have the house to myself until then. As I drove through the city to get home I passed her building, and silently said a prayer, hoping that just this once I would get an answer. I told myself I'd never ask for anything else as long as I lived if she would still be alive for us to find her. I've never wanted anything so bad in my life. I was reduced to bargaining with God, begging for something to hold onto while we waited for this nightmare to end and before I knew it I was turning into Hodgins driveway still begging. I transferred out of the car and headed for the garage, closing the door behind me I silently wheeled into the house straight up to my room to change and shower. I sat as the water poured down over me, letting it pelt at my skin as I pictured her face in my mind. I berated myself for having been so dense about my feelings for her as I scrubbed at my skin till it hurt. No amount of scrubbing would dull the ache in my heart though, nothing could. I finished and dressed in track pants and a t-shirt, knowing full well that I was in for the night. Looking around the room I let myself be drawn away into memories of my life before I got hurt. A few years back we had been dancing, I'd cut in to save her from some hicks that wouldn't leave her alone, and I'd told her just how beautiful she was, I remember the slight surprise in her smile at my words. I remember all the times she'd smiled at me, or tried to pitifully joke with me. But I couldn't remember the feeling of wholeness that would wash over me when we were together, the feeling that I was complete was lost to me now. I wheeled to the living room and settled myself on the couch, switching on the TV and flipping through the channels I stopped on CNN's breaking news.

"An unidentified male was found brutally murdered today, near where the remains of Dr. Temperance Brennan was found just weeks ago. Authorities are looking into a connection between the two murders." I listened to the anchor say solemnly.

I flipped my cell open and dialed Cole immediately. "Is it Mack?" I asked before he even said hello.

"I don't know Booth. They are sending the remains to the Jeffersonian as we speak, they should arrive sometime after midnight. Even if it is, it doesn't bring us any closer to finding the prick." He said, sounding defeated.

"Keep me posted Kid." I said before hanging up as the house line was ringing.

"Hello." I said, expecting it to be Hodgins.

"A nice present for you, Mack on a spike. I've been saving that scene for something special, and it's all leading up to the grand design Agent Booth." Wylo said before hanging up.

I looked at the call timer, not enough for a trace, but we had a number, hopefully it was traceable. I pounded my fist into the arm of the couch, cursing as loud as my vocal chords would allow. My cell rang as I propped myself to sitting.

"Booth." I answered.

"We didn't get a trace, but we have it recorded, I'm sending the tape to the lab now, see if they can distinguish anything from the background noise, and the techs are working on a location for the call now. I was wondering if you would consult on this case Booth." Cullen said.

"You waited all this time to get me involved?" I yelled at him.

"I wouldn't even be asking, you are too close to this Booth, but I need your expertise, and you are the only agent who can push those damn squints to the answers." He said yelling back at me.

"I'll be in in forty five minutes." I said before hanging up.

I dressed, jeans and a button down shirt, cocky belt buckle, gel in my hair. If I wasn't permanently seated no one would be the wiser that I'd ever been hurt. I looked as close to myself as I had in a long time. My face was nearly as full as it had been, and my upper body was close to the way it used to be, weakness in my right arm aside, I was at full strength from the waist up. I pulled my leather jacket from the closet and headed to the bureau.

"Booth, what are you doing here?" Jackie said as I wheeled past the desk.

"Cullen is expecting me. How ya been?" I asked, as I watched her eyes move to my legs.

"Uh, it's been quiet the last two weeks, until today." She said, nervously finding my eyes.

"Catch you later Jackie." I said entering the elevator.

It felt odd to be wheeling through these halls, I should be walking in here, I thought.

"Agent Booth." I heard Cullen say as I was going past my old office.

"Director." I answered, my eyes still on the door to my office.

"I think you'll find it just as you left it. I didn't believe for a second that you wouldn't be back in some way or another." He said surprising me.

"Sir?" I said questioning him.

"Just as I said Agent Booth. Same as the day you left. Let's head in." He said unlocking the door.

I wheeled in, and found nothing was different, except now there was no chair behind the desk. My badge and ID were sitting there, but no weapon.

"How can I be an agent like this sir?" I asked, not sure I was following.

"I've made arrangements for you to be on desk duty, with the exception of this case. Your qualifications are all intact, with the exception of the firearms. I would like you to test and see if we can't get you armed. You will be assigned a partner at all times. Mainly you'll be working cold cases, I know you're not finished with your rehabilitation, and that your ability to be in the office is limited, so we'll have you in on a part time basis for now. The Wylo case is on your desk under your creds." He said, turning to leave.

"Who would be my partner?" I asked, still stunned at the gestures he made.

"Agent Cole. He's green but, he's more like you than anyone I've ever met. Think of it more as mentoring. Why do you think I assigned him this particular case Booth. I knew you couldn't stay out of this forever, I was waiting for you to contact me, until today." He said

"I... Sir, I don't know what to say." I stammered. "When can I test?" I asked, eager to get behind a weapon again.

"Today if you want I can call Cole to take you over to the range." He answered.

"Where is my gun?" I asked, hoping he hadn't re-issued it.

"Top drawer Booth. Where else." he said before turning to leave.

I sat there behind my desk in disbelief. So many emotions were coursing through my body. The exhilerration of being an agent again, the sorrow I still felt for her, the eagerness to be able to catch this son of a bitch, I didn't even hear Cole enter my office until he cleared his throat.

"Uh, Agent Booth?" He said, looking as nervous as the day I met him.

"C'mon kid. Let's hit the range, see if I can get approved to carry this legally." I said, placing my badge, and ID into my jacket pocket, and handing him my gun.

I never noticed before that he was driving my vehicle. But as I lifted myself up into it, I noticed the slight smell of her perfume.

"You trying to take my place kid?" I asked teasing him.

"No sir. This is the vehicle they assigned me." He said nervously.

"Relax Cole. I'm just kidding with you. But I'm gonna tell you this, one time... Chair or no chair, I can still take you down, even without a weapon, so don't piss me off. Follow my lead." I told him not kidding that time.

"Agent Booth, have you even shot since... ya know?" He asked, pulling out of the garage.

"No. I'll clear it with my left, the right is gonna be sketchy though, it's not 100% yet." I answered, looking at my ID closely.

"You could rest your elbow just enough so they wouldn't notice, at your side. It would help steady your hand." he blurted out six blocks later.

"I don't know if that will work kid, but I'll try it." I said, wondering if it would work.

We pulled into the range and as I transferred out he waited, not watching. I wheeled past him, in a hurry to get this over with. I'd never not tested well at a range, I was a sniper, dead on shot every time, and I wasn't looking forward to watching that record go down. As I registered with the agent on duty I requested six rounds of practice ammo, and then told him I'd test. He agreed with my terms, I had figured Cullen had called ahead and said that I could practice or I would have gotten a hassle. I placed the ear protection in my lap, with the rounds and headed for Cole who was waiting for me at the end booth.

"Hand it over kid." I said, a smile forming at the feel of the cold steel against my left hand.

"I'll be right back here." He said, stepping back past the line.

I covered my ears, and let the gun rest in my right hand for a minute, unloaded. I held it up, my hand shaking, as I tried to gain control. Frustrated that I could feel the grip in my palm I slid the clip into the gun and switched hands. I popped off the first clip, hitting pay dirt with every bullet. I dropped the clip and put in another, this time I was going at it right handed. I took a deep breath, aimed at the target, removed the safety and fired. I could feel the jolt all the way to my shoulder, as I watched the bullet miss the target completely. My heart sank a little as I tried again, finishing off the clip, I'd only come close three times. I finished off three more rounds with my right hand, still off quite a bit, but hitting the sweet spot at least four times per clip. When I lowered my gun down, my arm was shaking, my shoulder burning from the intensity of the kick back. I turned to the kid behind me, as if to say what do you think.

"What is the biggest difference?" he asked.

"I can't feel the grip in my palm. I can't keep it steady." I answered honestly.

"Can I see it for a moment?" He asked, his hand out.

I watched him, his mind working hard to try and think of an alternative. "Do you have good movement in your middle finger?" He asked.

"I can feel the trigger, if that's what you mean. I can control it too." I answered.

"Try it like this. Keep your index finger on the gun, use your middle to pull the trigger, it will stabilize it some." He said showing me.

"Worth a shot I guess." I said taking my gun back and moving forward to try it his way.

To my surprise even with my arm shaking it didn't take me long to get control over the gun that way. With my index finger on the gun it did steady my hand some, and in the last clip I hit ten of twelve in qualifying range.

"You aren't useless after all kid." I said, smiling at him.

"Agent Booth, are you ready to test now?" The agent from the desk said as he approached us.

"Bring it on." I said, feeling confident I'd pass.

He got me set up and cleared the range, as I mentally imagined each of the thirty six bullets hitting dead on. "Whenever you are ready Booth." he called out from the booth behind us.

With every bullet I discharged I pictured it going straight into Wylos's chest and when I was finished we pulled the targets forward.

"18/18 in the left 15/18 in the right. Your dominant hand correct?" He asked, giving me the results.

"Yeah. So am I cleared?" I questioned him.

"Probationary. You have to re-test in three months. You know that Booth. I can't permanently clear you if your dominant hand is down like that. But for now, Cullen approved it." He said.

"Thanks Rick." I said feeling down at the crappy score.

"What percentage are you to full strength in that hand?" He asked as I handed him the ear protection.

"Thirty seven." I answered.

"And you only missed three?" He said shocked.

"I should have been able to get them all." I said.

"Booth, we have agents full strength who can't get those scores." Rick said scratching his head.

"Agent Booth, we need to get to the jeffersonian." Cole said, joining me at the desk.

"Thanks again Rick. I'll see you soon." I said, pushing to catch up to Cole.

"What is it?" I asked, realizing that I must have left my cell in my car.

"Hodgins called. All of the crime scene photos are there. Does he know?" He asked me.

"Does he know what?" I asked, not following him.

"That you've been reinstated?" He said as his phone rang again.

"I'll get it. Agent Booth." I said into the phone after I removed it from his hand.

"Booth? What are you doing with Cole's phone?" Angela asked me.

"Never mind that I'll fill you in when we get there, did you need something Ange?" I asked her.

"No, I was going to have him swing by the house and check on you, when I couldn't get you on the phone, I was worried." She admitted.

"I'm fine Ange. We'll be there in ten." I said not giving her time to ask me about anything else.

"Did you know it was them again?" Cole asked.

"Yeah, I realized that I don't have my cell, and they would know about the call to the house. They worry ya know. Since." I said motioning to my legs.

"It's not a bad thing to be worried about Booth." He said his eyes never leaving the road.

"I know." I said, wondering what Bones would say about me working a case when I still wasn't full strength.

He was quiet the rest of the drive to the lab until we went to park. "Booth can you get out over there?" He asked.

"Yeah, you're a little close but I can manage." I said, pulling my chair from the back seat to assemble it so I could get out.

We entered the jeffersonian to find them all on the platform waiting on us, and I prepared my ears for the alarm as he went to join them.

"Cam. I need my security thing back." I said wheeling up to the ramp as Jack swiped his card in the reader.

"I can't do that Seeley, you know that." She said watching me pull something out of my jacket.

"What was that you said? You can't, I'll call Cullen then." I said, teasing her.

"See Mike in security on your way out, it's still valid. What about Cole?" She asked as she watched me move up the ramp.

"Yeah he's gonna need one too. My partner. For now." I said smiling at them, their jaws slack.

"Booth, how did, I mean is that safe?" Hodgins asked.

"Cullen approved me for desk duty and this case only, with the stipulation of keeping the kid around." I smirked.

"Sweetie, are you sure you're up for this." Angela said worried.

"Ange. I have to do something, I can't just sit back and watch this anymore." I said honestly.

"What do we have?" Cole asked looking at the screen displaying the set up of Mack's body.

"Zoom it in Ange, focus on the area around the spike. That's what he mentioned to me on the phone." I said wheeling in close for a better look.

"There, can you bring it in more?" I asked again, noticing something shiny wrapped around the spike protruding from Mack's abdomen.

"Only a few more clicks, I can enhance it if you give me some more time though." She said getting as far in as she could.

"Look, Cole do you see that? Hodgins what is that?" I asked, pointing to what looked like chain.

"Angela, how long will it take to enhance?" Cam asked her.

"About fifteen minutes?" She answered.

I knew what I thought it was, and the look on Hodgins face showed that we thought the same. It was the chain from my dog tags. My hands moved to my thighs, as I stared at the image trying to think of what else it could be.

"Was Mack in the military?" I asked not wanting to believe it could be mine.

"I'll run it, it doesn't say in the file." Cole said rushing to the computer.

"It doesn't mean its yours Booth, he could just be using them to draw you in." Hodgins said trying to reassure both of us.

"Have you talked to Max yet today?" I asked, knowing it was time for a call from him.

"No. You didn't?" Hodgins asked, worry sweeping his face.

"No. I'll call Rebecca, see if he called Parker." I said moving to a phone.

"Hey Beccs, did Max call Parker today?" I said quickly.

"Not yet. I was wondering if he was on his way back since we didn't hear from him today." She answered.

"I don't think that's the case, tell him to call Agent Cole if he calls in, I don't have my phone on me." I said trying to keep my voice calm.

"Are you okay Seel?" she asked.

"Yeah, Cullen put me on the case today, I just left my phone in the car. Tell Park I love him." I said before disconnecting.

"Booth, his phone is turned off, it's not showing on the grid. Something's up." Hodgins said, showing me the cell phone grid he was on last.

"Navy officeer. Honorable discharge, but it was questionable. Four years served. They could be his." Cole said turning to face us.

"I don't like this. The grand design, the spike, the chain, what are we missing here." I said, trying to think outloud.

I sat thinking of what the connections could be, wondering why Maxs phone was off. Maybe he found her, I thought briefly before Cam interrupted my thoughts.

"Seeley, there is a phone call for you." She said picking up the receiver and handing it to me her face pale.


	29. This can't be happening

One week after being taken hostage.

Once they moved me, it seemed like no matter how much I screamed there would be no one to hear it. We'd driven during the night and the last thing I remembered was pulling into the woods, I could smell the trees, the earth all around me, seeing nothing through the blindfold. The dampness around me led me to believe that we'd been underground, maybe a cave or a basement of some kind, but there were no steps leading down, just a slight grade until I felt the cool air hit my skin. I'd tried to run, to get away, and no amount of effort ever got me out of this situation. Finally they took the blindfold off, and as my eyes adjusted I could see a man, and Mack and Wylo. The three of them staring back at me I again moved to run.

"Not so fast Tempe. Relax, have a seat." Mack said, his fingers digging into my arm.

"I don't know what your intentions are, but they'll find me. You think taking me underground is going to stop them?" I yelled.

"Oh Temperance, ye of little faith. They already think you are dead. I'll show you." Wylo said, popping a tape in the vcr across the room.

I watched with horror, first the headline that I'd been found murdered in Florida, then raw footage of Booth, Parker and Angela outside of a church. Parker's little face was smeared with tears, Booth looked lost, and Angela was crying. I focused on Booth, he was pushing himself, his arms were moving. I saw the despair in his eyes as I watched Parker take off around the building, he didn't even move to follow. They thought I was dead. Fuzz led to another shot of Hodgins, Booth, Parker and Angela at the diner, still all dressed up, a melting sundae in front of Parker, the others picking and poking at their food. There was no sound, but I could make out some of what they were saying.

"Daddy, it isn't her..." Parkers mouth told me.

"No we don't know for sure little man." Booth's responded.

There, there it was, he didn't believe it. Somewhere deep in his gut, he knew. He was fighting the evidence... he believed in something greater than evidence. I didn't let it change my face, I let the tears flow down my face as I watched them in silence.

"See Tempe, my ploy worked, and so easily at that." Wylo smirked.

"Then now what? What are your plans for me?" I asked.

"All in good time dear. For now, get comfortable, you're going to be here for a while. I'll leave this tape for you. Maybe you'll stop fighting so hard to leave." He said as they left the room, closing a steel grate over the opening.

I looked around for anything that would be useful, and found nothing. I was definitely underground, the walls were clay, sloppily chipped away at years ago, the floor was dirt. There was a couch, the TV and a table that had been pushed into the ground so far I wouldn't be able to use the legs. I rewound the tape, watching them again in the diner, faces sullen and splotchy. He was feeding himself, his chair was different. How much progress he'd made in such a short amount of time I thought. He was probably so excited when it happened, couldn't wait for me to get back, and then it all came crashing down. It looked like he'd aged in the short time since I'd seen him, his face so sad. Slamming the TV off, I paced the room, trying to form any type of plan. I knew I couldn't take all three of the men guarding me, holding me here, but maybe I could rationalize with Mack. Even though he seemed to be under Wylo's control, maybe if I wore him down enough, I thought. Sitting on the couch I put my hand to my hip, holding his tags through my pants, he would find me, I repeated over and over, he would come for me.

I couldn't discern night from day in here and had no way of knowing just how long I'd be here, I began making ticks on the floor with my finger nail when I thought a day had passed, and after three of them I began working on Mack. Trying to wear him down, trying to talk him into letting me outside, anything as I got more desperate. Sometimes just as I felt I was getting close Wylo would enter the room, knowing what I was up too. Others Mack would blatantly disregard what I said, mocking me and my efforts. They brought me food and water, some days I refused to eat, or drink anything, others I would ravish whatever was brought to me, I couldn't stand the hunger any longer. I knew they were drugging me when I ate, because I would dream as though it was reality, so vivid and real. I'd be playing with Parker or laughing with Angela and Jack, or just driving with Booth. I didn't know fact from fiction some days. After another week of being stuck in the tunnels, I hadn't showered in weeks, I was dirty, dehydrated, and miserable, with no way out. I screamed one day for hours till my throat was raw, my voice gone, only screaming his name. I was bitter that no one had found me yet, and sometimes I wondered if anyone was even looking. I forced myself to believe that they were, but I was running out of hope.

"Tempe, would you like another look at your friends?" Wylo said

I said nothing, I just turned away from him. I didn't want to watch them, in the outside world living without me. But he forced me too anyways.

I watched as Booth and Parker moved through the park, and I could see that neither of my Booth's were happy. They looked to me like their happiness was gone, Parker's innocence, lost like I was. Booth tried to put on a brave front for the little man, but he was failing, even I could see it. I moved closer to the TV, watching him throw a ball to his son, using his left hand, and then it cut away to Angela and Hodgins, pulling into the driveway of Jack's house, but there was another car there I didn't recognize. As they got out I watched Parker run to greet them. My face must have changed at the confusion.

"Poor FBI agent can't even live on his own anymore... pretty useless life if you ask me." Wylo said, adding salt to my wounds.

I imagined him self sufficient by the way he looked in the tapes, but I was wrong. He was living with Jack. I wanted to take it all back, all the years we danced around each other, all the time we wasted. It would be different if I'd just told him how I felt. Maybe neither one of us would be in the position we were in. I sat crying, rewinding the tape, watching it over and over a few times before Wylo spoke again.

"I thought you'd like that. Now to get down to business. You father is not up there anywhere, you don't think he's down here poking around do you? I sure hope not or your Special Agent Seeley Booth will have a lot of bodies on his hands. Maybe I should bring Little Parker Booth down here, maybe then he'll learn his lesson." He said, and then he was gone.

At the mention of Parker's name I died a little more inside, knowing that there was no way for me to warn Booth. For only the second time in my entire life I felt completely helpless.


	30. And then I saw her

"Booth. This is where she is...30.315988 -89.928589. I don't have signal... I'll get back..." Max said before the line went dead.

"Please tell me we recorded that." I said hopeful.

"We did. What did he say?" Cole asked.

"He gave me her coordinates. We need to get a team there now." I said my heart coming alive. "Hodgins can you pick up his cell on the grid?"

I could hear Cole calling Cullen, I could hear Cam spouting off orders, but all I could do was picture her, scared, alone, and dirty like in my dream. I wanted to get to her, I needed to get to her.

"Booth? I have the marker for the cell, outside of New Orleans. Booth did you hear me?" Hodgins asked.

"Yeah, Hodgins book Cole and I on a flight down there now. Max can't take this guy alone." I said, knowing I'd be sending Cole in to do most of the work.

"Booth, Cullen wants us in his office now. Let's go." Cole said, standing to leave.

"Hodgins, send the flight info to his phone. If you hear from Max again, tell him to stay where he is, we're on our way." I said as I flew down the ramp to catch up with Cole.

"Cole what did Cullen say?" I asked as I lifted my chair into the vehicle.

"We can't discuss it here." He said, making a motion with his hand to tell me we were being bugged.

"Alright. I have to make a stop and get my phone out of my car before we head up." I said.

What we didn't realize at the time Max had placed the call was that Mack was still alive, it was his look-a-like that was on it's way to the Jeffersonian, Mack was still playing all of us, tapping into our phones, our systems for Wylo. That's how Wylo knew where I was at all times, that's how he knew Max was out there looking for her. One of the techs picked up on a signal coming from the lab while Max called us, and had traced the signal to just outside. Immediately he called Cullen, who had sent a team out to check out the situation, and were shocked to find Mack in a van in the parking lot. They picked him up, but weren't sure of what information he'd already sent out, they were holding him in interrogation waiting for us.

"Agent Booth, Agent Cole, he's waiting for you outside of interrogation." Jackie said.

"Director Cullen, are we free to speak here?" Cole asked.

"Yes, we've swept for bugs, it's clean. Booth your cell is bugged, as are all the phones we tapped after the first call. Wylo has been using them to track your every move, Max Keenan's every move. He's known everything from the start. The only thing he didn't know until he heard you at the lab was that you were re-instated. Now he's gonna be on the move, I've already sent out six agents from the field office down there, to get to Max's location, I assume you'll be heading down as well correct Booth." Cullen said

"Absolutely. Hodgins booked us on the next flight out. We leave in four hours. How did we miss this sir? How did we not realize that Mack was working with Wylo?" I asked, infuriated.

"It seems that Mack had picked Wylo up a few years back, before you ever saw this case, unfortunately Wylo is good at manipulating people and managed over the years to wear Mack down, filling his head with illusions of grandeur. We didn't suspect Mack until they dropped off the grid during the operation. We recovered her computer and found the real report she thought she sent me. The one in the file is a fake that Mack planted. Mack and Wylo had the whole operation set up before they even arrived in florida. He'd found two people, nearly identical to Brennan and Mack, who stayed at the hotel we'd set up, drove the car everything. Those are your bodies. After Wylo moved in and got Brennan, he pulled the plug on the doppelgangers, who then helped him move her, cover all their tracks and then he offed them. Booth, you were correct that it wasn't Brennan. She did very well to hide your present, even in front of Mack, but we're guessing that over time Wylo noticed it. We don't know how, but I assure you, those are not yours on that body. It's a decoy, devised to stun you into believing it was Mack. He hasn't said much, won't tell us if she's still alive or not. I thought maybe you'd want to give it a try." He said, filling us in.

I stared into the room at him, looking no different than the last time I'd seen him months ago, but there was something in his eyes that proved otherwise. Wheeling out of the observation room and to the door, I mentally tried to prepare myself. I opened the door, moving the chair at the table out of my way and leaned my elbows on the table.

"Seeley Booth. I heard you've been doing better. Finally mobile again I see. Not just a head anymore." He laughed.

"You think I'd be in here if I didn't intend to kill you? We already have her location, so we don't really need you anymore Mack. What's another body right?" I toyed with him.

"If you knew where she was I wouldn't be in here, I'd be locked up by now." He said, looking me directly in the eyes.

"Let's just say I have friends in high places, agreed to give me a little time with you." I said, bringing my palms flat on the table with a bang.

"You gonna rough me up roller boy? I doubt it." He said, flashing me a smile.

I quickly flipped the table, threw it out of my way and went straight for his throat. I held him there, my left hand piercing his neck, holding him still. "You'll wish I'd have just roughed you up when I'm finished with you." I said through clenched teeth as I let his throat go.

I don't know what I expected to happen next, maybe I underestimated him, but he didn't move an inch towards me, he just sat there. I got closer to him and nailed him across the face with a nice left hook, and still he didn't come at me. I continued to beat on him for a few minutes before I felt Cole's hand on my shoulder. "We gotta go Booth." He said.

I turned to look at the bastard who'd fooled us all one more time, his nose broken, his face bloody, and decided that if I'd had my gun he'd be dead. I pushed away from Cole and went into the bathroom, my left hand was covered in blood, as the water washed it away I looked into the mirror, surprised at myself for doing what I'd just done. But this was Bones, he abducted her, given her over to some psychopath, and held her against her will. I could have killed him, I wouldn't have hesitated and that scared me.

"No wonder they all talk about you like you were some sort of god around here Booth. How did you get away with that?" Cole asked waiting for me outside the bathroom.

"This is a special circumstance kid. You'll never see me do that again, never have before." I said heading for my office.

I looked around, in the closet, in the drawers, knowing I had a shoulder holster here somewhere, but I couldn't find it. I decided it was the best option to carry my weapon, because I knew I wasn't going to be sitting in the truck.

"What are you looking for?" Cole asked, sitting.

"Holster? You got an extra?" I asked, giving up the search.

"Yeah. I use the belt clip and ankle, but I can see where you would need it." He said getting up.

I looked over the office one more time before he came back, holster in his hand. "Thanks, go home and pack, I'll meet you at the lab in an hour." I said wheeling past him, his holster in my lap.

I sped home faster than I ever drove in my life, I was only hours away from seeing her I kept telling myself as I threw clothes into a duffle bag, not even looking to see what they were. I also packed my bathroom kit and hurried down to the car. On my way to her apartment I called Rebecca.

"Hey Beccs." I said into the speaker.

"Seeley what's up. It's late, I was just sending Parker to bed." She replied.

"I won't be able to take him the rest of the week. I was reinstated at the bureau. We got a break in Bones case." I said fast.

"Seeley. Where are you going?" She asked, worry in her voice.

"Max sent us coordinates, there is team on its way there now, but my partner and I are flying down in two hours. I know Beccs. I'll be careful. But if they find her I want to be there. Can you put him on." I asked.

"Hey little man. Listen I have some things I have to take care of this week, but I'll see you on monday okay." I said, not wanting to get his hopes up.

"Is it about Bones daddy? Did they find her?" He asked.

"We aren't sure yet Park. But I'll call you tomorrow okay. I love you." I said

"You are coming home right daddy?" Parker asked, his voice trembling.

"I'll be back by monday Parker. I promise. Now go get some sleep and plan what you want to do that day okay? I love you little man, I'll see you monday." I said, hoping that I could bring her back.

"Okay dad. I love you too. Bye." He said before hanging up the phone.

I rode the elevator up to her apartment and slowly opened the door. As much as I wanted to be able to bring her clean clothes, and something comfortable, I didn't want to go through her things. It was hard enough being in the apartment, let alone having to see her things. I picked out a pair of jeans and a pair of sweats, some shirts and then grabbed a few of her under-things, more reaching in and pulling them out than choosing them, and then filled the bag I'd brought with her clothes. Making sure all the lights were off I shut the door, locking it behind me and then headed to the lab.

I was late getting back to the lab, almost 15 minutes. "Booth, we need to get to the airport if we want to get through security." Cole said as I wheeled in, both bags in my lap.

"I know, I had to stop and get something before we left, and I had to call my kid. Hodgins?" I yelled.

"Yeah Booth?" Hodgins said, rounding the corner.

"Can you drive us to the airport?" I asked.

"Yeah, let me tell Cam I'm leaving." He said, his eyes showing worry.

"I spun my chair around, moving towards the door, when Angela stepped in front of me.

"Sweetie. I know you want to go down there, I know Cullen approved this, and reinstated you, but do you really think it's a good idea? I mean... What if you get hurt?" She said, her hands on her hips.

"Ange, listen, Cole will be there with me the whole time, Max is down there, and I couldn't imagine not being there when they find her. I can't just sit up here waiting any longer. No pun intended." I told her.

"I'm just worried, Max didn't sound good on the phone Booth. What if that was just a ploy to get you down there?" She tried.

"I'm going Ange, you aren't going to be able to change my mind." I said, wondering what was taking Hodgins so long.

I turned back to look for Jack, when a delivery guy came through the door. "I have a delivery for Agent Booth..." he said.

"I'll take that, I'm Agent Booth." I said, moving the bags to the floor.

"Thanks. Have a good night man." The delivery guy said leaving.

"What is it Booth?" Cole asked joining Angela and I by the door.

"I don't know, says it's from the bureau. You wanna help me out Ange?" I asked, not able to get the box open.

She ripped the tape off, and handed the box back to me hesitantly. I pulled open the flaps, slowly to find three comm units, and two cell phones. There was a note as well, and pulling it out, I recognized Cullen's handwriting.

Booth,

The comm's will come in handy when you meet up with Max Keenan, and the phones are clean, secure and not registered. Please don't make me think twice about approving this.

Director Cullen

"Here kid." I said pulling one of the phones out and tossing it to him with my left hand.

"Like I said, you're a god." He said, opening the phone.

I pulled out my cell and the comms, and stowed the units in the backpack hanging from my chair, placing my cell in my jacket pocket. "Hodgins?" I yelled, we had to get going.

"Seeley, are you really doing this?" I heard Cam say from behind me.

"For the last time, yes, I'm going, I'm fine. No more discussion we have to go." I said, clenching my jaw tight.

"Okay, be careful." Cam said.

Before we left Angela hugged me tight, I nearly had to pry her off of me so I could leave, and as I left I turned to see her face full of fear. I knew this wasn't going to be easy, but I didn't know any other options. I transferred into Hodgins SUV, Cole sitting in the back grabbed my chair as Hodgins started the engine.

"What time is your flight?" He asked.

"Ten forty five. You need to step it up Jack." I said, nervous about missing the flight.

I'd heard stories from Anne about how flying was different as a handicapped individual, and that was working on my mind too. I tried to push those thoughts out of my mind, we were going to find her, and that was all that mattered. Jack pulled up to the check in area and I lowered myself into my chair, and then pulled my badge and ID from my jacket pocket placing them in my lap as Cole took the three bags we had.

"Booth, be careful." Jack said, as we moved to enter the airport.

"I'll call you when we get there, I want you to keep track of us with the cells, but we don't have time for that now. Thanks." I said turning back to go in.

"C'mon Booth."Cole said, rushing to security.

I wheeled fast to keep up with him as we made our way to the security area. I hoped that with a flash of the badges they would pass us through, but as Cole waited for me through the metal detectors my credentials were being questioned.

"An FBI agent in a wheelchair?" The second security officer asked.

"Call director Cullen, he'll verify. I'm consulting on a case with my partner over there." I tried.

"I'll call." He said.

A few minutes later he returned, looking like he'd been chewed out. "Sorry Agent Booth, you can't be too careful." He stated, waving me through.

"It's easy to see why Booth." Cole said as we boarded the elevator to move to the gate.

"Is it so unbelievable that the FBI would employ a man in a wheelchair?" I said a little ruffled at being questioned.

We got to the gate, with time to spare and I rushed off to empty my bag, I wouldn't be able to do it on the flight down, so I wanted to be sure that it was taken care of. When I returned I was greeted by a flight attendant wielding a narrow seat on wheels.

"Agent Booth, I'll need you to transfer to this chair, yours will not fit through the aisle, it will be returned to you upon arrival." She said.

I wanted to die right then, having to transfer to this tiny chair, then being pushed onto the plane, it was exactly how Anne described to me. I stewed till she got me to my seat, my eyes not meeting anyone else's the entire time, but I could feel them watching me. I could feel the pity they had for me, I even heard a few whispers as we passed. "Here you are Agent Booth. Do you need assistance to get into your seat?" She asked me.

"No, I'm fine. Thank you." I said through clenched teeth as I moved to transfer to the aisle seat that she brought me to.

I was nearly across when my right hand slipped from the armrest, and as I started to go down, I felt Cole's hands pulling me across, landing me in my seat. "Thanks." I said, embarrassed.

"What are partners for Booth." he said, as he slid in to the seat next to mine.

"Try and catch some sleep. We won't be getting much tonight. I don't want you crapping out on me once we get there." I said, feeling my eyelids protesting.

I know that I slept the entire flight, all two and a half hours of it, until as we landed I was jolted awake. I looked over and Cole seemed like he hadn't moved the entire flight.

"You okay kid?" I asked.

"Don't like the landing part. I'm good. Even slept some, though I don't know how with you sawing logs over there." He joked.

"I do not snore." I replied as we taxied to the gate.

"Keep telling yourself that Booth." He said as we came to a stop.

Going through the whole process of getting on the plane but in reverse I was glad when I was finally back in my chair. Three agents met us at the arrival area, and before we left Cole checked all their creds with Cullen, pissing him off that we'd called so late.

"You're doing good to get on his bad side Cole." I smirked transferring in to the SUV.

"It's not easy living in your shadow Booth." He teased back.

"Have we made contact with Max Keenan yet?" I asked the three louisiana field agents.

"Our team is briefing him as we speak, I want to prepare you for what you're going to see when we take you to him. He's pretty badly beaten up Booth. Looks like Wylo is still working with an accomplice in the area. We've searched your coordinate locations and found nothing so far." Agent Cadler said pulling into a hotel not far from the airport.

"You found nothing? He couldn't have possibly moved her in under ten hours?" I said lowering myself out of the SUV.

"We weren't able to look underground yet, our orders were to secure Keenan for your arrival, and then we'd head back out with the thermal imaging equipment. The location is deep in the woods, but it's an old Warehouse. There are no signs of blood or your girl in there, the place was clean." Cadler said as we entered room 256.

"Max." was all I could say when I saw the medic cleaning him up. His left eye was swollen shut, his arm in a sling, and his clothes were covered in blood.

"Hey Booth. Took you long enough to get down here." He said, in typical Max fashion.

"Did you see her?" I asked, hoping for a good answer.

"Yeah, I did. She's alive Booth, but I don't know how much longer she'll stay that way. One of Wylo's thugs caught me in the tunnel leading to an underground cavern near the warehouse. Worked me over pretty good before I shut him up. Wylo is on to us though. He's been using Mack to surveil us this entire time. It's good to see you son." He said as he moved from the bed to place his hand on my shoulder.

"Maybe you should sit this one out tonight Max. Heal up some." I said looking up at him.

"Not a chance. I've been running these tunnels for two weeks, it's a maze down there, and without me to guide you through you'll never get to her before he splits again." Max said vehemently.

"Alright then. I need three vests, two additional weapons, you will need to patch our comm units into your system Cadler. Then we head out. I'll call the lab while you take care of that." I said pulling the comms from my bag.

"Agent Booth, I was under the impression that you would be staying out of the field." Agent Brocker said.

"I don't know who led you to believe that was the case, but they are sorely mistaken. I'm going in." I said waiting for Jack to pick up.

"Hodgins." He answered.

"Alright Jack, we're here, I'm going to read off the numbers I want you on, you might lose us though, it's underground mostly. But you can patch into the satellite images and keep track of us with the thermal imaging equipment right?" I asked and then read the numbers to him

"Booth. Is she alive?" He asked when I'd finished.

"Yes." I said, conjuring up the image of her dirty and scared in my mind.

"Shouldn't have doubted you." He answered, "I'm done. I have you and Cole up on the grid. I'll patch into the system when you stop at the location. Be careful Booth, we heard Max is really banged up."

"Jack if anything should happen, tell Parker I love him." I said before hanging up.

I was scared, I knew I could fight in my current state, I knew I could fire a weapon, but what if something did go wrong. I thought as I pulled my t-shirt back on over the bullet proof vest. I watched Cole and Max do the same and then with the go ahead from Cadler we were on the move. The ride to the other agents was a silent one, not even Cole spoke as we bumped through the woods getting as close to the tunnel entrance as possible.

"Booth this is as close as I can get, the agents are set up about a hundred more yards that way. Can you make it?" Cadler asked cutting the engine.

"I will." I said, knowing that it was going to be hard.

Cole had my chair out of the back and ready for me when I opened my door. "Booth I don't know if you're going to be able to get over some of this stuff." He said.

"Well then you'll just have to help me get there right?" I said lowering myself down.

We moved towards the other agents and I made it about fifty yards before I could go no further. I sat there, thinking of how I could keep going, through the mud and the debris. I felt Max's hand on my shoulder as he and Cole stayed back with me and the other agents pressed on. Neither men spoke, they could see I was fuming mad, and trying to come up with a solution.

"Cole, how much do you bench?" I asked.

"Uh, two twenty?" He said confused.

"Think you can carry me to the tunnel?" I asked not knowing any other way.

"Yeah. What if you piggy back me? It's less embarrassing Booth." He said.

"Get over here." I said dying to get to her.

I grabbed his shoulders, embarrassed or not, I had to do this, I had to suck it up and get her out. He lifted up, my legs dangling until he grabbed them and started moving forward, the first few steps were unsteady but as he got going we both relaxed. Max carried my chair and when we got to the other agents they all looked shocked.

"That's one of MY partners in there. You think I'm just gonna sit back and do nothing." I shot at them as Cole placed me back in my chair.

"Booth we've spotted three bodies emitting heat on the thermal imaging equipment." Agent Brocker said.

"What are we waiting for?" I said looking for her body on the screen. "There, that's her."

As we silenced all the phones, and placed the comms in our ears I checked my weapon and re holstered it, then placed the extra gun under my leg and we started for the entrance to the tunnel.

I looked at the screen one last time before we started moving, to see the body heat she was giving off. My heart leapt out of my chest at knowing she was only yards from me. Pushing hard and fast to keep up with the other agents I could feel my arms burning, but I kept pushing.

"There is movement coming towards you." I heard in my comm.

"How many?" I whispered back.

"Two, they are leaving her." He said.

We moved in close to the walls of the tunnel waiting for them. I could hear the footsteps coming closer, and then they stopped. I wondered if they knew we were here, then I heard them running back the way they came. They had spotted us. The other agents took off running, and I wheeled beside a jogging Cole as we followed. I heard the first gun shot when we were about twenty feet from the room she was in, but I kept going. Cole motioned for me to stay back but I ignored him, and as I came around the bend I caught a forearm to the neck, sending me flying backwards. My head bounced off the ground, luckily it was mud and not cement or I would have been out cold. I undid the strap across my lap and crawled out of my upturned chair. I reached for my gun as I felt a kick to my ribs, sending pain all through me. I looked up, to see Wylo there, moving to kick me again. My left arm was pinned under me as he sent me into the wall with the second kick. I reached the gun with my right hand and held it out, aiming for his head.

"You think you can take me out that easily Booth?" He laughed watching my arm shake.

"I'm sure as hell gonna try." I spat at him, wondering where everyone else was.

"To bad, with that shake I doubt you'll even come close." He said moving in closer.

I pulled the trigger, and he hit the deck, still moving towards me. I shot again, this time connecting with his shoulder, giving me time to sit up. I switched hands and as much as I wanted to kill him right there I stopped myself, I could hear Cole and Max shouting.

"Cole, I'm over here, he's hit." I yelled with Wylo staring up at me.

"Booth, are you hurt?" I heard through the comm.

"Get an agent to me now." I yelled.

Finally I saw Cole come around the corner, my gun drawn on him. "Where did you go?" I yelled.

"There was another two of his guys behind us Booth. Could you stand down?" He asked, out of breath.

"Where's Max." I asked, lowering my gun.

"He's still back there, got knocked out. What were you thinking moving ahead without me?" He yelled, cuffing Wylo.

I didn't answer him, I just drug myself back to my chair, righted it and lifted through the pain in my ribs to clear my hips to get back in. I was so close to seeing her, that I moved toward the room, pushing through the pain, I found the three other agents all looking worse than they did when we came in, some bleeding, others securing their attackers. And then I saw her.


	31. Fear and behaving

One week six days after being kidnapped.

By now I was completely disoriented, I didn't know if it was day or night, or how long I'd been held, not only because I hadn't seen the light of day for so long, but Wylo was drugging me. I'd lay there, imagining Booth running into the room, and it seemed real, like he was right there in front of me. And a few hours later I would realize it was all a hallucination, no one was coming for me. The only person who had ever made me feel safe, was I presumed still bringing his own body back to life. I'd seen his face in the tape Wylo had shown me, it was as if Booth had aged years since I'd seen him last, his eyes were dark, there was no smile, no joy in even being with his son. It was my fault, I'd left him, even after I promised to never leave, in the end I did. I wondered if I'd gone along with the undercover operation to get away from my feelings for him. The night before I left I'd believed that when I returned to him, all would be right, that I would be able to tell him just how much I loved him, how I'd always loved him. But now, stuck in my own personal hell, all I could do was dream about him, and beat myself up at wasting so much precious time. I even cursed myself at letting him into my life, trying to reason that this wouldn't be so hard if I didn't care about him.

"Tempe, I see you've stopped eating again. Tsk Tsk. I could force the issue if you would rather." Wylo said smirking.

"C'mon Mark. How long are you keeping her down here? Why don't you just off her and put her on ice?" The third man asked.

"Apparently you don't appreciate the amount of work we've all been putting in, taking out one of the most brilliant forensic anthropologists in the world Jake. Everything has a place my dimwitted friend, and everything has it's purpose." Wylo said calmly.

"I guess." Jake said.

"Now leave us for a while." Wylo said waiting for him to leave before speaking again.

"You think that they will find you, don't you." He said, moving closer to me.

I said nothing, I didn't want to play into any of his games, I just let my eyes stare straight ahead.

"Temperance, I know what you're hiding. You think I didn't search every inch for something that would help me to leave a calling card for your precious partner. I just hope you didn't think that swallowing them was a good idea, I'd hate to have to cut you open before the unveiling." He continued. "It will be the pinnacle of my existence, I'll be a hero to all underhanded men and women out there. Others have failed to finish the job Tempe, but I will no doubt be the death of you."

Again he waited, as though I would wage a battle of words with him, yet I said nothing. A quick slap across my face sent me flying against the side of the couch, my face stinging, my head dizzy from lack of nourishment, I still didn't speak.

"I really don't wish to bruise you Tempe..." he said, his voice full of anger.

He raised his hand a second time, causing me to shudder away, "You disgust me you pig." I spat at him, moving fast towards him, my fist connecting with his right cheek bone, I felt my knuckles pop.

"Bitch." he said holding his face with his hand.

I moved closer to him again, going this time for his family jewels, but as I brought my knee up, he caught my leg in his hands, twisting me to the ground. "Don't ever try a stunt like that again. I can make this worse for you. So far I've been generous, one phone call and little parker will be here in twenty four hours." He said, still pinning me to the ground, his face pressed to mine.

I don't know if it was the terror that he'd follow through that got to me, but from then on, I never remained quiet when he spoke with me. I knew that if I did, he'd spite me further. It seemed that eons passed before he brought in another tape, this time, focused on Parker and Booth alone, no Angela or Hodgins. I could tell by the way it was shot that someone was tailing them. A lot of entering and exiting from different places, with only a few minutes of them interacting thrown in. I watched as Booth yelled at Parker, and the look on Parkers face was pure fear. It wasn't like him to yell at his son, I could only imagine that something bad had happened. Finally I saw what it was that Booth was going on about as a man I did not recognize approached Parker after school, talking with him until I saw Booth's vehicle come into view. He quickly vanished into the crowd, but not before Booth had seen his son speaking with the strange man. Booth was out, and wheeling towards Parker before Parker even knew what hit him and then the tape cut off.

"Tempe, don't underestimate what I'm capable of. Cross me again, and next time he'll be begging for that poor excuse of a father to be yelling at him." Wylo said before breezing from the room, the steel door echoing through the dampness.

I sat, broken and tired, staring into the faces on the screen in front of me, everything was falling apart and there was nothing I could do to stop it. Booth was coming undone, his over protective nature evident with the incident I'd witnessed on the tape. I wondered if he was as broken as I was, I wondered if we were fixable. I dreamed that life was normal, that I'd wake up to a phone call from him, his voice telling me we had a case, get a move on. Then I would wake up and I'd look at the walls around me, closing in on me more and more.


	32. This is just a Dream

"Bones." I said, softly, my eyes looking over trembling body, as she cowered in the corner as I got closer.

"It's not really you. You can't... it's a trick." She yelled, dirt caked to her porcelain skin.

I continued slowly moving closer to her, she was shaking, her arms wrapped around her knees. "Bones, it's me. I'm here."

"NO. I saw you on the TV, you all thought I was dead... BOOTH!" she yelled, when I was just inches from her.

I reached out and she shuddered at the touch of my hand to her arm. "Bones, come here. It's me. I promise." I said, my heart aching at her disbelief.

"No, no no no no. He's drugged me. Booth you wouldn't be able to get in here, the woods..." She tried to rationalize.

I unstrapped myself from the chair and lowered myself to the ground in front of her, inching in so my body would touch hers. I wrapped my arms around her shivering form. "I'm here Bones. I'm here now. I've got you." I whispered to her.

She stopped shaking after a few minutes and looked me in the eye. "I love you Booth."

I just held her tighter then. I could hear the agents moving around the room, I heard Max and Cole come in too. I wondered what Hodgins was seeing on the thermals, but I didn't care. I had her in my arms.

"Booth, we need to get her to a hospital." Max said softly coming beside us.

"I know." I answered, not moving.

"Booth. Don't leave me." She said clinging to me, her fingers digging into my skin.

"I'm not. Let me get in my chair and I'll give you a ride okay?" I said, smiling at her as I tucked a piece of her hair behind her ear.

She only nodded, as I slowly pulled away from her. I lifted myself up to my chair, wincing at the movement, wondering if my ribs were broken. I waited for Cole to lift her onto my lap, and I cradled her in my arms as he pushed us from the room. I knew once we were outside that I wouldn't make it all the way to the car. I knew they'd have to take her from me and it was killing me just thinking about letting her out of my arms. When we got as far as Cole could push Max picked her up, wincing at the strain on his hurt arm, but he managed as Cole got me on his back, I wondered who would get my chair, but in the moment it didn't matter. Cole set me into the back seat of the SUV and then Max layed her down over me. I kept my hand on her face the entire ride out, as she held on to me for dear life. I knew when we got to the hospital that she'd be pried away from me, and I wasn't ready. I'd waited so long to see her, to have her in my arms, to hold her. I couldn't imagine what she was going through, she hadn't said anything since we left the tunnel, mainly she was just whimpering every once in a while. I don't think I blinked the entire ride, I didn't want to take my eyes off of her. As we pulled into the emergency room, Max came around to take her from me and as his hands got close she instinctively grabbed hold of me tighter.

"Bones, it's okay, it's your dad, I can't lift you out sweetheart." I whispered close to her ear, wishing I could do it instead of him.

"C'mon Tempe. Booth will be right here." He said trying to calm her.

"BOOTH." She screamed as he pulled her from me.

I looked over and Cole already had my chair waiting, and I moved to get out, but couldn't hold the handle long enough to get over my chair, my ribs screamed to me to stop. Cole grabbed me in time and set me down gently.

"You are getting looked at too Booth." He said matter of fact.

"Max I can take her." I said, seeing the panic on her face.

He gently placed her in my arms, and I waited as Cole wheeled us in, immediately yelling for a doctor.

"A little help over here." He yelled.

"What happened sir?" An orderly asked, bringing a gurney for Bones.

"She's been held hostage for the last six weeks, and my partner here may have some broken ribs. Concussion on that one." Cole said, stifling a laugh at the mess we appeared to be.

"She should take precedence. We don't know if she's been drugged, or nourished properly, possibly abused. She's very out of it. My only request is that I stay with her. I. Will. Not. Let. Her. Out. Of. My. Sight." I stated clearly.

"But you'll need to be seen too sir." He said, looking unhappy.

"I understand that, and as soon as she is taken care of, the doctor can look me over, in her room." I said, not willing to budge.

"Let's get her to exam four. Follow me." He said, realizing that there would be no moving her from my lap.

We all trooped down to the room after him, a nurse following us with paperwork. Max took a seat to begin filling it out and Cole lifted her from me onto the bed closest to the door, she never took her eyes off me, and was still holding my hand when the doctor arrived.

"Temperance, can you hear me?" He asked her.

"I'm of sound mind and body, I just want to go home. Do a tox-screen, a rape kit, and then I'm going home." She said, the first complete sentence I'd heard her utter since we found her.

"Bones, you might need to stay here. I won't go anywhere, I'll be right here with you the entire time okay. Just let the doctor decide." I tried to calm her.

"No Booth. Do the tests and then I want you to take me home." She demanded, her eyes fierce.

"Doctor, you heard her, run the tests and then patch me up so I can take her home." I said, looking at the clock it was nearly five a.m.

"I can see by looking at her that there is evidence of dehydration. She'll need to clear three bags of fluids before I release her." He stated.

"Fine, take care of Booth and my dad, and then we go, I'll have finished three bags by then." She said groggily.

I'd never seen her like this before, and it frightened me. After all that she'd been through, and we didn't even know what it had been like, she just wanted to forget it happened.

"Agent Booth, I'd like to send you to x-ray." the doctor said after poking and prodding me.

"Only if she allows it." I said, looking to her.

"Go, but fast Booth." She gave in, watching me wince at any movement.

"Can't you bring a portable in here?" Max asked looking up from the paperwork.

"I'll see what I can do." He said before he disappeared.

"Bones, do you want to change? I brought you some clothes. I need to get out of these wet clothes I know that. " I asked nodding at Cole.

"I'll bring the two bags in Booth. You alright in here?" He asked.

"Yeah I'm fine kid." I said.

"Max. Could we have a minute?" She asked him.

"Sure sweetie. I'll be right outside Booth if you need me." He said, looking a little hurt.

"Bones... I'm so sorry I let you go." I tried.

"Booth it isn't your fault. No one knew about Mack. I thought you'd given up on me... I saw you on the tape, all the progress you've made, your face, Parker, is he okay?" She asked tears slipping from her eyes.

"Bones, Parker is fine, he'll be even better in a few days when we get you home. I never really gave up on you Bones. My brain tried to make me, but deep down, I knew you were out there. Funny thing is, I got a concussion a few weeks back, I lost consciousness for a bit, you were there, you were wearing this. Do you know how crazy I've been without you? Every part of me was dying without you." I said, not caring if it was to much.

"How did you find me?" She asked, I could feel her relaxing a bit.

"Max found you Bones. He's been trailing Wylo for weeks. Cullen didn't have any leads, I couldn't come down here, so Max looked for you. Hodgins helped a lot, with tracking him, keeping up on where you might be. Up until yesterday I wasn't even allowed to look at the case file, then Wylo called, and they found Mack tailing me. Cullen decided that I could help work the case and here I am. Reinstated yesterday afternoon. When we get back though I'm strictly cold cases till... well for now." I said, stroking her face with my thumb.

"I prayed for you Booth. I didn't have anything else. After the first week all my hope was gone. I never thought I'd see any one I cared about ever again." She said, her voice still shaky.

"I'm so sorry Bones. I shouldn't have let this happen...I...I" I tried to say something, but just looking at her was making me speechless.

"Shh Booth. I'm tired." She said softly, avoiding my guilt.

"Get changed first Bones, and then you can rest, I promise." I told her, wondering how long it had been since she'd actually slept.

"When we get home, you'll be there right?" She asked, timidly.

"Where else would I be Bones?" I said reassuring her.

"I don't... I don't know Booth, I feel like this is all still a dream. I feel you touching me, I see your face, but it's too perfect." She said, trying to keep her eyes open.

"It's exactly the way it's supposed to be Bones. Me and you." I said.

"You and I." She corrected me.

"Perfect." I smiled at her, how much I'd missed her I thought, hearing Cole enter the room.

"You lack stealth Kid." I said.

"Didn't want to interrupt anything. Sorry." He said, his face reddening.

"Leave the bags Cole, We'll manage." I said, still not willing to leave her side.

"I'll be outside the door." He answered.

"I was in a hurry, and I didn't know what you'd want, but I brought some of your things." I said hoping I'd done okay.

"I need a shower Booth..." She said, her face showing just how much she'd been through without her even realizing it.

"It's okay Bones, just get out of those clothes, after they are done with the tests we'll go to the hotel and you can do whatever your little heart desires." I said opening the bag with her clothes, watching her eyes move to my hands.

"I missed that." She spoke softly, her hand moving to cover mine.

"You missed a lot Bones." I said, letting my right hand fall away from hers, self consciously.

"It never mattered." She said, curling her long fingers around my left hand.

"What?" I asked, not sure of her meaning.

"I didn't care about it Booth. I was just happy I still had you in my life." She said, trying to clarify.

"I'm not sure I get what you're talking about Bones..." I said, watching her reach to take my right hand, that could barely feel hers.

"It didn't matter to me that you were paralyzed, the only part I couldn't stand was seeing you suffer. I just wish you could see that no matter what shape you're in, I'd love you Booth." She said, a tear falling from her eye.

"Even after all you've been through, after all the promises I've made to you that I couldn't keep after I got hurt... how could you love me after I let you down...after I started to believe that you were really gone." I said, guilt rising in my mind.

"Because it's like you said, perfect. You and I, it's always been that way, I was just to smart to see it. When you got hurt, those few days, when we didn't know what the outcome would be, I realized something Booth. I realized that when I get up in the morning, you are the first thing I think about, and before I go to bed at night, it's the same. That in the last few years, the only times I've ever been truly happy is when you're around... When I didn't have that, it was like I didn't exist in this world without you. You know me, for all my flaws, and quirks, you know the real me, and you love me anyways. Even on the worst of days stuck in that hell, when I thought about you, it was easier." She told me, her eyes sparkling for the first time since I'd seen her weeks ago.

I didn't know what to say to her then, her normal technical words were gone, and her heart was allowed to speak. I just stared at her, I couldn't believe that we were even having this conversation.

"I just thought about you and Parker, and Ange and Hodgins... all alone with each other...I watched those tapes, of all of you over and over, till I could pick apart every detail, every missed opportunity for laughter, every sad glance, every hesitated angry stare. It wasn't you on those tapes, it was you pretending to be okay, pretending that you weren't killing yourself inside. I don't know if I thought that one day he'd bring me a tape and I'd see you laughing, or Parker smiling, but all that time passed and every tape was the same except I'd see you progressing. First you could barely push yourself, then another would come and you were tossing a football to Parker, and then another where you were driving on your own, and then the last one, where I watched as this hand opened completely as you pulled yourself into the car. I didn't miss that much, I just couldn't share my joy with you, and that was worse." She said, placing my right hand to her chest, over her heart.

"Bones, I didn't know what he was doing to you... I... when you were gone, it was like everything stopped, my heart, my feelings, my life. If I didn't have Parker I don't know what I would have done, he was the only thing keeping me breathing. There were days where I couldn't remember the sound of your voice, and I'd play a message you left me over and over again, just to hear you say my name, and others where I couldn't even stand to hear anyone say your name it hurt so bad without you. All that time I waited for this to come back and then it was there, and it didn't matter without you... But now... you are here, with me..." I said, near tears myself at admitting just how hard it had been.

A knock on the door interrupted us, nearly causing her to jump into my lap at the sudden noise. I turned to see the doctor there.

"Agent Booth, I need a few minutes to finish up the tests and get her started on the IV's and then I can get the portable in here to check you over." He said.

"He can stay." She said adamantly.

"Are you sure Dr. Brennan, it's a sensitive matter." He said skirting the issue of the rape kit.

"I am fully aware how sensitive it is doctor." She said not budging.

"Bones, I'll be right outside the door... It's okay." I said, not sure I wanted to be there for those tests.

"Booth?" She asked

"What Bones, I think you should just get the tests over with, and then I'll be right back in, if you need me yell, and I'll be in." I said siding with the doctor.

"Alright..." She conceded, letting go of my hand.

I wheeled out painfully, glancing back over my shoulder before I was out of her eye line to see her eyes full of fear. It cut right down to the thick of my soul that I was letting her out of my sight. I looked forward into Max's eyes.

"How's she doing?" He asked.

"She's been better." I said, coming to a stop only inches from the door.

"Booth, you really should get out of those clothes." He said flatly.

"I will. But for now, let's get her taken care of." I said, nodding to Cole.

"He's in custody, at the field office, fully incapacitated. I've given my statement, they said they can wait for yours and hers until you are cleared from the hospital. Cullen called while you were in there, and so did Angela. They want to talk to her Booth." He said, his face softening.

"I know. But I think there's one call she wants to make first. Did you find my cell anywhere?" I asked, seeing that we'd have time to call Parker before he left for school.

"Yeah, it's shot though, you'll have to use mine." Cole said as a nurse approached us.

"Mr. Keenan?" She asked looking at all of us.

"That's me, you ready for me?" He said.

"I'd like you to keep him close if possible, that's his daughter in there." I spoke firmly.

"I assure you sir, we've already been told of the situation by Doctor Sonon." She said helping Max to his feet and taking him into the room beside hers.

"Thank you." I said before they disappeared into the room.

"Booth, are you okay?" Cole asked finally sitting.

"Yeah. I'm fine kid." I said.

"No I mean, what if he raped her? I know you're thinking it, cuz I am." He said quietly.

"I knew what you meant kid. Listen, she and I, we are stronger than that. She is stronger than anyone has ever given her credit for. We'll be fine." I said, hoping it was the case.

"Agent Booth, you can go back in, in a few minutes, she's getting a shower. I'll have the portable in about half an hour, so if you need assistance to get into the other bed I can send someone down." He said, leaving the door open.

"Uh, no. I'll manage. Thanks Doc. It's been a long ordeal for her, and I know that you are going out of your way to make this easier on her." I said, reaching out to shake his hand.

"Agent Booth, I don't know exactly what happened to her, or for how long, but for her to be so lucid is astounding. One more thing, it was negative." He said over his shoulder as he walked away.

My mind was at ease, with those words, at least she hadn't been completely violated.

"You okay to lift me kid?" I asked, seeing that he was a little banged up, but not as bad as Max or I.

"Sure. Then you mind if I go back to the hotel, catch some shuteye?" He said.

"No. That's fine Cole. You did good last night, ya know." I said, as he followed me into her room.

"I did mediocre, if I'd done my job, you wouldn't be cringing with every move you make Booth. But I'm learning." He said.

I struggled to get out of my now partly wet clothes, and into a clean pair of track pants before it hurt too much to get anything else on. I studied the bruises across my chest where I'd been kicked, surprised that it was so intense, even with the bullet proof vest. He carefully lifted me onto the bed, trying his hardest to keep me from screaming out in pain. When my head hit the pillow it was hard to stay awake, I was exhausted, hurt and relieved all at the same time as I finally heard the shower turn off, I told Cole he could go, and as he handed me his phone she emerged from the bathroom, fully dressed in my sweats and t-shirt, dog tags hanging from her neck, clean and looking a little more relaxed.

"Didn't like what I picked Bones?" I teased as Cole left the room.

"These smell like you." She said, climbing up to sit with me.

"You look better already." I said, barely able to keep my eyes open.

"I do feel better." She whispered, her hand on my chest.

"Dr. Brennan, I need to start your IV." A nurse said entering the room.

I watched Bones face fall, as she hopped down and went to her bed, and then watched her wince at the nurses quick poke to her vein. Her breath caught as the liquid started dripping into her system . I watched as she lay back, turning on her side to face me.

"Booth, can I call Parker?" She asked, eyeing the phone on the table between us.

"I was planning on it." I said watching her take the phone into her hands and check the time.

"He should be up now. Rebecca won't mind. Go ahead." I said, smiling at her.

I recited the number as she dialed, and then put the phone to her ear.

"Rebecca, this is Temperance, can I speak with Parker please?" She asked, making me wish I could see his face when he heard her voice.

"Bones, put it on speaker..." I said prompting her.

I could hear the background noise, Rebecca calling him, and the running that followed.

"Hello?" He said, his voice still coarse from sleep.

"Hey little man. Guess what?" I said loud enough for him to hear me.

"Daddy! Are you okay?... What?" He asked, before registering the rest of what I'd said.

"Parker...I miss you." Bones said, her eyes glassy with tears.

"DR. BONES!! Daddy you found her!! Bones, I knew you weren't dead... see I told you so dad." He said, nearly screaming.

"Calm down little man..." I said.

"When are you coming home Bones? Are you gonna be here on Monday with Dad?" He asked

"I sure will be Parky. I have to hang up now, but I just wanted to tell you I missed you so much, and that I'll see you soon okay... Be good in school..." She said as two nurses wheeled in the portable x-ray machine.

"I'll see you soon too buddy. Be good. I love you." I said loudly

"I love you guys too." He said before hanging up.

I looked at Bones, wondering how she'd take the I Love You from him and was surprised to find her smiling a little.

"He meant it too Bones." I said softly watching the nurses get the machine in place.

"Agent Booth, we'll need you to stay real still now." The one named Ginny said.

"I can manage that." I answered, as I pushed up for her to place the plate under me.

It didn't take long for them to get the films they needed and wheel the machine out as another nurse arrived to stitch up the gash on my forehead.

"The wall won." I said trying to make a joke as the nurse stitched me up.

"Booth, that isn't funny." Bones said smiling a little at me again.

"Sure it is Bones. You should have seen me go flying." I tried, turning my head to look at her.

"Sir, I need you to keep your head towards me." The nurse said irritated.

"Sorry. I get distracted by beautiful women." I said, grinning.

"Booth..." I heard Bones say as the nurse sighed.

"What I can't call you beautiful now Bones?" I asked trying not to move my head.

"Let the nurse do her job, and quit being a wise ass." Bones said, I could hear the exhaustion in her voice.

"Why don't you try and rest a little Bones. Maybe get some sleep." I said.

"You'll be here... right?" She asked quietly.

"I'm not going anywhere." I said assuring her.

It took a long time for her to actually fall asleep as I waited for the doctor to come back into the room, but when I finally heard her breathing soften I knew she was out. I reached for the phone and called Angela at the lab.

"Angela Montenegro." She answered.

"Hey Ange." I replied.

"Don't hey Ange me Booth, you've had her with you for hours and you are just now calling?" She said angrily.

"Angela, she just fell asleep, probably the only good rest she's had in days, and she was getting tests done, I promise she'll call you as soon as she wakes up okay? But she's fine, physically, mentally, well she's terrified that I'm going to disappear. But she's okay. I just wanted to let you know." I said quietly.

"Are you okay?" She asked, more calm this time.

"I think I have a few broken ribs, but other than that I'm fine. Better than fine Ange." I said, watching Bones sleep.

"We watched it in thermal you know. I'll never do that again. How's Max sweetie?" She said.

"He'll be fine, Cole's sleeping it off at the hotel." I answered.

"When are you coming back?" She said.

"We told Parker we'd be there to take him on Monday, so before then I guess. She still has to give a statement and rest some before we fly back." I said.

"She talked to Parker? Before me? Oh... I see where I've fallen to in her priorities." Angela joked.

"Relax Ange. I think if she hadn't been fighting falling asleep for so long she would have called you too. Listen I have to go, the doctor just came in, I'll call you later. Bye." I said quickly as I closed the phone.

"Agent Booth. Three fractured ribs, and hairline fracture in your collar bone. I see it's already bruised. Not much we can do about the ribs aside from wrapping the area, and same with your collar bone. You aren't going to be able to wheel yourself around for a few weeks." He said matter of fact.

"I'll get by doc." I said, not realizing that I wouldn't even be able to sit myself up after a few hours of sleep.

"I'm telling you Seeley, you were lucky there wasn't any damage anywhere else. Now let's get you wrapped so you can rest more comfortably." He said helping me lean forward.

I almost fainted at the movement, he wasn't kidding that I wouldn't be able to push my chair, I could barely sit up. My body felt like it was on fire, the pain was so intense as he pulled the ace bandage across my chest. I clamped my jaw shut, for fear of yelling out and waking her up.

"Breath Seeley, I'll prescribe something for the pain." The doctor said quietly, as he gently helped me lay back down.

"Thanks doc. Nothing too strong though okay?" I said.

"Just some ibuprofen. We don't want to interfere with your program. Speaking of that, a nurse will be in soon to take care of that for you. Now get some sleep." he said as he left the room.

I don't know when the nurse came in to empty my bag, or how Bones ended up in bed with me, but when I woke up almost six hours later she was there. Nestled in beside me, her head on my arm, her hand draped over me, I thought I was dreaming until I heard her crying softly.

"Bones?" I whispered.

"I'm not hurting you am I Booth?" She said, tilting her head up to look at me.

"No. What's wrong Bones." I asked, seeing the tears streaked across her face.

"I never thought I'd get to do this... so many times I wanted to crawl in beside you when you were hurt, just to hold you, comfort you, and now it's real." She said still crying softly.

"I know Bones. I know. I'm here now." I said kissing the top of her head.


	33. Small letters that mean so much

Three weeks into my kidnapping.

I'd never believed in the human's ability to process information while deluding itself that things were okay until now. I can sit here dreaming of things I want, waiting for those things, like I'm fine, while part of my brain is trying to conjure an escape. I'm sure that now everyone is moving on in their lives some, maybe not Booth, but all my squints are back at the lab, drowning in paperwork and cases Angela is drawing as I think about her, sitting at her art desk, tears flowing down her face, but it will only help her to create what is needed more thoroughly. Hodgins is hatching some bug or trying to figure out the combination of what elements will derive some strange food found in a vic's stomach while Cam is brooding about over his shoulder, as she tries to understand what makes all of them fit together so well. I know the answer to that, but I am stuck here, and since she never asked my reasoning for keeping them all together, well, I never offered it to her. I know why we work so well together, I know how each one of us fits into the circle that Booth had declared we were. Each of them compliments the others, as do I and Booth, we feed off the different life experiences that we all bring to the table. Now that I'm taken out of the equation completely I fear for them. I fear that they won't go on in harmony like we'd been. They will slowly move on in their own directions, if it hasn't already started. Cam will see it happening, as the time goes on, and will assign them to other areas, areas that were more compatible with why they were hired, not the areas that we'd been accustomed to since Booth was introduced into our environment. He brought us all together, and now I'm tearing us apart, in my rational mind anyhow. I want to believe that they will find me, that somehow I'll get through this, that I'll survive to see them all again, but being rational I know the odds of that actually happening are slim. Maybe I'm coming to terms with that, that even if I never leave this hell alive it will be okay, that they will be too. I've watched the tapes over and over as many times as I possibly can stand it, until I'm ready to break. It helps to actually see their faces, even if they are starting to look like strangers.

If I am correct I've been gone for three weeks and maybe a few days that I missed, but it feels like it's been so much longer. I'm almost out of hope that anyone is even looking for me. I don't know if I've slept for more than a few hours at a time and I sit wondering how much my mind is actually playing tricks on me. So many time's I've woken up thinking that Booth was standing in the door, his cocky belt buckle staring out from under his suit jacket, to find no one there at all. I've had conversations with him, many times now, that I know are hallucinations, yet it keeps me going when there is nothing but silence. I make up scenarios of how his rescue would play out, him carrying me from this dreary place, and telling me that everything will be okay, that he's here now, or others of him shooting through the men that are sometimes just outside the steel door, to pick me up to my feet as he rushes me to the car. Every one ends in him telling me that everything will be okay because he's here now, and sometimes that just makes this worse, because I know that it really wouldn't happen that way now, he's broken, he can't walk in this door, or run with me or carry me any longer. As much as he tried to pretend that he was okay that last night with him, I knew that his situation was his worst nightmare. Not being able to be the hero was killing him inside, no matter how much he pretended it wasn't. His life wasn't meant to be lived sitting down, and I knew that just as much as he did. Yet he pressed on, waiting for something to change, and it did, and I wasn't there for that. I've missed that moment of realization, where with a small movement in his arm, his face shone brightly, that smile beaming, I've been robbed of that luxury. Instead I'm here, wherever that is, wasting away waiting to find out my fate, and he's there, not sure what to feel or how to feel it. I can see his face, the lines around his eyes getting deeper as he concentrates harder, or his lips spreading into a small smile at Parker's childish joke. That quickly my mind changes course to something that will ultimately shoot the endorphins into my system, helping me to cope as best I know how.

"Temperance? Are you awake?" Wylo asks, seeming nice somehow.

"Yes." I answer, afraid for their lives if I protest.

"I've brought you a change of clothes, and more food and water." He calls out before opening the door, "Please stay back, until I'm through the door."

I remain silent as he places the clothes on the sofa next to me and then moves to put the food down on the low table.

"Tempe, have you grown quiet in my absence? I assume your conversations with Booth were helpful..." He says without missing a beat.

"I didn't talk with Booth, what do you mean." I ask fearfully.

"I'm monitoring you, and while I know that you did not speak with him directly, I know you had conversations with the air around you. It proves more and more helpful to me every time, I'm getting more and more familiar with your relationship with him as the time passes." He stated with a perverse smile.

"I assure you I did not divulge any information that you didn't already know." I spoke softly.

"If you say so Tempe. Big things are in your future, just remember that. This will not be for nothing I assure you." He said as he left the room, slamming the steel door.

I wondered what he was waiting for, why he was holding me here and not just killing me. He had to have some sort of plan that involved a specific item he didn't have. Once I was sure he was gone I took the dog tags into my hand, running my fingers over the tiny letters that spelled out Booth's name, knowing that a long time ago, they had never left his chest. They had been maybe the only thing that kept him sane during one of the hardest time in his life. I wanted to be able to tell him that they helped, that just by holding them I did feel like he was there with me, and if I didn't make it out of this alive I would never have that chance. The chance to tell him that every little thing he's ever done, no matter how small has meant something to me, that I always notice. I kept running my index finger over those letters, how such a small thing could make me feel so much better, I didn't know, but it did. I was surprised with myself at what I did next, I dropped down to my knees and I prayed. I'm sure it was pretty sad, considering that I'd never done it before, but I did it anyways, knowing that if it were Booth in my positions it's what he would do. I asked for someone to save me, for someone to save all of us, over and over I asked Booth's god, until I could barely keep my eyes open.


	34. You earned it

After the first day in the hospital it became painfully obvious that I wouldn't be able to push my chair or transfer in and out of it either. It was frustrating to be stuck once again relying on others, but it all took a back seat to having her with me again. It took me a few tries to convince her that it was best to stay one more night, and in the end she gave up trying to talk me out of it. An agent was coming the second morning of our stay to get her statement in writing, even after she'd gone over it all with Cullen over the phone. She'd talked to everyone after we'd slept some more, her eyes filling with tears at the sound of their voices, her hand still entwined in mine, still lying in bed with me.

"Tempe, how are... oh... I didn't know that..." Max said, shock all over his face at seeing her in bed with me.

"Dad... We, uh, well yeah." She stammered.

"It's about time if you ask me honey." He said, smiling at us.

"How you doing Max?" I asked, as he took the chair next to the bed.

"I've been worse. How's my kid doing Booth?" He asked, watching her get uncomfortable.

"I'm right here, why don't you just ask me yourself?" She asked angrily.

"Easy Bones. He didn't mean it like that." I said softly to her.

"I'm okay. Tired, I guess. I just want to go home, but Booth insists that we stay one more night." She said looking at me with a anxious glare.

"Honey, he's right. Besides he needs to be here another day, doc told me so. We don't want to leave him here do we." Max let slip.

"What? Why? Booth what aren't you telling me?" She said grilling me.

"Just for observation Bones. Thanks Max." I said shooting him an angry look.

"I'm heading to the hotel with Cole, we can be here in fifteen minutes if you need us okay. We'll be here in the morning to pick you up." Max said, reaching out for her hand.

"How did you get released so quickly?" I asked, wondering if he was just leaving against medical orders.

"Nothing broken Booth, mild concussion. Mainly bumps and bruises, it looks worse than it is." He said stroking the back of her hand with his thumb.

"I'll see you in the morning dad." She said softly, leaning to hug him. "Thank you for not giving up on me."

"You can thank your Booth for that kiddo. His famous gut, and the soon to be famous gut of that son of his kept me looking." Max said, winking his good eye at me.

He hugged her tighter and then he was gone, headed off to sleep I assumed. She had finished all three bags of fluids and two of my puddings before the nurse came in to unhook the IV from her arm. I lie there watching her interact with the nurse, un-important banter between them until she left and Bones climbed back in with me.

"Booth, is this okay with you?" She asked,

"What?" I asked her.

"That we are crossing the line..." She said quietly.

"Bones, we crossed that line before I'd ever said anything about it. I've wanted this for a long time, longer than you, I know that." I told her honestly.

"I don't think it was about me not wanting it Booth, I just didn't know how to have this with you." She whispered.

"I think I loved you before I even knew it Bones. Something just felt so right about being around you." I said, loving the feel of her next to me.

She stayed quiet after that for a good while, her head on my right arm, her right hand in my left. I could have stayed like that forever, and I wondered if her sense of rationalization would kick into effect to change things as I stroked the back of her hand with my thumb.

"Booth?" She asked softly.

"Yeah Bones?" I said.

"It was hard. All that time... without you." She stammered.

"I know all about that Bones. It was hard for me too. Not the same, but hard. I watched everyone around me falling apart while I felt like I was dying inside, and there was nothing I could do to fix it. Nothing. I would think about the day I got hurt, how if I'd just turned a second sooner, you'd have been with me, not tangled in this mess. I couldn't stop obsessing over it, that one second that changed everything, that took you from me, that left me broken and helpless." I said my jaw tight.

"Booth, every second leads to a series of events that make up the cause and effect. It wasn't your fault, I wish you could see that. Did you ever think that if you didn't go down, maybe I would have?" She said shifting to look up at me.

"Bones, I've thought about every different scenario, every thing that could have happened. It doesn't make it any less painful though." I said honestly.

"You always do this Booth. You always shoulder all the guilt, even when nothing you could have done differently would have changed the outcome." she said

I didn't argue with her, I knew she was right. I just stared at her beautiful face wondering how I got so lucky to have her in my life. All I wanted was to kiss her, but the pain in my body wouldn't allow it, frustration was setting in at knowing that for the next week or so there would be a lot that I couldn't do. She must have seen the tension on my face because she looked at me quizzically, her icy blue eyes bearing down on me.

"It's only for a little while." She said, breaking her gaze from me and nestling back into my body.

"How did you know what I was thinking about?" I asked.

"It's the same look I saw on your face for months, I'm more perceptive than you give me credit for Booth." She answered.

Nurses had been in and out of our room all day, checking this or that and at around seven a male nurse arrived.

"Temperance, can I have a few minutes with agent Booth." He said, implying that she leave the room.

"You can do what you need to in front of her. It's fine." I said, seeing the panic in her eyes.

"I need to change your catheter Seeley. You have a mild kidney infection, the doctor feels that your immune system is low due to the stress of the last few days and he wants to take the necessary precautions." He stated matter of fact.

"Booth I can step out if you would like me to." She said, knowing that this was a touchy subject in the past.

"No. If we are going to do this, you should stay." I said looking into her eyes, my face emotionless.

"Are you sure?" She questioned.

I nodded, knowing that for a while things were going to be like this, maybe even forever, and if she wanted to be with me, I had to let her in somehow. She moved carefully from the bed, I immediately felt the warmth leaving my side as she moved to stand behind the nurse. He gave me a look that said I tried, but I knew that this was part of who I was now, and I couldn't keep hiding it from her. He moved the sheet away and readied the small table with all the necessary evils to get the job done and then he carefully pulled down my track pants, pulling my catheter thru the other end so he could disconnect it and replace it. No matter how little I feel in that area, I still cringe at the sight, anyone would. I wanted to watch her face, but something inside me wouldn't let me, I just watched him as he quickly changed out the tube. She stayed incredibly quiet during it, and when he was finished and I finally was able to look at her she didn't look disgusted, or upset at all.

"I also have some antibiotics that you need to take Seeley." The nurse said placing the pills onto the night table next to the glass of water.

I reached out pain taking hold of my body as I raised the bed some until I couldn't take it any more. I downed the pills quickly, knowing that lying still was the only way to extinguish the pain.

"I'll be back later to check on you. Ms. Brennan do you need anything?" He asked her.

"I'm fine. Could we up the pain medicine some? He seems to be in a lot of pain." She asked, moving closer to me.

"I'm sorry he requested that he be on a low dosage. Seeley would you like me to speak with the doctor?" He asked me.

"No. Bones I don't want to be all drugged up. I'm fine." I said, gritting my teeth as I lowered the bed back down.

She was watching me, her eyes skeptical at my choice to deal with the pain. "Booth I don't think a little pain medicine is unreasonable at this level of pain." She tried.

"Bones, I spent months not able to feel anything, and now a little pain, it's nothing compared to that. Come back over here." I said, patting the bed softly.

She slowly climbed back in with me, trying so hard not to move the bed or me while she slid beneath the covers, her head again resting on my right arm. I closed my eyes when her hand touched the sensitive area around my ribs, trying not to scream out. I don't remember falling asleep after that, but I must have because I woke up, the bed shaking some, and she was gone. The slight movement causing every bruise on my body to throb, I reached down to my legs, and sure enough there was a spasm, my left leg was bouncing around. I propped myself up through the pain, wondering where she was as I slowly moved my hand down my leg, trying to stop the spasm. Pushing down on my knee, I stopped suddenly seeing her coming out of the bathroom, terror in her eyes.

"Bones. You okay?" I asked quietly, in more of a hiss from the pain.

"Your leg is moving..." She said, shocked.

"It's a spasm Bones. It happens sometimes, could you help me out?" I asked.

"What do I do?" She asked moving closer.

"Push my leg up towards my chest bending my knee, I just can't do it Bones, it hurts to much. Then pull it back out, you have to stretch the muscle." I said, waiting for the pain to increase.

Leaning back on both hands, I waited for the pain to stop, for the spasm to subside as I watched her moving my leg back and forth until finally I felt the shaking stop. "Thanks Bones." I said nearly out of breath.

"That's new to me." She said with a small smile as she helped me lower myself back down.

"You should have seen me the first time it happened. Scared the crap out of me Bones. I didn't know what was going on." I said as she moved in beside me, leaning in to kiss me before she nestled into my side.

"It would have been amusing to see your face as it happened. I can only imagine. What was it like when it started to come back Booth?" She asked, trying to take my mind off the pain.

"I could feel things, I could move my arms, my left hand, yet, there was no control, I had to relearn things. It was hard Bones. I knew that I could do it before, and then no matter how much you try to concentrate, sometimes your body cooperates, and others it doesn't." I explained.

"Where did it stop?" She asked looking up into my eyes.

"About here..." I said pointing to a spot an inch or so above my belly button.

"What about your right hand? Can you still feel your legs some?" She asked, when I realized that we hadn't talked about this yet.

"I feel pressure, some hot and cold in my legs, mostly the left. My right hand, I can pick things up, use it to push my chair, I can hold things in it, I have some grip, but the sensation goes in and out. Anne said it will come back, but I'm starting to think it might not. The sensations that I was getting before you left, in my legs, it's been fading for a while now..." I said defeatedly.

"Why? Did they do tests?" She asked excitedly.

"Yeah Bones, they poked and prodded me like they did at first, this time though I could feel some of it, and there is no explanation. Everything looks normal, good even. It's up to my nerves to decide when they want to work I guess and maybe they weren't ready yet." I said, thinking about crawling a few days back, and how Anne had said it would lead to walking. That would be a surprise to her, something I could save for her to share with me.

"Can we go home tomorrow Booth?" She asked softly.

"If we can get a flight out, sure. If not we'll go the next day. I'm sure everyone is dying to see you." I said, my eyes barely open.

When I woke the next day I tried to sit up, forgetting for a split second about the pain that would imminently attack me at the effort. I sucked in a sharp breath, clenched my jaw and sat up anyways, when I saw she was sitting at the window staring out. "Morning Bones."

"Booth, you shouldn't be doing that on your own, it will never heal." She said rushing over to help me, as I for some reason I don't know push her hand away.

"I'm fine Bones. Really. Could you get me a shirt from my bag?" I ask, regret filling my mind at refusing to let her help.

"Sure. Which one, short or long sleeved?" She asks holding them up.

"The long sleeve one." I say, noticing she's out of my clothes, and in her own, but the tags are still around her neck.

"It's warm out Booth are you sure you won't get to warm?" She asks, bringing the shirt to me.

"I really don't wear t-shirts unless I'm at the gym with Anne, or sleeping." I said knowing that I was unhappy with the way my arms looked now.

"Oh. The doctor was in before you woke up, said he's releasing you today." She said, watching me struggle with raising my arms to put the shirt on.

"Maybe he shouldn't." She added quietly.

"Bones. Please. I see you were released already, I'm not staying here alone." I said, trying to act tough, but really I just didn't want to let her out of my sight.

"Agent Cole is outside waiting on us, Max is in the car." She said, something different in her voice.

"C'm here Bones." I said giving her one of my best puppy dog faces.

I watched her walk to me, her long legs striding towards me, her face full of terror.

"What's the matter Bones? What happened between last night and this morning that changed this?" I asked honestly, wrapping my arm around her.

"I'm just afraid this is all a dream, that I'll step off the plane and be in that tunnel... that you won't be here." She said, getting upset.

"Bones, it isn't a dream if it hurts this much I promise you." I said laughing trying to cheer her up.

"How can you be so sure Booth. I had dreams that you were right there with me, that I could touch you, and it seemed real. What's to say this isn't one of those..." She said standing up to face me.

"I know this isn't a dream Bones, because in my dreams we are happy, I'm walking down a path with you and Parker, both of you hand in hand with me. I'm not like this in my dreams, was I in yours?" I asked, honestly wanting to know.

"No." She answered, thinking about the signifigence of her answer.

"I promise you, I won't let anything else happen to you, not now, not ever. I love you too much." I tried, lifting my right leg over the side of the bed and watching it dangle there for a moment before I brought the left to join it.

"Agent Booth, how are you this morning." The doctor asked, entering the room.

"Eh, little sore." I said as he approached me.

"Either you are a great liar or you have an incredibly high tolerance for pain." He said, reaching to poke my side.

"Good liar Doc. I can go though right. I want to get her home." I said honestly.

"I'll clear you to go today, but I've already called your physician in DC, and explained the situation to him, as well as your physical therapist. I've also sent your partner to fill the antibiotic prescription and the pain pills for you. Just sign here." He said handing me the clipboard, watching as I signed with my left hand.

"Not always a lefty were you?" He asked.

"No. Not until my accident." I said, looking to Bones.

"Let's hit the road Bones." I said to her.

"I can't lift you down to your chair Booth. We should wait for Cole." She said, moving to stand in front of me again, her eyes sad.

"Hey, its okay. It's only for a little while, like you said remember?" I asked, reaching out and turning her face back to mine with my thumb.

I was a little surprised at her reaction, she threw her arms around my neck, and just stood there, her face pressed cheek to cheek with mine as I brought my arms slowly around her. "Easy Bones." I reminded her.

I told myself to remember to have a conversation with Cullen when we got back to give the kid a raise, he'd done so much more than just the normal, he was constantly lifting me, helping me, doing things for me and I think he deserved more for that. He was going to make a great agent, he just needed some more experience. As I waited to get back into my chair as the flight attendant pushed me through the gate I couldn't wait for this to all be over. We were finally back in DC, both of us, together I thought as I transferred with Cole's help. "Thanks Kid." I said, adjusting myself and doing the strap as Bones stood beside me, her hand resting again on my shoulder. I hadn't been this independent around her for so long, and now it was strange to be beside her on wheels. It felt like our dynamic was off somehow as I wheeled as far as I could myself before she took over. When we got back through security and headed for the exit I saw them. Ange, Hodgins and Parker who was now running towards us at full speed, not caring who he almost tackled in the race to get to us.

"BONES!! DR. BONES!!" he yelled getting closer, as she sped up the pace.

"Parky. ANGELA!!" she started out talking and went straight to yelling, kneeling down as Parker threw her arms around her.

I watched the tears flowing down her face, as she embraced my son, and it made me want to join in the tears. Angela stopped just short of them, and turned to me, hugging me gently before she moved to her best friend. Before long Max had his hand on my shoulder, as Cole watched from a little farther ahead with Hodgins.

"Bones, I knew you were okay. I knew even though Daddy couldn't help you, that you were smart enough to come home." Parker said the smile never leaving his face.

"I'll never not come home again Parky. Oh, I missed you." She said picking him up and spinning him around.

When she finally put him down his hand took hers with no intention of letting go even as she hugged Angela. He looked to me, his smile wide and then looked up at her, and decided that instead of leaving me sit there watching that he would drag Bones and Angela nearer to me. As he got close I held out my hand and said "Easy little man, go slow. I'm hurt, but I'll be okay."

"I know. Ange told me." He said his hand still holding hers as he climbed into my lap hugging me with his free arm.

"You staying with us tonight little man?" I asked him.

"I'm staying with Jack and Ange. Mom said you probably would make sure Bones apartment was safe and you wouldn't want to let her out of your sights." He said, making me laugh at Rebecca's explanation of what would be happening.

"Not let her out of my sight, Park, not sights." I corrected him with a chuckle as she turned to me.

"Booth did you know that they would be here?" She said, breaking her hug from Angela.

"No. I think someone else did though." I said looking up at Max.

"What I can't take care of my kid Booth, you aren't the only one who knows what she needs you know." He teased, tousling Parker's hair.

"I know what she needs too!" Parker chimed in.

"What little Booth." Max asked him.

"French fries at the diner... her own, and not mine and Daddy's." He joked.

"It's not as fun if they're mine Parker... I thought I explained that to you." She asked him, picking him up from my lap and landing him on her hip.

"Yeah I know, it's just that when you were gone Dad and I tried to think about that, to cheer us up..." He said grinning at her.

"Bones he's too heavy, don't throw your back out." I advised her, knowing that he was no thirty pounds anymore.

"I can manage Booth." She said to me as Max pushed me out towards the car.

I gave in and let Cole hoist me into the Jack's SUV as everyone piled in around me, and then he went to walk away.

"Hey where you goin kid?" I called out to him.

"This is your thing Booth... I'll get a cab." He said still walking away.

"Cole, C'mon, you've earned this." I yelled to him, as he stopped, trying to decide.

"For a little while then I'll get a cab back to my place." He said as I slid over to make room for him.

I wasn't surprised to find Cam at the diner waiting for us, a table big enough to hold us all filled with cups of coffee and glasses of soda.

"Dr. Brennan, it's good to have you back." She said leaning in to hug Bones, which surprised me some.

"Booth how are those ribs holding up?" Cam asked, touching my shoulder gently.

"I've had worse Camille." I said, not sure that I'd ever forget this night, having her back was more than I ever imagined it would be.

We all sat, my son and I taking up residence at her sides, Angela across from her and the others around us. I don't know what I expected, maybe that things would be different when we got back, that she would hide her feelings, but she didn't. Throughout the evening, even in front of Parker she let her emotions show, her hand finding mine at any chance she had, my arm making its way around her shoulders without protest, and finally a kiss as she excused herself to the restroom. I heard an aww from Angela across the table, mirrored by and eww from Parker.

"Hey Parker, one of these days I'll get to eww you too little man. You won't always hate girls." I said teasing him.

"Dad I don't hate all girls, I love Bones, and Angela, and Mom." He shot back at me.

"I know buddy. I know. But it's different when you get older, trust me." I smirked.

"You mean you can't love more than one girl?" He asked.

"Sometimes, but, there will always just be this one person who drives you mad little man, all you think about is her, all you dream about it her, the only person you could ever see yourself with is her..." I said, watching his face scrunch up with confusion.

"How bout some ice cream Parker?" Max said, and with that my son forgot all about what I'd just tried to explain.

"Did you mean that?" Bones said sliding into her seat beside me.

"What?" I asked, my cheeks reddening, knowing she heard me.

"That there will always be that one person?" She paraphrased.

"Yeah Bones, I guess I did." I said honestly.

"Even though you have loved before?" She quizzed me.

"It's never been the same. It could never be the same. I'll always know that I loved Rebecca, but it was never like this, never completely, never. It couldn't even compare Bones." I said, meaning every word.

"Sweetie..." I heard Angela say, not willing to take my eyes off of my Bones in that moment.


	35. Homecoming in her eyes

Six weeks and some days into my kidnapping.

I could hear shouting, scuffing, there was something going on, but my mind was having trouble determining if it was a dream or reality. Then I heard the gunshots, five of them clustered together, and then two shots farther away. I scurried to the corner almost hidden behind the sofa, I wondered if this was it, if he was coming to kill me finally. Watching the door I saw a flit of black rush past, then another, running past it. It couldn't be, no, FBI wouldn't be here, they thought me dead even as I cowered in the corner, everyone thought I had already died, who else was here that they were coming for. A brief flash of insanity filled my head thinking maybe he had taken Parker, and they would be here for him in a heartbeat, until I saw him behind the door. His clothes were dirty, he was unshaven, his eyes brimmed with red, and as he pushed towards me his wheels made a slight whirring noise. It looked like Booth, everything in my body was telling me it was him, but my mind was trying to tell me otherwise. How could he have gotten here, how could he have made it through the tunnels, how was he allowed to be here, surely the FBI would't send him. I could feel my body shaking, as he got closer to me, another agent behind him, tall and very young, this man was helping Booth get closer. I couldn't go any further into the wall and the shaking got worse, the closer he came. I remember trying to push this out of my head, it had to be a hallucination, it couldn't be real, and then he spoke. Everything inside me wanted to lunge at him, let his arms surround me and keep me safe, but I was still unsure, I'd been so alone for so long I wasn't positive that I was thinking clearly, or even seeing clearly. I watched with wide eyes as he slowly undid the strap across his waist, and lowered himself down, scooting closer to me, inch by inch. When I felt his hand on me I jumped, it was warm, there was dirt under his fingernails, and I could feel the callouses on his palm and fingers, those were new I registered. His chocolate eyes were filled with a mix of pain and love and joy and I couldn't help but stare into them, like I had in so many of my dreams. He was trying to calm me down as I struggled to believe this was reality, then my father joined them with more agents, all in black, there was blood on my dad's face, just as there was on Booth's. It was them who had shot, who had fought with my captors I rationalized. I don't remember much other than not wanting Booth to let go, nothing in the world was worth ever separating from him again, I thought to myself as I watched him climb back into his chair, pain spreading across his face with every movement. Next thing I knew I was in his arms, his strong arms were wrapped around me as they took us out of the tunnels, slowly wheeling past other agents, everyone with a look of disbelief on their faces. Booth was the hero again I thought quietly to myself, even hurt and paralyzed, he was my hero, he always would be.

I clung to him tightly the whole ride in the car, it still seemed unreal that after so long someone had finally found me, and he was there to carry me out. It was so different from my dreams of him, busting through the doors, Booth style, to rescue me, but it didn't matter, I was where I was supposed to be. In his life.

I can remember telling the doctor I was of sound mind and body, but not really feeling that way, it seemed that everyone wanted something from me when we got to the hospital, Booth was in high protective gear, his new partner Cole was looking for my statement, Max wanted me to not speak to anyone but him or Booth. The doctor wanted to admit me, the nurses to prick me with needles. All I wanted was to be alone with Booth. I had so much to say to him, after all that time thinking about everything in my life that was worth thinking about. I wanted to tell him that I loved him, again and again, I wanted to hear him say it back to me, I wanted to ask about Parker, and Angela and Jack, I wanted to know about his progress. It seemed though that no one understood that if I could just go home I could accomplish all of those things, not even Booth would let up on me staying, even when I insisted he be in the room with me. It wasn't until later that morning when I heard Parker's little voice on the phone that I understood just how much I'd been missing the last six weeks. Then when Booth finally fell asleep, and I had been waiting, I carefully climbed into bed with him, resting my head on his arm, trying not to disturb his bruised mid section. He was so warm, all the time, I could barely stand the close proximity as I lay there I thought about all the times I'd wanted to do that, but was too proud or shy or uncomfortable too. I knew what living without the person you care most about was like, and I wasn't making the same mistake's twice. I just watched as his chest rose and fell, his breathing steady and calming to me. When he did realize I was there it didn't surprise him. He just tightened his arm around me as best he could. I could feel his chin on my head, the little whiskers of a few days stubble entwining in my hair, until finally I was out.

The next two days went by so fast, it felt as though I hadn't blinked and we were finally back in DC. At the airport I was surprised to see Parker running towards me as we got through security. His little face full of happiness, not like I had gotten used to seeing on those tapes, he threw his arms around me, unwilling to let go for sometime, but then again, neither was I.


	36. Just how much has changed

_Hey all, _

_I had a really hard time writing this chapter and the last, but I have future chapters already written (that's what happens when I dream about this story, I end up writing it down before I forget and jumping ahead of myself), so there is definitely more to come. Please bear with me as I struggle through the next few to get to more good chapters. _

_Thanks for all the reviews, keep it up I like it!!!_

**_Oh I don't own them..._**

All that time away from her had only broadened my love for her, and as I watched her, finally smiling a real smile as she talked with everyone I couldn't help but feel even more love for her. I couldn't understand how just days ago she was being held prisoner, and now here she was, as though nothing had changed. I watched all of them, certain that they wouldn't get enough of her tonight and this would continue for days. I watched Parkers face light up even as his eyes were getting heavy with sleep, her arm around his little shoulders most of the night, it was so unlike her, and I loved it.

"Booth why are you so quiet?" She turned to me and asked.

"I was just watching you, trying to believe this is really happening. I think he's ready for bed." I nodded to Parker who was now leaning into her almost asleep.

"We should get him home." She said as though it was the most normal thing in the world.

"I can't believe it's almost midnight. Your car is back at my house Booth. You can get him to bed and then take her home." Jack said, his eyes brighter than I'd seen in a long time.

As we piled back into Jack's SUV Cole helping me in, I reached out to shake his hand.

"You know this wouldn't be happening if you weren't involved right kid. Thank you." I said.

"Just go get some rest Booth. I'll call you in the morning." He said with a smile and then he disappeared into a cab.

It didn't take more than a few minutes for Parker to conk out on the ride to Jack's house, his little body snuggled between Bones and I. When we pulled in I waited for Jack to help me out of the car as Bones took my sleeping son into her arms and headed into the house with Angela.

"It seems so surreal man." He said as he gently lowered me into my chair.

"In some ways it is like she was never gone, and then in others it feels like it's been years since I've seen her." I said, feeling sleepy all of a sudden.

"It's nice to see you two finally happy." He said as we made our way through the garage.

I only nodded, I was secretly terrified that she'd change her mind, once the terror of the situation faded from her mind some.

I wheeled myself to Parker's room, not sure if he was sleeping or not and was surprised to see her tucking him in, his little eyes watching her.

"Bones?" He asked his voice full of sleep.

"What's wrong Parker?" She asked softly, her hand brushing his blonde curls off his forehead.

"I tried really hard to take care of everyone while you were gone, but it was really really hard. Daddy scared me sometimes, he wasn't the same without you. He was really quiet, and he was sad all the time. Angela cried a lot especially when she didn't think Daddy was around. You won't leave again will you?" He asked, terror in his voice.

"I'm sorry I left you guys Parker. I thought it was the right thing to do, but I know that it wasn't now. You were so brave trying to take care of everyone do you know that. You are so much like your dad. I promise I won't ever do that again. How could I leave the the people who are most important to me." She answered him quietly.

"Okay." he said, his eyes closing as sleep made it's way into his head.

I watched her lean in to kiss his forehead and as she turned seeing me in the doorway she stopped at his small voice "Bones I love you." He said.

"I love you too Parky. Now get some sleep." She said, planting another kiss on his head before she joined me in the doorway.

"I don't think I can match that Bones." I said, taking her hand as we watched him sleep.

"You're his father Booth, everything you do is meaningful to him, even if he doesn't realize it now." She whispered.

"How are you not tired Bones? I'm exhausted." I said, feeling the pain with every breath I took.

"I had a lot of time away, I'm scared that this will all disappear. It's fear of losing you, losing Parker, Angela, all of you. That isn't going to go away for a long time Booth." She said, turning down the hall.

"I won't let it disappear Bones. Ever." I said, following her to the elevator, "I'll drive you home."

"I don't know if you should be driving, you can barely extend your arms." She said as the doors closed.

"I'm good Bones. Besides, I'd have to teach you how to drive the new wheels and I'm too tired to do that tonight." I said pushing painfully past her out of the elevator.

"Hodgins, I'll be over in the morning to pick him up. Thanks again for everything." I said, joining him and Ange in the kitchen.

"You don't have to thank me Booth. That's what friends are for. Hey you might need these." He said tossing me the keys, forgetting that I'd be unable to catch them. "Shit, sorry man. I forgot."

"See you guys in the morning." I said as Bones leaned down and picked up the keys where they fell in front of me, and then handed them over.

"How are you going to get in and out Booth, I won't be much help." She asked as we approached the dark green trail blazer.

"I'll manage." I said jaw tight knowing just how much pain I'd be in.

I slowly lifted myself into the drivers seat, placing both of my legs in before hauling my chair in after me. She watched with curiosity through the whole process, her eyes wide. As much as I wanted to comment I kept quiet, letting it wait for another day. I just wanted to get her home and comfortable. As we pulled into a parking space in the garage at her building I made sure to leave enough room to get out and then began the process all over again but in reverse. Normally it would have only take a few minutes but cringing through the pain it took almost ten. I shouldn't even be doing this I thought to myself as I almost fell into my chair, but if it meant spending the night beside her it was worth it.

"You didn't have to wait Bones." I said, looking up at her face as I approached her waiting at the rear bumper.

"Like I could ever just walk away from you." She said timidly.

I turned the key in the lock, and we were inside. I wheeled in behind her, watching her take it all in, she was finally home. It was almost like she didn't know quite what to do with herself as she walked aimlessly around, through the kitchen and then disappeared for a minute in the bedroom.

"Bones? You alright?" I called moving towards the bedroom.

She was sitting on the edge of the bed, tears rolling down her cheeks. "What's the matter Bones?" I asked, inching myself as close to her as possible.

"I just never expected to be here again, especially with you." She said, as I raised her head up with my hand.

"I had dreams about this Bones, a little different maybe, but the idea is the same. Why don't you get ready for bed, I'll just be a minute." I said, kissing her forehead before heading into the bathroom.

I listened as she pulled open a drawer, and then I heard the bed clothes rustling. I wheeled out to find her lying there waiting for me. "I'm going to shut off the lights, and I'll be back." I said, before gliding into the kitchen, checking the locks on the door and heading back. I clumsily pulled the long sleeve t-shirt over my head, and started working on my belt. It was strange to have her watching me as I undressed, her eyes moving from my chest to my hands, I wondered why she was so fascinated by it as I leaned down painfully to pull my pants off with a struggle. I checked the strap around my leg bag before transferring into bed next to her.

"Booth why are you so tense?" She asked, noticing that I was acting like it was the first time I'd ever been with a woman.

"I don't want to mess this up Bones." I said, arranging my legs before sliding down to lie next to her, completely self conscious.

"Relax. We spent the last two nights in the same bed, what's the big deal." She said placing her hand on my arm.

"I don't know, I just. I guess I've been waiting for this for so long and I saw it a lot differently in my head. I thought I'd be better, or something." I said sounding like a child.

"Just having you in my life is enough for me Booth. If it never gets any better than that, I will love you. If it does get better I will love you. Why do you find that so hard to believe." She said honestly.

"It's not that I don't believe you, it's just that well, it's hard for me. I'm supposed to be the big strong man, and I just don't feel that way yet." I blurted out.

"You will. Even if this is as good as it gets, you will." She whispered in my ear as she snuggled into my side, her head finding it's spot using my right bicep as a pillow.

She fell asleep quickly as I lie there thinking about how long I'd wanted this and now to finally have it, it was overwhelming. I didn't fall asleep for a long time, my mind was processing all the things that had happened since I wheeled her out of that tunnel. I woke up and I was alone in her bed, blankets tangled in my legs, sunlight streaming in across my face, warm and bright.

"Bones?" I called out, not hearing any movement.

I transferred into my chair in only my boxers and went to look for her. I found her curled up at the window seat, my t-shirt pulled over her knees, coffee mug in hand.

"Booth. I didn't hear you get up." She said, her face a little puffy, it looked like she had been crying.

"You okay?" I asked, putting my hand on her arm.

"Yeah. I missed sunny mornings like this." She said softly.

"It is nice isn't it." I said, taking her cup and putting it on the table to my left.

"Come here Bones." I said opening my arms to her as she carefully climbed onto my lap.

I held her like that for a long time before the phone rang. "I should get that." She said awkwardly.

"Yeah." I said, heading for the bathroom, before her voice turned me around.

"It's Parker." She said with a smile as she handed me the phone.

"Hey little man, we'll be over in a little bit okay." I said when he asked me when we were coming over.

"Go eat breakfast and take a shower and we should be over soon after that. I love you buddy, be good for Jack okay." I said before I hung up the phone.

I turned to look at her as she poured me a cup of coffee, her face seemed more alive than I'd seen it in days, her whole body more relaxed. She stared back, almost daring me to come to her.

"Just sugar right?" She asked, her eyes taking in my almost naked body, making me self conscious.

"That's the drill. Where did you find that t-shirt Bones?" I asked, looking at her shoulder poking through the neck on the oversized t-shirt.

"It was in your bag. You don't mind do you, I mean I was going to get a shower anyways." She stammered as I moved closer.

"Looks better on you Bones. Do you mind if I shower first?" I asked, aware of the full bag on my leg.

"Go ahead, I wanted to read some of the paper anyways." She said, her hand running across my back and over my shoulder as she passed me.

I gulped down my coffee in record time, and then made my way into her bathroom. I looked around seeing all her products before me, soaps, shampoo's, creams all part of who she was. I emptied my bag and transferred down into the tub, biting hard on my lip to not scream out in pain as I did. I let the water rise high so I could feel it's warmth on my chest when I leaned back, reveiling in the cool marble under my back in comparison to the water surrounding me.

I finished and toweled off pushing out of the bathroom in clean boxers and rummaging through my bag for jeans and a shirt as she joined me her fingers tracing the scar running down my back giving me chills.

"Could you help me Bones?" I asked, knowing that it would hurt to much to pull my jeans up myself.

Silently she shimmied the jeans up till I lifted some off my seat and she pulled them up the rest of the way. I tried to reach around and pull my belt through, but her hands beat me too it, and she pulled it to the front as I tightened it just right. Handing me my shirt she turned and went to leave the room.

"Bones wait." I said, wheeling towards her shirtless.

"I was going to get in the shower..." She said a smile across her face.

"Sit here with me for a second." I said, patting my legs for her to sit and as she joined me I felt her hands pulling me in.

"We have to go get Parker Booth." She said laughing as I nuzzled my face in her neck.

"I know. I just can't believe this is happening. I can't believe after all these years here you are in my arms." I said sounding as cheesy as I felt.

"Believe it Booth. You'll never get rid of me now." She teased, standing and disappearing behind the bathroom door.

I could hear her singing in the shower as I pulled on my shirt and gathered Cole's phone, and my keys from the kitchen counter and as I rolled past the book shelf I saw the space for the book I'd taken weeks before. I wondered what was in it now, as I waited for her to get ready. Did she write about how much she cared for me, or did she keep it platonic. Trying situations change people and I wondered just how much Wylo's little game had changed her.


	37. Words shouldn't matter

_**This is kind of a long one, but it picks up after ch 36. I don't know if I will continue with Brennan's POV or not, because well, I'm having trouble writing it at the moment... I have about six more chapters from Booth's POV already done, and waiting while I struggle with the others... so there is more to come don't fret, I just am fighting how I want it to continue.**_

_**Thanks again to all who review and like this... Oh and I don't own them...**_

Anne was pushing me harder than ever, since I'd been feeling better and I wondered how long I could hold up like this. Two days a week I was in the office, going over cold cases, the other three I spent working with Anne. I was determined to get back on my feet and it seemed that the three weeks without therapy had taken it's toll. My upper body was weak from disuse, my stamina nearly gone. Just lifting weights would wear me out fast, and anything beyond that sent me home so drained that I could barely keep my eyes open long enough to get through dinner.

"Seeley keep going, don't think about the pain." She pushed as she steadied my hips through the fifth set of push ups.

"Jesus Anne, I'm doing the best I can." I spit back at her, my right arm shaking badly as I pushed up trying to straighten my arms completely.

"Then I think we're done for the day." She said, letting my body slip from her grasp.

I went down hard to the right, my arm giving out completely. I sat up anger filling my insides as I stared at her. "What was that for?"

"You are letting it get to you. I thought you wanted to walk?" She said spitefully.

"More than almost anything, but if it's not happening maybe it never will. Look at me, it's been almost seven months since I got hurt, and I'm still stuck in that damn chair. I want my life back." I yelled.

"Are you working? Do you have her back? What about your son? Did you ever think that maybe this was how things were supposed to be Seeley? Sometimes we don't realize what a blessing things like this can be..." She spewed as she brought my chair nearer, but left it out of my reach.

"How is this a blessing? HOW?" I yelled again, the sweat pouring from my forehead.

She started to walk away, she wasn't willing to take my shit today I thought looking from her to my chair. I'd have to either scoot myself over to it, or wait for someone to bring it closer for me.

"Anne, wait..." I called to her, hoping she'd come back.

"You can get it Seeley. you want your life back? Start by getting your chair back." She said, not turning back around.

"Sonofabitch." I yelled, a little too loudly watching others in the gym turn to stare.

I sat for a few minutes trying to decide if I should ask for help, or just do it myself. I don't know what came over me but instead of just scooting my ass across the floor, I rolled myself over onto my stomach, I pushed up despite my shaking arms, and pushed myself back so that I was on my hands and knees, swaying side to side. I thought back to the day I crawled weeks ago and tried to will my muscles and nerves to work. I steadied myself some without her help and imagined my leg moving forward, six attempts later it did. Not far, but I'd done it. It took me a long time to get to my chair, using everything I had to get there I lifted myself up, placing my feet on the rest and adjusting so I was balanced. Sweat soaked my shirt, I was breathing heavily but it didn't distract me from the hand that found my shoulder.

"You sure are stubborn Seeley." Anne said, coming around in front of me and kneeling on one knee.

"Yeah, but sometimes maybe I just need a little push." I said, through my teeth.

"C'mon, I want to get you fitted." She said, nodding to the door.

"For what?" I asked.

"You'll see." She said slyly.

I followed her into one of the private exam rooms. She motioned for me to climb up onto the table and as I did she left the room. I was surprised when she walked back through the door with something in her hands. It immediately reminded me of the lokomat, the metal and the plastic that I was strapped into twice a week.

"What is that for?" I asked curious.

"Today is monday, by friday I'm gonna have you up on your own two feet Seeley. You're ready. Maybe not walking around on your own yet, but you'll be up." She said, a broad smile on her face.

"But I can't feel it?" I said in disbelief.

"I just watched you crawl, five feet on your own, the messages are getting through Seeley, so the nerves aren't there yet, it doesn't mean you can't move them." She said patting my legs as they dangled from the edge of the table.

"Yeah I can drag my legs around? How is that walking?" I asked unsure.

"You are telling them to move, there is a difference. But if you aren't ready, then we can do this in a few weeks." She said.

"No. I'll try it." I said, my jaw tight, I was sick of not being in control.

I pushed back so I could lie down on the table like she motioned for me to do and I watched her hands working to encase my legs in the metal and plastic. The metal had to be cold as my right leg rebelled against her hands as she set it back down. "Relax Seeley." She said, clicking something and then bending my knee and pushing it towards my chest.

"If I was any more relaxed I'd be snoring." I joked, when in reality the thought of standing on my own scared the hell out of me and at the same time made me want to yell from rooftops.

"Your muscles are still underdeveloped compared to the initial exam when you were brought in, but the lokomat has been doing it's job. I'd estimate you've gained back at least thirty percent muscle mass since we've started. I should be able to have your set of these shipped and to you by friday. If not I think these will work until they come in." She said, shoving my left foot back into my shoe with the brace around it.

"So will these be permanent?" I asked, not sure how this worked.

"I don't think so. I personally think you'll be fine without them once the feeling returns, but you never know. If it helps keep you mobile then it shouldn't bother you right? Go ahead and sit up for me." She said.

I sat myself up, leaning back on my hands for support as she slid me forward so that my legs hung over the edge of the table. I could feel the added weight pulling at me some as she let them go.

"The added weight will throw you off for a little till you get used to it Seeley, so just go a little slower when you transfer down." She said, checking the brakes on my chair.

I lifted my left leg over the side, reaching for the wheel of my chair noticing just how much heavier my leg actually was with the added metal and plastic. Once I was in my chair again, I arranged my feet and looked at my legs, they looked so small surrounded by the braces.

"Now, you wanna test them out?" She said, shooting me a hopeful smile.

"Here?" I asked, wondering if she would be able to handle my weight if I started to go down.

"No in the pool. Move in close to the counter, leave room to put your feet out in front of your chair." She said, watching me do as she said.

"Now, lock your brakes. I know you haven't been asking everyone to help you all the time, How do you reach the cabinets at Jacks?" She asked.

"I lift up until I can reach whatever I need if it isn't in the strainer." I admitted.

"Same concept, except once you're up, we'll lock the knee joints, to keep your legs from giving out since you still don't have control there. You ready?" She asked, moving behind me and placing her hands under my arms.

I did what I normally did, pulling myself up using the counter, except it was different with my feet on the floor. Once I was up, arms shaking, hips swaying, I felt her hands let me go. I wanted to panic, I wanted to let myself fall back down to my chair, but I heard the locks click and felt her hands go back to my waist. "You're standing Seeley." She said triumphantly.

"Yeah." was all I could get out. This was different than being on the lokomat, I thought as she continued to keep me steady.

"I'm going to move around you, keep breathing." She said, moving slowly around to my side.

I could see just how small she really was then, I had a good eight inches of height on her I realized as I looked around the room. It felt so good being tall, not looking up at her, and I got caught up in the feeling of normalcy and let go of the counter. My body didn't agree with the movement as I started falling away from her grip. "Shit. Seeley help me out here." She said reaching her arm around my waist quickly.

"Sorry. I forgot what this was like." I said as I readjusted my grip on the counter.

"I think you've had enough for today. We'll pick this back up on friday. Back up on the table." She said helping sit me down.

Once I was up on the table she showed me how to take the braces on and off, explaining that mine would be slightly different, more plastic to go around my calf and thighs, for more stability. She told me about the things we'd be doing on friday as she watched me get back into my chair.

"I don't know if I can wait four days Anne." I said grinning from ear to ear.

"You don't have a choice Seeley. We will be working on torso control on wednesday, you know that. Without that this will be harder. I want you to work on your balance some, try to sit before you transfer in and out of bed for at least a few minutes without using your hands. Those broken ribs really killed your muscle control." She said her smile fading some.

"I will. I have to go get Parker from school are we finished?" I asked, looking at the time and realizing that I wouldn't be able to stop at the lab beforehand.

"Yeah, go get your kid Seeley. I'll see you at nine on Wednesday." She said as I pushed through the door of the exam room.

I headed to the locker room and gathered my bag and changed my shirt before I headed to Parkers school. I could barely pay attention to the road as I thought about how good it felt to stand, to be tall again, and I almost missed the entrance. I pulled up in front just in time to hear the bell ring signaling the end of the day. I tapped my fingers on the steering wheel waiting for Parker to appear and was surprised to see his face angry as he pushed another boy I didn't recognize. I rolled down my window in time to hear him tell the boy he was gonna regret what he said.

"Parker Booth, get in this CAR NOW!" I yelled out the passenger window.

All the kids were yelling Fight! Fight! as I watched my son throw a left hook that took the other kid down, Rebecca was not going to be happy. I quickly transferred out of the car and headed towards him, I wondered where all the teachers were as I approached the circle of kids surrounding Parker and the other boy.

"Parker Booth. Stop it now!!" I yelled through the kids, pushing my way in as the other boy got Parker good with a hit to his right eye.

I reached him and pulled him back, my hand catching the other boy in the chest holding them off each other.

"What is going on Parker?" I asked looking at him for an explanation.

"Good thing your daddy came to help you. Your dad the cripple." The other kid said, blood dripping from his nose.

"Say it again Josh, he won't be here to keep me off of you tomorrow." Parker screamed at him.

"Agent Booth, what is going on?" The principal asked taking Josh from my hand.

"I pulled up and they were going at it Mrs. Abbott." I said, still holding Parkers shirt in my left hand.

"Agent Booth, Parker, please go into my office I'll be in, in a moment." She said firmly.

"Listen to me and listen to me good little man, if you so much as move an inch from my side there will be no DS for three months, I don't care what that kid said Parker. You shouldn't either. They're just words Parker. Now get moving." I said to him my jaw tight as we made our way back into the school.

"Sit. Let me look at that eye." I said, getting close to look at his eye.

"You don't know what he said dad... he said that you..." he said before I stopped him.

"Parker, I don't care what he said, we don't fight remember? Your mom is going to be furious. She's going to ground you and so will I." I said, as the principal joined us with Josh in tow.

"Agent Booth I'd like to speak with Parker in my office while we wait for Josh's parents to arrive. The nurse is bringing ice packs for them. This won't take long." She said, motioning for Parker to follow her as Josh sat as far from me as he could.

"Hey Bones, I'm going to be late picking you up." I said when she answered her phone.

"Are you okay? Parker?" She asked, her voice worried.

"We're fine, he was fighting when I pulled into the school. He's gonna have a nice shiner by bedtime." I chuckled.

"What was he fighting about?" She asked.

"Kid said something about me... He stood up for me. You know how kids are Bones. It won't be the last fight he gets in that's for sure. I'll call when we are on our way." I said.

"Okay. Don't be too hard on him Booth, he loves you and doesn't want people to speak badly of you." She said, softening up.

"I see this is going to be a long grounding with you being all soft on him Bones." I said, really liking the fact that she was giving me her opinion.

"I'll see you when you get here. Take a deep breath Booth." She said before hanging up.

I scratched my head at her comment. She probably could sense the tension in my voice, I thought looking over at Josh as I hung up the phone.

"Let me see it Josh. Does it hurt?" I asked getting closer to him.

"Nah. It ain't broken. I'm fine." He spat at me, wiping at his nose with the back of his hand.

"Alright." I said, as I continued to wait.

"Agent Booth, a word." Mrs. Abbott said as they emerged from her office, Parker looking upset.

I followed her into the hallway where she could keep an eye on the two boys. "Agent Booth, this is the third fight he's been in this year. I've spoken with his mother about it and we thought that it would be resolved when he was able to spend more time with you. He told me you don't allow him to fight, and I believe that, but I can't have him going around punching the other kids when they say something he doesn't like. I'm going to have to suspend him for the remainder of the week. Josh is getting suspended as well for the comments and the fighting and will be out the rest of the week also. I'll expect that you will pick up Parker's work tomorrow and that you will look into this situation and see if we can't remedy the issue. He is such a bright boy Agent Booth, I'd hate to see him ruin his life with senseless violence. I will tell you what I told him, one more fight this year and I will have to suspend him indefinitely. I will not tolerate violence in my school. You can take him home." She said, reminding me of all the times I'd been scolded and threatened when I was in school.

"Let's go Parker." I said leaning my head in as the nurse appeared with an ice pack.

"Thanks." I said, watching Parker put it to his already swelling eye.

"Dad, I'm sorry." He said as I was lifting myself into the car.

"Not another word until we get to the jeffersonian." I said angrily.

I couldn't believe he was suspended, well I guess I could, but it's different when you are the parent and you've done the same things, made the same mistakes. How do you tell your child that it isn't okay for them to do what you did. Rebecca was going to have a fit, not only because he was going to be off the rest of the week, but the shiner wasn't going to help matters, nor was the threat of expulsion. I watched him wince as I pulled up to a red light and he put the ice back over his eye.

"Does it hurt Bud?" I asked him, all anger gone from my voice.

"Yeah. But it's my own fault dad. I'll be okay." He said quietly.

"Parker I'm not going to yell at you, but you have to understand that fighting is wrong. People will always say things you don't like, or do things that are not cool little man, but that doesn't mean that you can go around hitting them. I know you didn't like what he said about me, I don't like it either, but if it doesn't come from mom, bones, Ange or Jack or me, it's not true buddy. No one knows what's going on with me except them and you. People are afraid of what they don't understand Parker. It's always been that way, and all they see is me in a wheelchair, it scares them. But it doesn't mean we believe what they say. Do you like school little man?" I asked him honestly.

"Yeah. I guess." He answered, his voice small.

"Then you have to stop fighting, or you won't be allowed to go back. That means you'd have to start all over at another school, without your friends, and the new school might not allow you to do the classes at the lab. Is that what you want?" I tried.

"No. I have to go to the classes at the lab Dad. I won't fight again I promise." He said, finally looking at me.

He stayed quiet the rest of the ride to the lab and went straight to her office without waiting for me once we got inside. Security just let him go, they were used to this by now, us picking her up a few times a week. I stayed outside her office to call Rebecca and tell her what happened, giving him time to tell Bones.

"Hey Beccs." I said, straining my voice.

"Seeley, is Parker okay?" She asked nervously.

"He was in a fight. But he's fine. Suspended for the rest of the week." I blurted out fast.

"I absolutely cannot take anymore days off work, you'll have to keep him till monday then. What was he fighting about?" She asked surprisingly calm.

"Josh said some things about me... ya know. He was just protecting me Beccs. I've already talked to Mrs. Abbott and Parker. I'm grounding him for two weeks, I think you should do the same, and no DS." I said, letting her know that I wasn't going easy.

"Come by tomorrow and pick up some more clothes for him. You'll be at Jacks if I need to get in touch with you right." She asked the question I'd been dreading.

"No. We'll be at Tempe's. Testing it out and seeing how it goes with Parker, if it doesn't work, then I'll let you know and we'll be at Jacks." I said, knowing that it would work out.

"Oh. Okay. Just be careful with him Seeley, I don't want that to not work out and then have to deal with him being upset about it. Are you sure you're ready to take that step?" She asked.

"Rebecca, it's not like Bones is just a girl I picked up on the street last week. We've been heading in this direction for years." I said irritated watching Bones wrap her arms around Parker lovingly.

"I just don't like seeing either of you get hurt Seeley. I'll see you tomorrow." She said as she hung up.

I wheeled into her office doorway in time to watch her look at Parker's eye.

"How bad does it hurt Parky?" She said touching his puffy eye gently.

"Not that much. Ow." He said as she pressed a little harder.

"Sorry. Come here little man." She said pulling him into her arms again.

"Hey I thought I saw you two come in..." Angela said from behind me.

"Hey Ange." I nodded up at her, moving so she could come into the office too.

"Parker what happened?" She asked when she saw his face.

"He got into a fight." I said flatly.

"I hope the other guy looks worse Park." She said smiling until she saw the look I was giving her.

"I'm not supposed to be fighting Angie. Daddy's mad." He said, his eyes teary.

"I'm not mad little man, but one I don't like seeing you hurt, and two I don't like it when you get into trouble. I know why you did it, and the reason was good, but like I said in the car, what other people think or say does not justify us hitting them." I said as the two women in the room babied him.

"Oh, and don't think just because these two are all lovey dovey right now, that you don't get punished. Two weeks no DS, no TV, no play-station, no internet. Maybe I'll be nice and we'll still get to do things this week since you are home with me till monday." I said winking at him.

"NO DS?" he said loudly.

"NO. Mom's house would be worse, you want me to take you over there?" I asked, Angela shooting me a look.

"No. Did she yell at you?" He asked me climbing up on my lap.

"A little..." I said, mussing his hair.

"Do I really get to spend the whole week with you?" He asked excited.

"Yep, me and Bones." I told him, looking at Bones who didn't seem phased.

"Cool. Ow." He said, smiling a little too much.

"Parker did he hit you anywhere else?" Bones asked coming over concerned.

"In the mouth, but it was weak cuz I turned around to look at dad, so he kinda missed." Parker said proudly.

"You ready to leave Bones. Jail bird here needs to get settled." I joked as he jumped down from my lap.

She laughed at my joke and gathered her things and we headed out, her hand tangled with Parkers until we got to the car. I spent the entire ride to her apartment just listening to the two of them talking, interacting, and laughing, not realizing that her hand had made it's way onto my thigh until she took it away when I parked.

"How long was your hand there?" I asked sadly after Parker had gotten out.

"A while." She said softly watching me lower myself into my chair.

"Oh." I said, my voice still sad, wondering what it felt like.

"Does it bother you?" She asked as we headed to the elevator, Parker up ahead of us.

"No, yeah a little. I just wish I could have felt it." I said, smiling at her.

"I won't do it anymore then." She said flatly.

"No Bones. I want you to, soon I will feel it." I said hopeful.

"Daddy can I push the button?" Parker asked when the doors closed.

"Sure number eight remember." I reminded him.

"Duh." He said under his breath.

"I heard that." I teased him.

Bones led the way into her apartment and showed Parker his room, and then confiscated his DS, putting it on top of the refrigerator, where even I couldn't reach it.

"Why don't you do your homework little man and we'll get dinner ready. Go ahead, you can do it on the dining room table." Bones said turning him around when he tried to come in the kitchen.

"Do I have to?" He whined.

"Yes. Go. All of it, just because you have off till monday doesn't mean you won't have more work tomorrow after I pick it up." I said firmly, watching him sulk off to her table.

I helped as much as I could chopping some veggies and making the salad, but in all reality the countertops were too high, and I could barely reach into the sink. Nothing in her apartment was accessible except for the bathroom so mainly I just tried to stay out of her way as she fluttered around me, stirring this or that and adding spices.

"Booth it's almost done. Parker do you want to go wash up?" She said to us from behind the fridge door.

I watched him disappear into the bathroom and then pulled her in for a kiss as she passed me to get to the stove.

"Booth, I have to get the potatoes out before they burn." She said laughing as she pulled back.

I moved close to the cabinets where her dishes were and set my brakes since she was preoccupied with the food and wouldn't have time to protest. Quickly I placed my feet on the floor and lifted myself up, death grip on the counter and pulled out three plates and three bowls. I turned to look over at her, she still wasn't aware that I was standing.

"Daddy... you're standing!" Parker said in amazement.

I turned too quick to look at him and almost went down but I caught myself as she gasped.

"Booth..." She said, dropping the pan back onto the burner and rushing over to me.

"I'm fine Bones. I've been doing this for about a week now. Pretty cool huh little man." I asked him.

"The coolest." He said, as my arms started trembling.

"Come here Bones." I said, nodding for her to come closer, all I wanted was to kiss her while I was standing. I leaned down some and planted a big kiss on her lips to the eww of Parker.

"Alright little man, set the table." I said mussing his hair as he passed me once I was seated again.

"Why didn't you tell me sooner?" She asked as she plated the steaks.

"I didn't think anything of it I guess. But today Anne told me that friday I'll be up on my feet some." I said excitedly.

"Walking? But you still can't feel anything." She said, turning to me seriously.

"That's what I said, but she wants to get me moving on my own. I've been crawling for two weeks now. She said the messages are getting through, the nerves just haven't caught up yet." I explained, wheeling to the table, salad in my lap.

"What do you want to drink little man?" I asked, heading back to the kitchen.

"Milk." He yelled to me.

"Can I come?" She asked handing me the glass for Parker's milk.

"I couldn't imagine taking my first steps without you there Bones." I said, as she leaned down to kiss me again.

"Ugh. Can't you wait till I'm asleep?" Parker yelled.

"Does that mean you want to go to bed now?" I asked handing him his milk.

"No... never mind." He said defeated.

We sat down to eat and I silently prayed that this would never change, the three of us here together, happy.


	38. All that does matter

Parker had been staying with Bones and I for three days, and already we'd settled into a routine. It didn't take long for Parker to become agitated without any sort of electronic stimulation, but Bones had been more prepared than I thought. She'd brought home a case full of samples from the lab, a small microscope and a few other things that Jack had sent to help keep him busy. By this morning she had him so convinced that he was brilliant, I was ready to send him to the lab with her.

"Parker, can you eat your breakfast, we have to get going and you aren't even close to being ready to go." I called wheeling from the bathroom into the bedroom, knowing that he was still trying to examine the fourth blood smear he started when he came out of his room this morning.

"But dad, can't I just stay here while you go to therapy?" He called out, preoccupied.

"Absolutely not. No way, not gonna happen buck-o. Get in there, get dressed, and then finish your cereal, pronto." I yelled back, lifting up as I pulled my track pants up around my waist.

"Okay..." He whined, his voice fading as he entered his room.

"Booth, you sure are grouchy in the morning." She said, putting her earrings in over the bathroom sink.

"No, I just don't like being late, and he is not a morning person at all Bones. If I don't keep on him, we won't get out of here till noon." I said, catching her watching me as I fought with a pair of running shoes that didn't want to be worn.

"He's just interested in science Booth, he was up and going through those slides pretty quick this morning, the whole time you were in here he was cataloguing them just like I showed him last night. He's very intelligent, and a very quick learner. You should look into the accelerated programs at his school. I wouldn't be surprised if he tests off the charts." She said, as she kneeled in front of me, taking my foot and a sneaker in her hands to help.

"I got it Bones." I said out of habit, then shot her a guilty look as she helped me anyways.

"I know, but you're rushing him, so you better be ready too." She smiled, setting my foot down.

"Do you really think he's that intelligent? I mean he's mine so sure he's smart, and funny, but seriously, like you, intelligent?" I asked, following her out of the bedroom and into the kitchen.

"I wouldn't lie to you Booth." She answered, filling her cup one last time before we headed out for the day.

"Hm. My kids a genius. Who'd have thought that..." I said before realizing Parker coming down the hall.

"I'm a genius?" He said, rubbing sleep from his eyes.

"Maybe kiddo." I answered looking to Bones for some sort of reprieve.

"Dad can I finish these instead of my cereal?" He asked, heading for the slides and the microscope.

"Uh, uh. Cereal, c'mon little man, just eat it and then we can go. Bones is waiting you know." I tried.

"Sorry Bones." He said, sitting across the table from me and pulling up a spoonful of cherios.

"It's okay Parky, we still have a little time. And if you finish them all now, what will you have to work on after dinner?" She asked him slyly.

"Can you bring me some more?" He asked, milk dripping down his chin.

"I'll ask Jack if he's not too busy today okay." She said, handing him a napkin like it was the most natural thing in the world for her.

"Cool." He answered at the prospect of more squint squad stuff.

After dropping her off at the jeffersonian, Parker and I set out towards the rehab facility. Traffic was light, most of the morning rush had died down as we turned off the highway. I parked in a normal spot, going over with him why I did for the millionth time.

"Because little man, someone else, who is more injured than me will need it more. I can manage just fine." I explained, after he tried to put the little blue tag on my mirror.

"Dad, isn't that what it's for though? Your handicapped, it even says it on the license plate." my brilliant son had just knocked me down a peg.

"Did Bones tell you to say that little man?" I asked, wondering where he'd picked that up.

"No. I saw the little guy in the wheelchair on the plate yesterday and even though you don't like putting it in the window, sometimes I think it would be easier if you did. You don't want to ping someone's door with yours if they are too close." He said, helping me figure out who he'd been listening too.

"First off, it's ding someone's door, and secondly, I am perfectly parked, with enough room for your door and mine, you can tell Bones that I am an excellent driver, and she's the one who once parked crooked just because she was afraid of dings. Listen Park, sometimes just because things are easy, doesn't mean we should take the easy way out. Doing things the hard way challenges us, keeps us on our toes." I tried to explain as we reached the door.

"How can you be on your toes though?" Parker asked me innocently.

"It doesn't mean we stand on our toes, it means that it keeps us on track... It's a metaphor. Ask Bones when we pick her up, maybe she can explain it better." I said wheeling slowly beside him towards Anne's office.

He stopped, looking at me as though I had grown a second head and asked, "Will you ever walk again dad?" his face grew sad.

"I don't know for sure Parker, but I'll tell you even if I don't, it doesn't mean that we can't still do things." I asked him as my heart sank at his question.

"Okay dad." He said, although he didn't seem convinced as he knocked on the door.

"Agent Booth, you seem to have gotten a lot younger since the last time I saw you. Wow." Anne teased Parker who entered first.

"Hi Anne." He said, his voice still smug.

"Hi Seeley. You ready for some tough stuff today?" She asked me, turning Parker around and leading him past me.

"Yeah, Parker is gonna cheer me on isn't that right little man?" I said, hoping for him to perk up some.

"Yeah." He answered half heartedly, giving me more proof that something was bothering him.

"Come on. Down on the mat Seel." Anne said, also noticing something amiss with my son.

I did as she instructed, and once I was down she moved my chair off the mat, and Parker sat in it, his little legs not hitting the foot plate. I watched him, looking everywhere but towards me, his eyes watching the other patients in the gym with interest and wonder. Anne had me turning, rolling, crunching, sitting and many other things to help build back my stomach muscles as his face lifted and fell, depending on who he was watching. This wasn't the first time he'd been in therapy with me, in fact he spent hours watching them hoist me around before I'd had any return at all, and for him to be so adamant about not watching was bothering me some.

"Parker, it's not nice to stare bud." I said, noticing he was fixated on a guy across the gym, maybe twenty five years old, who was trying with all his strength to move his legs.

"Sorry daddy." He said quietly.

"It's okay, but it's hard sometimes being in here and having people watching you, remember, we talked about it." I said, hoping he'd remember our conversation months ago.

"I guess I forgot." He said, still not looking me in the eye.

"Can you get me a water, and get yourself one too, in the pocket of the backpack, there should be some change. Go ahead." I said after he hesitated.

I watched him walk from the gym jingling the change in his pocket the whole time and wondered what was bothering him.

"Is he okay Seeley?" Anne asked softly.

"He was this morning, and then after we dropped Bones off he got quiet on me. I think this is starting to wear on him. He's been staying with me this week and until now he's never really seen me doing everyday things on my own, without Ange or Hodgins there to keep him occupied. Plus he caught me standing monday night. I think it is just throwing him for a loop." I explained, hoping that was all it was.

"It couldn't be easy for him Seeley, he's not used to you being limited. You are his hero, his role model and to change that dynamic is hard. His mind tells him that your healthy, but reality is telling him differently. He's seeing the chair more now that you are getting more capable of doing things." She said, hands on my hips steadying me.

"I didn't think being in a wheelchair would be so traumatizing for him. I can still do almost anything I did before, and some things I just do different." I said, trying to concentrate on keeping my body still.

"He'll come around. Are you bringing him on friday?" She asked.

"I was going to, but the more I think about it, the more I think it might confuse him. What if it doesn't get better than this, I don't want him to think that it will until I know for sure Anne." I said, as he pushed through the doors, two bottles of water in his hands.

"Here dad." He said defeatedly.

"Park what's wrong little man, are you sick?" I asked, wanting my happy son back.

"No. I guess I'm just tired..." He said lying flat out.

"Oh. Well curl up and take a nap buddy." I said, smiling at him.

He nodded, and I watched him try to get comfortable in my chair, pulling his legs up and resting his head back. I knew we had just started and this was going to be a long day for him, especially in this mood.

"Anne, I need a break." I said after another hour of sweating my ass off.

"Sure, we can break for lunch. I'll see you back here in forty five minutes." She said, nudging my son, who was not sleeping but faking with the best of them.

"Park, I need my chair dude." I said, smiling up at him knowingly.

"Kay. I'm hungry, can we go eat?" He said, watching me lift up into my chair after Anne had brought it back to me.

"Yeah, I'm gonna go to the bathroom, Anne will stay here with you and then we eat!" I said trying to sound excited.

I wheeled out to the restroom, pausing in the doorway to see Parker talking to Anne.

"Anne?" He asked her

"Yeah Bud. What's up." She answered him.

"I want him to walk... doesn't he want to?" Parker said solemnly.

"Parker listen to me. Your dad is doing everything he can to walk. Sometimes our bodies don't cooperate how we want them too. When his body is ready he will be up and walking I promise, but until then, there's only so much he can do. So far he's doing better than I hoped and that's a good thing. It means his body is healing faster than it should, I bet one of these days he'll come home and be walking." She told him.

"I saw him standing the other day, so how come he can stand, but he can't walk?" He asked her.

"He was using his arms to hold his body up Parker, it wasn't really standing, more like leaning. Does that make sense?" She told him.

"I guess. I just miss running around with him. He used to pick me up and I would sit on his shoulders, he doesn't do that anymore." I heard parker say quietly as I came back in.

He didn't hear me come back into the gym, and when I heard him say that I wanted to cry. I missed those things too, and no matter what I tried my body just wasn't helping me out. Maybe after fridays session things would change, maybe I thought to myself as I wheeled up behind him and picked him up, flipping him over my shoulder like a sack of potatoes.

"Dad..." He squealed landing feet first behind me.

"What, first I can't mess up your hair, now I can't even toss you around? Jeez Anne. He's getting old on me." I teased.

She laughed as we left the gym, Parker running ahead towards the cafeteria. "You know Seeley, interactions change when something like this happens, you might not have even noticed that you didn't engage him physically like you did before the accident. Or maybe now Dr. Brennan is more physical with you because for so long she couldn't be. Things like that change without us even knowing. You notice things like not being able to stand eye to eye with someone, or how it takes you longer to get in and out of the car, but you're missing the other things. Your mind is working overtime to compensate for what is lacking right now. Little gestures like what you just did will make a world of difference, trust me." She continued beside me.

I wondered how much of what Anne had said was true as I shoveled bite after bite of salad into my mouth, listening to Parker go on about the microscope he couldn't wait to get home to. Sure big things had changed, but maybe I didn't realize how many small things had changed too. I didn't initiate physical contact with Parker like I used too, I waited for him to come to me. Where as before I was hurt I had initiated all interactions with Bones, but now she did.

"Dad? Are you even listening?" Parker asked, tossing his straw wrapper at me.

"Uh, sorry kiddo. I guess I was lost in thought." I said, letting the thoughts slip away.

"I said are you going on the robot thing today?" He said forcefully.

"Yeah, soon as we get done here. Then another hour of trying to balance before we can go get bones." I answered.

"But Bones isn't done until like four thirty is she? What are we going to do until then?" He said his voice getting whiny.

"I thought maybe we'd go get some more groceries or go get something special for her, what do you think? Maybe a surprise?" I asked him.

"What kind of surprise dad?" He asked.

"I was thinking because she's been so nice letting us stay with her, that we could get her a new necklace. I'll let you help me pick it out." I said eagerly.

"Okay." He said thinking about something.

"Are you alright staying with her and I Park?" I asked for the first time.

"I know you like her dad... you liked her for a long time. It's fun, cause she has fun stuff to do too. And she makes really good mac and cheese dad, the best!" He said smiling.

"I really love her Parker, and maybe one day her and I will get married, you know like how mom loves whats his name... but I wouldn't do anything if it made you uncomfortable or unhappy. You know that right little man?" I said.

"I know dad. I love Bones too." He said quietly as though he didn't want anyone to hear him say it.

His little cheeks were pink at the admission to loving her, I knew he did, I could see it, but I wanted to make sure that he was coping with the new living arrangement before I moved in with her like she'd asked me to a few days before. He came first and she knew that, she knew that he was my world just like she was and it hurt when I couldn't give her an answer immediately. I thought about that night, lying in her bed, her arm across my chest, and her eyes staring into mine as she fumbled for the right words as I held back a chuckle. Eventually she'd managed to spit it out and I pulled her in close, her beautiful face close to mine as I told her that I would have to test things out with Parker first, her expression unchanged, she knew it was just something I had to do.

"Dad it's been forty five minutes. Anne is going to be mad." He laughed, placing his empty plate on the tray with mine.

"Let's go then kiddo." I said, popping the brakes on my chair.

I watched him drop the trash into the can, fighting with the open door to not let the tray fall in as well, his face deep in concentration even as he turned to join me at the exit of the cafeteria. He didn't run ahead this time, instead he kept his hand on my shoulder as I moved quickly towards the therapy room a smile spread across my face. When we got there Anne was tapping her foot, as though we were in trouble, but instead of anger across her face there was a hint of excitement.

"I said forty five minutes guys. It's only cutting into your time." She joked.

"I know. What's up, you look like you just got a puppy?" I teased her.

"You got a package..." She said, nodding to Parker.

"Oh, already, I thought they wouldn't be in till friday?" I said, knowing then what she was referring too.

"My guy there is amazing, what can I say." She laughed, as I transferred up to the table so they could get me into the lokomat.

"Hey Park, look in my bag, I think Bones packed something for you to do while I'm up here." I told him, knowing that his DS was in there. She'd packed it knowing that he might get bored.

"My DS? Really, but I thought I was grounded?" He asked, eyes bright.

"You are, but I know this gets boring, go ahead, then when we get home, back up on the fridge it goes. Think of it as a treat for good behavior." I said propping up as they got ready to lift me up.

"Cool." He said taking his place in my chair the DS open and already beeping.

"Seeley, we could get started today, at least get you up a little?" Anne said, coming over as they attached the harness.

"I know. I just don't know if I want Parker seeing it." I said, biting my lip.

"He's going to see it sooner or later Seel. I really don't think he's gonna have a problem with it. If anything he's going to be happy to see you up. Your little stunt in the kitchen that he saw, it really confused him. With this we can explain it to him, make it easier so that he can be aware of what is going on with you." She said softly.

"I'm just afraid of what happens if I don't end up walking in the end Anne. It will be a huge let down for him." I said honestly, though it wouldn't only be a let down for him, but for me as well.

"For him only, I know the look of trepidation when I see it Seeley. It's not just him that would be let down. But how will you ever know if you don't try? But it's your call, if not today then friday for sure." She said, motioning for John to start the machine, the noise ending our conversation.

I looked over at my son, his eyes peeking up over the game every once in a while, watching my legs move. The look on his face was painful to see, one of hope and longing, fear and amazement all at the same time. I glanced at Anne, as she motioned for John to up the speed some, wondering if she was right about explaining things to Parker. So much was going on in my mind I didn't even notice when the machine stopped an hour after we'd started.

"Seeley, you alright?" She asked, breaking my thoughts.

"Yeah. I was just thinking about things. Maybe you're right." I said, unsure but amped up to get up on my feet.

"Okay. I'll get them ready. Meet me in exam four when you're done." She said, rushing off.

"Where's Anne going Dad?" Parker asked, coming over to the table I was now on as they unstrapped me from the lokomat.

"We are going to do something different today Park. But we'll explain it all to you okay?" I said, my voice full of hope.

"No balancing?" He asked, his interest was peaked.

"Not today. You'll see." I said as John brought my chair over.

I wasn't surprised that Parker dropped the DS into the bag before we headed to the exam room. He was eager to know what was going to happen.

"Up on the table please Seeley." Anne instructed as we came through the door.

I could see the braces propped up beside the table, a tangle of plastic and metal, but they were different than the ones she'd had on me earlier in the week. There was a bar extending from where my thigh would be up to a piece of plastic that looked like it would be around where my lower back would be, another in the front.

"Those are different." I said, thinking that they looked uncomfortable.

"I told you that they would offer more support than the others. This is to support your back, to help with balance, as is this one." She said pointing to the extended pieces as she brought them around so I could get a better look.

"What are those for?" Parker asked, his nose crinkled up some.

"These go around your dad's legs and his hips. They are called leg braces Parker. Because your dad still can't feel his legs, they will support him so he can stand up, maybe even move around some." She said, "Seeley, we can do this over your pants or under. It's up to you."

"Over I guess." I answered, trying to read my son's face as he watched.

She removed my sneakers, then motioned for me to lay back, Parker watching eyes wide the whole time.

"Roll to your right some Seeley." She instructed as she placed the back support part under me when I rolled to my right, and then she lifted my left leg up placing it in the brace. "Parker do you want to help?" She then asked him.

"What do I do." He asked timidly moving closer to me.

"You're going to make sure all the straps are velcroed. Not too tight, but not too loose either okay?" She said, showing him with the one around my thigh.

"Seeley slide left just a little." She instructed as I watched Parker's little hands checking to make sure the straps he's done weren't too tight.

"Good job Park." I said, when he finished.

"It's not too tight right dad?" He asked, forgetting that I couldn't tell.

"They feel just right little man." I fibbed, not wanting to make him feel bad.

"Alright Parker, this side now." Anne said moving to click something in place at my abdomen.

"Anne, it's hitting where I can feel on my back, is that supposed to be that way?" I asked, feeling the top of the brace digging in.

"Yes. This way you can tell when you are tipping some and can correct it." She said, unlocking the braces at the hips so I could sit up.

"Done." Parker said looking to Anne for further instructions.

"Sit up for me Seeley." She said and then watched me struggle to get up with the rigid plastic at my waist, "It's more difficult isn't it."

"Yeah, there's resistance there." I said as I balanced myself with the added support as she put my sneakers back on.

"Good. I'm going to unlock the knees and we'll get you back in your chair." She said happily.

"Parker look out little man." I said, realizing that he was still standing between me and my chair.

"Sorry." he said his voice small as he moved towards the door.

I transferred down to my chair, the metal from the braces clanging on the metal of my chair causing Parker to jump. I was a little higher, sitting in my chair with the braces encasing my legs and I tried to compensate for the difference before I unlocked my brakes to follow Anne and Parker out of the room. I followed her back to the gym where we stopped by a set of parallel bars.

"Seeley move to the end of the bars, positioning yourself so that you could pull yourself up onto them." She told me, as John joined us.

"What's next?" I asked her, feeling my stomach flip with excitement.

"Straighten your legs out in front of you, lock the knees and then when I tell you, pull up to standing." She said moving around behind me.

I lifted each of my legs out straight in front of me and flicked the locks at my knees, waiting for her to tell me when to pull up. I heard her say it, maybe three times before I lifted myself up, arms shaking from the weight of my body beneath them, my eyes never leaving Parkers. His eyes were full of worry, his face expressionless, as he watched me hold myself up. "It's okay Parker. Really." I said grinning to him.

"Alright Seeley, reach and lock the hip joints, I have you." She said from behind me, even though I couldn't feel her hands anywhere on me.

I reached down, feeling for the lock on my right side, fumbling some before clicking it into place, and then moved to do the same on my left side. My right arm the only thing supporting me was shaking badly by the time I got my left hand back on the bar.

"Seeley, I'm here behind you and John in front of you, I'd like you to let go of the bars." Anne said easily.

"I don't know Anne, I feel like I'm going to fall." I said, nervously, sweat forming on my forehead.

"Dad she has you." Parker said, coming closer to the us.

"You want me to let go Park?" I asked, looking at his smiling face.

"Yeah. You can do it Daddy." He said full of faith.

I slowly let up on my death grip from the bars, holding my arms out trying to balance without feeling was more of a challenge than I expected. My emotions were spiraling out of control, I was standing on my own for the first time in over seven months, without holding on. I looked at my son, his lips spread in a wide grin, and then I looked at John, who was also smiling widely.

"Anne?" I asked, wondering where she was.

"I'm here Seeley. How's it feel?" She asked, her voice full of happiness.

"I don't even have words to describe it. Whoa..." I said, feeling my body going forward fast.

John's hands reached my chest before I had any real chance of going down, but the fear of falling from my normal height had kicked in. My heart was racing, at the thought of going down. "I need to sit." I said my jaw tightening.

"Get the locks and I'll bring your chair closer." Anne said, not willing to do it for me.

I unlocked the hip joints and waited for her hand on my back signaling she had my chair close. "Reach down, it's right behind you, get the right knee first, the left is stronger." She instructed me as I did what she said, plopping down into my chair. Parker ran over and gave me a huge hug, whispering in my ear "I'm proud of you daddy."

That little bit of exertion mixed with the emotion of finally breaking through to standing on my own, no holding on had drained me of energy. I was sitting there, sweat soaking through my shirt when Anne put her hand on my shoulder "Now it's up to you to take it further Seeley. You stood for over five minutes, I'm impressed. I knew you could do it though."

"Anne, I couldn't have done it without you kicking my ass every now and then though." I said, triumphantly.

"I think you're done for the day. Let's get you out of those." She said smiling.

"Dad are we still going shopping for Bones?" Parker asked me as we headed to the exam room.

"Absolutely little man. Do you think she'd want to go to the diner tonight?" I asked him.

"Oh yeah, she likes going out to dinner with us." He smirked, knowing that with her along he'd get desert.

"Alright, then we'll surprise her." I said lifting myself up to the table.

We had two and a half hours to kill before we picked her up and even though I called to ask her how her day was going I hadn't mentioned how mine went. I'd made Parker promise not to tell her that I stood on my own, telling him that I wanted to surprise her on friday and with a little coaxing and two new games for his DS later he agreed. We pulled into the mall parking lot and Parker waited for me at the back bumper as I transferred out.

"First we go get your games, then we shop for Bones, okay little man?" I told him as he pushed the button opening the door at the entrance so I could wheel through.

I'd never quite noticed how many people stared at me until we entered the mall, almost everyone walking past us looked at me with sympathy or sadness in their eyes. Parker stayed close to me even as we approached the game store, his hands in his pockets, looking uncomfortable at the attention we were getting.

"Listen Parker, they don't know... they just see my chair. Nothing we can do will change that, we just have to keep going about our business. You can't let it bother you little man." I tried, hoping that he couldn't tell how much it affected me.

"I know dad. It's just that they keep looking at you." He answered back, going through the aisles of games.

"I can't do anything about that Park. You just have to ignore them." I said following him around a corner.

It made my heart hurt that I couldn't change the situation, that it wasn't only hard for me but also hard for him. I'd never been the type of guy to shy away from things, I'd always been sure of myself and who I was even if it wasn't always good for me, today though I was more self conscious than I ever had been in my entire life. As we entered the jewelry store I felt the saleswoman's eyes staring through me, her face showing the pity even through her faked smile.

"Can I help you find something sir?" She asked, hurrying over to us, as Parker left handprints on the glass beside me.

"I'm looking for a necklace for my girlfriend, nothing too large, maybe a small pendant? Blue stone maybe?" I said, knowing it would bring out the blue in her eyes.

"Bones likes blue dad, but she likes green better." Parker interjected before the woman could even get a word out.

"I have a few sapphire necklaces over here, but there is a nice emerald in this case." She said pointing to a small green stone attached to a silver chain.

"What do you think Parker? I like that one.

"Yeah... she'd like that." Parker answered firmly.

"We'll take that one then. He's the boss." I said jokingly.

"Would you like me to gift wrap it sir?" She asked removing the necklace from the case.

"That would be great. See Parker always get it wrapped at the store if they offer, that way it's less you have to worry about when you get home." I said watching her place it in a box.

"How will you be paying today sir? Cash or charge." She asked after the necklace was boxed and wrapped with a nice bow.

I handed her my card over the counter as she eyed Parker who was still touching all the glass he could find.

"Parker come on little man. We can go now." I said, trying to stifle the laughter that was edging its way into my mouth. "Put that in the bag with your games."

"Is it from both of us Dad?" He asked on the way to the car.

"Of course Park. You picked it!" I said trying to lighten his mood.

"Can we get some chicken nuggets to tide us over till dinner?" He asked as I climbed into the car.

"We'll be eating in less than an hour dude. You think you can hold off till then?" I said lifting my chair into the back seat.

"I guess." He whined looking at the clock on the dash that read 4:10.

I turned to check that his seatbelt was fastened as he opened the glove box, pulling out a pair of my sunglasses and put them on. Almost his whole face disappeared behind the large lenses driving me to laughter.

"That's a nice look for you Parker." I said laughing as his smile widened.

"Do I look like you now?" He asked, reaching for the visor to check the mirror.

"You do. We should send Bones a picture of this, what do you think?" I asked as he admired his new look.

"Alright." He said grinning at me.

I snapped a picture of him, cheesy grin and all and sent it to her telling her we were on our way to pick her up. When we got inside the jeffersonian Parker headed straight for her office, sunglasses still sliding down his nose and I heard her laughing all the way into the hall as I trailed behind.

"What'd ya think Bones?" He said playfully, leaning in her doorway like I used to.

"Booth, you've gotten a lot shorter!" She chuckled, looking past him as I approached.

"Bones it's me...Parker. Duh." He said, pulling the sunglasses off.

"Oh, Parker, you looked so much like your dad. I didn't even know it was you." She teased.

"You did so. You are a bad liar Bones." He laughed as she tickled him.

"You don't even have your coat on Bones, didn't you get the message that we were on our way?" I said, seeing that there was still a pile of things strewn about her desk.

"No. Oh I was in Angela's office. I must have lost track of the time." She said opening her phone and finding the picture I sent her there.

"Well let's go Bones, got a kid to feed." I joked.

"Are we going out?" She asked, looking surprised that I was rushing her.

"Yeah we thought we'd go to the diner, you know, no cooking no cleanup." I said watching her grab her bag.

"Hey Parker did you get my surprise?" Bones asked him.

"Yeah thanks Bones... I would've been bored to death if you didn't pack my DS. I mean it's not like watching dad is like watching TV, but today was..." He stopped himself just in time for her to catch that he was keeping something.

"What was today like Parker?" She asked, looking from me to him.

"No more boring than usual that's all right buddy?" I said, trying to save him from blowing the secret.

"More boring than usual." He repeated.

"I think something is going on that you aren't telling me..." She said wearily.

"Nah. Same as usual. Weights, balance, lokomat." I said pushing through the jeffersonians doors to the parking lot.

"Bones dad got me two new games today at the mall." Parker said happily.

"Really, I thought you were grounded Parky." She said looking at me like I gave the prisoner a key to the cell.

"Hey, I'm not the one who caved this morning. Besides he knows he can't play them till the grounding is over." I said waiting for him to climb into the car so I could get in.

"You did crave Bones." Parker teased her.

"It's cave little man. I swear you do that just so we have to correct you." I said correcting him.

I wasn't surprised when she let him order desert after he scarfed down all of his dinner, and I wasn't surprised that she'd eaten all of my fries before I'd finished my burger either. Some things never change I thought as he ate his sundae.


	39. Admissions of Weakness

As Parker tried his hardest to finish the sundae she'd let him have I carefully reached into my bag, fishing around for the long box that lay inside. Pulling it out Bones eyes grew wide, her gaze turned curious as I handed it to her.

"What's this Booth?" She questioned.

"It's from me and Daddy, Bones." Parker said before I could get a word in.

"What is it?" She asked, still holding the closed box in her hands.

"You have to open it to find out Bones, that's sort of the point." I said jokingly.

Parker and I watched as she carefully opened the box, first untying the ribbon and then slowly lifting the lid. Her delicate fingers found their way under the silver chain as she pulled the necklace out of the box, holding it up so she could get a better look at the small pendant dangling from the chain.

"It's not much Bones, but Parker picked it out." I said, hoping that it wasn't too small.

"Booth, it's gorgeous, I love it. Thank you Parker." She said, reaching across the table to squeeze his shoulder.

"Daddy wanted to get you a blue one, but I told him that you like green better." Parker said confidently.

"I would love anything you guys had picked. Booth could you?" She asked, holding it out for me to put it on her.

She moved closer to me, and scooped up her hair so I could do the clasp around her neck, and turned back around to show me when I'd finally gotten it closed.

"It's perfect." She said, smiling from me to Parker.

"Just a little something for our Bones." I teased her as she spooned a bite of ice cream from Parkers sundae.

"If you eat any more of that little man you're gonna be sick later." She said, handing him a napkin.

"But it's so good Bones, hey!" He said, still unwilling to give up, as she took another spoonful.

"I'm just trying to help you finish." She played innocent.

I loved watching the two of them together, it was like they just fit. Everything about the way she was with him made me love her that much more. I thought back through the four years we'd been partners, I'd loved her from the day I saw her, but with each passing day it grew stronger and now, finally I was with her, right where I was supposed to be.

"Daddy?" Parkers voice broke through my thoughts.

"Huh, little man?" I said.

"Booth, what were you thinking about?" Bones asked, her face scrunched up.

"Us. All three of us." I stated, my smile widening.

"Dad, can we go now... Bones brought me more slides." Parker asked.

"Park, quit kicking me little man." I said, my mind not even registering the signifigence of what was happening.

"Booth?" Bones said, shock all over her face.

"What?" I asked, wondering if I'd missed something.

"Daddy, how did you know I was kicking you?" Parker asked, looking confused.

"I... I... I felt it." I stuttered out, realizing that I could still feel his little foot connecting with my shin. "Stop Park."

"Do you know what this means Booth?" Bones said, smiling.

"Yeah, more tests." I said, returning her smile, but scared that the feeling could go away again.

"Dad can you feel that?" Parker asked, his little fingers digging into my leg.

"Yes. C'mon Parker stop it." I said the slight pain registering in my brain.

"Okay." He said, defeatedly his grin fading.

We sat there for a few minutes longer till the waitress brought my change, the whole time I was relishing in the fact that for the first time in so long I could actually feel her hand on my knee, and my sons foot resting against mine. It was almost too good to be true I thought to myself as we left the diner, the three of us together, the feeling in my legs returning, I began to wonder what would happen to ruin it.

"Booth are you alright?" Bones asked as we drove towards the apartment.

"Yeah, yeah Bones, I'm fine." I said, trying to convince myself more than her.

She didn't say anything else the rest of the ride home, neither did Parker, and I wondered if they could sense my fear, the dread that my happiness could be taken away. As her hand crept over and took residence on my thigh I relaxed some, but I couldn't push the fear completely out of my head.

"Parker get your PJ's on first and then you can get squinting." I said trying to joke.

"What's squinting?" He asked putting the box of slides down on the table next to the microscope.

"You know, like being one of the squints, never mind." I tried to explain as I maneuvered myself onto the couch and turned on the TV.

"I don't think squinting is an actual term Booth, not in the way you said it anyhow." She corrected me.

"I know Bones I was just trying to be funny." I said patting the seat next to me for her to sit down.

"Do you want a beer?" She asked opening the refridgerator.

"Yeah." I answered, my attention now on the stats scrolling the bottom of the screen.

"You can't be afraid of change Booth." She said sitting close to me.

"I'm not, I mean how could you tell that?" I asked her.

"I may not be good at reading people Booth, but you, I can read you, I know when something is wrong, I know when something is bothering you. What is it?" She asked, softly.

"Nothing is wrong Bones." I lied.

"This isn't christmas, and I'm not a child Booth. Something is bothering you, the moment you realized Parker was kicking you, you started shutting down, why?" She asked me as she turned off the TV.

"Hey, I was watching that Bones." I said, ignoring her quest for me to open up.

"I know. That's why I turned it off. You need to talk to me about this Seeley." She said, using my first name.

"There isn't anything to talk about Bones. I felt him kicking me, big deal. I've felt stuff before, and then it was gone, just like that. I don't want to make a big deal of it." I said, taking a long draw on my beer.

"You say that you are a man of faith Booth, then how do you not have faith in this? How can you have faith in only some things?" She said reaching to turn my face to hers.

"Why are you pressing this Bones?" I asked, setting my bottle down hard on the coffee table.

She didn't know why it was bothering me so much, and telling her would only show her just how fragile I still was. I wanted to tell her how scared I was that it meant nothing to feel her hand there on my thigh, that it still didn't mean I could walk around, or that if the feelings went away again I didn't know if I could get over it. I wanted to tell her just how terrifying it was standing on my own two feet but not feeling them at all, how as hard as I tried or told my legs to move they wouldn't. If she knew that the minute I realized I could feel Parker kicking me I tried to move anything below my stomach, and still even with the sensations, there was nothing.

"I'll stop." She said finally after a few minutes of silence.

"Thanks Bones. Now can I turn the TV back on?" I asked, flashing her a charming smile.

"Be my guest Booth. I'm going to write a little and then I'm heading to bed." She said cooly, her tone grating on my nerves.

"Daddy?" Parker called from his bedroom.

"What is it Park?" I yelled, reaching for my chair.

"There's a giant bug!" He shrieked.

"I'll be there in a minute, just stay still bud." I called to him, watching her head for his room.

"Bones, I'll get it." I said, wondering if her fear of snakes extended to bugs too.

Following her into Parker's room I found both of them standing on the bed, pointing to the wall next to me.

"Where is it?" I asked, trying not to laugh at the sight of them.

"It's right there Booth, kill it!" She yelled, as she pointed frantically above my reach.

"You'll have to get it Bones, I can't reach it way up there. It's only a centipede, it won't hurt you." I said laughing.

"No way Booth. You have to get it." She said as Parker clung to her for dear life.

"Throw me one of your shoes Park." I said, wondering how I would kill the tiny bug from my chair.

"Here." He said, quickly reaching to the floor and chucking the shoe at my face.

I set the shoe on his dresser and popped my brakes, turning to face the wall and then locking them again. The only way I could get it was by standing up and reaching to smash it, otherwise I would just knock it down, causing them to panic even more. I steadied myself on my arms, and once I was up I quickly grabbed the shoe, letting go with my right arm and slammed it with everything I had over the centipede.

"Did you get it?" "Is it dead?" They said at the same time as I took hold of the dresser to keep from falling over.

"Yeah. You sissy's can come down now." I joked.

"Daddy it was huge." Parker said creeping off the bed.

"That was nothing little man, you should have seen some of the spiders in the desert." I said feeling the strength in my arms fading.

"Ew Bones there's bug guts on my shoe." Parker said inspecting the smashed insect as I eased down into my chair.

"You know Hodgins could probably get you some bug samples to look at if you want Parks." She said, sitting on his bed pretending to look at the guts he was admiring.

"Cool." Parker said then disappeared around me into the hallway.

"You could have killed that Bones. I've seen you take down a grown man, yet you cower at an inch long bug." I teased her.

"Grown men don't have more than two legs Booth." She said still sitting on Parker's bed.

"C'mon, he'll be out there until we tell him to go to bed, besides I thought you were going to do some writing?" I asked, not sure were we stood after her attempt to get information out of me.

"Why are you afraid Booth, that's all I want to know. You have me, you have Parker. It doesn't matter to us whether you walk again or not." She tried again.

"Bones, please don't do this, I don't want to talk about it." I begged her, knowing that she wasn't going to let it go.

"I just can't stand feeling like you're shutting me out Booth. I love you, you know that right." She said, her voice barely a whisper.

I moved closer to her, taking her hand and placing it over my heart "And I've always loved you Temperance, that will never change."

"Then why can't you talk to me?" She said bitterly pulling her hand away.

"Damnit, I just... I... I'm scared Bones. I'm terrified that this is as good as it will ever get. That all this work, all this time was for nothing. That I'll never run around with Parker again, that I'll never walk next to you again... Is that what you wanted to hear? How scared I am, is it?" I said angrily as I turned from her.

"Booth it's okay to be scared..." I heard her say as I wheeled out of the room.

I needed out of this apartment I thought as I continued down the hall, I needed space to think. I went to the closet and pulled out my green coat, then to the counter where my keys were and put them in my pocket, I needed to take a drive before I exploded.

"Parker I'm going out for a little while, but I'll be back okay little man." I said kissing head.

"Can I come dad?" He asked, looking a little worried.

"Not this time bud. Bones is staying here with you kay?" I said hoping to ease his fear.

"Okay." He said turning back to the microscope.

"Booth where are you going?" Bones said as I opened the door.

"I just need to take a drive Bones. I won't be long, I just need to clear my head." I told her.

"Oh. Okay." She said quietly as I closed the door behind me.

I started out driving with no intentions, no place in mind but I ended up at the Lincoln Memorial. There had always been something meaningful about staring up at the giant statue at night. The warm lights flooding all the surrounding stone, it was almost haunting. I parked the car and transferred out to get closer, the cool night air filling my lungs as I pushed to the bottom step. Some part of me wished I could go back to the night I sat there drunk with her, go back to that time and erase all the bad that happened since. Go back to being whole again, even if that meant that her and I were just partners. I loved her then, that would never change, but I was still a man then, a man who could chase the bad guys, protect her, dance with her. The way things were now I could barely protect her, even from a meaningless insect, and it was killing me inside, ripping me apart. I don't know what came over me as I punched my leg, I felt the pain this time though, the sharp and unevenness of my fist connecting. Maybe I just didn't know how to live like this, I thought, everything inside me had always been about the good fight, protecting those around me, keeping them safe. Without that I feel powerless, weak, scared and useless. As I sat there elbows resting on my knees I couldn't help but feel like a failure to everyone I loved.

"Booth..." I heard from behind me.

"Anne? What are you doing out here?" I asked, surprised to see a familiar face.

"Your bone lady called me, thought you might be out here." She said with a smile.

"You didn't have to come out here to check on me you know." I spat at her, angry at Bones.

"Someone had to Seeley. What's going on? Talk to me." She said softly taking a seat in front of me on the steps.

"I don't know what Bones told you, but I'm fine. I just needed some air. Really." I tried.

"Could have fooled a passerby but not me Seeley. She told me you got some feeling back tonight." She said.

"Yep. But it's happened before Anne. Doesn't mean it's permanent." I scoffed.

"No it doesn't, but it doesn't mean it isn't either. Seeley what has you running from her? I thought she was the love of your life." She said softly.

"She is." I said.

"Then why did you take off? You should be celebrating, enjoying every moment of this with her, not sitting out here." She said bluntly.

"What is there to celebrate if it's going to go away again Anne? Disappointment? Hurt? Confusion?" I yelled.

"No, the fact that you can feel her hand there finally, isn't that what you told me? That you wished that you could feel her hand on your leg? That it shouldn't be a surprise to look down and find it there? You got your wish Seel, do you know how many people never get that..." She yelled back.

"But I'm not other people damnit! I need more." I screamed, biting back tears.

"Things don't always happen the way we want them too Seeley. You're just going to have to deal with that. Sometimes I wonder how you made it this far in life, do you know that. You have a son who adores you, a woman who loves you, friends who are constantly there for you, and yet you still want more... You're pretty damn selfish, and foolish to think that these people will be with you forever if you keep pushing them, throwing tantrums every time something doesn't go your way, or every time something scares you." She screamed right back at me.

I kept quiet for a few minutes, searching for a comeback, but she was right. Bones was right. "I've never had people that were there for me like that. I don't know how to talk about it..." I said as the tears came.

"You're going to have to trust her Seeley. She knows when something is wrong, they all do. You are the glue, and when you start to crumble, they see it, they can feel it. Don't run from it, don't hide from her out here. Go back, tell her why you are scared, she'll understand, and if she doesn't, at least she'll be there to listen, and help you through it." Anne said calmly.

"But I'm not that person. I've always been there for her, been the strong one, how do I just turn that off? How do I go to her and say, oh by the way, I'm scared out of my mind, and well, I'm hoping you can be strong enough for both of us right now..." I said, trying to imagine the conversation in my mind.

"Seeley, why does that seem so strange to you? Of course you can tell her that..." She answered me.

"And she'd think I was even more of an idiot than she already does." I said, throwing my hands into the air.

"If that's how you think she sees you, then you are an idiot. She's a very intelligent person Seeley, and for her to care about you as much as she does shows that she knows you are no dumb jock. Give her some credit an quit trying to make this about her, when clearly it's you that has the hang ups. Get over it, get over yourself for a change and let someone in." She said irritated.

I didn't respond, again I knew she was right, and I was being a dramatic wuss. But the thought of letting myself be more vulnerable than I already was in front of Bones scared me more than life in a wheelchair. Maybe it wasn't the vulnerability that was scary to me, it was that maybe I couldn't live up to the man she thought I was. In the years we'd known each other I had always come to her rescue, defended her at every turn, gone above and beyond our partnership, shown up to bring her food in the middle of the night, and in general been there for her. Now that we were together I'd kept up those things as best I could given my new circumstances, and admitting that I was scared would undo it all, show her that I was only human, and not the paladin she thought me to be. I slowly turned my chair towards Anne, watching her rubbing her temples.

"What if this is all I get back Anne?" I asked, my face flushed and hot.

"Then it's all you get. You seem to be doing just fine now Seeley." She said honestly.

"And all this work, all this time we put in, it will have been for nothing?" I asked.

"No. Not for nothing, you can stand right? You can function in your job, at home, in society. That's what this has really been about. Maybe to you it was about walking again, and that's fine, but my goal first and foremost was to get you back to work, back into normal life, and you've proven more than once that you have reached that goal. Anything else is just icing on the cake." She said, standing to go.

"How long will we try, ya know with the braces and all that, before we know it's not happening." I asked, afraid of the answer.

"As long as it's still healthy for you. And as long as you want to try. If it doesn't work out Seeley, I think eventually you'll come to a point where you'll want to focus on other things." She said patting my shoulder.

"Thanks, for this." I said sheepishly.

"You told me months ago that you are a fighter, I just never realized how much I'd have to fight back." She laughed. "Now go home to them."

"I am. I just need another few minutes and I'm heading home." I said, looking at my watch and realizing it was almost midnight, I'd been gone for almost five hours.

I searched my pockets for my phone, and then searched in the car realizing I must have left it on the counter as I drove towards the apartment. I knew Parker would be asleep when I got in, but I wondered if Bones would be awake. There was so much I knew I had to talk to her about that my head was spinning as I rode the elevator up to our floor. I quietly opened the door, the only sound in the quiet apartment was the whoosh of my wheels on the floor as I checked on Parker and then headed to our bedroom. The only light on was the small lamp next to the bed and I could tell she'd been crying, her face looked puffy in the soft light. I watched her for a few minutes before I moved to the bathroom and when I came out I was surprised to see her awake, watching me as I undressed.

"I'm sorry Bones." I whispered to her.

"I know. But it doesn't make it okay for you to just run out of here like that Booth. You were gone for five hours, no one saw you, you left your phone, I was racking my brain trying to think of where you could have gone. I even resorted to calling Jared before I called Anne, knowing that you needed a kick in the trousers." She said, her face still full of hurt.

"Kick in the pants Bones." I corrected her.

"Did she find you?" She asked me, sitting up in bed.

"Yeah. Right where you said I'd be too. You know sometimes Bones it's hard for me to admit that I'm not the man you think I am. I'm not always fearless, or strong. I get scared that you'll realize that I'm just like any other guy out there and that I have flaws, and one day you'll leave me. I've never had anyone in my life looking out for me, I've always been looking out for other people, I've never had someone to talk to when I got scared or hurt. And that makes it hard for me to open up and let you in, I'm not saying that its right for me to shut you out, just that maybe I don't really know how to." I spewed quickly as I pulled a fresh pair of boxers up over myself.

"I know that Booth, I know it's not in your nature to be weak, or admit that you are scared about things, but that's why I tried to talk to you about it... I was trying to let you know that you are the man I think you are, and that being scared or upset doesn't change that. If I thought you were always fearless, or always strong I'd keep my comments to myself. I wouldn't push you to talk to me about it." She said calmly.

"I just don't know how you could love me Bones... I'm pigheaded, I screw up, I am definitely not as intelligent as you, and now I'm just some washed up FBI agent in a wheelchair. What could I possibly offer a woman as brilliant and wonderful as you?" I asked her honestly.

"For starters, you are not washed up, or un-intelligent. Trust me I know you're pigheaded, and as for screwed up, everyone makes mistakes Booth, it's human nature, even I make mistakes. You don't see how much you have to offer. You're funny, caring, trustworthy, capable, handsome, talented, witty, smart, loving, sexy and affectionate, do you want me to continue?" She asked patting the mattress next to her.

"No. I just wanted to make sure you knew what you were getting into before this went any further. I know I'm not perfect, and I'm not always easy to deal with, but I can tell you I'm going to try and not shut you out anymore. I can't promise that it will be easy Bones." I said as I moved into the bed next to her.

"I know Booth. I wouldn't be here if I didn't love you." She said, her hand covering mine on the mattress.

"I love you too Bones, and I'm trying..." I said, my eyes welling up.

"It's okay... let it out Seeley." She said, rubbing my back as the tears flowed.

I cried and tearfully admitted all my fears to her that night, and to my surprise she was still there when I woke up the next morning. Nothing I had told her shocked her, she'd already known most of it, even if I'd never admitted to it before. I woke to her hand on my chest, her fingers tracing little circles around my belly button.

"That tickles Bones." I said smiling at her.

"I've always wondered if you were ticklish." She teased.

"The bottoms of my feet are the most ticklish, well were anyways." I said sadly.

"How do you know they still aren't?" She threatened, disappearing under the covers.

"Bones stop, oh god, you're killing me!" I squealed like a child as she drove me mad, her fingers attacking the bottoms of my feet.

"Isn't that a good thing?" She said easing up.

"Yeah, it is. But not when I can't defend myself." I said.

"Alright, we can continue this another time, I think Parker is up anyways." She said, tossing the covers over me.

"What got into you this morning Bones?" I asked, watching her walk to the bathroom in only my t-shirt.

She didn't answer and when I heard the shower turn on I threw the covers back onto her side of the bed and propped myself up against the headboard. I listened for Parker out in the living room, surprised that he'd gotten up early on his own and when I finally heard the TV turn on I transferred into my chair to catch him in the act. Being able to feel my legs when I moved them around was strange, almost unreal in some ways. I sat for a moment trying to move my toes, anything and still got nothing in return and then quietly wheeled out to yell at Parker.

"Off little man, now." I said sternly watching him jump when he heard my voice.

"But dad, I just wanted to see the scores." He said, trying to get me with sports.

"There's a good old fashioned newspaper right outside that door that has them all in it. TV off bud." I said again.

"Ugh. This sucks." He muttered as he went to the apartment door.

"You do the crime, you pay the time Park, you know that." I laughed as I turned on the coffee pot.

"Dad are you going to work today?" Parker asked joining me at the table.

"I was gonna call in sick so you and I could maybe go to the park, what do you think?" I said handing him the sports page.

"Yeah we can play footba... we can hang out." He said stopping to correct himself mid-sentence.

"We can still toss the ball around little man, I just can't tackle you yet." I said trying to still make it sound fun.

"Yeah and maybe Bones can play hooky too?" He said hopefully.

"We'll see about that bud. Do you want some cereal?" I asked pushing the paper down so I could see his face.

"Lucky charms." He answered half paying attention.

"Coming right up." I said pushing away from the table as Bones joined us.

"Hey Bones can you play hooky today?" Parker asked her as she was filling her coffee mug.

"I can't take the whole day, but I can this afternoon, where are you two going today?" She asked, looking to me.

"Just going to toss the old football around in the park, thought maybe you'd want to join us." I asked, handing her the milk.

"I can meet you there, we'll have a picnic." She said happily.

"Cool. Daddy and I usually just get hot dogs from the street vendor. But a picnic is way cooler." Parker said coming to get his cereal.

"I see I'm just not that cool anymore..." I said faking hurt.

"Hot dogs are so bad for you Booth." Bones said adding insult.

"So you're telling me you go to a ball game and get what a tofu burger?" I asked.

"I've only been to one ball game and that was when russ was playing basketball in high school Booth." She admitted.

"Parker did you hear that? She'd never been to a game." I exclaimed as though the world was ending.

"Bones, you have to have gone to see the capitols, come on." Parker asked.

"No I haven't." She said, looking confused at why it was such a big deal.

"The next time I get tickets we're all going." I said.

"It's not really one of my interests." She said nervously.

"It is now. We Booth's are sports fans, Bones. Football, hockey, baseball, you name it we follow it. Even nascar." I said proudly.

"Yeah Bones, daddy's favorite hockey team is the Flyers, and our favorite football team is the Steelers. You know the terrible towel?" Parker said.

"What's so terrible about the towel?" She asked

"Bones, come on, Myron Cope? The Cope-a Cabanna? One of the most legendary sports broadcasters of all time? Terry Bradshaw, the steel curtain? The immaculate reception?" I spewed.

"I don't know what any of that means." She said.

"You're killing me Bones, knife to the heart. We have so much to teach her Parker." I teased.

"Well you can start today at the park. I'll meet you guys at one." She said still looking confused.

"Alright. But be prepared for some tutoring." I teased.

"Booth I was wondering about that empty spot on the bookshelf over there." She said completely changing the conversation.

"Oh, yeah. I think that's still at hodgins house. I can swing by and pick that up on our way to the park. I almost forgot about it." I said remembering the journal I'd taken weeks ago.

"Did you read it? Any of you?" She asked, her cheeks flushing.

"No. I wanted to so badly, but I couldn't let myself think you were gone, and I wouldn't let the others read it either." I told her truthfully.

"It would have been okay if you did." She said setting her cup in the sink.

"I know. I just couldn't. I'll have it back by tonight though." I said, knowing that I had to stop at Jack's anyways to get some more clothes.

"Hey Parky, I'll see you at the park okay." She said as she gathered her bag to leave, stopping first to kiss the top of his head.

"Kay Bones. Don't be late, these lucky charms won't hold me all day." He joked.

"Parker." I said scoldingly.

"What it's true." He said holding his hands up.

"I won't. One o'clock or before." She said as I followed her to the door.


	40. Just a day in the Park

"Go long Parker." I yelled waiting for him to dash across the grass as I prepared to throw the football for the hundreth time.

We'd created a system, where I'd throw it long to him, he'd run it back some and then throw it back to me, not always getting it to me, but he was trying. It wasn't how I'd ever imagined throwing a football with my son to be, but I was constantly reminding myself that I should be happy to just be able to throw the ball. Two months back I couldn't even dress myself, and here I was now, laughing and playing with my son. Anne was right about having to pick up and live with my demons.

"Ready daddy?" Parker called, rousing me from the thoughts in my head.

"Alright bud, line up with the laces." I directed before he let go of a throw that soared over my head.

"Sorry dad." He said, running past me to retrieve the ball.

"It's alright little man... that was a great throw." I said, hoping that this was enough for him.

"Even though I missed?" He questioned, tossing the ball to me.

"Sure, the spiral was great and there was so much power behind it. Why don't we take a break, Bones should be getting here any minute now." I said, feeling tightness in my shoulder.

I wheeled closer to the blanket he and I had laid out when we arrived after stopping at Jack's and I transferred down to it, pushing my chair away some. With all the balance I'd gotten back I was able to sit and only occasionally have to stop myself from tipping over. I watched Parker playing his DS for a few minutes before I checked my watch and lay back, crossing my arms under my head. Even with the clouds it was a perfect day to be outside, warm and breezy I thought as I listened to a mother calling for her child. Turning my head I could see a little girl running towards us.

"Hey Park, you know her?" I asked, causing his mario to die when he looked over at her.

"Yeah, that's paige. She's in the other second grade, but we have recess together.

"Hi Parker." She said quietly, her hands on her hips.

"Hey Paigey, how come you aren't at school?" Parker asked her curiously.

"I had a doctors appointment in the city and since it was so nice my mom said we could ditch the rest of the day. You haven't been at recess, are you sick. You don't look sick." She said, flopping down on our blanket to sit beside Parker.

"Nah, I'm spending some time with my dad..." He lied, looking to me.

"Oh. Hi Parker's dad... is that yours?" She asked pointing to my wheelchair as Parker's face grew red.

"Nice to meet you Paige. Yeah it's mine." I answered.

"Paige Bartlett, I was calling you, didn't you hear me?" Paige's mother scolded her.

"Yeah but Parker was over here, and he hasn't been at recess all week." the little girl whined.

"I'm Parker's father, Seeley Booth." I said, shielding my eyes from the sun when I looked up at her.

"I'm sorry about the interruption, Mr. Booth. Jackie Bartlett." She said, looking from me to my chair.

"It's fine. Parker is out for the week, and well, it was such a nice day that we decided to come and hang out at the park." I said, seeing how uncomfortable she looked.

"Parker's dad, how come you have a wheelchair?" Paige asked.

"Paige." Jackie said embarrassed.

"My dad works for the FBI, and he got hurt. He can't walk, but he can stand, and there's still a whole lot of stuff he can do..." Parker said before I could explain.

"Cool. Does it hurt?" the little girl asked me.

"Sometimes, but not much." I answered, smiling at Parker.

"Paige, let's let them be now. Come on." Jackie said, reaching down to grab Paige's arm.

"No, really, let them play for awhile. Parker's been cooped up with me all week, without his friends." I tried.

"I have to get home and get dinner started, but maybe another time, we could set up a play date." She said a little too quickly.

"Mom, can't we stay for just a little longer." Paige whined.

"Look honey Parker's mom is coming and it looks like they are having a picnic, maybe some other time, or maybe one day Parker could come over and play." Jackie said, motioning behind me.

"Hey Bones, this is Parker's friend Paige and her mother Jackie. Jackie, this is my girlfriend Temperance." I said introducing them quickly.

"Nice to meet you Jackie, hi Paige." Bones said smiling as she set down the chinese food bag on the blanket and sat beside me.

"You too, we were just leaving. Paige Elizabeth... say goodbye." She said nastily.

"Bye Parker, Temperance and Parker's dad. See you at recess." She said standing to follow her mother who was already a good ways from us.

"She seemed nice." I said, sarcasm flowing from my voice.

"Bones did you get egg rolls?" Parker asked digging in the bag.

"Easy Parky, they're in there." She said laughing at his quest for food.

"How was your day Bones?" I asked, mouth full of rice.

"That's gross, it was quiet. More pieces from the museum and then we identified three cases from limbo." She said careful not to get sauce on her shirt.

"You should see Parker's spiral, it's awesome." I said, wishing she'd brought me a fork instead of chopsticks.

"I don't know what that is." She said.

"The way a football spirals through the air when you throw it correctly Bones, come on." I teased.

"Oh. Your little friend seemed to want to stay and play, I wonder why her mother rushed off like that?" Bones said.

"Paige misses a lot of school... she's always going to the doctor and then the next day when she comes back she has cool bandaids on her arm and finger." Parker said nonchalantly.

"Is she sick?" I asked him, hoping that it wasn't serious.

"She has die beeties." He said looking at us.

"Diabetes?" Bones asked him.

"Yeah, you know, sometimes she gets extra cookies or juice in the middle of the day, at least that's what my friend Luke from her class says. I wish I got extra cookies..." He said longingly.

"Well it's so she doesn't get sick kiddo. You wouldn't want to be sick would you?" I asked him, feeling sad and happy at the same time that I was lucky enough to have a healthy son, when some kids weren't so lucky.

"No I guess not. But I would still like extra cookies." He mumbled with a mouth full.

"Hey how come you didn't tell her why you were really home from school?" I asked him after my third egg roll.

"She gets mad when I fight. So I figured if she didn't already know then she would still want to play." He said softly.

"Well, you shouldn't lie about it Parker. I'm sure her mother knows why you aren't at school this week, most of the parents probably know, and Paige might get mad when she finds out." I said, trying to reprimand him gently.

"I know dad. I know." was all he said.

"So are we just going to sit here filling our stomachs all day or are we going to do something fun?" Bones asked, repackaging the food she'd brought.

The rest of the afternoon I watched as Parker and Bones played soccer, tried to climb a tree, and ran around. I was surprised at how athletic she actually was, and how quickly she picked up on the rules of football when we played that together. Around six we started packing up the blanket and the food and all the things we'd brought with us, Parker trying to drag his feet to stay longer.

"Parker, we still have to get dinner, and then get ready for bed. Tomorrow is going to be a long day little man." I said, scooping him up and into my lap when we got to the cars.

"Alright. Can I ride home with Bones?" He asked surprising me.

"If it's alright with her, sure." I said as he climbed down.

"Bones can I ride home with you?" He asked her excitedly.

"Is that okay Booth?" She asked me as I shoved the football in on top of all the other stuff in the back of the car.

"Yeah, I'm going to stop and get some groceries and then I'll meet you at home." I said pulling the string to lower the back door.

"Give your dad a hug." Bones said after she kissed me.

"See you at home daddy." He said as we pounded fists after he hugged me.

I climbed into the car, pulling my chair in after me as they pulled away, all the while thinking how different it was hearing him call her apartment home. I lowered the volume on the scanner as I drove to the store, turning up the Bouncing Souls CD. I let the music tear through me as I drummed on the steering wheel, trying to get some of the nervousness about tomorrow's big session out of my system. I wheeled through the store like a man on a mission, knowing that we needed the basics, bread, milk, eggs and cereal. Normally I knew Bones cupboard wouldn't hold things like Lucky charms, or fruity pebbles, but since I'd been there with Parker they had become regular items, along with my clothes, his clothes, and other personal things that had started to accumulate around her large apartment.

Letting the music fill the inside of the car on my drive home I wondered what she was making for dinner. When I pulled in I started unpacking the groceries and realized that I'd have to make another trip down for the stuff I'd picked up at Jack's. I shut the back door, and headed for the elevator, checking behind me twice to make sure nothing had fallen out of the bags in my lap.

"Lucy I'm home." I yelled as I opened the door, in my best ricky ricardo impersonation.

"Booth?" She called out, her tone confused.

"You know Bones, Lucille Ball? I love Lucy? The TV show?" I asked, not surprised that she didn't have a clue what I was talking about.

"I've never seen it. Did you get milk? We are out of milk." She said, grabbing a bag from me.

"Yeah Bones. Don't panic." I teased, watching her put the eggs and milk away.

"I just wanted to make sure, because I tried calling you and you didn't answer." She said, her face relaxing some.

"I think when I shove it in my pocket I hit the button or something." I said pulling out my phone and seeing four missed calls.

"Go get cleaned up, dinner will be ready in fifteen minutes." She said stirring a big pot.

"What are we having? I'm starving." I said, rolling towards the bathroom, passing Parker on my way.

"Spaghetti. Nothing fancy. But there's enough to feed you for a few days." She joked, knowing that between Parker and I nothing lasted long.

After I'd washed up, I listened to my voicemail, two from Bones and two from Cole, wondering how I was feeling since I'd called in sick. I dialed the kid and it seemed that we were playing phone tag, this time it was my turn to leave a message.

"Listen Kid, sorry to stick you with all the work today, I needed a break and some fresh air. Plus I didn't have anyone to watch Parker, so I'll see ya next week." I said into the phone.

I changed out of my sweats and into pajama pants and a wife beater, then moved slowly into the kitchen, hoping to be of some help to Bones.

"Booth, I have everything under control, just go relax, you'll just get in my way." She said truthfully.

"Thanks Bones. Really, I mean I never think that or anything." I muttered under my breath.

"Even if you were up and walking I'd kick you out. Don't play that card with me. I know what you're capable of, and I know that if I let you stay in here, I'd be reprimanding you every few minutes for sneaking and picking at the meal. I don't know how your mother put up with you, and the worst part is Parker is just the same... I turn my head for two seconds and turn back around to find him popping a meatball into his mouth." She said happily as I took a slice of cucumber from the salad. "SEE!"

"C'mon Bones, we just like to taste test it." I tried, giving her my best smile.

"Out. Aren't there sports on?" She laughed.

"Yeah but if I start watching a game now, I'll have to see it the whole way through." I whined.

"Dad, did you bring in my stuff from the car?" Parker said peeking out from his bedroom.

"No. You want to help me bring it up?" I answered grabbing my keys from the counter.

As we carried the four bags upstairs Parker stayed quiet, I wondered what he was thinking about, it wasn't like him to be the quiet type.

Finally just before we got to the eight floor he spoke "Daddy, is this our new home, you know with Bones? Are you two gonna get married?"

"For now little man. Maybe one day we'll get a real house, you know with a yard and stuff. I don't know if we'll get married, why?" I asked him.

"I just wanted to know if we'll be a family." He said softly, going back and forth from one foot to the other.

"Park, we are a family, Bones and I don't have to be married for that to happen. You know you are so lucky because not only do you have a mom and a dad, but you have Bones, Angela, Jack, Brent, all those people are family too. You don't have to be related to be family buddy." I tried to explain.

"I guess I never thought of it like that." He said as the doors opened and he rushed out.

"Hey wait for me." I called as I watched him dash down the hallway.

I unlocked the door and took my bag to the bedroom, leaving it on the floor for later as Parker did the same with his two bags. The only thing I pulled out was the book that belonged on the shelf, turning it over in my hands I studied the soft leather cover, tempted to open it.

"Dad, dinner is ready." Parker said appearing in the doorway.

"Alright buddy, I'll be out in a minute." I answered after he disappeared.

I placed the book in my lap, feeling the weight of it there as I wheeled out to the bookshelf. I set my brakes and placed my feet on the floor so I could pull myself up and put the book away. I was halfway up when I felt my left leg start to tremble with a spasm. With no where to go but back down I landed hard in my chair as pain shot up and down my trembling leg.

"Shit." I managed to get out as the pain grew more intense.

"Booth." "Daddy." They said at the same time rushing over to me.

"I'm fine. Just a spasm. But it hurts this time." I said through clenched teeth.

"You can feel it now." Bones said her hand reaching down to my leg.

"Don't." I said angrily.

"Easy Booth. Let me help you work it out." She said kneeling beside me as Parker just watched wide eyed.

I sat gripping the wheels of my chair as she pulled my leg straight then bent it at the knee, the pain was so intense, like someone was stabbing me. Finally as it subsided, the pain started to disappear and I could feel myself relax some as she placed my foot back on the rest.

"Thanks Bones." I said wiping the sweat from my forehead.

"You still hungry?" She asked, taking the book from where I'd dropped it and putting it away.

"Of course. Let's eat." I said giving her a bright smile, despite the pain that I was still in.

Through dinner I was quiet, thinking about tomorrow and if it would be as painful as the spasm I'd just had. I didn't know if I could force myself to be up and walking if it meant that I would be in pain. I didn't want to live my life in pain, but I didn't want to live my life from a wheelchair either. I wondered what they were both thinking as we washed the dishes in silence, not even Parker was talkative. It wasn't until I put him to bed that he started being his normal self.

"Did it hurt bad daddy?" He asked, just as I was about to leave the room.

"Yeah little man. It did. But I'm okay now. It's okay Parker." I said trying to reassure him.

"I wish you'd never gotten hurt." He said quietly, his little face angry.

"Me too bud. But it's going to be okay. We'll be okay right." I said.

"Yeah." He answered, his face softening.

"Listen Park, if I'd never gotten hurt, you and I wouldn't be here with Bones, we wouldn't have this, her. Not like this. I'd take having her in our lives any day if it meant that I had to go through this. Everything happens for a reason little man, and sometimes we don't know what that reason is, but eventually we realize it was to either make us stronger or help us in some way. You understand?" I said.

"Yeah. Goodnight daddy." He said and then rolled over.

I wheeled out, turning off his light, feeling like I'd been kicked in the gut. It was one thing to wish this had never happened, but to listen to my son say it just broke me. I hated that he suffered too, that his life and his world had been turned upside down just because of me. I needed sleep, I needed to let my mind turn off for a while I thought rolling towards the bedroom. I wasn't surprised to find her already in bed, engrossed in yet another book.

"You look tired Booth. Is your leg still bothering you?" She asked looking at me over the novel.

"Not really. I'm just worried about tomorrow. I don't want this to be painful, especially if you and Parker are there. It's supposed to be exciting ya know." I said honestly, reaching down to pull my socks off.

"It will be. Don't worry so much about us. We're tough, Booth, we can handle things. It's you I'm worried about, can you handle this?" She asked, closing the book as I transferred into bed.

"Yeah. Sure I'm scared and nervous, but if I never try I'll never know." I said, pulling her closer to me.

It wasn't long before she was sleeping, her head on my chest, her arms around me. I just lay there thinking about walking, thinking about her, about our lives and what the future would hold. We hadn't talked about having kids, hell we weren't even having sex, but I thought about what a child we had would look like, imagining all the things we would do as a family. I don't know how long it was until I was asleep, but it felt like as soon as I closed my eyes, the alarm was going off. I could feel her legs entwined in mine, as she reached to hit the snooze button.

"We need to get up Bones." I said sleepily as she snuggled back into me.

"I know, but I just want to lie here with you a little while longer." She said softly.

I kissed the top of her head softly as she traced the hair on my chest with her fingertips. It felt so good lying here with her I thought, my mind thinking what it would have done if this was happening before I'd gotten hurt. The ways I'd make love to her, our bodies becoming one. I tried to shake the image of it from my mind, knowing that at least for now it couldn't be that way.

"What's wrong Booth?" She said, obviously feeling my body stiffen.

"Nothing." I said guiltily.

"You're lying. I can tell." She said, propping up on one elbow to look me in the eye.

"I was just thinking about making love to you." I said my cheeks getting red.

"Oh." Was all she said, a little bit of hurt in her voice.

"It's not that I don't want to Bones. I do. I mean how could I not want that with you. It's just that I haven't been able to you know since, and with the catheter... I" I stammered out.

"It's okay Booth." She said quietly, her eyes never leaving mine.

"No. It's not okay. It shouldn't be like this. It's not supposed to be like this." I said angrily, sitting up.

"Then how is it supposed to be? How do you know what this is supposed to be like? Have you seen the future?" She said unhappily.

"No, I just, I've wanted this for so long, and to finally be in a position where it could happen, and not be able to..." I said irritated that things were hard.

"We'll talk to Anne. That's all. Booth it will be alright. We'll figure it out together." She said, her hand on my face.

"I need a shower." I said, still angry at myself and the way I let my injury change me.

"I'll go get Parker up." She said as I transferred out of the bed.

I let the hot water pour down over me, letting the steam clear my head. I didn't want to push her away, and as much as I tried sometimes it felt like that was all I did. After my shower I got dressed, fighting with my shoes as always. She'd walked through the room and straight into the bathroom, closing the door behind her, not saying a word.

"Bones." I said as I opened the door. "Bones, I'm sorry."

"I want this too Booth. And even though I haven't known as long as you, it doesn't mean it doesn't hurt me to see you suffer." She said, peeking her head out of the shower door.

"One of these days Bones we'll look back at this and laugh. Thinking how stubborn I was and how ridiculous this was." I said, trying to lift her mood.

"You should check and see if Parker is awake, he asked for ten more minutes." She said.

"Bones, you have to be a little harder on him. You give in too much." I laughed.

"I tell myself that, but then I see his little face and I can't help it." She laughed with me.

"I know. He's good at that. Takes after me I think." I joked, turning to go wake him up.

I went into his room, and watched him sleep for a minute before I shook his arm, waking him up.

"Gotta get up Park. We have to leave soon, and you need a shower. C'mon buddy." I said, watching him roll over.

"Five more minutes." He slurred out.

"Nope, up and at em. That might work with mom and Bones, but not with me little man. Let's go." I said, pulling at his blanket.

"Dad, stop, I'm up, I'm up." He said, sitting up and rubbing the sleep from his eyes.

"Good, in the shower you go. I'll pull out your clothes, and then when you're dressed come out for breakfast and then we have to leave." I told him, not budging until he was walking towards the bathroom. I knew him too well to leave before he was out of bed.

I got out some bowls and the cereal and put them all on the table along with the milk as I waited for them to emerge from their showers. I turned on sportscenter and tried to relax, and not think about what I'd be doing today. I was scared that I would fail, I was terrified that I'd fall on my ass in front of both my son and Bones, and I was nervous that I wouldn't even make it two steps on my own. I needed this to work today, I needed to feel normal again, to feel whole.


	41. Up and Around

_So I've been slow with the updates, but i assure you there is more to come, and on another note, the quote at the end of this chap is from The Gospel According to Saint John, and I got it from a book called Watchers, by Dean Koontz, it was really good, and you should check it out!!!_

_Don't own them!!_

"Booth, you need to relax we're just stretching." Anne said, twisting my foot to the left.

"I can't." I said, thoughts swirling in my head.

"Just breathe Seeley. I'm not going to get you up until you calm down." She threatened.

"I just want this so badly Anne." I said, trying to relax.

"I know. Up on the table, let's get you in these braces." She said, patting the table.

I was up and covered in the plastic and metal of the braces before I knew it and feeling the weight of them on my legs. I could feel the locks at my knees, the tightness of the straps across my thighs and it was exhilarating.

"I'll meet you at the bars, I have one more thing I need to get before we get started." She said as I transferred down to my chair.

As I entered into the gym, I looked over to see Bones and Parker talking to John, Parker laughing at something he said to them. She looked towards the door, finding me on my way to them, and even with the smile on her face I could tell that she was nervous. Her eyes were dark, and the way she was wringing her hands gave me the clues I needed to tell that it wasn't only I who was straining to get through this day. Getting closer to them I noticed her pull something out of her pocket, and then she closed her hands around it.

"Hey guys." I said, trying my hardest to sound excited.

"Daddy, John was just telling me about the lokomat and how it works. See there is this motor and it moves the shell that holds people like you in place." Parker said happily.

"Cool little man, but that's not what I'm doing today, remember?" I asked him, wishing I could just get strapped into the machine.

"Booth I have something for you before you start..." Bones said, kneeling next to me as she placed something over my head. "I wouldn't want you to go on assignment again without them. Plus I figure you could use the luck they brought me."

I looked at my dog tag, wondering where the other one was hiding as she reached up to her neck to pull the second one out to show me. In all the time I'd had them, I'd never separated them, but knowing that she had the other somehow comforted me.

"Thanks Bones. You know I wouldn't just let anybody wear these." I said, overwhelmed at the gesture.

"That's what made it so special when you gave them to me... it kept me going, knowing that I had just a little piece of you with me." She said, her eyes a little teary.

"Don't cry Bones, I haven't even fallen yet." I tried to joke.

"Seeley are you ready to get started?" Anne asked, from behind me.

"As ready as I can be." I said turning to face her.

"I brought these just in case." She said, laying down a pair of crutches.

In all the months I'd spent thinking about this day, I'd never realized just how different it would be. I wouldn't just get up and walk around, it wasn't going to be that easy. I hadn't thought about the braces, the crutches, the help I would need to even get standing on my own, and now here it was just minutes before and I was a basket case. Earlier that morning before she'd gotten me into the leg-braces, Anne had tested out the sensations I'd been having, poking and prodding me with the tip of her pen. She had declared that it would be permanent, but somewhere in the back of my mind I still worried that she was wrong.

"You know the drill Seeley, lift yourself up and we'll get moving." Anne said, breaking me from my thoughts.

I wheeled in between the bars, and set the brakes on my chair, nervously lifting my legs out and straightening them before I heaved my body up and forward. Quickly I reached down and locked the hinges at my hips and then I stood there, arms shaking, more from anxiety than holding my body up.

"Easy Seel. Relax. The more you fight it, the less we'll get accomplished today." Anne said as I felt her hands come to rest at my waist. "Now let go like we did the other day. Remember, we are here and won't let you fall."

When I let go, I heard Bones gasp, and looking over at her I saw not only terror in her eyes, but joy. "Look Bones, no hands." I joked with her.

"Seeley I want you to lightly place your hands back on the bars, then I want you to try and take a step with your left leg. Just imagine your muscles moving, think about what the ground feels like below your foot." Anne said encouragingly.

As much as I tried, I swear I should have gone two laps around the gym, there was nothing. Not even a twitch of movement. "I'm doing what you said..." I said defeatedly.

"Remember when we were down on the floor, you were crawling around, try moving your hip and not your leg." She instructed.

I did what she said and watched as my leg moved wildly to the right, my foot following behind it to land just in front of my right foot as I tightened my grip on the bars to keep from going down.

"Did you see that Bones? Parker... I took a step." I said nearly at the top of my lungs.

"That was good, now lets try the other one." Anne said as she straightened out my left leg.

After going seven full steps with both legs I was wiped, and barely able to keep myself upright. But I wasn't willing to give up. I could move my legs, but I couldn't control them, especially my right leg. I couldn't bring it as far forward as the left, and with every try it seemed to get worse. With Anne behind me and John in front of me I kept going four more steps before my arms gave out.

"Let's break for lunch. You've earned a rest." Anne said bringing my chair to me.

"No. I want to keep going. I can make it back." I tried desperately.

"Don't push me Seeley. I won't have you burn yourself out on the first day. Now sit. Go have some lunch come back relaxed and ready to work." She said forcefully.

"Booth, Parker is hungry, it's been almost four hours since he had breakfast." Bones said trying to convince me.

"Alright." I said literally falling back into my chair with exhaustion.

Truth was I didn't want to stop, I didn't want to acknowledge that it was a fluke, that I wouldn't be able to do it again. It didn't matter that my arms were aching, or that my whole body felt like it was on fire, I wanted to walk, and I wanted to walk right now. That was all I could think about, no other thoughts could even begin to form in my mind except how awesome it felt to be moving my legs. As I wheeled into the cafeteria with Bones and Parker, all I could think about was getting back up on those bars, and moving around. I didn't hear her ask what I wanted to eat, or drink, or that she'd carry the tray. I didn't hear Parker tell me to watch the step out onto the patio, I was so engrossed with walking that I ran smack into it, jolting my whole body.

"Dad, you alright?" Parker asked nervously.

"Yeah little man, I've never been better." I said, jumping the small step to get outside.

"Booth, I got you stir fry, since you wouldn't answer me when I asked what you wanted." Bones said placing the tray on the table.

"Oh, that's good. Sorry Bones I'm kind of distracted I guess." I said, knowing that I had been ignoring everything but my thoughts.

"I can understand why. This is a big day for you, it's alright for you to be distracted." She said flashing me a bright smile.

"I still have a long way to go though Bones. But I'll get there, I just know it.."I said shoveling a forkful of vegetables into my mouth.

The three of us ate and laughed and joked for just under an hour before we headed back towards the gym. I felt like myself for the first time in months, just knowing that all the hard work I put in was paying off.

"I thought you'd be back sooner." Anne laughed.

"We would have been but, Bones here likes to follow directions." I joked.

"Sometimes we need someone like that in our lives to keep us grounded Seeley." Anne shot me a look. "I thought you might like a change of scenery so I brought you a walker, this way we can move around the gym some. It will work just like before, only you'll have more control over where you go. If it goes well, we'll unlock the knees and see how that goes."

I was up and walking again, this time, I'd made it the length of the gym before Anne told me to take a break. I can't describe what it felt like to be walking after so long, even if I still couldn't do it all on my own. The fear that this was as good as it would ever get was still in the back of my head threatening to surface, but I couldn't let it get me down. Once I'd rested I lifted myself back up to the walker and when I gave the go ahead Anne unlocked the knees of my braces quickly grabbing me as my legs buckled.

"Easy Seeley. This changes everything we've worked on. Now you have to focus on keeping yourself steady, and balanced. Ready to give it a try?" She asked, loosening her grip on me.

"Yeah. Stay close." I said, barely able to keep myself from falling.

Ten steps later I was barely able to lift my legs anymore, my arms were weak and my body was aching at all the stress I'd been putting it through. "I need my chair. I can't do anymore." I said giving in.

"Rest some and then we'll get you stretched and you can be done for today." Anne said helping back into my chair.

"See Seeley I told you that you just had to be patient." John said patting my back in approval.

"Thanks man. Really." I offered, knowing what a pain in the ass I'd been around them.

"Daddy can we go to the batting cages?" Parker asked hopefully.

"I'm really beat buddy. Maybe Bones could take you while I take a nap?" I said feeling drained.

"Sure I'll take you Parky. After we get your dad home and settled in, we'll go." Bones said, her hands massaging my shoulders.

"Okay, Bones." He said looking a little disappointed.

"Hey little man, we have plenty of time to do things you and me, but today just isn't one of those times. I promise next weekend when you're over we'll go to the cages, maybe even to the go kart track." I said.

"The go kart track, really? We could race!" He said excitedly.

"Seeley let's get you out of these." Anne said patting my leg as she headed towards the exam room.

"I can meet you guys at the car, in about fifteen minutes?" I said not wanting them to come with me.

"Come on Parker I'll race you to the car." Bones said winking to me.

I was so worn out that Anne had to help me up onto the table, my body aching despite all the training we'd done leading up to this. I closed my eyes as she removed the braces, and then began kneading at my tired muscles. She stretched not only my legs and feet, but my back and arms too.

"Seeley, you're going to be very sore in the morning, I suggest you take some ibuprofen before you go to sleep, it will help keep the inflammation to a minimum." She said, rotating my shoulder.

"I really can't tell you how much this means to me Anne. I mean not only is it because of you that I am up and moving, but you've done more than necessary, coming out the other night. I don't know how I got to be so lucky. If it wasn't for you, this may never have happened, any of it." I said, surprised at how tired I sounded.

"It's more than just getting you healthy physically, it's about mentally preparing you. You made the second part pretty difficult, but in the end you surprised even me. It means a lot to me that you've come this far. Some of my patients never get to triumph like you did, and it shows that the program works." She said softly.

"I feel sore all over, is that normal?" I asked, noticing pain even in my feet.

"It's normal, but you're not used to feeling pain in over half of your body, so it seems amplified. You'll be fine in a day or two, trust me. I was curious, after this morning when I did the sensation tests about one other thing." She said, helping me back into my chair.

"What's up... you have a funny look on your face?" I asked, not sure what she was going to ask.

"It's just that I know you are using an indwelling cath, and since you've been progressing so much I think you need to see about changing that, maybe getting set up on another program. I don't think it's going to be comfortable for you much longer Seeley." She said her cheeks pink.

"Oh. I hadn't even thought about it. Should I make an appointment with doc?" I asked a little excited at the thought of getting rid of my leg bag.

"I'd do it soon if I were you." She said laughing, knowing how I hated going through any sort of change.

"I'll call today." I said as I was wheeling out of the room.

Wheeling through the doors I saw the car waiting for me, Bones behind the wheel and Parker peeking out the open back window.

"C'mon Bones, I'll drive." I said.

"No way, I've been waiting to get behind the wheel of this thing for too long." She said slyly.

"I pick the music?" I said lifting myself painfully into the passenger seat.

"You'd think that I listen to garbage." She laughed.

I found a good rock station, I didn't normally listen to the hard stuff with Parker in the car, to much swearing and anger, I kept that for the times I was by myself. When I turned it up some I was happy to see the smile spread across her face as foreigner came on. I leaned back and closed my eyes, remembering a time when we'd danced around her apartment, thinking that times like those maybe weren't as far off as I had thought. Everything was coming together, I had the woman of my dreams, I still had a job that I enjoyed, my relationship with my son had never been better, and I had walked only an hour ago. I tried hard to keep myself awake as we drove to our apartment, my eyelids falling closed despite my willingness to stay alert.

"Booth, we're here." Bones said quietly, her hand on my face.

"Oh. I was just resting my eyes." I lied.

"Dad you were snoring." Parker laughed looking at Bones.

"No way. I don't snore." I said rubbing sleep from my eyes.

"Yes you do. You just don't hear it, because you're sleeping." Bones added, watching me close.

"I don't like it when you both gang up on me..." I laughed, mentally loving that they got along so well.

"We'll be back in a few hours. You should be well rested by then right?" Bones said as I painfully lowered myself down into my chair.

"Yeah, make sure he wears a helmet Bones. In fact you both should wear a helmet." I called through the open window, wishing that I wasn't so exhausted.

"Just get some rest and we'll be fine." Bones said before she pulled away.

I tried to imagine what she would look like in a batting helmet as I made my way up in the elevator. When the doors opened I was surprised to see Cole standing outside our door.

"Hey kid, what are you doing here?" I said wheeling towards him.

"I've been trying to get a hold of you for two days Booth. Is your phone not working?" He asked, his face tight.

"I put it in my pocket and it somehow turns itself to silent mode. Why what's up." I asked, dread creeping up in my gut.

"Cullen received an anonymous tip that you are being targeted by the brother of that guy who took your lady scientist. He's had surveillance watching the apartment since last night, and you've had a car tailing you all day." He told me as we entered the apartment.

"What? I didn't even pick up on it Cole. How do we know that this is even legitimate?" I asked, wondering how I'd missed the tail.

"It's legit Booth. We inspected the car while you were in therapy, no sign of a bomb, but we found a small tracking device under the gas tank of both of your vehicles. Where is Dr. Brennan?" He asked, looking nervous.

"She took Parker to the batting cages, you don't think they're in danger do you?" I asked, my heart dropping at the thought.

"They're being tailed by two agents, but we can't be too careful Booth. You should tell her to get back here, this way we can try and lure the jerk to us." He said cautiously.

I was already dialing the number before he finished the sentence. "Bones, I need you and Parker back here. I can't explain why over the phone, just get back here." I said nervously.

"She didn't pick up? I'll call and see where they are." Cole said tensely.

"She might have left her phone in the car..." I said, hoping that was the case.

"Jeff has the car in view, do you want me to have him escort them back?" Cole asked.

"Get them back here." I said, terrified of losing them.

"Bring them back to the apartment Jeff. I don't care about the vehicle, I'll send another unit to pick it up." Cole said angrily then turned to me "Booth, they'll be here in less than a half hour."

"I can't do this again kid, you better be right." I said, my hands nervously rubbing at my thighs.

Waiting for their return I sat staring out the window, all the aches and pains in my body forgotten. When the door opened, Parker looking disappointed, and Bones confused, I was able to breathe again.

"What's going on Booth?" Bones asked, as I pulled her closer to me.

"There were some threats made against me, we've been under surveillance for the last twenty four hours, and when I got up here Cole suggested we bring you and Parker back to be safe." I explained.

"I thought you were taking a nap dad?" Parker said flopping down on the sofa, as though the four men in the apartment were normal.

"Change in plans bud. Why don't you go get the slides you have left and see if you can figure them out." I suggested, not ready to explain why the other agents had brought him back.

"Booth who threatened you?" Bones said, her face serious.

"It's nothing Bones, just a precaution. Don't worry about it." I lied, not to be deceitful, but to keep her from having to worry.

"It's not nothing Booth. You had us escorted back to the apartment, we left your car at the batting cages. If this was nothing we wouldn't be surrounded by agents. I think I deserve the truth." She said angrily.

"Fine Bones, Wylo's brother is targeting us. You and I. He's been tracking us. I don't know how long it's been going on, just that both of our vehicles had a tracking device on them. Cole is hoping to lure the asshole out by keeping us together." I admitted.

"Dr. Brennan, I can assure you that you all are safe here. Not only are the four of us in the apartment with you, but we are still under surveillance. There is no need to worry." Cole said, seeing the same look of dread on her face as I was.

I watched her, her movements becoming labored, her face drawn, the worry spreading itself through her body. Just hours ago we'd had one of the best days ever, and now, it was crumbling fast. I wheeled over to where she'd sat down and picked up her hand, taking it in both of mine. "Bones, this will be okay. We'll be okay." I said trying to calm her.

"That's what I said about the undercover op too Booth. You don't know that this will be okay." She said holding back tears.

"I do know, because I know that I would never let anything happen to you or Parker. You know that Bones. I'm sorry I wasn't there to protect you last time, that I let you out of my sight, but I swear to you, that won't happen again. I promise you Bones." I said sadly thinking about those weeks without her.

She sat there, her hands closed around the dog tag at her neck, just staring off into space. I was afraid that this would happen, that one of these days she'd wake up and start to deal with what happened to her. Even the stoic woman I knew couldn't hide from something so drastically traumatic.

"Bones look at me. Please. Cole I need the room." I said looking from her to him.

Once the men retreated down the hall, probably to check on Parker I pulled her onto my lap, using what little strength I had left. "Don't shut me out... I've got you, nothing can hurt you while your in my arms Bones."

"I can't stay in your arms forever Booth." She responded, her body trembling.

"I know, but I'll make sure that nothing happens to you, even if I have to go sit out there and wait for this punk to come to me. I won't put you in danger ever again." I tried.

"Then what, he kills you? No. I couldn't live through that again Booth. This is why we shouldn't have crossed the line..." She said, ripping my heart out.

"None of that matters now Temperance. What matters is that we have each other, and Parker, and that we are finally on the brink of happiness, together." I said, hoping I could talk her through her change of heart.

"But being together means putting each other in danger every day, every moment we do our jobs. You said it yourself." She said, pulling out of my grip to stand in front of me.

"Because I knew then that I loved you, that I would have done anything for you. It was my excuse for not seeing Camille anymore, cause the longer I was with her, the more I wanted to be with you and it wasn't fair to her to drag it out." I said, finally admitting the real reason I broke it off with Cam.

"You're very good at knowing what people need to hear Booth. I've been living with this dread ever since I got back that this would happen, or that something else would happen to ruin the best thing I ever had, to steal the only person I ever loved away... and now it's happening and I can't stop it." She cried, rushing to the bedroom.

"Greater love hath no man than this: that he lay down his life for his friends..." I said, reciting a line from the gospel according to saint john, as I joined her in the bedroom. "Bones, it's what I do, protecting the people I love, the people who love me. It's what I was meant to do, nothing could ever change that." I finished, hearing the agents moving through the apartment.

"I'll be right back, stay here." I instructed her as I wheeled out to see what was going on.

"Agent Booth, he's moving in. Are you armed?" A young agent I didn't really know asked me.

"I'll get my gun. We aren't going to do this in this apartment guys. Not in front of my son, or Bones." I said forcefully.

"Booth he's on his way up in the elevator now. We have no choice." Cole said moving towards the door.

"This is my house kid. Now get him as he gets off the elevator. GO." I said trying to keep my temper in check.

I wheeled behind them as they waited for the doors to open, gun in my lap. When the doors opened I wasn't surprised to see him, hell I'd worked with him before. Cole drew a bead on him and didn't falter when the prick pulled Angela out of the elevator with him.

"Ange..." I said terror taking over me. "Don't shoot Kid."

"So Agent Booth, still barking out orders I see, too good a man for the bureau to let sit behind a desk, even though you're a cripple. You didn't think I'd come up here empty handed did you? Oh, you did, what a shame. Too bad you can't save everyone, isn't that right Booth." He taunted me, his gun never leaving Angela's head.

"See what you forget is that I was a sniper, and wheels or not, I didn't lose my shot. I could kill you where you stand, no chance of her getting hurt." I said holding my gun on him.

"Oh Booth, you're living a fantasy if you think that I didn't know about your injury, and your little practice times at the range. I know all about it. I know that you can barely keep your hand straight when the gun goes off, in turn risking hitting her, and I know that you wouldn't put her in any more danger than she's already in." He said snidely.

"Listen, let her go and we can do this however you want, but you have to let her go first." Cole said, interrupting our little chat.

"No chance kiddo. Jeez Booth, where do they find them so young? We weren't ever that young were we?" He said, looking from Cole to me.

"Booth, go back into the apartment. Let us handle this." The other youngster said to me.

"Niko, shut up." Cole yelled to him.

"Oh, and they're feisty too. I do love a good fist fight, do you think you'll be duking it out anytime soon?" Wylo said.

"This is between you and me Wylo. I'll call them off, if you let her go, you can kill me if you want to." I said, reaching down to pop my brakes.

"Booth, no way are we leaving you out here alone with him." Cole said never taking his eyes off Wylo.

"I'm lead agent kid, I call the shots. Now go, get back in the apartment." I said.

"Booth, I can't." Cole said.

"Yes you can, just move your ass. Don't let Parker see it. That's my only request kid." I said, knowing full well I would survive.

We waited as they disappeared back into the apartment, I could hear Cole arguing with Bones, but I tried to push it out of my mind. Once they were gone, Wylo eased his gun from Angela, and she ran past me, into the open door of our apartment. As I sat there, wondering if he'd shoot me, I could feel the gun weighing heavily in my hand.

"Go ahead, do it. This is what you wanted wasn't it?" I egged him on.

"I would have preferred all three of you but, well you take what you can get right Booth." He said pointing his gun at my chest.

"Yeah I guess you do." I replied as he closed the gap between us coming within two feet of me.

A plan started forming in my mind, if I could only lunge at him, he was close enough. I prayed silently that I'd have the strength to get to him as I let my gun fall to the floor and watched his crooked smile grow. His eyes were glazed with madness as I pushed up out of my chair, willing my left leg to move as I moved towards him. In a split second we were on the floor, I'd shocked him enough that he didn't have time to get a shot off and down we'd gone.

"What the fuck?" He grimaced as I held his gun hand above his head.

"Didn't factor that did you?" I said angrily as I willed my sore body to keep going.

"Too bad you're only half a man Booth, otherwise you would have had a chance." He struggled under my body weight trying to flip me off of him.

We wrestled for a few minutes before he managed to get me on my back, holding his gun point blank to my forehead, his knees on my arms. I didn't think about this scenario as I had moved from my chair but I wasn't surprised when I heard the shot. I closed my eyes, waiting for the pain, the darkness to take me. I knew I wouldn't survive a shot like that.


	42. Keeping it together

"Booth, Booth?" I heard Cole say, as I slowly opened my eyes.

"Took you long enough kid." I said, shoving Wylo's dead body off of me.

"Yeah well, I couldn't shoot him when you were on top of him now could I?" He said, pulling the dead man further off of me as I sat up.

He brought my chair closer and helped me when he saw me struggling to get in it. "Thanks Cole."

"Listen, you know I wouldn't leave you in a situation like that right?" He asked, looking a little embarrassed.

"I know, I knew you'd be watching from the doorway. That was my plan all along kid." I said smiling at him as I moved through the hallway.

When I wheeled through the door, I saw Bones and Angela on the couch, Parker snuggled between them.

"Ange, are you okay?" I asked getting as close to them as I could.

"I'll be okay Booth." Was all she said, tears still evident on her face.

"Daddy are you okay?" Parker asked nervously.

"Yeah little man, I'm fine, why?" I wondered.

"Your shaking." He said fearfully.

I looked down noticing that my hands were shaking. "I'm just worn out bud, didn't get that nap in."

"Booth, Cullen is on the phone." Cole said just as I was about to lean in and kiss Bones.

"Sir, I know that I should have let the other agents handle it, but this is my house, these are my friends, my family. I couldn't just sit back and watch that jackass hurt them. Yes sir. I know sir. Thank you sir." I said handing the phone back to Cole.

As I watched Bones comforting Angela, I tried to mentally shake the feeling of the gun pressed to my forehead, hoping that none of them but Cole had seen it. I was tired, shaken, and just plain worn out, all I wanted was to climb in bed next to her and sleep for the next two days.

"Cullen needs your statement Ms. Montenegro, I can take it and pass it along if you'd rather not go in this evening. Booth, he wants a written report from you by monday as well." Cole said softly.

"Thanks Kid, she'll do it here. No sense in dragging her all the way down to the bureau after the ordeal right." I said, looking to Angela.

"Booth's right, I just want to forget about it." Ange said stoically.

"We can use your dining area Dr. Brennan?" Cole asked, reaching for Ange's hand to help her up.

"Sure, I can put on some coffee if you think you'll be awhile." Bones offered, still not looking me in the eye.

"That will be alright Ma'am. We're fine." Cole said quietly, looking to me.

"Bones just sit here for a minute. It's over." I said transferring sloppily to the couch next to Parker.

"I'd rather watch over the crime scene, making sure they don't screw it up." She said and was gone before I could blink.

"Dad is Bones mad at you?" Parker asked.

"I don't think so buddy, but I could be wrong." I said, shaking my head.

"What did you do?" He asked, picking at a lint on his sweatshirt.

"I guess you could say I crossed a line. But it's alright Park, it'll be fine." I said, hoping that was the case.

When all the agents had gone, leaving just the three of us and Angela a quiet settled in the apartment, no one willing or wanting to talk. I'd made a pot of tea just a few minutes before we were left alone, and with Parker's help carried the mugs out to the living room. After setting down the two mugs he'd brought in he disappeared to his room, apparently not wanting to stay in the stiflingly quiet room.

"Was I bait, Booth?" Angela asked, turning to me.

"God Angela, never. I would never have used anyone for bait. You were just at the wrong place at the wrong time. I'm sorry you got dragged into this Ange." I said, wondering how she could think I'd do a thing like that.

"Then how did you know he was in the elevator?" She asked unsure.

"Surveillance saw him get on, they didn't mention he had anyone with him though. Probably thought you were in on it." I tried. "I'm surprised he let you go so easily. I've never had a hostage situation go so smoothly. You're lucky."

"I don't feel lucky. I feel violated." She muttered out.

"I'm just glad nobody got hurt." I said, regretting it before I'd finished the sentence.

"Booth, someone did get hurt, someone died in our hallway. How can you just be so blaise about it?" Bones finally spoke.

"I'm not Bones, I just don't know how to mourn the loss of a guy who tried to kill you, tried to kill me and our friend." I said angrily.

"I'm going to get going. We can discuss the case on monday." Angela interrupted us.

"Ange, why don't you call Jack and have him pick you up?" I said quickly.

"No I'll be fine guys really. I'll see you on monday." She said heading for the door.

We sat in silence after the door closed behind her. Neither one of us ready to talk about the comments we'd made earlier, or the situation in the hallway. I went to the kitchen and slowly put all the dishes in the sink to keep me busy, waiting for her to come to me. After I finished clearing up the dishes I went and checked on Parker and found him playing his DS.

"Parker, how did you get that down?" I questioned.

"Bones gave it to me when you left earlier. You can put it up now." He said saving and handing the game to me.

"It's alright Parks, I think you've done pretty well so far without it. Still no TV though." I said lifting some of the punishment from him.

"Dad, what happened?" He asked, his voice small.

"A bad man was trying to hurt us, and we had to stop him. We did. Stop him and you don't have anything to worry about okay?" I asked.

"There are a lot of bad men aren't there." He said softly.

"Yeah Parker there are. But I promise you, I'll do anything I have to to keep us safe, all of us. You know that right." I said.

"I know daddy. I just wish there weren't so many bad guys." He said and then returned to his game.

"Me too little man. Me too. You alright to get yourself in bed tonight?" I asked before I moved closer to his bed.

"Yeah." He said not paying attention.

"I love you Park. Goodnight. Fifteen minutes and then game off okay?" I said kissing the top of his head.

"Sure dad, love you too. Night." He said concentrating on the game.

When I wheeled out, she was not in the living room, or the bedroom, instead I found the bathroom door closed, shower running inside.

"Bones, we have to talk about this." I said gently opening the door.

I didn't get a response, I just heard her sobbing quietly. "Bones please. Don't do this."

"I'm fine Booth. I'll be out in a few minutes." She said choking back more sobs.

"I can hear you crying Bones." I said before turning to shut the door.

She didn't come out of the bathroom for a long time, and when she did finally emerge I was asleep. I never heard her come to bed, never felt her arms wrap around me, holding me tightly. I wondered as I woke up if she'd noticed Parker climbing in bed with us at some point during the night, because he was snuggled in tight between us, using her arm for a pillow, her other arm around both of us. It was after ten when I finally turned to look at the clock, Parker stirring some as though he would wake up soon.

"Bones." I whispered softly, getting no response.

"Does he do this a lot?" She finally said turning her face to mine.

"Not usually, but I'm sure he could tell that something was going on with the whole not talking thing last night, Bones." I whispered.

She stayed quiet for a few more minutes before whispering again "Booth, I'm just so afraid of losing this... this is all I've ever wanted and it scares me how much something can threaten it."

"I know Bones. I think about it all the time. What I would do if something ever happened to him, or you because of me. And I realized that when you were taken from me that I can't stop living because I'm scared." I said a little louder.

"It took me so much to even consider letting myself love you Booth, I don't know if I have the faith that you have, the faith that everything will turn out okay, or that I could survive if something happened." She said, looking up at the ceiling.

"That's just part of being with someone else Bones. It's about throwing yourself out there. Learning to take the good with the bad, and knowing that you will always have someone to understand." I said quietly, feeling Parker move between us.

"Morning Parky. Did you have a bad dream?" She asked, hugging him to her.

"Mornin. I couldn't sleep and I was lonely." He said sleep still in his voice.

"It's okay little man. Everyone gets lonely sometimes. What do you think about some breakfast?" I asked him, tickling his neck.

"Dad stop, oh jeez, Bones help!" He cried through his laughter.

The smile on her face as she lifted him to her other side away from me was priceless, and in losing my target I turned my attention to her.

Almost a month had gone by since Wylo died in our hallway, and while some things had changed, others remained the same. In that short time Bones and I had managed to paint Parker's room, making it officially his with the logo mural that Angela had done across from his bed. He and I had made a trip to the storage unit that held all the things from my apartment, and three carloads later we'd succeeded in making the apartment we shared with her more "ours". Bones and Parker had grown used to seeing me standing again, it didn't come as such a shock like it had in the beginning, and I had gotten used to the stares I got from people as I slowly hobbled around on forearm crutches. Through all of Anne's pushing I still couldn't walk without the braces or the assistance of crutches, but she continued to assure me that one day soon I'd graduate to a cane. I spent about fifty percent of my day in my chair and the other fifty up on my feet.

Today being no different than the last six sessions with her, I struggled to keep my cool, frustrated that nearly a month had gone by and I wasn't progressing any further.

"Seeley, it takes time, remember we talked about this." She said calmly.

"I'm just ready to get up one morning and not have to strap myself into these things." I said cruelly slamming my fist into my leg, feeling the pain there where I caused the brace to dig in.

"We can call it quits man, no more braces, no more crutches, is that what you want?" She asked me.

"I'm just frustrated with myself Anne." I admitted.

"Then keep working, the frustration will subside. Your control is much better than it was a week ago, it's starting to come together Seel." She encouraged me.

I didn't comment back, I was too busy trying to fight the urge to just give up. Weeks of laps around this gym, first with the walker, then with the crutches was wearing me down. I tried to think about how much better things had gotten in just under a month, how I no longer had a leg bag, how Bones and I clumsily 'danced' in the kitchen just the other night, Parker's touchdown a week ago. I used all those good things to motivate me. I wanted to be the dad that ran up and down the sidelines, I wanted to dance with her and not being hanging on to her for fear of falling over.

"C'mon Seel. You still have another twenty minutes. Let's see how many times you can go around." She dared.

I slowly stood, using the crutches to support my weight as I prepared to move forward away from my chair. My right leg and foot were still a few weeks behind the left, and with every step I had to adjust for the discrepancy. In twenty minutes I'd pushed myself farther than I had so far. I completed twelve laps around the gym, my new personal best.

"Twelve, not too shabby, Cherie." I heard someone say from behind me.

"Caroline, what are you doing here?" I asked turning to face her.

"I heard that you were busy down here, working out all the kinks. Seems that you only bein in the office two days a week is getting troublesome." She said animatedly, as her eyes looked me up and down.

"What do you need?" I asked, wondering if I'd forgotten to sign a warrant.

"Well seeing as I am a prosecutor and all I thought I'd come down here and bring this to you in person. I do expect that you and your lady scientist will attend, and it's strictly black tie. I know how you like to test the waters, cherie." She said holding out a cream colored linen envelope.

"You couldn't just mail it to me? Or leave it in my office Caroline?" I asked, reaching for the envelope.

"The Prosecutor's Ball is very important to me, and I figured I wouldn't give you the chance to say no. Not to mention, I've heard you are making excellent progress Cherie." She said, winking with her smile.

"Listen Caroline, if I have my son that weekend I may not be able to attend. He is my first priority, you understand don't you?" I said, imagining Bones decked out to the nines in formalwear.

"With all those squints you two couldn't find a babysitter, please, don't try and fool me Booth. I've been around far too long to suffer through an event like this without the two of you, "we are just friends" there to amuse me." She said slyly.

"I'm sure we'd love to attend Miss Julian." I said, smirking that she didn't know about our relationship yet.

"I'll send the car to her apartment, an hour before the ball, cherie." She said as though she read my mind.

I shoved the envelope in my bag once I'd gotten into the locker room, trying to figure out if we'd have Parker that weekend or not. Luckily he would be with Rebecca, and unluckily I'd have to wear a tux. I knew why Caroline had hand delivered the invitation, rumors were circulating that I would be back full time soon, and for some reason, unbeknownst to either myself or Bones, Miss Julian felt the need to mother us, push us together, or pull us apart, guide us if you will. She was checking up on me, making sure that what she heard was true, that Special Agent Seeley Booth was up on his feet again. Just as I was about to pull my t-shirt over my head I heard John's voice getting closer.

"Seeley, you still in here man?" He called out.

"Yeah, over here, just about to head out though, why?" I asked pulling my shirt down around my waist.

"Anne wants to see you for a few minutes before you take off." He answered.

"Thanks, tell her I'm almost done in here." I said shoving my dirty clothes into my bag.

I wheeled out, arms still rubbery from my session and headed towards her door. Knocking softly I waited for her to ask me in before I barged through the closed door.

"C'mon in Seeley." She called.

"What's up, John said you wanted to see me?" I asked moving closer to her desk.

"I think it's time we cut back on your sessions here. I think maybe we should focus more on real world stuff for a while. Change of scenery, might help to boost you some. I've been working it over and I've worked it out so you can get four sessions at only two hours a pop in. After work three days a week, and saturdays. When you have Parker we'll do four days a week, so we don't cut into his time." She said.

"You don't think this is working anymore?" I asked, surprised.

"I think all we're doing now is over-working your muscles. Not leaving your body enough time to recover from all the strenuous therapy it's getting. Shorter bursts could help speed you along. Less wear and tear on your arms. We can try it for a little while, and if nothing changes we can go back to longer sessions okay." She said firmly.

"So you aren't giving up on me then." I said relieved.

"No, as a matter of fact we are going to change up your bracing some too. On wednesday, we're going to take casts of your legs. There is a new material specialists are using, carbon fiber. More strength, more flexibility, and less bulky, more comfortable. You should have them in a week from now." She exclaimed.

"Why do you need casts of my legs?" I asked curious.

"They are designed to work to your strengths and weaknesses. In your case, form fitted molds around from foot to calf, and for the right side another molded piece from knee to hip. All this metal is heavy, these new ones are lightweight Seeley." She said showing me a picture.

"So what about my left thigh? Won't I need support there too?" I asked.

"I actually debated on whether to remove that brace completely today. You have about seventy percent strength in your left leg, but until you're comfortable without it, it stays. We'll test it out wednesday." She said looking me in the eye.

"You haven't been wrong so far, right?" I laughed, nervousness filling my stomach.

"Go enjoy the rest of your day, and don't let this worry you, I can see it all over your face already." She teased as I turned to leave.

I detoured through the historic district, trying to let my nervousness subside before I went into the lab. Angela was an expert at knowing my moods and I didn't want to let on that anything was bothering me. Pulling in to the parking lot I debated on whether or not to take my chair in. Maybe the slowness of my walking and the exertion would mask my feelings, I thought. So reaching in the back seat and pulling out my crutches I slowly exited the trailblazer and headed for the door.

"Agent Booth, nice to see you up on your feet again." Charlie, the security guard commented.

"Thanks man. Is she in her office?" I asked.

"I think she's down in limbo, but check her office first." he answered.

I made my way towards her office, not nearly as stealthily as I used too, the crutches making noises that reverberated off the metal around me. I wasn't surprised that she was not there. I decided against trekking down to limbo, and took a seat on her couch. I set my crutches down beside me and folded my arms across my chest as I waited for her. It was almost quitting time and I knew she'd be back shortly. Letting my mind drift to my session earlier and thoughts of the prosecutor's ball I must have drifted off to sleep.

"Sweetie...Booth?" I heard Angela say softly.

"Hey Ange." I said sleepily.

"How long have you been in here?" She asked, sitting across from me.

"Uh, I don't know. Charlie said she was down in limbo, and I decided against joining her. So I came in here to wait." I said, tapping my crutches and then looking at my watch, realizing it was after five.

"She's been down there all day. Something about markers on an adolescent skeleton, I'm sure I'll be fleshing it out tomorrow. So...how's it going? Ya know, the walking. Pretty exciting?" She smiled.

"Yeah. Slow as I am, it feels good to be tall again." I offered.

"You've wanted this for a long time Booth, I'm glad it's finally starting to go in your favor." She said.

"It is, and I'm glad. I think I didn't realize what it would actually take to get there though, ya know. Like I thought I'd just get up one day and be walking around, but it isn't that simple. I'm working at it though." I said smiling one of my charming smiles at her, knowing that's what she was getting at.

"Getting injured changed a lot of things for you, but all we want, all of us, is for you to be happy. If you're happy then we can deal you know that right? I mean if you decided to give up on walking, and live with the wheelchair, we'd be fine. All that matters to us, to Brennan is that you are happy." She said honestly.

"I know Ange, trust me I know. And as hard as this is, as slow as it's progressing, I'm just not ready to give up yet. No matter how much it hurts, or how uncomfortable it is, I'm just not ready to throw in the towel." I said, realizing that she was winning her game of getting inside my head.

"Just making sure Booth. Sometimes you don't realize how much you give away with your facial expressions. I could see you when you came in, and I could tell that you were trying not to think about things." She said as Bones appeared in the doorway.

"Booth. How long have you been waiting?" She asked, smiling at me.

"A little while. I figured you were busy, so I'd just hang out in here." I said sitting up a little straighter.

"Oh, time got away from me down there. I can't believe it's after five already. Let me get my stuff and then we can go." She said hurrying to her desk.

"Take your time Bones." I said, leaning forward to pull myself to standing.

Both women watched as I pulled myself up, neither one realizing that I caught them. Bones was still smiling as I walked over to her desk, but Angela couldn't hide the worry on her face.

"Ange, it's fine." I said.

"I have to go meet Hodgins, we're going out tonight. I'll see you tomorrow sweetie." She said, rushing out the door.

"What was that about?" Bones asked.

"She is worried that this is too much for me." I said, nodding down to the crutches.

"Is it?" Bones asked, turning towards me.

"It's a lot Bones, but for now, I'm hanging in there. If it gets too hard, or to be too much, I'll stop, but until then I'm going to keep fighting. I can't stop until I know it's not worth the effort." I said, my voice shaky.

"You'll tell me if you change your mind right?" She asked, her face worried.

"Yeah Bones, I'd tell you." I said, wishing I could just pull her close and wrap my arms around her.

She didn't complain as we slowly left the Jeffersonian, staying at my side the entire time, and instead of getting in the passenger side, she opened the driver's door and got in. I obliged and climbed into the passenger seat, watching as she adjusted everything so she could take us home.


	43. what the future may hold

"I'll just meet you there Bones, Cole and I have to finish the report on this guy or I won't be welcome at the ball." I said, imagining her in the floor length blue gown.

"Booth, you forbade me to go into the lab today, and now you're stuck at work..." She said angrily.

"I know, I wanted to make the grand entrance with you, but this can't wait. I'm sorry." I said.

"I could wait for you... and we could go in together." She said hopefully.

"If that's what you want to do Bones. I should be there by six forty five." I said, handing another paper to Cole.

"You better not be late." She said and clicked the phone off, not giving me a chance to promise that I'd be on time.

"Man, I really only needed a few signatures...why are you lying to her?" Cole asked.

"It's all about the element of surprise kid. If I'd gotten ready at home, she'd have seen that I can do this now. It wouldn't have been as exciting." I said, smiling at the thought of her face lighting up.

"If you say so." Cole answered as I stood to leave.

"Your bringing that girl right?" I asked him stopping in the doorway.

"Yeah, Ms. Julian threatened me, actually threatened me to get me to go to this. How do you stand it? I mean she's cold and bitter one minute and the next she's sweet and charming...kind of like you. Maybe that's why she'll do anything you ask her too?" He teased.

"Listen kid, if there's one thing I've learned after all this time working with her, it's good to be on her good side. She's one of those people who doesn't outwardly show that she cares, but when you need someone in your corner she's the one you want. Don't put anything past her, though. She'll get what she wants in the end." I said turning to leave.

I was on my way to Julia's to pick up my tuxedo, grinning ear to ear. I'd wanted to surprise Bones for almost the entire month leading up to tonight and all the times I'd kept this from her would be worth the happiness on her face when I came up behind her tonight. Anne had gotten me walking in no time with the new braces, first on the crutches and then with a cane. Last week we started working with nothing. She wasn't sure I was ready at first, but I pushed and pushed so that I could walk into the ball, just Bones at my side. My right leg was still braced, but only for support, the left, free and clear and according to Anne in less than a month I'd be back on my own two feet. Bones was clueless that I'd lost the crutches. I'd been trucking along with them even though I didn't need them for a month and I was excited to get rid of them for good tonight.

I pulled into the parking lot beside the shop and sat for a minute, thinking about how far I'd come to get to this moment. I walked into the shop, expecting to find her hidden in some back corner, but the moment she saw me come in she nearly ran me over.

"Seeley...how...the last time you were here you were barely walking!" She shouted in my ear.

"Easy Jules. We'll both go down if you don't loosen your grip." I said laughing.

"It's amazing. You always did get what you wanted." She said stepping back to look me up and down.

"Is it done?" I asked following her to the counter.

"When have I ever let you down Seel. You are going to look devastatingly handsome tonight, she is so lucky." Julia answered, pulling a garment bag out from behind the counter.

"Let's just hope she isn't too upset that I'm meeting her there to think that." I said unzipping the bag.

"Why aren't you two going together again?" She asked.

"I thought I told you...she doesn't know about this." I said, waving my hand to my legs.

"I remember now... always the romantic aren't you. She's gonna be so excited." Julia exclaimed.

"I hope she doesn't beat me up for keeping it from her though." I said laughing.

"I just hope I get to see the two of you in the society pages tomorrow, otherwise i'll never know what her dress looks like." Jules said wistfully.

"I'm sure if there's anyone with a camera at the place she'll make the paper..." I said again picturing her in the blue gown.

After picking up my tux I drove to Jack's place to get ready for the night. He and Angela were both attending the ball with us, and as a favor I'd asked them to drive me days ago, with sworn allegences that neither would divulge my secret. I wasn't worried so much about Jack spilling the beans as I was Ange, who lived for romantic escapades like this. Twice she'd almost blown it, and twice I'd had to pull her aside with the speech about why I was doing this.

"Sweetie, she's going to be so surprised." Angela said as she opened the door.

"She better be Ange, or I'll know who caved." I teased.

"Don't worry, as much as I wanted to break, I didn't." She assured me, her hair already finished for the night ahead.

"I'll be upstairs, it shouldn't take me long." I said striding past her towards the steps.

"How did you get her to let you meet her there?" She yelled up after me.

"Special Agent Seeley Booth, Ange, Special." I joked turning at the top of the steps.

I hung my tux on the door and headed straight for the shower, memories overtaking me as I entered the bathroom. I'd gone through a lot while I had stayed with Jack, none of it ever going to disappear from my mind. Now as I lifted the shirt over my head, and turned in the mirror I could see the scar, red and thin running down my back from just below my neck. I shuddered at all the pain it had caused, all the months of torture I'd been through to get to this exact moment. Turning back around I hung my shirt and pants over the towel rack, then proceeded to remove the brace from my right leg. I could get around without it if I had to, just a little slower than I was used too. I slowly stepped into the hot shower, letting the water rain down over me as I tried to imagine what the look on her face would be in just a short time as I came up behind her.

"Booth?" I heard Jack call from outside the door.

"Come in Jack." I answered, buttoning up my white shirt.

"She's been on the phone with Ange for the last twenty minutes. I guess you could say that she's more than a little upset." He chuckled.

"It will be worth it Jack. I've waited a long time for this, and tonight is the perfect time." I said happily.

"I know man. We're leaving in about fifteen minutes. You ready for this?" He asked cautiously.

"More than you know." I said grinning from ear to ear.

"Good." He said turning to leave.

"You know Jack, I've thanked you before, but really I wouldn't be here without all you did for me. I just wanted you to know how much I appreciate everything you did for me." I said sincerely.

"Booth it's what friends do." He said before he disappeared fully into the hallway.

I finished getting dressed, fumbling with my tie before I headed downstairs just as Ange and Jack got to the front door. She looked amazing, her hair swept off of her shoulders and pinned just so.

"Booth, stop. Can I fix that?" She said pointing to my tie.

"Yeah. You'd think I would be able to tie a tie, but it eludes me every time." I laughed.

"That's what women are there for, to make sure you don't leave the house looking sloppy." She chuckled patting the tie as she finished.

"Did the car pick her up already Ange?" I asked.

"Yeah, we told her to meet us in the front, our car will drop you a block back so you can surprise her. Don't worry. This is going to be great just like you planned." Angela answered smiling at me as we walked to the car.

As much as I'd wished this night would get here, my stomach was still a bundle of knots. I was nervous. I was petrified of tripping or falling, there would be cameras everywhere, and at the same time all I wanted was to dance with her, walk into the room with her by my side like I'd dreamed for years. The car stopped, a little less than a block away from the entrance, and I could see the blue dress from where I got out. My breath caught, even from a distance you could tell she was gorgeous. I pulled out my cell phone, and called her.

"Bones." I said trying to sound out of breath.

"Booth where are you? Did you even leave yet?" She questioned as I watched her playing with the strap on her purse.

"I'm headed there now. We just finished up. I'll see you soon, I love you." I said, now only a few feet away.

I stopped watching her close her phone and put it back into her bag, just as Angela and Jack pulled up, keeping her attention on them. I moved in closer, as she commented on how great they looked and when she turned around there I was. I smiled at her, one of my charming smiles, as her face changed from surprise to happiness.

"Dr. Brennan." I said coyly, letting her drink me in, "Will you do me the honor of entering with me this evening."

"Booth, when, how...I... you look so handsome, of course I would." She finally said, holding her hand out to me as I stepped forward to take it.

Instead of just taking my hand, she pulled me in nestling into my chest with her face. "I knew you'd get there."

"Easy Bones, don't mess up your makeup." I said wrapping my arms around her.

"Did you know?" She said turning to Angela and Jack.

"Who do you think I rode with Bones?" I said smirking.

"How long?" She asked turning back to me.

"Almost a month. But I wanted to surprise you tonight. Do you know how hard it was to keep it a surprise? Especially with Ange, she almost blew it a few times." I said still holding her close.

"So you've been faking for a month with the crutches? That must have been tough, Booth." She said, wrapping her arms around my neck, and leaning in for a kiss.

"It was worth it though." I said softly, my lips brushing against hers.

"Okay, enough with the smoochies. Can we go in now." Jack said laughing.

"Yes, let's go in, this way we can show everyone that you really are a special agent." Bones whispered close to my ear.

With her elbow linked in mine, I took the steps up into the museum easily, not once tripping or teetering. Nothing could have taken the smile off of my face as we entered, together at last. Whispers flitted throughout the room as we mingled, and while most were about me there was the occasional mention of how gorgeous she was. Finally getting to our seats we noticed that not only were we sitting with Angela and Jack, but Cole and his date as well as Miss Julian. Normally it was hard to miss the red hair coming toward you, but tonight I was so focused on Bones that I didn't even see her coming.

"Agent Booth, Dr. Brennan, you look stunning cherie." She said, looking glamourous herself.

"Thank you for the invitation Miss Julian, we really appreciate it." Bones said

"You two should know by now that this isn't just about you supporting us, it's always about fulfilling something I need as well." Caroline smirked.

"I can only imagine what it is that you are fishing for this time." I joked with her.

"Why Agent Booth, does it always mean that it is about the two of you? I think not Cherie." She said feigning hurt.

"I don't think he was implying that at all Miss Julian." Bones said smiling at the older woman.

"Miss Julian?" A small man said as he approached us.

"Duty calls." Caroline said as she disappeared into the crowd.

"Would you like a glass of wine Bones?" I asked, seeing the waiter coming closer.

"I'd like that, yes." She answered, still thinking about what it was that Caroline was after.

"Special Agent Seeley Booth." I heard from behind me as I walked back to the table with two wine glasses in my hand.

"Mr. Clair. I didn't expect to see you here." I said turning to see the reporter, camera in hand.

"It is a high profile event Booth, you shouldn't be shocked." He said grinning.

"What do you want Nate?" I asked through gritted teeth.

"Just a nice picture of you and the doctor." He said still grinning.

"Well you'll have to get it later, right now we are trying to enjoy ourselves, and being a story for you isn't on the agenda." I said angrily, knowing that this was about my recovery and return to duty rather than about the evening.

"It isn't everyday that someone like you comes back Seeley. Not too mention the fact that you've been working cases even though you were technically listed as injured on the FBI roster. It's a human intrest piece. The public loves stories like this." He tried.

"I realize that the public loves stories about guys like me, but tonight, it's not about that okay." I said turning towards our table.

"Agent Booth, you can't avoid me forever. I'm going to write this story whether you help me or not." He called after me.

"Who is that guy Booth?" Bones asked taking her glass from my hand.

"Just some reporter, he's been hounding me for weeks about the injury and recovery. My return to work, yada yada yada... I don't want to be news, I just want to enjoy the evening with you." I said my hand brushing the side of her face.

It seemed that everywhere I turned someone was congratulating me, or commenting on how good it was to see me up on my feet. The night I imagined Bones and I having was quickly turning into nightmare. Even as we danced later in the night, people would come up to us, giving us little time to enjoy ourselves. Finally after the auction I found Caroline, cornering her near the bar.

"Listen, I know that you wanted to show me off tonight Cherie, but I've been waiting for a night like this with her for a long time. Caroline, please call them off. I just wanted to relax with her, not have to be constantly reminded of how far I've come." I spewed angrily.

"Seeley, I didn't invite you here to show you off, I wanted to know for myself that with all the things going on that you and her were still together, because as much as I heard through the grapevine, I never got an answer from either of you as to whether or not you were involved. I've seen a lot of agents come and go, but you, and her are special, you do the dirty work everyday, solve the unsolveable. I can't risk losing that combo Cherie. So think what you want, but I did not send any of those people to bother you. If anything, it's them knowing the kind of guy you are, and them being happy that it worked out for you. All of it." She said, her face softening some.

"I just didn't think that so many people cared whether I was okay or not." I said realizing how much of an impact I really had on people.

"You never did like taking credit for things Seeley. Even during your time in the military, except to carry all the blame. Those days are over Cherie. You have to give yourself some credit now." She said turning to walk away.

I didn't know what to say to her statement, and as I made my way through the crowd to find Bones I couldn't help but think about what she'd said. I didn't worry when she wasn't at the table, I figured she was working the crowd, or in the ladies room. I sat down, waiting for her as I gave myself a rest. The other attendees were making their way to their seats when I finally caught sight of her, speaking to Caroline. The awards ceremony was about to take place, where they would name the most outstanding prosecutor of the year and a few others. I watched the other couples, some happy, some just together for this night, and I realized that finally I had everything I'd ever wanted. Someone who depended on me, someone who loved me, someone who took care of me, and someone who even though she didn't always know the right thing to say, understood me. She understood that there were things in my past that haunted me, things that I'd never get over and she was okay with that. She loved Parker, and that was more than I could have hoped for, considering she had never wanted children before.

"Booth, are you okay?" She asked, shaking me from my thoughts.

"Huh, oh, yeah Bones, I was just thinking about something." I answered, staring up into her green eyes.

"You seemed deep in thought. Caroline was wondering if you'd like to present one of the awards?" She asked, sitting beside me.

"I don't know Bones..." I started to say when I heard my name being said over the PA system.

"We'd like to present a special award this year, one that was talked about before we even had the nominations out. Some will wonder if this is the appropriate place to give such an award, but for us, the prosecutors that are out there looking for justice everyday, no other person could come close to doing all that this man has. For years he's been working for our justice system, and in all that time, no one has solved more cases, shown up for nearly every trial, or stood up for beliefs that others are quick to turn on. Special Agent Seeley Booth has not only served his country overseas, but here in our own backyard. He's never once turned from a hard case, or handed off a case to another agent. He's been a friend to the prosecutors of D.C. As well as the defenders. His willingness to find the truth no matter the outcome is remarkable at best, his ethics never faltering. And for that we would like to award him with this years first ever Above and Beyond award. This award going forward will be given out to the most deserving, most influential, most determined agent. Whether it be FBI, or another agency we will continue to present this award. Agent Booth, would you please join us up here to accept your award." Caroline said excitedly.

I looked at Bones, wondering if she'd known about this from the start, but the look of surprise on her face told me that she hadn't. As I made my way up to the stage, through the clapping crowd, I noticed slowly that they were beginning to stand.

"Miss Julian, I don't know what to say..." I said, feeling my cheeks redden some as I joined her on the stage, looking out over the sea of gorgeous people all standing for me.

"Agent Booth, it is my great honor to give you this award, on behalf of the prosecutors of Washington D.C." She said handing me a small sculpture, nothing like the rest of the awards.

"Thank you, I'm stunned, really. I do want to thank a few people who help to keep me ethical, keep me grounded, and without whom I couldn't do what I do everyday. First off, Doctor Temperance Brennan, who even though I prefer she doesn't have a firearm, still puts up with me daily. To Jack Hodgins, it's all about the slime and the bugs, and the amazing things he can find from them, Angela Montenegro, you give history to what we bring you, you create faces when there are none, and that is more than anyone could ever ask for under the circumstances." I stopped briefly to look at Bones, whose eyes met mine. "Lastly, to my fellow agents, and the other squints at the Jeffersonian, and Miss Julian. We are all fighting to place the blame, but we sometimes forget about the little things that make up all the details, and without all those people none of the cases I've solved would mean anything. Thanks." I said,shifting the statue from hand to hand as I nervously finished to another standing ovation.

"Thanks Agent Booth." Caroline said as she hugged me before I moved to go down the steps.

I made my way back through the crowd, wanting only to be in Bones' arms. And as I got to her I never saw Nate behind us as I pulled her to me and kissed her passionately. "Did you know about this Bones?" I asked, seeing Nate snapping away.

"I only found out a few minutes ago Booth. I'm so proud of you." She said, turning us towards Nate, a big smile across her face as the camera snapped again.

"Congratulations Booth." Nate said before he disappeared into the crowd of people still clapping.

"I promised him we'd sit down with him next week, if he left us alone for the rest of the night." She said winking at me.

I never expected out evening to turn out the way it did, nor did I expect to receive an award. I only wanted to be out with Bones, the two of us finally and 'us'. Little did I know years before that I would meet the one person who could bring out the best in me, the part of me who could be happy. She did that for me.

Once in a while when I look back at that year, when everything changed, I wonder what it would have been like if I did turn around that day. If I'd seen the psycho who stabbed me, before he'd had the chance. I think a lot about that moment, when it was too late to turn around. Four years later, I watch Bones and Parker, now about to enter jr. high, and wonder how things would have turned out. I'm sure that by now at least, if it hadn't happened, there is a possibility that we'd be together, but not a certainty. Yet in the same thought, I know that I wouldn't have risked my friendship with her for anything, as much as I loved her, I couldn't risk losing her then. Now though as our two year old little girls sits clapping in my lap, I can say it would have been worth the risk. Worth every second that I've had with her since. I don't know what changed about her feelings for me that day, or why she decided that it was okay to let me in, but I realize now that if it wasn't for her, I'd probably be working a case, instead of spending my saturday afternoon with the most important people in my life. I've come to terms with the fact that I'll never be her husband, and that's okay. No matter how many times I've asked her, how many different ways, she always says things are just the way they're supposed to be. Even when she was pregnant with Joy and Ella, she refused, although the girls share my last name. It always seems that despite my eagerness to make her my wife, I couldn't imagine her as anything other than Temperance Brennan, forensic anthropologist.

"Ella, come on Ella!" Parker yells from across the yard, trying his best to get her to come to him.

"Parpar...go." Joy's tiny voice calls out, as she squirms to get away from me.

"Booth, you aren't going to be able to carry them around much longer you know." Bones yells to me.

"It doesn't mean I can't try. They're only two Bones." I say, smiling widely at her.

"Dad, you know that Ella is going to eventually get tired of your lameness." Parker teases me, referring to her attachment to me, above everyone else.

"Daddy." Ella says, snuggling back into me, refusing to leave me.

"Take Joy, I think Ella's ready for a nap." I say, setting Joy down.

"Don't you find it odd that they don't nap together?" Bones asks for the millionth time.

"No Bones, just because they are twins doesn't mean that they share a schedule. It's always been like this, yet you still question it." I say laughing as I turn towards the hammock, while Parker is making his other little sister squeal with delight across the yard.

"I know. They are just so different at times, and at others so similar." She says as I pass by, her fingers entwining with Ella's little curls.

As I lie down on the hammock, Ella's little body on top of mine, her face against my chest, I wonder how I got to be so lucky. Rocking back and forth as her eyes grow heavy, I can't help but wonder what the future has in store for us.


End file.
